23. Dallas

Dallas

" A m I doing it right?" I ask as I hold Christian awkwardly. He's a good baby—I think, anyway. He's not fussing as Chloe hands him over to me, and he doesn't seem stressed by my total lack of baby knowledge.

He's perfect. Blond hair and amazing blue eyes he looks up at me with. The kid should be screaming his head off. I'm screaming inside because I have no idea what I'm doing, but he's not.

"You're doing fine," Chloe says and pats me on the shoulder as she looks over at Colt. "I took an afternoon shift. I thought maybe you two could watch him for me?"

"Absolutely, Chlo," Colt says, and she smiles at him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. He hugs her back, and finally, it's like I can breathe again. Because they're okay.

I didn't ruin their relationship.

"Thank you," she says, and he kisses her forehead.

"Any time. I'm sorry I was an asshole and went behind your back. I didn't plan on this happening..." He looks over at me, and I smile sheepishly before he looks back at her. "But I can't say I regret it."

She's grinning big at her brother now. "You're so in love! It's just adorable." She pinches his cheek, and he playfully swats her hand away.

"Not adorable. Manly."

She snorts. "Uh-huh." She looks over at me. "I'm happy for you both. I really am." She looks at Colt. "I never thought I'd see you this happy. Hang onto it."

"I will," Colt says back to her instantly.

"I know. God, this is going to be fun to explain to Christian someday," she jokes, and I stiffen a little because oh yeah, that's going to be a weird conversation.

"We'll get through it," Colt says.

He has so much faith in us, and it doesn't make me want to run away screaming. It only makes me happy. Feel stronger. Like I can do anything.

Chloe kisses Christian and then heads out, leaving Colt and me to take care of him. He shows me the basics—how to feed him with the bottles Chloe left. How to change him. How to hold him when he starts to squirm.

It's honestly a lot of fun, but holy shit, I don't know how Chloe does it. I'm worn-out four hours later when Chloe comes by to pick him up. But also... I can't believe I hid from it for so long.

He's perfect.

Just like Colt is perfect. Just like our love is perfect. It's like another missing piece has fallen into place, and I'm so damn mad at myself for ignoring it for so long. For being so damn afraid.

"Dinner?" Colt asks when I'm lost in my own thoughts. I nod my head numbly, but he doesn't head to the kitchen. No, he knows me too damn well, and his hands are on my hips as he stares into my eyes. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head, frustration bubbling up. "I just... I've let fear take so much from me."

"Nothing is gone, baby," he says, holding onto me. "Nothing. You're still here. I'm still here. Chloe and Christian. You have us."

I nod, my throat tightening with emotion. "He's beautiful."

He smiles at that. "He has your eyes." He moves one hand up to stroke his thumb under one of my eyes. "He's perfect."

I nod. "I don't want him to ever be ashamed of me."

"That won't happen. You're an amazing person. Fuck anyone who doesn't know that instantly when they meet you." He leans in, brushing his lips over mine, making my eyes close as I just breathe him in. "I did. I saw it right away. Anyone trying to dim that light is a sad human being."

"I love you," I say because it's really the only thing to say at the moment. Because he sees me like no one else does. I know he sees a good person. Someone capable of being a good father. Of being worthy of being his lover.

"Dinner," he says, pressing a kiss on my lips and not waiting for me to agree before he's pulling me into the kitchen, and we prepare food to grill. It's a nice night, and we aren't wasting it.

"What do you want to do after you graduate?" he asks as we feast on steak and grilled onions and potatoes, sitting out on the patio.

"My only plan has been to get the hell out of here, but I don't know now. I can't leave Chloe and Christian." It's a realization I only just came to today. I don't know if I'll be a good father or if I'm even supposed to be his father—but I do know I need to be there for him. And for Chloe.

"Yeah. I know," he says it like he's slightly sad. For me? For him? I'm not sure. I've been avoiding thinking about how he doesn't live here either. How he lives in the city and travels a lot.

That kind of cuts our conversation short, eating dinner in almost complete silence. But it's not really an uncomfortable one. It's just... uncertain. We know we love each other, but do we actually have a future?

I can't imagine not being with him, but this is all very new. I'm still in high school. I wanted to get the hell out of here, but now I have Christian to think about.

Why the hell is my life always so damn complicated?

We finish the dishes and then move to the couch, his arm around my shoulder as I lean into him. I knew when we started this that it would have to end, but I'm not ready. Not even close.

I, of all people, know why he can't stay here. He has a life outside of Big Bend and Kensley. I can't ask him to stay here, but I don't think I can leave. Now that I've let my brain finally accept that I'm a father, I can't leave Christian.

