35. Weston

I don”t know what I”m going to do now any more than I did before talking to Molly.

Well, that”s not entirely true.

I know I can”t abandon my friend when he needs me. Wherever that takes up, we”ll either end up stronger for it or we”ll get absolutely obliterated in the process.

That”s the shit you do for family.

The uncertainty comes when I weigh whether to tell Renee about this development or not. I know in my gut she”ll be devastated. She got along with Hunter and he didn”t fess up when I was on my bullshit.

But does that mean she has to find out?

Is it fair to totally fuck over the perception Renee has of Hunter, when she already clocked his drug use?

”You look like shit.”

I startle. Half-asleep, half existential brooding, I didn”t hear Renee come in.

Wait. Renee”s here.

Why the fuck is Renee here?

I surge through emotions. Last I saw Renee, she was playing Stepford homemaker with a man who looks like he comes from an entirely too long line of Braxton-Sheffields. I know she still feels something for me. Hell, my own flames never snuffed out.

But she”s with that dude. And now, she”s here. And I know the truth about all the things she didn’t do.

And, and, and…

I”m not good at this shit. Apologizing. Spilling my guts. I”ve never really been that guy. The guy I am prefers to shoot himself in the foot over talking about his feelings.

”Why are you here?”

Renee backs up a little. Blinking. Startled. She”s never reacted to me like that before. Like I”ve scared her. Was it the tone? Whatever it was, I don”t like the expression it makes Renee have.

Doing real smooth here, Weston.

Renee folds her arms over her chest, like her forearms can double as a security blanket. ”Hud told me about Hunter. Gave me the room number.”

”Why”d he tell you?”

Renee frowns. ”Because I asked.”

”Oh.” It takes a second, but something clicks. ”Wait—how”d you know something happened?” I”m making sure to keep all this tight under wraps. No need for the press to be getting hold of Hunter”s addiction, let alone his overdose. The thought of those vultures running his name and pain through the mud pisses me off, and it hasn”t even happened.

Renee does this little sideways shuffle. Like a kid expecting punishment, sheepish because they got caught with their hand in the candy jar.

She doesn”t wanna fess up.

Nope, we”re not playing that.

”Well?”

She scoffs. ”I don”thaveto tell you anything.”

”Just answer the damn question, Renee.”

Rolling her eyes, she looks away from me, cheeks burning under the harsh hospital fluorescents. ”I saw your game, okay? I watched Hud take you off the ice and you looked like you’d seen a ghost.”

”Stalker much?”

It”s a lame joke, but it strikes a nerve. Renee looks like she”s somewhere between irritated and wounded.

Good going, dipshit.

”Right,” she snaps. “Whatever. I just wanted to make sure Hunter was doing alright. Bye.” She turns on her heel to the door, but she stops and half-pivots back. ”He doesn’t deserve this, you know. I know you’re assuming I probably think he does. But he doesn’t.”

Then she’s gone. The door snaps shut behind her.

Shit. Now, what do I do?

”Wow, dude. You’re a douche. And she still likes you? You”re mega lucky, my guy.”

I blink, turning my head slowly toward the bed. This fucker is awake!

Hunter sports the most out-of-it expression I”ve ever seen. Lids hooded over his ultra-bagged eyes. Hair sweat-slicked to his forehead. He does have his trademark lopsided grin, which is the best indication that he”s at least a little okay.

I go to his side, giving him a punch to the shoulder. ”You fucking dick.”

”Pot, kettle.” Hunter peers up at me. Despite his grin, there”s a heavy dose of sadness behind his eyes. It reminds me of Molly, funny enough.

”Hunt—”

”You know, it”s really nice of her. Coming to see me and all that. She”s a real nice girl. You treat her like shit.”

Big talk coming from the guy who let me treat her like shit without saying a damn thing.

”Don”t worry about me and Renee. How are you? You?—”

”I”m gonna be here for a while. Go. Don”t be an idiot and just let her leave like that.”

”But you?—”

”Dude, seriously. I”m basically hardwired into the bed at this point. I”ll be here when you get back. Stop being weird.”

I can”t help but want to ask: is all this insistence because of his own guilt? We split because of him, after all. It all goes back to him.

Convo for another day, I decide.

I jab a finger in his face. “Don’t fucking move.”

Then I’m out of the room and down the hall. Looking left, looking right. I don”t see Renee, so I take a gamble and run down the hall leading to the elevators, bobbing and weaving between power-walking nurses and gurneys stacked up along the walls.

The gamble pays off. I see an open elevator door. Renee is standing in front of it, staring at it, but she’s making no move to step inside.

When I get closer, I realize she”s muttering to herself. ”Just tell him. Puff out your chest, take a deep breath, and tell him?—”

”Tell me what?”

Renee jumps about ten feet into the air. It’s a miracle she doesn’t twist an ankle upon landing. Instead, she whirls around to face me, eyes screwed up into an angry squint.

”What the fuck, Weston?!”

I shrug. ”You”re the one talking to yourself like a weirdo.”

