NATASHA

My entourage swallows up the reserved bridal shop. Katja has her staff with us. Petra and I also bring nannies to keep the kids busy in between their fittings. Hunter, Siobhan, and Carys arrive soon after. The O'Malley sisters bring their kids.

Despite the fun atmosphere, Jacinda and Hector mostly follow me around. They've been clingy since I was out late.

Feeling overwhelmed, I decide to settle on a bridesmaid dress first. Bear and I both like red, so I choose ruby for the dress color.

As for the style, I need something flattering for everyone, especially Carys who will be nearly seven months pregnant at the wedding.

We locate an empire-waist dress with flowy layers to flatter her belly while also looking good on the other women.

Once I check the bridesmaid dress off my list, I need to face the biggest task and choose a suitable dress for myself.

"Mommy," Jacinda coos when I show off a column-style wedding dress with a petal design across my chest.

Her brother whispers, "Princess."

That's when I know I've found the right dress. However, Siobhan and Hunter aren't so certain. Refusing to let me to settle on the first one I like, they insist I try on a dozen more. In my heart, though, I know the dress capable of making my babies glow with awe is the right one.

Arriving thirty minutes after her daughters, Aunt Fred surprises me with a long hug. "Take care of Bear," she whispers. "His heart is defenseless when it comes to you."

Her words dig deep inside me. I feel like I should apologize for hurting him by leaving. Except Ollie's death mattered. And if I stayed, I wouldn't have met my babies. Would they even be alive now? The level of disinterest in their well-being would have likely led to an accidental death for one or both of them.

"Bear owns my heart," I tell her rather than apologize for my past. "I need him to be happy for me to be happy."

Aunt Fred smiles at my words. Admiring her happy face, I imagine how she must have seemed to an angry boy like Bear back when they met. Siobhan has told me stories about how scary her brother was when he showed up at the farm.

"Fucking psycho," she once drunkenly stated before adding, "Hot though. Even as a little girl, I could tell he had it going on in the looks department."

Though all grown up, Bear remains scary. I often believe my affections are capable of soothing the beast inside him. So far, though, I've never proven that theory correct.

"I made such beauties," Siobhan says when Kiera and Deirdre spin around in their flower girl dresses.

Knowing she's getting a dress like her new friends, Jacinda jumps up and down. She's too excited to even speak.

A confused Hector asks me, "I have dress too?"

"No, baby, you're going to wear little suits like Laszlo and your new friends, Hudson and Hicks."

Hector isn't so sure about Carys's sons—eight and six with longish brown hair and intense blue eyes. With their size and rowdy energy, the boys intimidate him. Though I earlier made a big deal out of how they all have names starting with "H," my baby wasn't impressed.

"I want a dress," he says and starts crying.

Jacinda goes from bouncing and laughing to panicking over her brother's tears.

"Hello," Aunt Fred says, kneeling next to Hector. "I know these dresses are pretty, but I have something special for you to wear."

Hector looks at her smiling face and calms down immediately. He still glances sadly at the twins in their pale pink dresses splashed with red flowers.

"Bear is in a special club," Aunt Fred tells Hector who reaches out and touches her bouncing curls. "All the men in his club where a leather vest with special words on it."

Aunt Fred shows him a picture of Bear standing with several club brothers next to their motorcycles. She points at the vests.

"Bear's going to be your daddy now. You know that, right?"

Hector looks at me and then back at Aunt Fred. "Bear hold me. I have room at his house."

"Yes, he's going to take care of you. As the son of a member, I think you should wear this special vest to the wedding."

Aunt Fred gently frees a small vest from her bag and shows Hector the words on the back.

"You're going to be a Backcountry King just like your dad."

"Dad?" Hector asks, nervous as his thoughts turn to Andrew.

"Bear is your tatínek," I say, using the Czech word for dad. "Dad is gone."

I ask Hector if he wants to try on the vest. My son hesitates, likely thinking the dresses are more fun than a vest. Yet, like his new father, my baby wants to please Aunt Fred. She takes him to a mirror so he can see himself and then look at the picture of the men.

"Bear loves his vest," Aunt Fred tells my baby while I linger close by. "He wanted it so badly when he was young. I know he'll like seeing you wearing it."

Hector decides he wants to be like Bear. He growls at Jacinda who grew teary-eyed when he got upset. She growls at him and runs over.

"Bear is my tatínek," Jacinda tells Aunt Fred. "He got two cats," she explains and lifts two little fingers.

Watching Aunt Fred ease their fears, I recall how she's always around those large men at the farm. When I used to visit Siobhan, I'd get intimidated by the bikers' wild nature. Even Siobhan and Carys felt overwhelmed from time to time. Meanwhile, Aunt Fred always seemed relaxed around the roughhousing boys and young men.

Or perhaps, Aunt Fred is like my mother, who hides her fear and sorrow. Right now, Katja's mood is difficult to pinpoint. She watches Hector whisper to Jacinda. As the kids share their secrets, my mother looks at me. I instantly move toward her.

"All the dresses are beautiful," I say, seeking her approval after pretending for two years how I didn't crave it. "How do I choose?"

What I'm really asking is what dress would please her and the family. Most of the people at the wedding will be Syndicate business contacts and allies.

My mother brushes hair from my shoulders and looks at the current dress. "You wanted to be a princess when you were a little girl," she says and then smirks. "When you weren't insistent on becoming a pirate or a superhero."

I inch closer, barely able to hide my excitement over her attention on me.

"I think the first dress made you look like a princess. You also seemed happiest when you wore it," she says and glances at Jacinda and Hector. "They liked it best, too. And I very much believe your biker will find the dress appealing."

Hugging my mom, I try to picture myself walking down the aisle toward Bear. My father will be at my side. I see the kids in their little outfits. My dreams feel within reach.

Yet, Bear's paranoia from the other night has infected me. I woke up this morning certain something bad was coming. I know logically how Bear tends to focus on the negative. I'm the opposite. It's my job to be the voice of reason when he gets stuck in his head.

"Everything is very quick," Katja whispers in my ear. "You've had no time to catch your breath."

"Were you nervous when you married Tatínek?"

My mother smiles softly. "Yes, Viktor was very intimidating. So serious. He never smiled until our wedding night."

Seeing something on my face, Katja leans in and whispers, "I have loved your tatínek for a very long time. I don't remember when the feelings happened because they seem to have always been there. I'm more fortunate than most of my siblings."

Our gazes flash to Petra who dances around with Carys to a Reba McEntire song. My sister tried her hardest to love Brandon Arany. When I traveled to Cincinnati to take care of her while she was on bedrest, Petra swore her husband had qualities. However, she never shared what they might be.

"Guilt is overrated," Katja tells me as if knowing I feel bad for winning a man like Bear O'Malley while my sister ended up with a dud. "Life offers only what you're willing to claim, Natasha. Focus on what you can control rather than the world's inadequacies."

Smiling at how my mom wraps me up in her wisdom and affection, I ask if she'll help me try on the dress again. Though it's the one I want, I still need her to see me in it and approve. I'm feeling a little lost today and afraid to make the wrong choice.

In a month, though, none of today's anxiety will matter. Whatever dress I choose will be in a closet. The kids will be settling in their new home. Siobhan will be my neighbor. Petra will be closer to freedom. Bear will have his prize, and I'll get to keep my biker. And the Kovak Syndicate will have publicly cemented their alliance with the Backcountry Kings.