Chapter 5

Five

MARISSA

Imust have fallen asleep after seeing Jackson’s feed, but a pleasurable sensation shoots up from between my legs, stirring me awake. Someone’s head is buried in my pussy. A sleepy moan escapes my lips when the tongue laps at my clit and thick fingers dip inside me.

Does James think he can lick me awake and things will be fine between us? Bucking my hips, I try to get his lips off me, but sturdy hands clasp my legs to pry them open and hold me down. I whimper as the mouth flicks my clit harder, slurping sounds echoing throughout the room.

Just as I’m about to explode with pleasure, I glance down and see someone with sleek black hair eating me like a ravaging beast. Crystal blue eyes crawl up my body to greet my face as his fingers plunge deeper, my rapture escalating with an unstoppable force.

“Come for me, kitten.” Xavier’s voice vibrates my clit until my hands grip his silky strands and push his face harder into me as I reach ecstasy. A deep hum punctuates the final pulsation until he sits up and tugs down his black sweatpants. Resting his hard cock in his palm, he gives it a couple of jerks as I scan my naked body with a gasp. I know I fell asleep in pajamas.

“You taste amazing.” His tongue ventures around his full bottom lip, licking up every bit of my wetness as if savoring it. Scooting over me, he lines up his long dick at my entrance. Now that I can see it in the daylight, a choked cry clogs the back of my throat. It’s so thick, no wonder I felt so stretched last night.

“Wha-what are you doing here?” I scramble back on my elbows, but the wooden headboard prevents my escape.

Tilting his head to the side, he cocks an eyebrow. “Fucking my girl. Slide down here,” he says lightly, his palms patting his bare thighs.

“N-no, you’re not. I’m not your girl!”

“You came like my good girl.” Sweetly, he smiles, like what he says oozes with liquid sugar.

The scoff that escapes the back of my throat almost makes me cough. “I thought you were James.”

Xavier’s brow wrinkles as he snorts. “James could never eat your pussy like that, kitten. Open up for me. Show me who this pussy belongs to.” Leaning over me, he edges the head of his dick inside until I clench up, unsure what I want to happen here. Do I want this?

“Wait, Xavier. Wait.” My voice is shaky, desperate. For what, I’m not sure.

“Told you there’s no waiting with you.” With one forceful swoop, he plunges inside, and I jolt against him, but this only drives him deeper. This crazy man just broke into my room, ate my pussy, and is fucking me raw, saying I’m his girl. Like pins and needles against my skin, terror threatens to overtake my mind, except my body confuses it for intense desire.

As he grunts and thrusts, burning shame urges me to make him stop. I’m not a cheater, not like James. Even if my boyfriend went off with someone else, I haven’t officially ended things. Is it over? Having sex with Xavier in front of James last night was one thing, but the following day? Not during a Red Night? It feels so wrong.

Despite knowing that logically, his body is doing incredible things to me physically. Instead of telling him to stop, my mouth moans as my back arches into him, grinding my hips to meet his with every thrust. I shouldn’t want this. I shouldn’t…but…I so do.

“I can’t. Oh, fuck… I can’t cheat on James. This…mmm…this is wrong.” Trying to hold on to the last thread of clarity in my mind, I attempt to focus on anything except the pleasurable sensations firing throughout my body. But Xavier makes rational thought difficult. Dipping his head down to my breasts, his mouth latches onto first one nipple, then the other. Fuck, it’s my weakness... His narrowed blue eyes rise to watch my face as his teeth bite down on one before tracing it with the tip of his tongue. With a scream of ecstasy, my voice rips out of my chest like a banshee while my pussy clenches down on his thick cock in my orgasm.

“Hmm, we’ll have to get these pierced,” he moans against my soft flesh, moistening it with his breath. “Maybe your clit, too? Would my kitten like jewelry?”

Using his strong, tattooed hands, he holds my hip bones down when I attempt to shove up against him again. “Xavier, I can’t do this. I’m not a cheater.” Everything I do is quite contrary to what I’m saying. My voice comes out panting and moaning as my body writhes and sweats. I’ll even take his piercings if he’ll just give me another earthquake inside.

