Chapter 28

For the rest of the weekend, I feigned an illness. It wasn’t hard when I really did have a headache from all the crying. It meant I didn’t see him in the pit box, but I watched them on the TV.

Frank won again.

Nix crashed. Three races with no points and Frank was suddenly four points ahead. With three races left.

He didn’t seem bothered when I went to get my kettle fixed at reception in my pyjamas. He was sitting at the bar withLucaand some of the girls, laughing away.

And at qualifying the week after, he was much the same. Life and soul of the track, whereas I was simply a ghost, going through the motions, eyes heavy, waiting for the article to drop.

Lucagave me weak smiles at every opportunity, but I didn’t care for his pity.

Especially when Cally and her kids were in the pitbox.

My stomach churned with what I’d done, not knowing how it would impact their lives.

Lucahugged her tightly. It had been weeks sinceAlv’spassing, but she looked okay, her smiles pleasant .

For some reason, it hadn’t clicked in my mind.Lucawas the one to warn me that Nix was having an affair with a married woman… had he known? The whole time?

She held on to him, her arms around his neck, not letting him go.

Everyone crowded around her, hugging her, forcing normal chatter and avoiding any conversation about her husband.

I turned and walked to the lockers, throwing my bag in one and taking out my tablet before going behind the partition for a moment’s peace.

My whole body was thrumming with emotion. My swallows were tearful, full of regret. My fists were angry, ready to punch something and probably break a finger.

Normally, intense emotions led to a panic attack.

But I was so exhausted. I fluctuated from being overwhelmingly numb toconcerninglybitter.

Lucawrapped me up in his arms behind the partition and I cried into his chest. He bent to my level, pressed a kiss into my forehead and said, “Nix wants to speak to you. I’m putting my nose where it doesn’t belong, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

And all of those emotions were eradicated by a small light, soothing the twisting in my belly. “He might… he…”

“Then why not text you? Why want to talk to you here?”

I blinked, staring past him to Nix’s locker, where he’d already put his phone.

He was right. It wasn’t going to be good.

“Where is he?”

Lucainhaled and took me to a meeting room. Exactly the same layout as the first one I’d had a private conversation with Nix in.

He was already sitting there, waiting for me.

All day, he’d ignored me. He’d rented somewhere again so that I didn’t have to see him in the hotel.

“Hello,” I said and sat opposite him.

“Thanks, Luca,” he said and nodded. Luca left us.

Nix looked down at his hands. “I’m cashing in my favour. Take the job atPrixton,” he demanded. He took a deep breath before saying, “If you don’t, I will.”

Ciclatiwas his true love. I couldn’t do that to him.

“Nix, you—”

“I’m not working with you,” he said coldly. “We can see the rest of the year out, but… I won’t be working with you again.”

“That’s it?” I asked, grit in my voice. There were no more tears left to cry. “I literally do my job to protect your image and you no longer want anything to do with me?”

“I didn’t say that—”

“I’m the one person who has your back,” I snapped, my chair falling back as I stood. “The only one who will protect you, more so than you would protect yourself. It’s pathetic this self-loathing thing you’ve got going on. This ‘woe is me’ shit. You want to be the victim? You want to make me the villain? Well, fuck you. I don’t know if you realise, but I did it all for you .”

His mouth parted, face falling, brows pinching as he looked up at me. “Livie, you—”

“Don’t you see how much I care about you?”

He reached across the table. “I understand that now—”

“You clearly don’t understand me. Not to think I would do it toCallyif I didn’t have a choice. You don’t realise how damning what they had could be. Your career? Over. Your life? In prison. Because of your mistakes.”

“I know!” he said and walked around to my side of the table, taking my hands. He bent to rest his forehead on mine and I swallowed down a sob. “It’s… you would do horrific things to protect me and I… I can’t let you do that.”

“Let me make my own decisions! I love you, Nix,” I told him, hating myself. “And I protect those I love.”

He leaned against the table and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him. Despite my declaration, it didn’t mean I wanted his touch.

“I’ll take the job atPrixton,” I said as his head dropped to rest against my chest. “And if you’re giving up on us, then just say it.”

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he admitted, voice muffled in my top. “I hate the thought that I’ve made you do something you’ll regret, something that hurt someone else. For me. Then I can’t stop thinking about all the plans I have for us, everything I want to do with you, everything I want to be for you.”

“You don’t have to be anything for me,” I whispered.

“But I want to be everything for you,” he pressed. “I want to make you laugh, I want to take away everygoddamntear you might shed. Every time I’m on my bike, I think of how I’ve touched you on it. About how to make your pussy glisten, about how you taste, hearing your whimpers, the feel of your wet warmth on my fingers, around my cock. I want to be everything you need. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t.”

“So don’t,” I said, brushing my hand through his hair. “Don’t stop.”

“We need some space,” he sighed. “You know it, too.”

I did. There was too much frustration between us. Once, it would have been enough to fuck our way through that feeling.

But now… now we weren’t hate fucking.

“Then talk to me when you’re ready,” I said, peeling his arms off me and walking out without looking back. I went straight to thePrixtonpit box.