Chapter 18

As always on race day, Nix arrived before anyone else despite staying at the hotel. Maybe he thought if he was closer, I would go and apologise. I didn’t. He stayed in his room and I stayed in mine.

The coach was quiet as it often was on the way to the circuit on race day. Everyone was focused, following their own rituals.

Frank, next to me, played Clash of Clans on his phone. He was the most easygoing of them all, seemingly unbothered by the fact he had qualified first.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about who had qualified second and I hardly looked at him in the pit box.

Nonetheless, he won, pushing the limits as always. Abbe was furious, worried about him burning out his tyres.

With a clear 3-second lead for the last two laps, Clara was waiting at the winners’ box where the three winners pulled up on their bikes to be interviewed. He took off his helmet, dismounted his bike, walked to her at the edge of the barrier and kissed her hard.

So, that was that.

I had to sit there for their interview in the pit box. They sat close to each other on stools, knees touching.Lucasat a foot away, glancing at them and then smiling awkwardly at me.

He was clearly uncomfortable in the love bubble.

I wanted to save him and burst it.

I wanted to save myself.

The interviewer asked about the called-off race and the storm, before their race day lives, while a photographer took some shots of Nix’s champagne-dripping hair. Clara’sCiclatitop was damp at the front from hugging him. I hadn’t seen the embrace, but I wasn’t stupid.

“So, Clara, how long have you two been together?”

She looked up at Nix with a smile. “Nearly four months. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind.”

He nodded. “Since the beginning of the season.”

“What’s it like working together?”

“I always swore I wouldn’t mix business and pleasure,” Nix said and his eyes swung to mine. “But who can resist?”

I pretended that my notes were the most fascinating thing. When really, I was doodling nonsense in deep, thick, dark lines. The tip of my pen almost tore through the page. My iPad was not enough. I needed to feel the grooves and destruction of my anger.

Once the interview was done,Lucacame to me and whispered, “They’re absolutely gross.”

I laughed, but it was disjointed as I packed away my laptop. The circuit wasn’t empty, but it was darkening and far quieter than usual.Lucaand I would have to find a way home as the coach had already left.

The love birds would probably go together.

Clara went to grab her things from her locker andLucawent to find us transport, leaving me with the person I wanted to avoid most .

I was rushing to put my stuff away, ramming my notebook and pencil case in my bag chaotically.

Why wouldn’t the clasp just clip into place? I had bought this bag specifically to fit everything inside. My laptop, tablet, pencil case, notebook…

“Disappointed?”

I jumped at Nix’s voice so close. I didn’t turn around to him. Didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“In what?” I snapped. I pulled out nearly all of my possessions to arrange properly and get thegoddamnthing to close.

“That Frank didn’t win,” he said.

I did turn, hearing the pens of my pencil case clatter to the floor behind me. “Why would I be disappointed in that?”

“Didn’t you want him to win?”

“No,” I scoffed. I wasn’t a traitor. My blood basically ran red and green at this point. “I wanted you to win.”

“What, so he’d be free for the evening for your date?”

I blinked, not understanding how he had taken that from that . “There’s clearly something I’m missing here. Or no, I’ll be blatant. You obviously do care about thenonexistentdate. You’ve been busy anyway.”

“With an interview you arranged.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I said and leaned into his ear. “I’ll tell him I’ll only go on a date with him when he wins . Shouldn’t be hard seeing as he’s won three of the nine races so far.”

Nix gave me a dull look and stepped back asLucareturned, grinning and stretching, saying he was relieved to finally be out of the leathers. Neither of us looked away from each other as he spoke.

But whenLucastepped closer to pat Nix on the back, I turned to pick up what had fallen from my bag.

“Was a good day for a Day in the Life interview,”Lucachuckled, seemingly oblivious to what he had walked into. “It makes you look like you win every race.”

“I will,” he said, voice full of grit. If I looked around, I knew I’d see his ticking jaw and angry gaze on me.

Lucasnorted and I heard another pat on Nix’s leathers. “Okay, mate. You might want to change. Someone on site has offered us a—”

“I drove here,” he snapped. “I’ll just drive us back.”

So, in true girlfriend style, Clara sat in the front passenger seat asLucaand I huddled in the back of the sports car not designed for anything bigger than golf clubs.

Recovering from being cramped, pissed and in need of a drink, I went straight to the hotel bar. A few of the guys were already there, including Frank,Salihaand Abbe.

Really, I wanted to avoid Frank. But it wasn’t quite like I could avoid Nix and Clara.

Frank swivelled around in the stool to face me and, waiting for the bar staff to notice me, I stood between his opened legs to get closer.

“Are you coming out with us,Liv?”Salihaasked, already dressed up to the nines. “Wasn’t expecting you to get back so late.”

“What, and not celebrate Nix’s win? Never.”

The last two times he’d won, I’d celebrated in a very different manner than getting shitfaced.

Frank cocked his head, looking me up and down. “We not celebrating together?”

I nodded at the barkeep as he came over to take my order. Waiting for my drink and not looking at him, I said, “I think I’ll celebrate with you only when you win.” Shot of tequila necked, I turned to him as my cocktail was made. “So, you best start winning more regularly.”

He grinned. He loved a challenge nearly as much as Nixon. His finger started to stroke up the back of my knee over my jeans. “I can definitely up my game.”

