Chapter 14

The group were heading to the bars inNoidaafter dinner. That group includedSaliha, whose room shared a wall with mine. I stayed with her as she got ready, a mug of peppermint tea cradled in my hands.

“You don’t look unwell,” she mused, her eyebrows high as she gave me a suspicious look through the reflection of the mirror.

“Hey, you’re used to this jet-lag business. You’ve only had a three-hour time difference this week,” I laughed. “Whereas, I had nine hours between Japan and England, then five hours between England and here. I am shattered.”

Not a lie. But my body had been rejuvenated somewhere around five o’clock in a certain pit box.

She sighed and pursed her lips with a popping sound to spread her lipstick. “Shall I get somealoogobisent up to you?”

Ugh, those crispy potatoes. Yes. Yes, you should.

“Nah, it’s okay,” I said, which had her whip around in her chair with a deep frown. I raised my arms in surrender. “I’m just really tired. I’ll probably listen to a crime podcast and fall asleep.”

Her phone chimed and saved me from any more scrutiny. “ Nix and Frank are already there, so I might head down.”

“Nix is there?”

The words were in the room before I could think them through.

“You don’t have to worry,” she said, sitting at the end of her bed with me and pulling on her socks. “I can look after him for one night. See that he doesn’t get into too much trouble.”

What if he thought I was actually sleeping? What if he thought it was me trying to get out of seeing him?

“Give me five minutes,” I said, already sprawling for my room.

To sell the ‘I’m exhausted’ story, I had put my pyjamas on and the dressing gown provided by the hotel. In my suitcase, I pulled out a silk blouse and groaned. It was creased. If I had known I was going, I would have been better prepared.

Salihastood in my doorway. “Want to borrow something of mine?”

I nodded. Of course I did. She had the most beautiful designer pieces.

“Here,” she said in her room, handing me a folded piece of black material. “This and your leather trousers. Sit and I’ll do your hair.”

But as I unravelled the clothes she had given me, I realised quickly it wasn’t quite a top. The corset was mostly mesh around the boning, with delicate embroidered flowers. The only thing that would cover me were the breast cups.

“This is underwear, Liha.”

“And you’ll look sexy as shit in it,” she agreed. “Get changed. I’ll grab your trousers.” Taking my room key, she left me to dress.

It was definitely different to what I would have picked out. My breasts were a little bigger thanSaliha’sand they bulged out the top. Sitting in front of the mirror, I cringed at myself.

This wasn’t very me.

I was more into bubblegum pinks and blazers. Not this sexy ensemble. The contrast between the pyjama bottoms and the top was laughable.

“Yes!”Salihacried as she came back in. “Oh my god, you have to keep it. It looks so much better on you.” She looked me over with a satisfied smile. “This is exactly what you need.”

“What I need?” I asked as she put my makeup bag down on her desk.

She gave me an unimpressed scowl. “Don’t act oblivious. Frank can’t take his eyes off you normally. Now, tonight…” She wiggled her eyebrows and got to work taking my hair down.

We only had time to run some straighteners through it as I applied blush, mascara and lipstick.

Normally, I would wear foundation, concealer, the works.

But my fears were completely slaughtered when the table of men wolf-whistled as we came over. “Saliha,Livie!”

Lucastood at the end of the table and gestured to us both before turning to the long table. “Hands off, everyone! These girls are on my team , remember? You’ll have to get through me and, frankly, none of you are good enough.”

We laughed andLucasat me down in the spare seat by Frank. Maybe whatSalihasaid did have some substance. Being so late,Salihaand I didn’t have the option to sit by each other but she wasn’t too far, just on the other side of Nix, who sat opposite Frank.

Before me were two cocktails, one a lighter pink than the other.

Frank put his arm around the back of my chair and gestured to them. “The first I ordered started to get watered down by the ice, so I got another.”

I stared at them, my heart suddenly louder than the drunken chatter of theStormSprintmembers and the music.

“Sorry, I didn’t think I would come and then… thank you,” I said, not taking my eyes off them. I couldn’t. I couldn’t drink them.

How could I explain that I couldn’t do it? How could I—

I’d look so ungrateful. People would judge me. Call me a bitch. But I couldn’t risk—I couldn’t drink them. I couldn’t.