“You aren’t a cheater now ’cause you’re mine. Your body’s begging for this big cock. Look at you, beautiful. You’re a mess for it.”

“I’m not begging—Oh, fuck.” As I fall over the edge again, a fire lights up my veins until tears of joy spill from the corners of my eyes. “Please, please, please. Right there. Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Don’t—” My legs convulse with the power of another climax. I may have squirted everything out if he wasn’t buried so deep inside me.

Even while my pussy still pulses, I wrap my legs around him and dig my feet into his ass just to get him to bottom out. Snapping his eyes to mine, he grips my jaw to hold my face as his cock throbs within me. He comes with a loud groan that turns into my name and something about the reverent look on his face as he does makes me feel attached to him.

He erupts in a frenzy on me: kissing my lips, grabbing my hair, sucking my neck…all while still trying to empty everything inside me, squeezing out any last ropes of cum he can. Our faces pressed together, he thrusts lazily, half lying on top of me. Taking a languid inhale, he lightly palms my cheek as his gaze finds mine.

I hate that his eyes feel like home.

Softly, his baritone voice resonates out of his mouth, like he’s just as surprised as me at the energy flowing between us. “Fuck, Marissa. I can’t leave this pussy. I may have to stay here all day and continue to pump you full the rest of the night.” He gives another thrust with his hips. “You got any snacks in here?” The corners of his eyes lift in a smile as he glances around the room, still holding one forearm behind my neck.

“Xavier, what the fuck? Get off me.” Sliding my palms up to his hard chest, I shove with all my might. Our cum pours out of me as he slips out. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but it’s wrong. I have a boyfriend.”

“Not playing a game. And you do have a boyfriend—me.” Flopping over to his side, his sweatpants are still around his thighs, showcasing his large, flaccid dick. With a small, saccharine grin, he reaches two fingers up to tug on a piece of my hair, stroking it gently as I try to sit in front of him.

“James is my boyfriend. You just made me a cheater. I can’t believe you did that.” I will my voice to sound annoyed, but it’s even fake to my ears. I hope he buys it.

Xavier chuckles with what sounds like genuine amusement. “Yeah, that was all on me… ‘Please, please. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.’” He mocks my voice. “Wrapping your legs around me so you could get more of my cum… Kitten, if you want a litter, I’ll be happy to get started now.”

What?! Does he mean pregnancy? My spine stiffens with shock and terror. But also…would it be the worst thing in the world to bear Xavier’s child? Of course it would be. Right?

“You’re twisted. What’s wrong with you? A month ago, I didn’t even think you knew my name… Now, what, you think you’re my boyfriend?”

“I am your boyfriend. Told you. I own you.” There’s a bite to his words as he says them emphatically. My mouth falls open while a million retorts flood my mind. Own me? How dare he? And what exactly does that mean?

Before I can pick out one coherent reply, he sits and grabs my trembling hands in his. “I’ve known about you a long time, Marissa Matlock. Born the only child of Rodney and Susan Matlock, who both attended Northview University, where they met and married right after graduation. You came along soon after, born on March fifteenth. Beware the Ides.”

My heart stops for a full beat as I scramble off the bed, horrified that this man seems to have memorized a people finder page of facts about me. Quickly throwing an old T-shirt I find on the floor over my head, I tug on some sleep shorts after frantically searching for my panties. I can’t find them.

“How—What are you doing?!” Standing five feet away from the bed, I contemplate how I can leave the room without passing by him.

Like he lives here, Xavier casually pulls up his sweatpants and lies down on the bed, arms folded behind his head on the pillow. The vision of him spread over my room is strange and petrifying. Also, oddly hot.

“In elementary school, your best friend, Essa, had to move away when her mother got cancer. You vowed never to have another friend. You spent your days after school painting, taking pictures with your dad’s old Nikon camera.”

My cheeks heat with every word, and I command, “Stop. Is this a sick joke?”

“Your uncle tried to ruin you when you were in middle school, but you screamed and ran away. You told your dad, who beat him to a pulp, sending him to the hospital. He still has a limp but is in prison for hurting other little girls.”

