Chapter 18

Idid it again. I can't believe I did it again. What the hell is wrong with me? I left. I was gone. And she pulled me right back in, like a fish caught on a line.

What a dumb fucking fish I am.

But at the same time...Goddammit, it felt good. Finally, I got to give Lucy a taste of her own medicine. Finally, I got to show her a little of what it's like to feel how she makes me feel every other second of any time I'm near her.

Still, it shouldn't have happened. It wasn't supposed to. I was so close. I was out the door for Christ"s sake!

True to one-night-stand fashion, I left as soon as Lucy fell asleep. What was I supposed to do? Spoon with her knowing that in the morning she'll go on a giant tangent about how horrible and repulsive I am? Absolutely not.

God. I really thought I was finally doing something right. She was happy. I was happy. Everything was amazing. And then my stupidity made an appearance and ruined it all. I should've said no. I should've left and stayed gone. I shouldn't have let her make a decision that she's going to regret. I shouldn't have made a decision that I'm going to regret.

This is a nightmare.

No, this is worse than a nightmare. This is purgatory. This is Hell. This is a volcano erupting and turning me right to ash.

But...as much as I hate to admit it, what a way to die. Her body pressed against mine, me behind her. On top of her. Under her. Getting suffocated by her thighs. The way her eyes taunted me as her pretty, perfect lips closed around my dick when I demanded she suck it.

I need a cold shower.

I make my way back to the same bar I visited earlier in the evening, but it's dark with not a soul in sight.

Great, I think. Just my luck.

I slide down against the storefront wall and stare helplessly up at the stars. Maybe this whole ordeal is just the universe"s way of telling me that I should go home. I should forget about the interview, I should forget about moving to Maryland. I should just go back to the way things were before. At least things were working. Albeit, they weren't working great, but they were working nonetheless. I had my family, I had my crappy roommate, I had my crappy jobs. It was a simple life, but it was fine. It was nothing like the absolute chaos I've been through in the past twenty-four hours. I don't think I can handle this anymore. I feel like my heart is going to explode or a bolt of lightning is going to strike me down or a very large bird is going to come pick me up and drop me in the middle of the ocean.

Not that I'm dramatic or anything.

I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't hear the door to the bar opening and closing until a silhouette with long, brown hair is staring down at me.

"Hey, kid. Back already?"

I nearly cry with relief. Finally, a familiar face that doesn't want to kill/fuck me.

"Oh, thank God you're here. I thought I was gonna have to go to the trouble of seeking out another bartender for advice."

Bartender Lucy laughs and sets her backpack down on the sidewalk, sitting down next to me.

"It went that bad, huh?"

I groan and bury my head in my hands. It's almost laughable how pathetic I am.

"Actually…" I pick my head up and smile dryly at her. "Your advice worked great. A little too great apparently because now I'm so irresistible that she couldn't make it through the night without hooking up again. But don't get it twisted, she still wants absolutely nothing to do with me. She just needed a little no-strings pleasure that won't mean anything in the morning."

Lucy grimaces and clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She sighs softly.

"I hate to break it to you, kid—I really do—but I just don't think this is the kind of thing you should be pursuing." I start to argue, but she cuts me off with a wave of her hand. "I know I don't know you and I definitely don't know her, but I know people. I hear a lot of stories—an occupational hazard—and I've gotten to the point where I tend to know how they'll end. Your story...it's not looking so good."

"So, what?" I demand, anger building faster than I can control it. "It's just over? I'm supposed to go on with my life like it never happened?"

"No," she tells me with a small smile. "You don't forget about it. You use it."

"Use it?" I echo in confusion, making her laugh.

"Yes, use it. You know how you have to have experience to get a job?" I nod. "Well, experience in relationships is the same. The more you have, the easier it is. Especially a bad experience. It teaches you how to be cautious, which is something you always need in a situation like this."

I exhale sharply and shake my head to myself.

Caution...yeah, right.

I start to respond, but my phone buzzing in my pocket makes me halt. I check it out of curiosity and immediately wish to God that I hadn't.

Hey it's Lucy. Still have your number saved from school for some reason lol

I just wanted to check if you're okay

I woke up and you were gone

It hurts.I don't know why it hurts so bad. I miss her. I want her. But I know she doesn't feel the same.

I glance over at Bartender Lucy, too tired to even fake a smile anymore.

"Her name is Lucy too, y'know. When you told me your name, I thought that it must be fate because what are the chances of someone named Lucy giving me relationship advice, right?" I swallow thickly, fighting the wobbling of my lower lip. "Guess fate showed me."

Lucy smiles sympathetically and pats my shoulder before standing up. She picks up her backpack and swings it over her shoulder.

"You know," she tells me, "Fate always seems to have a way of working things out, for better or worse. Don't try to control it or try to make sense of it 'cause you can't. Just do what your heart tells you to and hope for the best." I nod, too choked up to try to say anything. "See you around, kid. Good luck with the girl." She waves goodbye and leaves me alone, just a sad guy sitting on a sad street trying to answer a sad text message.

Just do what your heart tells you to and hope for the best.

Hoping for the best seems to be my only life strategy lately, but, hey, I guess it can't really get any worse.

I'm fine

I'll be back in the morning

I feel guilty being so short with her, but I don't think I have a choice anymore. She's not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. Fate is the bad guy.

Well, I'm tired of letting fate win. The game is over. I'm done playing.