My breathing accelerated, numbing my thoughts as there was nothing but my thundering heart.

Frank was saying something about being glad I made it, but I really wished I hadn’t. That I hadn’t made it.

I wasn’t going to make it.

There was no way out of this other than to drink those drinks with my now trembling hands. To risk it.

“Liv, you okay?”Lihaasked, breaking through the blur of noise.

My eyes were wet from staring at the drinks for too long and I blinked a couple of times before turning to her. “I just… I need a second.”

I was up from my seat and out to where the lifts were before she could respond.

Salihawas at my side, rubbing my arm up and down, trying to soothe me.

All I could try and do was breathe through the blockage in my chest, head back resting against the wall.

“What’s happening?”Salihaasked, voice higher than usual.

I couldn’t open my eyes to see her worry; I just had to focus on breathing—simply breathing.

“Did Frank say something? You look horrified.”

My head shook as I pursed my lips through a long exhale. It wasn’t passing.

“Tell me what you need,Livie.”

But when I didn’t speak, she kept talking. I couldn’t make out her words; everything sounded as if it was underwater. Like I was deep, deep down under the crushing weight of sea depths.

I couldn’t get enough breaths.

“Livid?” Nix’s voice was quick, his footsteps towards me faster.

Liha stopped the stroking.

“She’s having a panic attack,” Nix said. “Liha, could you grab her some water?”

I shook my head furiously. Actually. “A bottle — bottle of water… please.”

Lihaspoke but, again, I didn’t hear her.

“You’re okay, you’re with me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

But it wasn’t about him, nor the drinkanymore.

“Breathe with me,” Nix said. “Let’s count. Up to ten, we inhale. Down from ten, we exhale. You got that?”

A raspy breath and nod.

Nix took both of my hands and started counting. At first, I couldn’t follow through, but eventually, the pulsing in my ears soothed, the dizziness in my head faded, and my breathing slowed with each passing number.

“I’m okay,” I said, opening my eyes and taking my hands from his. “All good.”

He cocked a brow. “One more breath,Livie. ”

“I’m fine,” I said again, a little raspy.

“One more,” he pressed.

I rolled my eyes but placed my hands back in his and took a deep inhale and exhale, settling my lungs.

He may have been right.

“What do you need?” he asked, stepping closer so our adjoined hands were pressing against each other.

Too close. In the haze of the light-headedness, I had noticed how close we were, but not had the energy to even consider how it would look. I pushed him away, still trying to gather my thoughts.

“I need to… not drink those drinks that Frank got me.”

“Are you not into pink guavacoladas? It’s what you ordered last week. Goes with your aesthetic.”

My chest was heavy as I spoke, needing to take deep breaths between phrases. “It’s not that. I just don’t… I can’t drink them. I want to get my own, but I want to be polite.”

“Okay,” he said with a decisive nod. “Consider them gone.”

“What?” I asked, reaching for his arm.

“You ok here? Liha’s coming back.”

“Yeah, but what—”

The second she was there, offering me the bottle, Nix was gone. I thankedLihafor the drink and took some small sips, following him and peering past the wall to our table. Nix stood behind my empty chair and gestured for Abbe to chuck him his coat, saying something about going for a smoke. When Abbe threw the coat, Nix leaned over too far, grabbing and then dropping the coat over my drinks. He shook his head as others laughed and he, in picking it back up, knocked over the drinks, practically swooping them out of the way.

Frank stood and threw a hand to Nix’s chest .

“Shit,”Lihamuttered but I was already rushing over as Nix pushed Frank back.

“Woah!” I shouted, hands between them both as they glared at each other.

“Was an accident,” Nix said through gritted teeth.

“It didn’t fucking look like one,” Frank snapped, stepping back only when a member of staff came to clear the mess.

“I’m so sorry,” Nix said to the waitress.

“No, you’re not,” Frank said.

Behind us, the noise of the restaurant continued, but there were glances our way. “Gentlemen, we are causing a scene here,” I told them, glancing back and forth, gripping Nix’s arm.

“Don’t care,” Nix said, glaring at Frank.

“I do,” I reminded him, standing between them.

He glanced down at me, then back to Frank before sighing, eyes on mine. “I’m going for a smoke.”