“Stop. I’m begging you. How do you know this stuff about me, Xavier?” Panting out shaky breaths, my lungs clench with fear as I wring my hands. Horrified. That’s what I am. Even James doesn’t know this stuff about me. Other than my family, I don’t think anyone knows some of these things.

“In high school, Evan stole your virginity from me. He lasted less than a minute, and you wondered, ‘Is this what all the hype has been about?’”

My diaries. This fucker has read my diaries… My old diaries, though. Like the ones still at my parents’ house, not here in this apartment. Stomach churning, I scan my desk for any evidence he’s been here without me.

Mainly to myself, I whisper, “You read my diaries. How did you get to them?”

“Freshman year, you were at the Delta party when some guy tried to put something in your cup, but Trevor”—he says the name with disgust—“held his hand over your drink and said he would watch out for you. Little did you know, it was just a stupid pickup game pledges played to hit on girls. Waste of a scrotum couldn’t even get you to orgasm.”

“Xavier! How did you get them?”

With the panic in my voice, he brings his legs up, resting his bent arms against his knees. “Kitten, you’re mine. I know everything about you. Besides, Mom filled in any details the diaries left out.”

“M-mom?”

“Yeah, Susan? Mom? Well, she asked me if I would call her that since I’d be her son-in-law and all. She wants us to come to dinner on Wednesday, by the way. She’s mad you didn’t tell her about me.” Uh… My chest feels so tight I can barely breathe. He really met my mother?

“What? What are you talking about? When did you meet my mother?” Bile rises in my throat.

“This morning, I stopped by to introduce myself and chat since we’re official now. She made me tea, showed me your room... I’m a fast reader.” Leaning against the headboard, he grins, then opens a wide palm toward my recent diaries on my desk.

This man is insane. How am I supposed to get a large, mentally unstable man out of my bedroom? He’s apparently made best friends with my mother. And even if he hasn’t explicitly said it, he seemed to make some veiled threat against James. If he read my diaries, he knows all my deepest secrets... Swallowing back the vomit threatening to escape, I grip the bottom of my T-shirt to tug it down, covering my body as if he can see through the shield of fabric.

“I want you to leave.” My voice is firm, but my knees shake, toes burying into the rug to keep myself steady.

“Yeah, I thought we’d go get some food. I’m hungry. I’m sure you’re starving. Did you even eat today, kitten?” Xavier slides off the bed and grabs a hoodie from the floor, pulling it over his head. Tugging on his socks and a pair of running shoes, his eyes creep up my bare legs.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless. How can I get out of this? Has he just moved in now? Declared himself to be my fiancé? “Why do you keep calling me kitten?”

“Your kitten mask…from Red Night.” He tsks, as if that was a thousand nights before last.

“Please leave.”

“We are leaving. We’re going to get food. Come on.” Holding his hand out to me, he flutters his fingers impatiently. “Get your purse.” With a nod, he motions to the door.

Crossing my arms, I tap my foot like I mean business. “Xavier, I’m not going anywhere with you.”

A knock on the door almost makes me scream with fright. Kinsley’s muffled voice filters through the other side. “Marissa, will you two quit fucking long enough to come out with us?”

Shit!She thinks James is in here. I can’t let anyone know I fucked Xavier Cardell! “Just a minute!” I yell, then whisper, “You need to go.” Snapping my fingers, I point to the balcony.

“Guys, come on! It’s been way too long. Aren’t you sore?” Kinsley whines with a high-pitched screech.

“Please, please, Xavier. Please go.” The desperation of what just happened finally catches up to me and tears flow freely down my cheeks. I messed up by allowing him inside me. Now confusion, terror, and passion are all overwhelming my senses.

Xavier’s face softens from his smirky grin as he quickly pads over to me. Holding my face in his hands, he lifts my jaw so I have nowhere else to look but into his intoxicating icy eyes. “You have six days. We have a function to attend on Saturday night.” Gently, he places his warm lips on mine for a hair’s breadth, that shared air between us making me dizzy again. Then he leaves my room through the balcony, the curtain swishing behind him as he goes.

