NATASHA KOVAK

My hands refuse to stop shaking. The bright lights of Banta City illuminate the quiet SUV as we inch closer to home. On either side of me sleep the children I've claimed as my own. Tonight, I made the decision to kill their father.

That's probably why my hands won't stop shaking. I clasp them together and press them against my chest. The flesh hidden under my shirt is bruised from where Andrew Grover's violent hand shoved me backward.

My thoughts return to how quickly everything flipped upside down for me tonight. I've been playing my role as dutiful housewife since the day I met his kids and wanted them to be mine.

Andrew never loved me. I don't even think he liked me. I never cared for him in the least bit. Like so many couples, we stayed together for the kids.

Tonight wasn't the first time he hit me. During our two years living in the same house, we managed to avoid each other a lot, but Andrew still lashed out from time to time. Our relationship wasn't about affection. I loved his kids while he wanted someone to take care of the children dropped off on his doorstep. I was more of a nanny than his girlfriend.

Andrew believed I was a desperate woman with no options. I knew he was scum from the moment I woke up in his bed with no idea how I got there. Logically, I should have run and never looked back.

Yet, I heard those sweet voices and was drawn to their crib. They were still babies, dressed only in diapers. Jacinda saw me first and touched her babbling brother's face. He looked up and found my gaze. Their eyes were so bright and hypnotic. When they smiled at me, I was done for, even if it meant enduring their loser dad.

Over the last two years, Andrew had other women. As a heavy drinker, he regularly spent many hours and hundreds of dollars a week at local bars. He liked watching the games with his friends and was rarely home.

I often pretended I was a single mom. My name was Natalie Simpson. My children's father died in a blazing fire, leaving us to struggle alone in a dumpy house far from any nightlife. In my fantasy, my life was simple and good.

When Andrew lashed out, I endured his rage for the kids. I never fought back. I'm not a violent person, despite being the youngest living child in a family empowered by bullets and blood.

Tonight, when Andrew lashed out at me, I ended up on the ground. My lip was split. My eye throbbed. My chest ached. His violence was so sudden. I never had a chance to experience fear. I went from unaware to shocked to enraged.

Andrew wasn't satisfied with making me bleed. A lifetime of his disappointments fell upon the two children running to me. Three-year-old Jacinda and her slightly younger three-year-old brother, Hector, cradled my face. They weren't crying. Their father's volatile behavior was normal to them. They only wanted to fix my boo-boos because they mimic me rather than the monster who gave them life. Andrew's response to their concern for me was what sealed his fate.

The SUV sits in Banta City traffic, inching closer to the Verge Casino, where my own fate will be decided.

I glance at the kids sleeping in their booster seats next to me. Their blond hair shines from the gambling mecca's bright lights. The average person would think Jacinda and Hector were mine. We've played the happy family since they were a year old, but everything came crashing down tonight.

Now, the cleaning crew sends my problem to the boneyard and erases my presence from his life. I had been surprised to open the door and find Viggo leading the team. He retired months before I ran away from Banta City. I'd gone to his party and hugged the older man who worked at my father's side as they took Banta City from its former criminal owner.

Banta City has long belonged to the Kovak Syndicate. I should feel safe in this place. However, I've been gone without contact for two years. I'm unsure if my family will be particularly happy to welcome me back.

Wiping my wet cheeks, I don't want to cry. I can't be certain where the tears come from right now. I'm probably sad over how Jacinda and Hector will eventually know I had their father killed. One day, they'll look at me and see the same monster I saw in Viktor Kovak.

The rumble of nearby motorcycles steals my breath. Despite the tinted windows, I nearly slide down in my seat as if afraid to be seen. Instead, I peek past Hector's peaceful face and out the window to the men on their idling motorcycles.

The Backcountry Kings Motorcycle Club acts as muscle for my father's criminal enterprise. The alliance between the two organizations led to the fall of Sly Dardenne's empire.

None of the men on the idling motorcycles are Bear O'Malley. Long-dormant pain rises in me, swallowing up tonight's chaos.

The bikers ride on, swerving around the traffic. I let my mind linger on memories of Bear. The biker owned a part of me long before I ever enjoyed a taste of his lips. He'd been one of many handsome, rough men tied to my family. They were also foster brothers to my best friend, Siobhan O'Malley. I'd grown up around them. Never once did I consider a biker as a husband option.

Until I fell for the dark-haired, blue-eyed Bear and never wanted any other man.