“Good,” Frank spat before sitting back down.

My seat drenched, I took Nix’s for the moment he was gone.

I hardly ate, only drank my water and spoke toLihaand Abbe.

These men could swing their dicks as much as they liked in the paddock but not here out in public. There was no use crying over spilt guavacolada.

Frank remained on edge but sent weak smiles across the table to me.

Done with my water, I went to the bar with Abbe to get a drink. My tea before bed. He groaned when I told him as we walked over.

“You not coming with us to the club?” Abbe asked, leaning over the bar as our party were too loud for us to hear each other.

“I think my next destination is bed,” I told him, trying not to look at Nix who settled on the bar stool next to me. “Early night for me.”

“No fun,” Abbe grumbled, downing his drink. “You’ve got to celebrate Nix’s first win of the season with us!”

“I’m sure there will be plenty more to celebrate,” I reassured him and pulled my room key out of my bag. “Hopefully, when I’m less jet-lagged.”

I slapped Nix’s leg with my hand enthusiastically, leaving it there for a second to steady the card. “Well done again,Armas! Nice job.”

He covered it with his hand, our fingers overlapping as he discretely took the key. “Thanks, Livid. Sweet dreams.”

In my hotel room, I quickly brushed my teeth and mouth-washed before running my hands through my hair to give it a touch more volume.

Sweet dreams. That signalled he wasn’t coming. That was good night . Final.

It had been at least ten minutes since I left.

Maybe he would pop by after his night out. I was silly to think he’d spend the night with me instead of celebrating. Oh god, how embarrassing.

Taking a makeup wipe, I sat at the desk and scrubbed off my mascara and lipstick.

He wasn’t going to come.

LIVIE: Don’t worry.

With that text sent, I felt a twang of relief and even more embarrassment. He definitely wouldn’t come now, but it looked like I had been expecting him.

The door’s card reader made a mechanical clicking noise and opened. Wipe still close to my face, I froze on seeing Nix in my doorway. Room key in one hand, his phone in the other.

“Don’t worry?” he asked with a frown.

I waved him in frantically, worried someone might see him half in the corridor and half in my room.

He stepped forward, letting the door close softly behind him but still looked at his phone. “What do you mean by ‘don’t worry’?”

“I—I thought you’d be busy,” I admitted. “Big night.”

He shook his head, pocketed his phone and locked the door behind him. “Did I or did I not make plans with you?”

“They weren’t concrete,” I reminded him. “It’s your night to celeb—”

“I have a promise to keep,” he said, stepping closer. During my panic attack, I’d hardly been able to take in anything other than his beautiful face. But now, I had no option but to froth at the mouth over his white shirt, the dark jeans and his bearded face.

“As long as you’re still—”

“Remind me of this promise,” I faked ignorance, cocking my head to the side as if trying to remember.

“I’m going to make you come,” he said, standing over me. I craned my neck to continue watching him as my heart picked up. “I’m going to make you cry my name, choke on it.”

“I’m not sure you’re capable,” I taunted, leaning back on my palms.

Hand gripping the side of my desk, he leaned down so his mouth was an inch from mine. “I keep all of my promises, Livid. Unlike you.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m not going to let myself fuck you until you’ve come,” he said and I could feel his words on my skin. “And, god, Livid, I want to fuck you so bad.”

His attention travelled back to my lips like it had earlier.

“I need to fuck you.”

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me, our mouths coming together in a desperate kiss, his hands in my hair as mine went to the buttons of his shirt.

“Tell me what you need,” he begged against my lips. “Tell me what you want. Tell me what you like, what you haven’t tried, what you want to. Tell me.”

“I want you to hold me down,” I said, my words until then unspoken desires. “I want you to tease me. I want you to make me beg.”

“Fuck,” he groaned, the word low and deep in his throat. “I’d love to hear you beg for me.”

He hoisted me up, grabbing my ass and pulling me to him. My legs wrapped around his hips as he walked me over to the bed. He should have dropped me on the mattress, but he kept kissing me until I was starved of oxygen and I was rolling my hips against him.

When we stopped to breathe, he was grinning at me. “This top is stunning,” he said, running his hand down it, tracing the bulge of my cleavage. “They have any other colours?”