Relief rushes through my body, and I crumple to the floor. After wiping my face with the back of my hand, I march over to the door and fling it open. Kinsley stands on the other side like she’s been listening. A gasp escapes her mouth at the sight of me. Great. My hair must be a mess.

“Holy shit, he must have fucked you good!” she says while sticking her head in the room and looking around for James. Crooking an eyebrow, she asks, “Where is he?”

Both Elle and Sharice glance up from the sofa, curious about what’s happening.

“Oh, um, he sneaked out the balcony,” I mutter, hoping she’ll let it go.

“Why? Oh, well. He was invited to get food with us… I guess we can do it another time. You want to get ready and go? College pizza night at Tony’s!” Snagging her purse off the dining table, the other girls get theirs and head toward the door.

Now that I’ve escaped my stalker, hunger settles in my stomach. “Sure, give me a minute to get cleaned up.”

As I wash my face, my phone vibrates with an incoming text, then dings from a missed voicemail message. Snatching it, I see I’ve missed quite a few.

Mom

Why didn’t you introduce me to your new boyfriend???

What happened with James?!

While Xavier was just inside me, James texted:

James

Baby im so sry just got my phone

RU home? I’m coming over.

Please call me.

This was sent just after the voicemail message while I was in the bathroom. My chest tightens as I listen.

“Marissa, I’m in my car outside your apartment. I just came over to crawl in bed with you, figured you were asleep… [deep breath]. What in the actual fuck was Xavier Cardell doing in your room? Don’t deny it. I saw him through the balcony. Is that why you’re not answering me? Jackson said he saw you two last night. Told me you’ve had something going on. Is that true? Marissa, please. What is going on? Please call me, text me, something! I’m desperate.”

Jackson. What gives James the right to be mad about Xavier? I may have been thrown into sex with Xavier while James was in the room, but he went off with Jackson alone. He even shooed me after I caught them!

Xavier quieted any lingering negative emotions by giving me a couple of amazing orgasms, but now heat fills my belly with rage. I can’t talk to James while I’m this angry, or I’m just going to say things I regret.

Me

I’m safe. Going to Tony’s.

Don’t come.

I’ll call you after.

James

K. Tell me when to come over.

we need to talk

After delicious pizza and several beers, my rage and pain lessen to irritation with only a minor headache. When we get back to the apartment, I text James to come over and he immediately responds that he’s on his way.

“And you don’t want us to back you up?” Elle asks, giving me a one- armed hug.

“No. I need to do this alone. I don’t know how things are gonna go anyway.”

Pulling her long, brown hair up into a ponytail, Kinsley mumbles while holding a rubber band between her lips. “Just tell him what you want.”

Like that’s so easy. It is for her, but for me… I’m not exactly sure. I hate hurting anyone. I always want the other person to feel better, and if I caused him pain, I couldn’t forgive myself. But I do know that things aren’t looking too good for James and James’s girlfriend.

James knocks on our door a few minutes later, looking incredibly hungover. Dark circles sag underneath his bloodshot blue eyes, and his normally styled hair is disheveled. Just the sight of him spurs my anger to the surface again. Shuffling inside the apartment, he gives a sheepish grin to my roommates, knowing we’ve all been talking about him. When we get to my room, I lock the door and take a seat on the edge of my bed, trying to hold my tongue. James paces like he’s prepared a monologue. Nausea returns with a vengeance as I watch his desperation. He’s not touching me. Either he’s mad or…

“Marissa, I fucked up. Last night, today…maybe for the last few months. I’m fucked up.” Staring at the ceiling, a heavy sigh leaves his broad chest. “You know I’ve been obsessed with Jackson… I… Fuck. I slept with him last night during Red Night. Well, you saw us. The pool house was fucked up. I was really high on Molly. I went with him to his room last night, but we didn’t do anything there, I swear. It’s why—it’s why I didn’t have my phone.” Finally settling his eyes on me, his voice cracks as he chokes out, “I fucked up, baby.”

White-hot fury bubbles out through my chest. “Don’t call me baby. You called him that. I heard you in the pool house.”