“Good.” I took my cocktail with a smile and looked atSaliha. I’d felt her eyes burning into the exchange between me and the rider. “Liha, I need to borrow some clothes.”

She squealed, wriggling in her seat, excited fists by her face. “Yes!” She took my hand, and twenty minutes later, we were in my hotel room and I had rollers in my hair andLihawas putting on my makeup. She’d carried in twenty different outfits to lie on my bed for us to decide what I should wear.

Damn, if I could afford these kind of luxury brands after not paying rent for a while, I should have asked for the permanent contract weeks ago.

As she dabbed a ruby red lipstick onto my lips with a delicate brush, I murmured through tight lips, “Guess who… is permanent.”

She almost dropped the brush on the red mini-dress I wore. “Shut up! Screw Nix, we’re celebrating you! You’re sticking around!”

“I always planned on sticking around,” I reminded her, taking the last sip of my cocktail.

With the sound of the empty straw, she launched herself over the bed, picked up the phone, pressed a button and said, “Can you send four pinacoladasand two shots of tequila to room 122? Thank you!”

“Four?” My voice wobbled.

I wouldn’t be able to see them make the drinks .

And how did I explain that toLiha?

“One for now, one for on the go.”

I let mine sit for a while as she drank hers and my courage grew. I sipped my drink and — with new liquid courage — downed my shot as she unravelled and styled my hair in synchronised waves.

I was with my friends. I trusted these people. I could drink freely.

“Shit, my phone’s dying,” I mumbled. “I’ll have to grab my—”

“Portable charger — in your work bag?”

I nodded, about to talk, when she cut me off.

“Don’t move while your hair cools!” she cried, already picking up my bag. Her eyes widened as she took in the mess that was my bag, but she didn’t say anything about the chaos. “Can’t find it — in the zip—”

But I was lunging over the bed, curls crushed as I tried to get the bag out of her hands.

She stood on the far side, eyes glued to what she held in her hands. “Oh my shit,” she whispered. “Oh my fucking shit, Olivia Quinn. Is that Nix’s dick ?”

I let my face fall onto the duvet and groaned.

“For my dirty girl?” she cried. “For my dirty girl? His dirty girl!”

I only grumbled into the covers again, refusing to lift my head to look at her.

Lihawas clearly bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement. “You’re fucking NixonArmas, aren’t you?”

I shook my head dramatically, rubbing my make-up into the sheet.

“You’ve fucked NixonArmas, haven’t you? ”

I lifted a thumbs up.

“Livie, sit up!”

With a groan, I sat in amongst the pile of her clothes, bottom lip out.

“Ex-fucking-plain.”

“We have slept together,” I said, picking at my acrylics. “But it’s not serious. It’s not anything.” It couldn’t be.

“Why didn’t you say!” she cried, eyes wandering back to the picture. “This isn’t something you give a one-time shag to.” She breathed in sharply. “You haven’t been fucking Frank when you’ve been missing. You’ve been fucking him .”

“Missing—”

“Don’t lie,” she laughed, putting the picture away. “I’ve covered for you. Don’t look so ashamed. Everyone fucks everyone around here. Well, not within teams, but…” She stroked my arm. “Look, I know what today is, so I won’t give you a hard time. Next week, however…”

“My hero,” I sighed.

She laughed again and gestured to the desk. “Sit. You’ve ruined your hair by being so dramatic.”

As she was spraying it into place, my phone buzzed with a text from Frank.

FRANK: Some people are going now. Georges and I can stay at the bar and order a round. Though I didn’t win, I may still want a drink with you.

I narrowed my eyes, partly to protect them from the spray, partly as I tried to remember who Georges was.

“There!”Salihapulled back, admiring her handiwork. “You look amazing.”

“It’s all your talent,” I deflected. “Frank and Georges might wait for us at the bar. ”

“Let’s go,” she said, picking up her pineapple-shaped glass, umbrella and all.

Too keen. Far, far too keen.

I watched her pocket her room key through narrowed vision.

“Who is Georges?”

She didn’t falter, checking her bag and pulling out item after item. “Phone… lipstick… he’s a mechanic forPrixton. Works with Frank. That’s why he wants to stay.”

She took the other room key out of the electric port but I remained sat at the desk in the dark. “SalihaKaur,” I said her full name with warning. It was almost menacing without the lights. Menacing in only the way a best friend’s voice could be when needing the dirt dished. “Is he part of the ‘everyone fucks everyone’ group?”

Sighing, she put the key back in its slot, eyes on me as the room lit up again. “We’ve been fucking. Every opportunity. Like rabbits.”

Nothing could stop the grin on my face. “For how long?” I asked, grabbing my bag.

“A year,” she said and shut the door behind me. “It’s not a big deal. Not like you and a certain someone .”

I wanted to protest but I couldn’t. There was no point.

She was already buzzed from the few drinks we’d had. The lift dinged and we entered the bar. Between utterances, we’d managed to finish our drinks in the short time since we left my room.

Frank smiled at me, his gaze roving my whole body and making me feel overdressed.Salihawas in a leather blazer, leather trousers and black top, whereas I was wearing the tiniest, skin-tight dress imaginable. Cher from Clueless ’ dad would ask if it was underwear .

But then, coming out of another door with Clara and some of the other grid girls was Nix. His arm was around her waist.

It fell from her side when he saw me.

I didn’t know what was happening.

And I didn’t like it one bit.