Renee glares at me. Damn, I”ve missed that fire. ”Eat a dick.”

Missed that snark, too.

”Not really my preference, but I appreciate the suggestion.”

Renee looks like she”s regretting every single life choice that”s brought her to this moment. Before she can retreat into the elevator, I get in front of her. ”So. Tell me what?”

She narrows her eyes. ”Nothing.”

”Come on. Don”t be like that. I heard you muttering to yourself.”

”Stalker much?” she throws at me.

”Crazy much?” I throw right back.

Renee throws her hands in the air and enters full-tilt. ”If you came over here to be a massive asshole?—”

”I came to apologize, actually.”

Renee looks skeptical, but she doesn”t leave or try to get into the elevator again, so I count that as a massive win. She arches an eyebrow and waits for me to continue.

”For, uh, back there. I didn”t expect you to be here. Didn”t even think you were still watching our games.”

But it feels damn good to know she still wants her eyes on the Firebirds.

On me.

Renee shifts in place. Her eyes don”t meet mine. ”Thanks.”

”I”m just confused, Renee. You say you don”t want me, but you”re watching my games?—”

”The team’s games.”

I scoff. ”You”re watching my games. You check in on my friend—my family. ”Cause that”s what Hunter is. So you”re gonna have to explain to me like I”m an idiot, because this—” I gesture between the two of us. ”—isn’t giving off ‘never wanting to see me again.’”

Renee”s expression softens. ”Weston…” She sighs. ”I-I knew this was going to be hard for you. Being here. Being alone—because you”re stubborn like that.”

She”s got my number there. ”Yeah. I’m… fuck, P, I’m sorry for not believing you about his addiction.”

That flicker of disappointment comes back again. I”m really fucking this up, and unfortunately for me, Renee doesn”t come with a how-to guide. I run my hand through my hair, glancing down the hall toward Hunter”s room.

Maybe we wouldn”t be here if I”d clocked the signs for everything earlier. If I’d just listened.

”How did you…?” I look back to Renee, hoping my expression finishes the question for me. How’d you know what he was? What he was doing? What was happening inside his head?

Renee shakes her head. ”I don”t have firsthand experience, if that’s what you’re asking.”

”But someone you know does.”

”People I”ve known,” she amends. ”People trying to cope with life. Pressure from their families. Trauma from their families. All that shit”s too much. It”s why I left in the first place.”

”But you went back.”

Her eyes grow misty with tears and she rips her gaze away from mine, suddenly interested in the tile at her feet instead. “Sometimes, you can”t get away. Sometimes, no matter what you”re trying to do, you always come back around to what you were running away from. You can face it or relent to it. But it is what it is.”

”That”s what you expect for Hunter?”

Sounds fucking bleak.

”I expect Hunter to heal,” she corrects. “But to do that, he has to face his demons.”

That”s what Molly said, too.

Her eyes meet mine. ”But he has you. So the road won”t be easy, but at least he won”t be alone.”

For her, it”s the end of the conversation. I can see her resignation and that stubborn ass finality staring right at me.

I”m not ready for her to go, though. No way. So when she moves to leave, I take hold of her arm.

”Renee, whatever the fuck is going on with you and that Carrington guy, forget about it,” I tell her. ”Stay here. Stay with me. We can look after Hunter and figure this shit out.”

Her answer is as simple as it is heartbreaking. ”No.”

I growl. I back her against the wall beside the elevator. ”Yes.”

Her brows furrow. ”You pushed me away, remember? You called me a liar and a thief. I”m only doing what I have to?—”

”Things can change,” I insist.

”Has your opinion that I stole from you changed?”

The affirmation fizzles and dies before I can give it. If I tell her yes, I have to tell her why. Hunter has more problems on his plate than just his overdose. I can”t do that to him. I can”t make Renee hate him on top of it all.

”We can move on.”

Before she can answer, I capture her mouth with mine, showing her I mean it. I can make it like this never happened.

At first, it works. She gives into me. Her lips part to mine, letting my tongue slip in. I taste the spearmint on her tongue and groan at the heat of her. I let my whole body press to hers. Beneath me, she shudders.

She”s missed this, too.

And then, just like that, it”s over.

Renee puts her hands on my chest and pushes me back. ”We can”t keep doing this, Weston,” she whispers. Her voice breaks, like she”s on the verge of tears. ”I want to be here for you—to help Hunter. But when you made your choice, I had to make mine.” She laughs, though it”s just as heartbroken as her voice. ”You need to focus on you and your life here. And I need to focus on me and my new life. I?—”

”Deacon isn’t worth?—”

”That”s not a choice you get to make for me. Not when you”ve already made so many others.”

Renee wriggles her way out of my hold. I feel as empty as my arms are when she”s gone.

I don”t want to give up, though. ”Just stay a little longer then.” I”m grasping at anything that might keep her here. I need to know there”s still a chance.

The glimmer in her eyes gives me hope. And that hope is shattered by her words.

”I”m going home, Weston. I”m sorry.”

Fucked up how “home” no longer includes me.