“It’s not mine,” I breathed. “Saliha—”

He dropped me to the bed where I bounced twice. By his open mouth, he enjoyed my tits moving with the motion.

“Then I’m getting you one,” he said, a finger tracing one of the delicate flowers covering my nipple. I was so sensitive the slightest touch there lifted my hips off the bed. “I’m getting you multiple. Every colour. To strip off you one by one.” He gripped my ankles and pulled me to the edge of the bed before working on the belt of my trousers. “God, I love seeing you in leather.”

“I think you wear it better,” I said and reached for his belt, too.

“Lift,” he demanded and pulled my trousers down and then off. His eyes flickered up to the top. “Let me see every inch of you.”

I reached around the back to unhook the clasps that kept the corset together and dropped it to the floor.

“Fuck,” Nix swore, eyes hungry as he looked me up and down. “God damn you, Livid.”

Then he lunged at me. He covered my body, knees either side of my hips, hands grabbing at my tits, mouth hovering above mine. The length of him rubbed against my pussy through his trousers.

My gasp was harsh.

“I’m going to make you cry with frustration, Livid.”

“Oh, yeah?” My voice was raspy from his quick movements and my need.

He lowered himself so I could feel his hard length against me before kissing me again. “I didn’t take you for a tattooed girl.”

Only three people knew of the tattoo I’d got under my left boob, over my heart. My brother had seen it when we got them together — a day after Dad’s death — Adam and one other.

“Didn’t you?” I whispered, glancing back at his lips, ready for them to be back on mine.

“I am still yet to see everything,” he said with a wicked smile and kissed down my body until he reached my knickers. “Did you touch yourself after we got off the phone?”

I only shook my head.

“I did,” he said. “You pissed me off pretending you didn’t actually want it. All I could think about was your hands over your panties.”

He ran a finger up them, pressing the material against where I ached.

“I’m going to tease you just how you teased yourself,” he taunted. “Like how you’ve teased me all day. I’ve been thinking of fucking you all night.”

I shook my head more furiously.

His gentle caressing of my thighs had me in a spiral. My body was heavy with exhaustion, but my skin was on fire, ignited with lust for him.

He pulled my knickers down inch by inch and pressed a kiss to my pussy.

“Mmm,Livie,” he moaned, the vibration of his sound casting down my legs right to my toes. “I’m going to make you come. I have all night to keep my promise.”

But only one person had—

“Stop overthinking,” he demanded. “There are only four words for you to say or think before you come. Faster, slower, harder, softer . Any other words and I stop, do you understand?”

I nodded in small movements. “Okay.”

Between my legs, he cocked his head to the side with a look of frustration at how I had already ignored his order.

“Faster,” I corrected. “Faster.”

His smile, the mischievous twinkle in his eye, had me lie back with a groan. I didn’t know if I was patient enough for this. I wanted the warmth of his body pressing into me.

He started off softly, kissing up my thighs, getting so close to my pussy, but only letting a breath hit me there before going back to kissing my skin. The anticipation had me wriggling.

“Harder,” I whispered, my voice raw. Would that get him to finally touch me if ‘faster’ wasn’t the magic word?

Instead, he sank his teeth into the flesh of my thigh and I gasped before he kissed over the bite. It was just a nip, but with my sensitive body, it was making my hips roll.

I wanted to beg, to plead with him to taste me, but none of the four words were working.

Finally, finally , he pressed a kiss just above my clit. “Patience, monenvie . We have all night.”

Envy? Too tired, too relieved to think through why he was calling me jealous.

Despite the jet-lag, my body was pumping adrenaline. I had no plans until the afternoon when Nix had a trip to a homelessness facility. Until then, I could sleep all I liked.

Or not sleep.

He pressed his flat tongue to my clit and gave it one long,suckingkiss. My hips bucked but he threw my legs over his shoulders and held me tight before he licked at me, his tongue spending time at my opening before venturing back up to languidly flick over my clit.

So gently.

“Harder,” I breathed.

He did as requested, holding me tighter to his face, the pressure building slightly. His tongue worked me at a steady pace, a tease, a pleasurable torture.

“Faster.”

He picked up speed, but still not hard enough. “Harder. Harder. Hard— oh .”

