Chapter 11

ELEVEN

The grin Dec shot her made her blood boil, but she couldn’t help the racing of her heart at the sight of it. She’d missed that wicked look. The one that suggested he was about to lead her into something dangerous and heroic.

“Every embassy has a communications director who handles tech support. Regardless of what Anderson said, if we can find our tech in the group downstairs, we can get access to that information before Hagar.”

It was a reasonable plan of action, but Hagar and Anderson were already three steps ahead of them. There might not be enough time to get to the gymnasium, find the person they needed, and do what had to be done. “Remember Sarajevo?” Meg asked.

“Which time?”

“The four bomb special.”

The grin left his face, and she was sorry about that. “What about it?”

“We need to do the same thing here.”

“This is a completely different situation.”

“Is it?” That night, the president had been attending a private party at an estate that only a handful of people were to know about. It was a secret meeting of potential allies. The swans had been nearby after shutting down a potential health epidemic. The CIA had learned that the estate was about to be blown sky-high, and evacuating it would alert authorities and the press. The swans were to get in, defuse the bombs, and get out without anyone being the wiser. “We have hostages, a wanted terrorist, a missing person, and top-secret information that needs to be retrieved. Four bombs, four of us.”

“Hate to remind you of this, but Tessa is not one of us.”

“She would argue that I bet. While she might not have been on previous missions with us and understand our protocols to the letter, she survived plenty of assignments during her tenure as an operative that went Ringley Brothers on her.” It was a term they’d coined for a situation that had dissolved into a circus. “She can help us handle this.”

“Divide and conquer,” he muttered.

“Our mission was to retrieve the USB, but I can’t in good conscience leave those hostages behind or let Hagar go free. We have to stop him from getting that information at whatever cost, and beyond all of that, we need to find Tommy.”

He paced a few feet away, thinking it over. Came back, his expression grim. “Dividing us up like that is too dangerous.”

“It’s the only way,” she argued.

He did the pacing thing again. She realized she’d missed that. He always thought better when he was moving. “We bring in Spence and Tessa to handle the hostages. You and I go after the intel and Hagar.”

Her blood boiled again. “That’s an efficient use of our resources.”

He tugged out his earbud. “On the contrary, that’s the best use of them. I know what you’re thinking, Meg. You were going to put yourself in charge of going after Hagar. Do you really think I’d go along with that?”

No, she didn’t, but she’d had to give it a try. “I want to look in his eyes when I kill him. For Jessie.”

“A quick death is too easy. I figured you’d want to turn him over to Flynn.”

“I don’t trust myself to do that.” She pointed at her temple. “I’m…messed up. I might…”

“Torture him first?”

She’d considered it.

Dec knew she had and didn’t judge her for it. “Anyone who went through what you did with Hagar would be messed up. They would want to see him suffer in retaliation for what he did to Jessie. Nothing you do to help yourself will work until he’s paid for what he did, and it’s by your hand. Stop beating yourself up over it.”

She sucked in a breath. Nothing you do …

Damn it. He was right.

Again.

She’d been spinning her wheels, trying everything under the sun to find a way to come to terms with it. To make herself suffer over and over in recompense.

But it wasn’t enough. Would never be enough.

So, here she was, still mired in that bastard’s manipulative and cruel filth. Hagar was nothing but rotting scum, and he’d pulled her down into it. Drowned her in it.

She wanted revenge. She wanted him to suffer. He was a sadist who had hurt so, so many people.

He should be dead, not Jessie.

“You’re not a damn saint, Meg.” Declan was still reading her mind. Still absolving her from wanting to take all her hurt and rage out on Hagar in a very un-Meg-like way. Brutal. Vicious. Remorseless.

That was her fantasy. One of them, anyway.

Being on this mission, though, had taken the edge off her hopelessness. Being with Dec and Spence again. Using her skills and cunning to recruit Tessa. Even following—and then bucking—Flynn’s orders.

It had all reminded her of what she’d once loved. This work wasn’t for most folks, but for her? She was a natural at handling turmoil and upheaval.

She touched the pendant, feeling Jessie’s steadying presence. “When I catch up with Hagar, I’ll make it quick and clean, but I’ll be sure to record his execution at my hands to allow the world to witness his final breaths, just like he put Jessie’s death on display. And yeah, I know. Vigilante justice will be a one-way ticket off the swans and into prison. I don’t care.”

He nodded as if he’d do exactly the same thing. “For the record, it won’t bring you peace, but it will bring a certain level of satisfaction.”

“Don’t assume you know what will bring me peace.”

He raised his hands in surrender. “Fair enough.”

She didn’t need peace. She needed to be able to look Tommy in the eye and know she’d done what she could to honor Jessie’s memory. “I didn’t mean that to come out so…”

“Pissed?” He chuckled, rubbing a hand up and down her arm in a soothing gesture. “It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

She punched his bicep. Hard as a rock, like always.

He stuck the earbud back in his ear. “Swans Three and Four, we require your assistance. There are a number of embassy employees trapped in the building’s gymnasium on the ground floor. Figure out a plan to get them out safely and enact it. You have five minutes.”

His face scrunched, and she knew Flynn had commandeered the airwaves. She stuck in her own earbud and switched it on in time to hear the director’s voice, “…incoming SWAT team breach. Your orders are to abort and evacuate.”

The thing was, he wasn’t yelling. His voice was deadly calm and pitched low enough to make the hair on her arms stand up.

“The moment the police arrive, sir, those folks become hostages for Hagar,” Dec said. “We can prevent that.”

Meg held her breath. The swans were never to go off mission. Were never to be publicly noticed or hailed as heroes. They were shadows, ghosts. Performing a humanitarian feat like this was outside the parameters and scope of their operations. What she was asking—what Dec was ordering Spence and Tessa to do—would get them all fired.

So be it. She was already walking that tightrope and hadn’t wanted to be activated to begin with.

She once again removed her earbud, unwilling to listen to Dec and Flynn argue. Instead, she roamed the chief of mission’s personal quarters, noting the normality of it. The suite wasn’t opulent, but it was nicer than any place she’d ever lived.

After her quick walk-through, she rejoined Dec in time to hear him say, “…with all due respect, sir, you’re not in our shoes at the moment. You threw us all here, and we can’t fulfill the mission to recover the USB because it isn’t where it was supposed to be. The Black Swan Division can handle this turn of events and will do so under the guidance of our leader. Swan One has a plan, and we will follow it. I believe it was JFK who said, ‘In a crisis, be aware of the danger, but recognize the opportunity.’ That’s what we’re doing. Black Swan Two over and out.”

She blinked as he gruffly jammed the comm in his cargo pants. “You just signed your termination papers.”

He shrugged and opened the door. “Let’s go get us a terrorist.”