9. Dallas

Dallas

M y head is still spinning from dinner last week. I don't think it's very smart for me to be pulling up in front of Colt's house again this Saturday night, but I couldn't talk myself out of it.

I told myself it was because if I didn't show, he'd show up at school or even worse, my parents' house, but I'm not so sure that's it. I was dreading coming here last week, but I can't deny that all week, there's been this little bubble of hope and excitement in my chest, thinking about coming back here.

Why? I don't know. I think it's the same reason I rode the bus all the way to the club years ago. A taste of freedom. But I'm also afraid it's just as dangerous.

When Colt opens the door, he's standing there with his dark hair wet and tousled like maybe he just got out of the shower. His tight jeans cling to his thick muscled thighs, and his t-shirt shows every line of muscle, and now I think maybe it's even more dangerous than that.

I shouldn't be here, but I accept his invitation to come inside his home all the same. "Tacos okay?"

"What?" I ask, still stunned by just how gorgeous this man is and lost in thoughts that could very easily get me in trouble.

"Tacos?" Colt's tone is patient as he looks at me and waits for me to answer him.

"Oh. Yes. That sounds great," I say dumbly as I follow him into the kitchen. The smell of taco meat sizzling on the stove hits my nostrils and instantly makes my stomach clench with hunger. "That smells delicious."

I'm hit straight in the heart—and okay, maybe the groin too—when Colt smiles brightly at me. "Do you mind grabbing some plates?"

"No," I say, but it takes me far too long to pull my gaze away from the stunning man.

I'm usually really good at keeping my head down, not ever looking at men, but Colt is making it impossible. We each prepare our own tacos and then once again go out on the patio to eat dinner. It's fall and still pretty damn hot during the day, but this evening, it's almost cool out.

I try like hell not to let my eyes wander over Colt. It was apparent the day he showed up at my house that he's a good-looking guy, but I was pretty distracted that day because of why he was there.

Last time I was here, I was still terrified, although I did start to let my walls fall just a little too much. And it was more than enough to realize just how drop-dead gorgeous this man is.

But tonight? Tonight my brain will not focus at all on self-preservation. Nope. I can't stop staring at his strong, cut jawline. At his perfect nose and lips. His dark, soulful eyes. His tousled hair. His insanely muscled body.

"Good?"

"What?" I ask him and realize he probably thinks I only know one or two words at this point. Way to sound like a dumbass, Dallas.

"The tacos?" He grins at me like he knows why I'm so distracted, but that can't be right because if he did, he'd no doubt kick my ass.

After dinner, we do the dishes together again like it's our new routine, and then he motions toward the living room. "Stay a little longer?" He gives me the choice, and I should definitely say no, but I just nod instead.

We get settled on the couch, and it's awkward as hell. My spine is so stiff as I sit up straight, it actually causes my muscles to ache. We didn't talk much during dinner, and I'm really not sure what's left to talk about now.

Surely, he knows I'm an awkward, bumbling fool and in no position to be a good father by now, but he doesn't say that. I'm almost afraid of what the hell he's going to ask me next. I mean, even the subject of football makes me nervous, so I don't know what I'm hoping for.

But it's definitely not what comes out of his mouth. Nothing could have prepared me for that.

"I'm bisexual."

I stare at him. I mean, it's gawking at this point. My mouth drops open, and my eyes grow so wide, it actually hurts. "W-what?" There's my favorite word, apparently. "You're..."

"Bisexual," he says it again firmly. I see a slight challenge in his eyes, like he's waiting for me to say something awful. But of course, I don't say anything at all. I just sit there, stunned stupid. "I'm sorry to blurt it out like that," he continues, still watching me like a hawk. "But it's not something I hide, and I hate that I didn't say anything last week when we were talking about it. I didn't want to freak you out, but it just felt wrong to hide it."

I nod my head slowly, trying like hell to process this information. "Are you lying to me?" I ask him, fear slowly skittering up my spine because what if it's a trick? What if he's trying to get me to admit something and when I do he'll mock me or worse?

