Chapter 10

Iwake up alone. Immediately fearing that Lucy has left before we get the chance to talk. The bed is cold and the room is empty, and I just know that she regrets everything that happened.

Maybe I should too, but I don't. I don't regret it one bit.

It was always so easy to hate her back in college, because I saw what I wanted to see. Before yesterday, I would never let myself see her for who she really is—a stubborn girl with wild brown curls and a silly laugh. Someone who challenges me, who sees me. This whole time, it should've been so simple, and now that it is, it feels more difficult than ever.

Maybe I'm not a smart guy, but I know that things like last night don't just...happen. It was rare and it was beautiful. She isbeautiful.

I can't let her go without saying something—anything—to her.

I jump out of bed and pull on my jeans that were discarded to the floor last night. I ignore the soreness of my body and the throbbing of my head as I rush into the lounge to look for my shoes. I find one of them, slide it on, and I'm in the process of checking under the couch for the other when I hear the door open.

I sit up so fast that I slam my head on the base of the couch and groan in pain, my hand moving to ease the new injury. With my vision slightly swimming, I look up to find Lucy. She's still here. And… she's standing over me with an amused smile and quirked eyebrows. Large glasses perch high up on the bridge of her nose, her hair is wild yet striking. Purple marks stick out on her neck, filling me with a strange sense of pride.

"Going somewhere?" she asks with a slight rasp to her voice. I don't have to guess what from.

I stumble to my feet, probably looking like a complete mess. I've got one shoe on, jeans halfway buttoned, no shirt, and I can feel the knots of my hair rubbing against my neck. She looks perfect, and I look like a goddamn buffoon.

"Oh, n-no, no. No, I was just—" I scratch my head, scrambling to think of a good excuse. "I was just gonna go grab some coffee or something. The stuff they keep in the room is never any good."

Lucy holds out a coffee cup and nods toward it. "Already got you one." She shakes a bag in her other hand. "And some food as well. They were about to close the buffet, and I didn't know how long you'd be, so I thought I'd just go ahead and grab you something. Just in case."

I blink at her in surprise. "Oh." I reach out and take the food and coffee from her, unable to do much of anything but stare. "Thanks—thank you. I mean, you didn't have to do that…" I trail off, deciding I've made a big enough fool of myself.

She waves her hand in the air, and I can tell from her expression that she feels just as uncomfortable as I do. "Yeah, no, it's fine. I was down there anyway, so…"

"Right."

We fade into a horrifically awkward silence, both of us avoiding eye contact for several painful moments.

"So, I?—"

"Do you?—?"

We look at each other in surprise when we start talking at the same time, and I motion for her to speak.

"You go first."

She blanches. "Oh, um—" She clears her throat. "I was just gonna let you know that the airline announced that the flight has been rescheduled for tomorrow morning. The weather's still too bad today to even try."

The tension in my body goes slack. It feels as though the floor has dropped out beneath me. Realistically, I knew I probably wouldn't make it in time for the interview. But I'd still had the smallest sliver of hope.

That's gone now.

"Goddamn it." I fall back onto the couch and bury my head in my hands. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."

The couch sinks under the new weight. Lucy slowly moves closer to me.

"Your interview?" she asks. I wordlessly nod, too torn up to even try speaking. I feel a tentative touch on my shoulder, so light that it's almost unnoticeable, but it's still there.

It gives me enough strength to pick my head up and look over at her, and I do my best to blink away the tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

"Fuck, I needed this job, Lucy," I begin. "Everyone is depending on me. And I've…I've let them down."

Lucy gives me a stern look, but she doesn't seem mad. She almost seems concerned, and it fills me with an unfamiliar warmth.

"Oh, come on," she tries. "It can't be that bad. You can figure something out."

"Trust me. It's worse." I massage my aching temples. "When I was in high school, my dad got laid off. My mom couldn't work because my youngest sister had just been born, and we couldn't afford childcare. I got an afterschool job to help out, but it wasn't enough. We lost the house, and we all just sort of had to go wherever we could. I couch surfed for a while, my mom and two youngest sisters went to my grandma's, and my dad and oldest sister stayed with my uncle. It was miserable." My voice catches in my throat, but I push on. "I knew it was up to me to fix it. I saved enough to make a down payment on a shitty house, but I was working so much that by the time I started college on a scholarship, I didn't have time to study, and I lost the scholarship. So now I'm drowning in student debt, working seven days a week to provide for my family, and it's still not enough. This job was supposed to fix everything. I was going to make enough money to pay off my debt, buy a nice place for my family, and not have to work myself to death to do it. But, now…" I let out an incredulous laugh. "Now that's all down the drain."

Lucy stares at me for several moments. I'm cracked wide open beneath her gaze. Somehow though, I don't mind. I want her to see all of the oozy, aching insides. I want her to know me.

"Call them," she finally says, her voice oddly thick, though I don't think I really want to know why. "Tell them what's going on and ask to reschedule for tomorrow afternoon instead."

I shake my head. "They won't go for it. They're these super professional, no-nonsense guys. This was my one shot. They won't give me another."

"Well, it won't hurt to try," Lucy tells me matter-of-factly. "Maybe they'll say no, but maybe they won't. It's worth giving it a shot, right?"