More pressure. Pressure at my vagina, he pushed a finger in and I was squirming. “Please. Oh, god, please, Nix— ”

He pushed my stomach so I was lying back down. I hadn’t even realised I sat up.

“All night,” he reminded me, inserting another finger. His mouth was glistening. “I’m enjoying myself, so you take all the time you need, Livid.”

Four words. Just four words.

His tongue came for me with more power than before. I was thrusting in his face as heat built in my navel, rising and rising.

“Softer,” I gasped, eyes rolling back as the pleasure took over.

He followed every instruction eagerly.

“Fuck!” I cried as I came, the heat rippling across my body with each of my panting breaths. There were tears in my eyes as I begged, “Oh my god, Nix . Please fuck me. Please .”

He moaned against my pussy, his tongue and fingers still working, coaxing me through the orgasm that had me breathing like the panic attack earlier.

“That was— god, that was—” I started, sitting up and reaching for him.

“It was…?”

“Incredible. Not having to think… shit, Nix. Please. I need you.”

He was smirking as he finished undoing his belt and undressed slowly. “I wish I had the will to hold off a little longer, but I can’t. I’ve been dying to sink inside of you for months.”

I watched his movements, my palms clammy at his admission. “Faster.”

His laugh was deep. “Just for you.”

Within seconds, he was naked before me, and I was overwhelmed with a sense of regret. I could have had him in the sauna, in the changing rooms of the studio, in the shower. So many wasted opportunities.

We both knew we were heading here.

“I want to make you come again,” he said, leaning over me with darkness in his eyes.

I licked my lips. “And I need you inside me.”

“ Need , Livid?” he asked before grasping a breast and sucking on my nipple. “If we’re doing this, it’s not temporary. Those little gasps you make sound addictive.”

He wasn’t real. A work of fiction.

“I’ve changed my mind,” I said and his eyes flickered to mine. “I like you talking.”

“Mm,” he said around my other nipple.

He lifted his cock to slide up and down my slit. I whimpered.

And he pressed into me with one delicious thrust. We let out groans as he linked our hands together and lifted them above my head. “Livid, you feel so good. You feel—” He grunted as he slowly thrust into me.

I’d wanted this for weeks. Months.

And the way he filled me… I felt like I was at his complete mercy. Just as I wanted.

“You wouldn’t let me cherish you earlier,” he said between kisses down my throat. “You’re not going to stop me now.”

I shook my head only slightly so he could continue with his kisses. His touch on my neck, that particular erogenous part of me, had me moaning wordlessly, syllables that sounded like his name here and there.

“Quiet, Livid,” he whispered in my ear. “People can’t hear us.”

Fucking hell. His slow thrusts, the comedown of the orgasm, the forbidden sex. Everything made me feel like I could come again.

I bit down on my lip.

Our eyes met as his hands slipped from mine down my body. Gripping my hips, he started to pound into me.

Bodies slamming together, he was so far, I wanted him pressed back up against me. The bed was shaking with his thrusts. I waslightheaded, the lights above me almost blinding.

Until he was in my vision again and I reached around his back to pull him closer, my nails clawing at his back as he continued to fuck me hard.

“Nixon,” I gasped as I felt him come in me.

“Livid,” he said and kissed up and down my neck again.

He stood at the end of the bed and looked me over. I couldn’t imagine what I looked like. Thoroughly fucked, probably.

“It wasn’t enough,” he said. “That wasn’t enough.”

My arms locked up at my sides. “What do you—”

“As in, I need more of you,” he said and lay beside me, resting his head on his arm. His fingertips ran up and down my torso before tracing the edge of my tits. “I meant what I said; this isn’t temporary, Livid.”

“So, my proposal?” I asked, turning to face him.

His fingers ventured further down to play mindlessly with my pussy, pressing his cum back into me. My back straightened and a small moan escaped me.

“Fucking?It’s perfect,” he said, watching my expression closely as I enjoyed his touch. “And after that, it just confirms that together we are perfect.”

“We’ll have to be discreet,Armas,” I warned him breathlessly. I shuffled closer to him, rolling onto my back and cocking a knee for him to have better access. “People need to think we still dislike each other.”

He ran kisses along my jaw. “We do still dislike each other. I won’t go easy on you.” Almost to prove his point, he fingered me faster.