His face glows red as he yells back, “You fucked Xavier Cardell! You have no room to talk! I fucking saw you, Marissa! At least you knew Jackson and I were together, and it was just Red Night. We had rules!”

“Xavier fucked you, too! He basically threw himself on me at the party.”

“But he was here today. I saw him! When I peeked through the window, there you two were, and I was so fucking pissed off, I left.” We both pause, an unsettling quiet filling the room. Softer, he says, almost to himself, “Maybe I was upset at what I did to lead you to him last night, the pool house. I’m so fucking sorry, but how could you be with him today? Did you want revenge? You wanted to hurt me?”

“I thought he was you! I didn’t know he was going to show up here. I was half asleep!”

His eyes narrow at me as his neck muscles tense. “So he raped you.”

Swallowing, I think about this. “Um, well, not exactly.”

“Marissa, did he force himself on you? Did you tell him no?”

Staring at my hands, I try to come up with an excuse. But how can I explain something I’m not even fully sure of myself? Fuck Xavier. He was right. I did want it, and I thoroughly enjoyed it, despite how sick that makes me feel. And even worse is that I want it again.

When I don’t answer, James’s cheeks puff out a huge breath as he flops next to me on the bed. His head drops between his knees as he rakes his hands through his hair.

“It’s me. I’ve been on this quest of discovery and left you behind. I know it. I’m so sorry, Marissa. I’m getting pissed off about Xavier, when I⁠—”

Standing, I edge between his legs and slide my palm into one of his. “I think the party was a mistake.”

“Yeah, maybe it was.” With a little squeeze of my hand, he pulls me closer until he can wrap an arm around my waist. Almost with a sob, he presses his face into my belly. “Marissa, I love you, but I’m having a hard time right now. I feel confused.” It comes out muffled against my shirt.

Stunned to silence, I consider not even asking what he means, but I have to know. “Confused about what?”

“About, I don’t know. Can we forget last night happened and go back to Friday?” Raising his pretty face to me, he looks so hopeful, so childlike.

I consider it. If I can forget about the party, we could go back to the way things were. I will be James’s girlfriend, and he will…continue to pursue Jackson or some other man. Part of me is desperate to forget that Saturday ever happened, but I know I can’t pretend. It happened. And it changed me. Not to mention, something was exchanged with the man who was just in my room.

“I’m not sure I can do that. The way Jackson spoke to me, and you just let him. You kept fucking him, James! You went to his room last night!”

He stands abruptly and buries his face into my hair, arms wrapping around me. “I am so fucking sorry, Marissa.” He whimpers as his back muscles shake with sobs. “I’m confused. Maybe I am gay. I don’t know. I think last night was a mistake. I shouldn’t have used that to sort things out in my head. I should never have used you like that.”

“I’m sorry, too, James. I shouldn’t have had sex with him.” Pulling him closer, I tighten my hold around his waist.

“I think I need some time away from the romance.” When he straightens up, his eyes are filled with tears and wetness stains his cheeks. “Marissa, I can’t lose you. I can’t not have you in my life.”

My throat closes as I nod slowly. Finally, I squeak out, “I can’t lose you, either.”

“Dammit. I may have just fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Or you could be figuring out the best thing for you,” I say. And I realize the words are for me as much as for him.

Holding me for a moment longer, he murmurs, “I need a break from the relationship to figure myself out. But can we—can we still hang out as friends?”

Taking a step back, I stare at our joined hands. “I will when I can without feeling so hurt or angry.”

His eyes follow mine. “I feel the same.” Peeking up at me, his eyebrows raise. “Um…do you want me to stay and hold you tonight?”

A heavy breath squeaks from my tight chest. Part of me does, for comfort, because I hate being alone. But the wise part of me knows it will hurt when he leaves in the morning without us having sex like normal. Or worse, actually having sex and regretting it.

“No, I think it’s best for me to sleep alone.”

His hair falls in his face as he nods resolutely, then he releases me from his grip. Wiping his eyes, he walks out of my door for the last time. Despite the pain of watching him go, the logical part of my brain knows this is right for me. And for James.

Flopping onto my bed, pain floods my eyes. I’ve just lost everything I’ve known for the last two years. Possibly even a friend.