"Stay with me tonight?" he whispers softly in my ear. My eyes close, and I lean even further into him.

"God, I want that." I groan. "But I don't want to deal with my mother asking questions about where I was." I can hear her now. I can see her judging eyes and hear her hateful comments about how I better not embarrass them again.

"You could stay with me, you know?"

I turn my head to look at him, amused. "Isn't that what you're asking me to do?"

"No." His eyes are intense as he stares at me. He honestly looks a little nervous. "I mean stay. Here. Move in."

My eyes widen at that. "W-what?" Great, I'm back to stuttering, but he can't mean that. We haven't known each other very long at all. And I do love him more than anything, but... he's leaving.

"I extended my lease until June. Stay with me. You won't have to worry about what your parents think. And you'll be here with me. Every day."

"You really want that?" I ask dumbly.

"God, yes." He cups my face with his hand, and I lean into his touch. "I told you, you're it for me. That means forever."

"But you're leaving."

"I might need to travel some, but I can pretty much work from anywhere. We can figure it out." I try to process that, licking my dry lips as I do, and I notice he tracks the motion with hunger in his eyes. It sends an intense shiver through my entire body.

I still can't believe he wants me.

"Think about it. No rush."

I nod. "Okay, I will." I bite on my bottom lip nervously. "You're sure that's what you want?"

"Positive," he says just before he kisses me, his soft lips brushing over mine in a promising kiss.

I kiss him back, and before I know it, we're removing our clothes on the way to his bedroom.

"What do you want?" he asks as he tosses his briefs away and sits on the bed, his back against the headboard. His cock is hard, standing straight up, thick and mouthwatering.

"I, um..." I watch him, unable to form words because he's just so damn perfect. His muscles are prominent and defined, not an ounce of fat on him. His skin is tanned and tattooed in all the right places. "I want to..."

"Anything," he says as he moves his hand to wrap around his hard cock, stroking slowly.

"I want to watch you," I say as I do just that, watching him stroke himself freely, without a care in the world. "I want to do the same. I want to be able to come by my own hand, even if I'd prefer it was you touching me."

I guess I need to prove to myself I can do it. That I can silence the hateful words even on my own.

"I want that too," he says because he just gets it. Gets me. "Come here."

I walk over to his bed, totally naked, and sit down next to him. I feel the nerves, which is ridiculous. We've had many orgasms together at this point but never only with me using my own hand on myself.

I watch him as he grabs the bottle of lube and slicks his palm before handing it over to me. I do the same, although with a shaking hand, but he doesn't comment on it.

He moves his hand to his hard cock and starts to stroke. "I fucking love long, firm strokes, but I like to play with my balls too," he says as he moves his other hand down to cup and roll his balls slowly. I watch him, almost forgetting about myself because the image is just too damn hot. "Show me what you like," he says with a heated whisper.

Right. Okay. "Um..." I used my slick hand to slowly stroke up and down my cock. It feels good, but not nearly as mind-blowing as it does when he touches me.

"Yes. That's so damn hot," he says as he watches me, and okay, yeah that's good. So good.

I start to play with the speed, going a little faster, but then slowing down, finding I like that more.

"That's it. God, your cock is so perfect. It makes me so hot, just thinking about it. It's the only thing getting me through the week." I can feel his warm breath on my face as he talks close to me. His shoulder touching mine. "I lie in this bed, and I think about it."

I close my eyes, groaning as my cock jerks and pre-cum spills from my tip, just thinking about him in this bed stroking himself—thinking about me. "Oh God, yes."

I feel my balls start to swell, a tingling sensation going from my spine to my aching cock. "I think about kissing you and how fucking beautiful you are. About that big cock inside me. Filling me in a way only you can."

"Yes," I breathe, my eyes opening as I look at his hands, one working his cock, the other on his balls, squeezing and teasing. "Oh God, I'm close," I say as I stroke myself faster.

"That's it, baby. Let me watch you come. There's nothing more beautiful on this planet than your face when you let go."

That's all it takes, and cum is spurting from my cock, hitting my stomach, my chest, even a little on my chin. I stroke myself through it, letting go and crying out. I hear Colt just in time to see cum shooting from his cock in the same fashion.

It's so damn beautiful, I spill more cum just watching him.

We're a total mess when we're both finished, but it doesn't stop him from pulling me to him and kissing me hard.

I realize I didn't hear anyone but Colt.

No one controls me anymore.

I'm free in a way I never thought was possible, and it all started with him.