He looks visibly pissed now though, his jaw locked tight. "You think being bisexual is a joke?"

"What? No. Of course not," I say rapidly but not really knowing how to explain myself. I really didn't know that was a thing until last week. My mother is staunchly against any sort of internet being in her house, and she has it blocked on my phone. I don't have any friends except Benny, and we don't talk about that stuff. I knew about gay people because of television, but it wasn't exactly something my parents would ever talk about unless they were being hateful.

He cocks his head to the side, probably trying to decide whether he believes me or not, and I hate that I've screwed this up. That I have no idea what the hell to say. I'm so damn lost and scared, I stand up on shaky legs, ready to apologize, thank him for dinner, and run out the door. But he surprises me and wraps his strong hand around my wrist, keeping me in place. "Don't leave."

It's a statement, but I hear the question in it. I don't pull away from him, but I don't sit back down either. "I didn't mean to upset you."

He sighs and then drops his hand, releasing me. "You didn't. Or at least I know you didn't mean to. I'm a little um..." He shifts in his seat on the couch, and I notice he looks a little nervous. "It's kind of a hard subject for me. I don't hide it now, but there was a time..."

My eyes widen, and I sit back down on the couch, a little closer to him this time. "You hid it?"

He gives a clipped nod. "I grew up in Kensley. I'm not an idiot. I know it doesn't go over well."

I flinch at that, memories swamping my brain, and I feel instantly sick. It's not until I feel a strong hand on my knee that I realize I've closed my eyes and my breaths are coming in quick succession.

"Breathe with me, Dallas."

"I'm okay," I say, but I do complete some slow and deep breaths with Colt as I try like hell to snap out of this. "Being bisexual, that means that you're interested in both men and women?" I ask, my cheeks bright right and hot because I feel like such an idiot having to ask.

He nods, removing his hand from my knee, and I immediately miss his touch. "It means I can be attracted to both men and women, but not that I'm attracted to all men and women."

I can tell the distinction is important to him, so I nod my head. "Right. Okay." My head is spinning with all this information, but then a thought hits me out of nowhere, and it almost physically hurts. It shocks me so deeply that I don't have time to even go over it in my head before I'm opening my mouth to ask Colt, "Is that why you asked about Benny and me? Are you attracted to him?"

His eyes darken, and I immediately know I've made a mistake, but it's too late. "Not attracted to all men, remember?" His tone is sharp, and I shrink back. I notice his body seems to relax a little, and his voice is softer when he adds, "He's cute. But not really my type."

He thinks Benny is cute? I don't know why, but the green-eyed monster is inside me and downright feral at that moment, wanting to claw at my best friend. That is for sure new. "Oh," I say dumbly, and I swear I see Colt smile, but it goes away pretty quickly.

"I asked you that because you two seem really close. I thought maybe there was something more between you."

Oh God. Does he know? I have to try to slow my breathing again because I can't deal with that. Not about Benny and me. He really is straight, and he really is just my friend. I don't see him that way. But about... me?

I try to shake that away and quickly try to come up with another question. Anything to get the focus off me. "What about your sister?"

"Chloe?"

I nod. "Yeah. Does she know you're . . . ?"

"Bisexual." He laughs and shakes his head at me. "You can say the word. It's not a bad one." I cringe, and my cheeks heat even more because I know he thinks I'm an idiot. "Yeah, she knows." He smiles, and I'm lost in the way his entire face lights up as he does. It makes him look even more beautiful. "When I realized I was attracted to guys and girls, I pretty much just blurted it out to her when we were eating breakfast. Pretty much just like I did with you." His smile only grows. "She just laughed at me like I was a total idiot. Apparently, she knew before I did. I guess I wasn't subtle about checking guys out."

I smile at that, feeling relieved for him. "So she's fine with it?"

He bristles, the smile totally disappearing from his face now, and I know I've once again screwed up.

