54. Weston

The stillness in the apartment stings.

I stare at the door Renee just stormed out of. How”d we go from honeymoon bliss to this? How can something so perfect spoil so fast?

I run my hands down my face, groaning. Couldn”t just have one good thing for one good minute, could I? Something needed to come around and fuck it all up. My own sins, coming back to bite me in the ass.

”Hey, West… Dude, I”m sorry. I thought you”d have told her about everything, you know?” Hunter stands beside me looking like he”s two seconds from a mental break, wringing his hands again and again. ”It didn”t seem right not to apologize!” he continues helplessly. “She”s your girlfr—well, wife now, I guess.”

I sigh and clap a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Hunt. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have.” I sound like I’m a thousand years old and weary to the absolute bone.

”Right.” Hunter runs his hand through his hair. ”Anyway, she seemed really upset. I can go?—”

”You don”t have to.” I shake my head. ”She”ll be mad for a bit and then come around.”

Hunter frowns. ”I dunno, man. She seemed pretty wrecked. And like… I mean, I don”t really blame her.”

”I”m not kicking you out and turning you into the cops over something me and you settled. End of story, dude.”

He sags in despair. ”Right. Yeah. Right. Well, you might need to think long and hard about how that”s gonna make her feel.” He shakes his head. ”I”m gonna go finish my sandwich.”

Hunter”s obviously not in the mood to continue the conversation, and it doesn”t look like Renee”s gonna be coming back anytime soon, either. She”s at Sutton”s, but it doesn”t make it any easier to go back to our bed. It”s too empty, too cold, too big for just me. All that passion has fizzled out and we”re back to square fucking one.

She”ll eventually understand.

I can”t just cut Hunter loose. He’s my best friend. He’s been with me from the beginning.

I try to get to sleep, but that shit isn”t panning out. Toss, turn, rinse, repeat. I keep pawing at the space beside me, trying to pull Renee closer to me, only to remember that she”s not here.

More than once, my mind makes up the vibration of my phone, and I tell myself that Renee is texting me to say that she understands, she loves me, she’s coming back…

But not a single text comes through.

Eventually, the sun starts to shine and I decide it”s time to get up and go somewhere. Staying in this apartment suddenly feels like cruel and unusual punishment. I throw on some clothes that are plausibly clean, grab my keys, and bounce.

I don”t have a plan for where I”m going, but life has a way of taking you where you need to be. I find myself on the road that leads to the graveyard. I haven”t been down this way in a while now. Most times, it feels better to leave the past in the past.

But today?

Today, I need to revisit it.

It”s too early for the yard to be open, so I park and hop the fence, channeling some long-dormant delinquent behaviors. If I’m digging up the past, might as well dig up all of it, right? Adolescent recklessness included.

My destination is one I know well, no matter how much time passes between each visit. A rounded gravestone deep in the rows of stones with my father”s name on it.

I sit.

The ground is hard and cold. The seat of my pants gets wet with the morning dew, not that I care. I”m quiet, just staring at the faded engraving on the stone.

”Times like this make me miss you, Dad.”

I don”t know how or really why I get started. I just start talking. Laying it all out there.

”I met a girl. A great girl. Better than the last one by more than a mile. I—heh. I married her, actually. Not in the way you and Ma probably would have liked, but a big wedding can come later, right? What matters is I”ve done the right thing.” I grin sadly. ”We”re gonna have a baby. Yeah, I”m gonna be a dad in my own right. That”s wild, isn’t it? But I”ve kinda fucked up along the way…”

I lean in on my forearms and sigh.

”See, Hunter”s got a problem. Pills, if you can believe that shit. Crazy… But they made him do something stupid. Made him steal from me because he”d gotten so down on his luck and so deep in his addiction. Only… I never even thought that he was the one stealing from me when my shit started disappearing. I thought it was Renee. And I just got—I dunno, mad. Flashbacks and shit. I thought I was living in one of those recurring nightmares—Eva all over again—and I just reacted instead of thinking. I got her kicked out of the apartment building. Made her go crawling back to her fucked-up family and into the arms of a fucked-up ex. It hurts to even say that stuff, but if I can’t, who will?”

I scrub the tiredness from my eyes and keep going. ”And I thought, once I learned the truth, that reconciling with her and keeping Hunter around could work. I messed up, kicking Renee to the curb. I can”t do that to Hunter—not when he needs my help. But she… she”s not happy about it. She thinks it”s some kind of special treatment for Hunter, you know? A separate standard. And I guess it is, just…”

My voice trails off. ”I don”t know, Dad. I really don”t know.”

I thought I would get answers here, unloading like this. But the more I talk, the more conflicted I get. How am I supposed to look either of them in the eyes with the decisions that I might have to make?

I told Hunter I would have his back through thick and thin. But Renee is my wife. Ride or die. We have a kid on the way.

I reach out, brushing my hand over the top of the gravestone. Dust and moss fuzz plumes up off the surface and my fingers come away mottled green.

”Eh, well. Rome wasn”t built in a day, was it? Maybe the same can be said for family. Think I should give her some space, huh? You can love someone from afar. That’s the best way, sometimes, when you’re not sure how to get close without hurting them.”

As if answering, a slight breeze carries its way through the graveyard. I smile, even though it”s not that bright.

”Yeah. That”s what I thought. Good lookin” out, Pops.”