I inhale shakily. I suppose she may be right. The worst they could say is no, but I also don't think I can handle them telling me no. I'm afraid it may be my last straw.

"C'mon, Noah," Lucy urges. "Just try. For your sisters."

It's amazing how she so quickly figured out the one argument that will always make me give in. If it's for my sisters, I'll do absolutely anything.

"Alright, fine. But if I make a fool of myself, I'm gonna blame you."

"Deal." A smile spreads across her face, like she's genuinely thrilled by the prospect of me doing something good for myself. It poses the question: why does she care? I didn't think she did. If anything, I thought that I was just a distraction from the shitty situation she and I were forced into. Most people, however, don't help a distraction through a crisis. They wouldn't care.

It occurs to me...I care.

I care what she thinks about me. What she's feeling. I especially care when she smiles, or when she puts her hand on my shoulder. Could she possibly feel what I'm beginning to feel toward her?

I type in the phone number, but I can't bring myself to press the green CALL button. I'm afraid. No, I'm beyond afraid. I'm downright terrified. My entire future is resting on this phone call, and the girl who either really hates me or really likes me—depending on her mood—is sitting right next to me, watching it all happen.

My life is a mess.

"You know you actually have to hit the button for the call to go through?" Lucy asks in a tone that makes it hard to distinguish whether she's joking or not. I look over at her in exasperation.

"Yes, I know. I'm just trying to...I don't know, figure out what to say?"

Lucy is doing a poor job of hiding an amused smile. "Do you want me to write you a script?"

I shoot her a look and bite the bullet, hitting the button and putting the call on speaker so Lucy can share my misery.

Throughout the phone call, I try not to completely panic. The manager gets upset in the most professional way possible, and I can't tell if I'm reading too far into his passive aggression. I gauge how I should be reacting by how Lucy is reacting. She's got a good poker face, I'll give her that, but I catch her grimacing at some of the comments the man makes.

The final decision is that they will check and see if they have any more available appointments and then get back to me.

So, basically, they want to make me sweat.

After it's over, I wearily look at Lucy. "Was that as bad as I think it was?"

She gives a little shrug, but the way her lips tighten into a straight line tells me it was probably worse. "I mean, it definitely wasn't as bad as it could've been. That guy was a dick, though. Like...how is it your fault the flight got canceled?"

I smile a bit, feeling a little better. "Well, it was my fault that I missed the first flight that landed safely in Maryland—" I check my watch—"nineteen hours ago."

Lucy grins. "I dunno, it's probably for the best. You probably would've sat next to some smelly kid on that flight."

I laugh at the idea. If I'd caught that first plane, I would be in Maryland right now, and Lucy Marino never would've crossed my mind. I think she may be right. It was for the best that I missed my flight.

I gently jab my elbow into her side, and she giggles and pulls away.

"Yeah," I agree, "and you would've had to sit next to some creepy man, I bet."

Lucy's eyes sparkle with mischief as she looks up at me. "Who says I didn't?"

I swearshe knows what she's doing when she flutters her lashes and chews at her lip like that.

I'm slowly becoming obsessed with the way she looks at me, and I know that I have to put a stop to it. As amazing as last night was, as soon as we get to Providence tomorrow, Lucy and I are parting ways. I can't afford to get attached. I can't afford to care about her. I'm already saying too many hard goodbyes lately. I don't want to add another one.

"So, your dad's wedding…" I start as a desperate attempt to change the subject. "You aren't going to miss it, are you?"

Lucy's expression darkens, and I can immediately tell I've said something wrong. I start to double back and reroute the conversation somewhere else, but she cuts me off before I can.

"Maybe." She looks at me, her eyes scarily void of emotion. As much as I didn't like the way she was looking at me before, this is worse—so much worse. "It doesn't matter, though. He won't care. You know why? 'Cause he doesn't care about a goddamn thing. He might say he does, but at the end of the day, all he cares about is having his shiny new toy to parade around. Until he gets tired of her and finds a new one." She scoffs, "but, that's guys, right? They're interested until they're not." Her eyes are now brimming with tears.

I don't know what she wants from me.

My mouth goes dry as a bone. I feel sick to my stomach. Is that how she thinks I see her? As a shiny toy to be used for a fun time?

I can't promise her forever right now; heck, we're only just getting to know each other, really.

"Lucy, I don't see you as some toy. Let's just continue to take it slow and see where things go and maybe?—"

"Forget it." She stands up and retreats into the bedroom, and I'm left feeling nauseatingly empty and guilty. I don't know what I've done wrong, but it must be something. Maybe I said the wrong thing last night. But never in a million years would I do it on purpose.It's honestly sort of infuriating that she'd even think that. She came onto me. There's no way I"m the bad guy here. Maybe I've been a dick in the past, but not to Lucy—not anymore. She knows that, I told her that last night...

I think about what I would do if one of my sisters came to me and said something like what she said. Without hesitation, I know I would tell them to stay the hell away from whatever man made them feel so shallow. The last thing I want to do is to stay away from Lucy, but I don't want to make it worse. So, I remain glued to my seat and silently ponder how the hell it went so wrong so quickly.