"I'm sorry," I immediately apologize. "Did I say something wrong?"

Thankfully, once again, he seems to soften slightly. "No, it's just..." He looks like he's struggling with how to explain this to me, and I can't blame him. I'm apparently a slow learner. "It's not something anyone gets to be okay with or not be okay with. It just is."

"I swear that's not what I meant." He offers me a small smile and pats my knee.

"I know. Like I said, I'm a little sensitive too. Chloe was great, but the rest of the town..."

I wince. Kensley and Big Bend are similar in a lot of ways. "I'm sorry," I breathe out because I am. I don't know what happened exactly, but I can guess.

"Not a bad night of getting to know each other, right?" That actually makes me laugh, and I smile, shaking my head.

"I'm still not sure what else you could need to know about me. I'm pretty boring."

He's instantly shaking his head at me, leaning in a little closer and making my body fully aware of his presence. His eyes are intense as he looks at me. "I'm pretty sure we haven't even begun to scratch the surface."

My mouth falls open, and I gape at him again, my body lighting up. But all too soon, he's leaning back and away from me.

"Next Saturday?"

What? I blink at him, wishing like hell he'd come back to me. But then the fog in my mind starts to clear, and I nod my head dumbly once again before climbing off the couch and heading to the door.

I thank him for another dinner and promise him I'll be back before making the drive back to my parents' house. Thankfully, they're in bed by the time I get there, so I creep up the stairs to my room, closing the door that, of course, doesn't have a lock.

That would allow secrets and sin to possibly get in.

I cringe, thinking about my mother's all-too-real explanation as to why there are no locks on the bedroom doors in the house. I strip down to my boxer briefs and climb under the covers of my bed, my body and mind exhausted from this weekend.

Colt is bisexual. He's attracted to some men.

Colt.

Beautiful. Intriguing. Sexy Colt. Has he been with a man?

The thought hits me so damn hard, sending a violent shiver through my entire body. My dick stands hard and at attention, just from the thought of him with another man.

I don't even let jealousy get to me as I think about what that would look like. He said Benny isn't his type, so what is his type? Does he like someone smaller? Benny is muscular, but he's on the smaller side, and he's not his type. Maybe he likes really thin men.

I try to picture that. Colt with a much smaller, light man, but it doesn't fit, so I dig further into my imagination and picture someone bigger than Benny. Just as tall as Colt and maybe with even a little more muscle.

What would he do with another man?

Would he explore his body with his hands and then his mouth? Another near crippling shudder hits me like lightning as I close my eyes, my hands trailing down over my bare chest. I feel my warm skin, my hand passing over my pecs and down over my stomach that's pulled tight with tension.

What would his mouth feel like? His lips are so full and plump. It would feel good, I decide, my hand sliding lower and lower as I keep my eyes closed and think about Colt.

He's strong in every single way. But there's so much more to him. I'm not sure what he had to deal with when he came out as bisexual in Kensley, but I could see in his eyes it wasn't good. Would he take control? Would he direct his man on how to pleasure him?

Before I know it, my hand dips into my boxer briefs, and I'm stroking my hard shaft. I'm leaking profusely already, something I should probably be ashamed of, but instead of feeling that, I collect the sticky fluid and use it to stroke myself.

It feels so damn good, but I don't dare open my eyes. I keep them closed as I focus on Colt with a tall, muscular man in his arms. His lips running all over miles of bare skin. My balls are full, and I'm leaking even more. I feel how close I am to something good. Something so good, it's almost scary, but then before I can control it, my mind shifts, and I curse out loud just as I hear all the words I've worked so hard to keep out of my head.

That this is a sin. That two men together is wrong. That if I don't fix what's wrong with me, they'll help me do it. It's that last thought that really has my whole body going cold.

And just like that, my cock is limp in my hand, and I feel tears forming in my eyes. I'm beyond frustrated.

I'm angry.

And once again, I'm so very alone.