I hate how he still owns my heart. I've worked hard to forget him. Though Bear O'Malley might not have meant to kill my friend, he's still the one who pulled the trigger. He doesn't deserve my longing.

Despite speaking to Siobhan once a week, I don't even know if Bear's still alive. She's the only person I've trusted enough to contact during the last two years. Even our best friend Hunter was bound to rat me out to her mom once she learned of Andrew's violent behavior.

Siobhan and I never discussed my family or the Backcountry Kings. We didn't mention how Bear killed Ollie. Our conversations remained light. We discussed children, movies, and what foods tempted us to let our asses get huge. I lived in denial for two years, but that's over now.

My hands still tremble as I notice Andrew's blood under my nails. My pacifist heart weeps over what I was forced to do tonight.

My older sister, Petra, used to call me na?ve. Siohban claimed I was a bleeding heart. My mother once said I refused to understand how the world worked.

They were right. If the world couldn't be fair and kind, I wanted to be that way myself. For most of my twenty-six years, I've been a do-gooder, using my family's blood money to help those in need. I helped many people with my charities, but Ollie was more than a project. We were childhood friends. He was even my first boyfriend. I wanted everything for him, but the world refused to show mercy. I really had been na?ve to hope for a better outcome.

I was less clueless about Andrew, always understanding how the only way for me to walk away from him and keep Jacinda and Hector was to ask my family for help. Even if Andrew was scum, I couldn't sign his death warrant by making the call for help.

Until his big hands wrapped around their little ankles and dragged them away from me. The kids were so startled. He'd never hurt them before. A year ago, during one of his tantrums, I threatened to call CPS if he ever lost his temper with the kids like he did with me. At some point, Andrew decided I was bluffing.

As he dragged them to the coat closet, their little faces scraped across the old carpet, leaving behind rug burns. I heard them crying out for their mommy. The pain in their voices awakened a cruel part of me.

Staring at my fingernails, I think of how heavy the dumbbell felt in my hands as it came crashing down against Andrew's head. I took him by surprise as he slammed the door shut on the kids in the closet.

The first strike stunned him. The third had him on the ground. The fifth made a horrifying cracking sound.

That's when I straddled Andrew and prepared to end him. He hurt my babies, and I wanted vengeance.

Except I hesitated long enough to remember how much I hated violence.

I considered calling the police. The kids were bruised. I was battered and bleeding. I could explain how it went down. They'd haul Andrew off to jail. But then what?

The kids might call me mommy, but I possessed no legal right to them. With Andrew in jail, Jacinda and Hector might end up with their temperamental grandmother.

No one loves Jacinda and Hector like I do. They belong with me. Their mothers ditched them with Andrew when they were babies. Their father viewed them as punishments for dating two "crazy bitches" at the same time. His family didn't want the kids around. Hector and Jacinda belong with me.

That's why I made the phone call to the Kovak Syndicate emergency line.

My heart races as I catch sight of Verge Casino in the distance. I'm close to learning my fate. Who will I meet with? Does my father still call the shots or has my oldest brother, Roman, stepped into a leadership role?

I think back to the cleaning crew's arrival at the dumpy house, where a barely conscious Andrew was duct-taped and hidden under a blanket in the living room.

"Roman sent me to bring you home," Viggo explained. "He allowed me leeway with how to handle your problem."

Viggo glanced back at where one of his men rested a foot on the moving lump under the blanket. When his blue eyes found mine, Viggo exhaled softly and tried to offer a smile.

"Roman said it was up to me whether your problem lived or not. Seeing your face now, my choice is clear. Do you understand?"

"People around here know me and the kids. If we just disappear—"

Viggo waved away my concerns. I recalled the many times my father made the same hand gesture. People always submitted. No one ever chose to challenge Viktor Kovak.

For the longest time, I didn't realize the darkness clinging to my family. My dad was a professional driver. My mom worked at a restaurant. They were normal people.

We weren't poor, yet money was tight with five kids. As the youngest, I kept my blinders on long after we moved from our lovely trilevel to the sprawling Thibeaux Mansion at the heart of Banta City's power.

My blinders are fully ripped off now. I know what happened to Andrew after I took the kids to the waiting SUV. I sealed his fate as soon as I made the call.

Now, my fate remains in the balance.

There's zero chance my family will kill me. No, my worries rest in the fate of my babies. Can Jacinda and Hector find a home within the Kovak clan despite not sharing our blood?