17. Dallas

Dallas

M onday morning, and I swear I can still feel Colt's lips on mine, even though I left his house—reluctantly—on Saturday night. I can't wait for this Saturday already. I don't know what's going on or what's happening between us, but it's addicting.

It's . . . God, it's actually fun.

Who knew I could have fun?

Even when we were talking about really serious things—shitty things we've both done—it was still fun. I didn't want to leave, but I knew I couldn't stay out all night without a million questions from my mother.

I can't believe I actually said the words out loud. Words I spent so long hiding from. My truth. It felt so damn good. I knew I was safe. That he wouldn't hurt me, and that's why I did it.

But now, I feel like I owe that to someone else too. Someone who's had my back. But I just couldn't fully believe that yet. I climb out of my truck and slam the door, making my way down to the barn, finding Benny right away.

He turns around when I approach, a great big grin on his face. He's always so happy to see me. A true friend, and I've been holding back because I've been so afraid to believe anyone could be a friend to me. Truly a friend.

"Hey, man. What the hell are you doing here? We still have an hour before school. If I was you, I'd still be curled up in my bed."

I smile at that because no, he wouldn't. Benny doesn't know how to sleep in. He's up with the cows every morning and does it with a real smile on his face.

I can't help glancing around, even knowing that no one but cows, goats, and chickens are here before I open my mouth and declare loudly, "I'm gay." I blurt it out, and then I pretty much just hold my breath. Oh my God. Was that a mistake? Is he going to hate me? Maybe he'll tell the rest of the town their suspicions are correct. No, stop. This is Benny. My best friend. He doesn't ever deserve for me to feel that way.

"Say it again," he says, taking one step closer to me.

My heart is going to beat right out of my chest. I'm almost positive that's what's going to happen. I can barely breathe. Shit. What if I read all this wrong? What if he had no idea I'm gay? Maybe he was just being nice, but now...

"Dallas." I realize I've looked away, and I snap my head up in his direction to see his eyes are just as kind as they've always been. "Say it again," he says softly.

"I'm gay," I say so damn quietly, I'm not sure I actually said it out loud until his smile grows so big, it stretches all the way across his face.

He practically runs the next few steps to me, wrapping his arms around my neck and hugging me so tight, I can barely breathe. "Finally!" He hugs me tight and laughs. "I mean, I'm not sure I'm supposed to say that or act like you had to come out or whatever, but fucking finally, man." He squeezes me tight and then pulls back, his hands on my shoulders as he looks at me. "I'm so happy for you."

And he is. I can see it written all over his face. Pure joy and relief. For me. "You don't care?" I ask stupidly, my own doubts creeping up.

"Of course I care," he says, releasing me, and I wince, but he's still smiling. "I'm so damn happy. I mean, you didn't have to tell me. I had your back, no matter what, but I'm so damn glad you finally knew you could tell me."

"So you just knew, and you didn't say anything?"

He shakes his head and goes back to feeding the animals. "It wasn't my place to tell you anything. I just waited. You're my best friend, Dallas." He looks over at me. "I want you to be happy, and you can't be totally happy if you're not being totally you."

There's a lightness inside me I'm not sure I've ever felt. No, I don't plan to tell anyone else, but knowing I've been able to say it out loud to Colt and Benny is freeing in a way I never thought it would be.

"Thank you, Benny. For always being there."

He sighs, a frustrated yet happy little sigh as he shakes his head at me. "Always. So, what made you finally want to tell me?"

I'm pretty sure my cheeks are bright red now because my first thought is Colt . Colt totally naked. Colt's hands all over my naked body. Colt's hard dick against my hard dick.

Phew. Okay, this is not appropriate at all. Benny is grinning like crazy now though. "Oh my God, who is it?"

"What?" I squeak. "Nothing. No one," I sputter, and he only laughs, slapping me happily on the back.

"Right. Come on, you can tell me anything, you know that. You get lucky, Dallas?" he teases, and this time, I laugh because this all feels so damn... normal. Really normal, and it feels good.

"It's kind of messed up."

That gets his attention, and he looks a little worried. "What do you mean? If this guy has been an asshole to you, I swear I'll make him sorry he was ever born."

I chuckle at that. My best friend is such a happy guy, but he's loyal to a fault, and I have no doubt he'd kick someone's ass for me. Or at least try, and I so don't want that. "No. He's great. Amazing actually," I say, and I can't stop my goofy grin.

"Amazing?" Benny is back to smiling.

"It's Colt," I blurt out and watch as he seems to go through his mind to figure out who Colt is, and then his eyes widen.

"What?"

"I know," I say feeling a little sick. "But he's not..." I shake my head. "He's different than I thought. I didn't see this coming, but he's not a bad guy. Not at all. He was just worried about his sister. He wanted to get to know me to be able to tell her that maybe I'd be a good..." I'm rambling, but I can't make myself say that I could ever be a good father because there's no way I could.

I know that's why he was getting to know me. I know this kid exists in the world—in his world, but I still can't seem to acknowledge it completely.

"So he sleeps with you to get to know you?" Benny asks me, his tone pretty serious for Benny. I know he's back to being worried, and I don't like it.

"We didn't..." I'm flustered, my cheeks hot, thinking about all the things we did do, but I know he means sex. Like actually sex. Like... Nope . I don't let my brain go there yet if I want to get through this conversation without driving to Kensley and doing all the actual sex things. "We didn't sleep together. And neither of us knew it was going to happen. We didn't see it coming."

"Are you sure?" Benny asks carefully, and I nod my head instantly.

"I trust him. I really trust him, Benny."

He's quiet for a moment and then pulls me into another hug. "Don't get hurt, Dallas. Okay? Please."

"I won't." I say it, but I don't know if that's something I can promise.

Still, I think it's worth it somehow, even if I do end up totally devastated. Because the way he made me feel this weekend... that was worth every bit of heartache I'm sure I have coming my way.