Chapter 7: Billie

Chapter 7: Billie

At noon, Alpha David appeared in my room. He knocked once and then let himself in while I laid on my bed, thinking about all the chores I was neglecting. I barely sat up before he focused like a laser on the plate full of crumbs on my bedside table.

“What’s that, Billie?”

My eyes stung worse than the mysterious pains in my mouth and shoulder leftover from transforming; I’d kept periodically crying after Colt came back with lunch then left again. “I’m sorry. I’ll take it downstairs and wash it. I was just hungry.”

David’s stare drilled into me, then became aloof in the process of an unseen thought. “Colt should have taken it for you when he left, if you weren’t planning on leaving your room for the day.”

“I didn’t know if Alpha Gavin was gone yet,” I lied.

“You’ll be getting an awfully late start on cleaning then.”

I looked down, assailed by the judgmental gaze of my adoptive father. “I’m sorry for going outside. I just… I couldn’t resist…”

“I know,” said David. “But now that your Moondream’s happened, the impulse should be out of your system, don’t you think?”

He seemed so tactful about puncturing my sense of freedom, but I already knew it was endangered and I’d given up pursuing it. I could never trust freedom from the Hexens to lead me to a better life. That freedom I craved got me lost last night, led me into a nightmare disguised as a dream. I was better off staying in the manor even though I’d waste away and never properly meet my wolf. These thoughts roused the restless beast in my heart that rattled my ribcage, then I felt angry instead of despondent. “Why can’t I go outside and learn how to hunt?” I asked quietly. “I was barely a wolf last night. I want to try again.”

David clasped his hands behind his back, his off-white dress shirt crinkling across his chest. “You will. I’ll have one of the hunters teach you, Billie. I wouldn’t rob my daughter of such a necessary life skill. But you seem to have forgotten that you’re grounded at the moment, which means…”

His voice trailed off expecting me to make the connection. “I can’t leave the manor,” I muttered in defeat.

Taking one step closer, David looked down at me and smiled. “I’d rather you didn’t.”

I no longer had an excuse; following my instincts into the forest would directly defy Alpha David. I just couldn’t understand why punishing me took precedence over teaching me how to be a wolf after waiting so long for it. It was hard for me to swallow my desires and accept that my Moondream changed nothing. I was still trapped in Hexen Manor, despite all my expectations, all my hopes of finally joining my pack and being accepted…

David’s hand rested on my shoulder. “Give it a week, alright? When I have some time, you and I will go out. I’ll teach you everything myself.”

His touch sapped all my warmth. “I was going to go with Colt,” I said.

“He could come with us, then.”

I didn’t want to go with David. I wanted to spend that time with Colt, but I only nodded, hoping David would find himself too busy to take me.

“Just don’t go into the forest alone,” he added.

David towered over me, making me feel claustrophobic the way his presence enveloped me, trapping me not just in the Manor, but in my room, forcing me into the smallest space possible, closing around me so tightly I nearly suffocated. I looked down at my hands on my lap. “I won’t,” I promised.

“Good.” David’s hand squeezed tighter on my shoulder, the same shoulder that had been sore all night, and pulled me to my feet. My jaw ached from how tightly I clenched it. In my chest, fire fluttered awake. “Now the kitchen, Billie. It needs a bit of a wipe down.”

“Okay.” I’d never allowed myself to feel so angry before. I used to be able to tamp it down, but red hot indignation came clawing up my throat and it took all I had to keep it behind my teeth. Waiting for David to leave was tortuous, but when he finally released my shoulder and stepped away, I raised my eyes again. I watched him close my bedroom door behind him. Then I wanted to throw the dirty plate at the door and break it, but my hands stayed firmly by my sides. I’d never do something like that. I’d never, but I wanted to.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning the kitchen and dinette, dusting the parlor, and then sweeping and mopping the corridors. I usually took pride in the cleanliness of the manor, but that day I couldn’t. By the time I went to bed, I didn’t feel accomplished; I sat on my bed and stared outside at the forest that called to me, homesick for the wilderness. Two more days of that followed.

On the third day, a Sunday, I asked Colt if he would go outside with me that night. “You’re still grounded, aren’t you?” he asked, to which I nodded. “Maybe it’s best we just wait. It’s only a few more days, right?”

But my wanderlust burned stronger by the hour. My disappointment surpassed my complacency keeping me in the manor where I was supposed to be. It had been long enough that I hadn’t set foot outside—now the beast that woke three days ago was howling to get out. It felt like a monster was living inside of me, and the unfamiliar intensity of it made me both anxious and irritable. I couldn’t stay cooped up for much longer.

Around midnight, the manor fell silent. The last packmates lounging in the parlor had left, and I’d been in bed for an hour already. David’s bedroom door had closed, and Colt and Catrina were gone, presumably on a patrol or seeing Gavin or running some errand for David. My restlessness conjured up so much madness that I’d been thinking about running away again. I wouldn’t get that far, but I did want to go outside, at least. I could handle the consequences if they were David scolding me. I could take another chance. I’d never felt this bold before.

Sneaking out of my bedroom, I made it all the way downstairs to the porch door. There, I paused, reconsidering. Chances were I’d get caught again, and there would be no escaping David’s punishment. I could still turn around and go back to my room. But I was so close to freedom that whatever waited me tomorrow would be worth the peaceful moments I’d find now. My sense of freedom—I could trust it one last time. The same wildness that made me angry at David had renewed my courage, so I stepped outside into the cool night air and exhaled, relieved.

Clear skies hoisted the waning gibbous moon above me. Stars glistened on the canvas of the night sky, the Milky Way a soft violet wing against the black void of space. The grass was damp with humidity and soil clung to the bottoms of my feet as I approached the trees, a foreboding gateway into the forest where I would disappear. I didn’t look back at the manor, but I did breathe in, recognizing the cluster of wolf smells that would point my way home. I wouldn’t get lost this time.

Swaddled in the night sounds of crickets and frogs, I ventured deep into the trees. Mosquitoes flocked to me but didn’t bother me too badly. I found a trail that the wolves used to navigate the forest and followed that to a clearing where moonlight lit up the grass into silky pearlescent strands. There I gingerly removed my clothes, bathing in the light of the Moon Goddess. My beast inside no longer raked anxiously to escape, but sat comfortably with me in the silence, merely waiting for me to feel ready. I breathed slowly. It was time to channel my wolf.

My body jerked and blossomed with pain. I wasn’t used to the immense strain transforming put on me, not yet; as my bones cracked and fused back together, I cried out and fell to the grass. My skin burned as my fine hairs grew out into dense fur. My anatomy changed, elongating my arms and legs, and extending my spine with new vertebrae. As my ears migrated to the top of my skull and my nose turned leathery and wet, I felt myself becoming something new. My soul transplanted into the body of a stranger. The transformation gradually slowed until I was left on the ground panting, aching, and inhuman. I raised my head, pointing my snout at the moon.

It was done. I had become a wolf—and I was wide awake, aware of everything.

Fumbling to my feet, I tried to get a better look at myself. My fur was a soft shade of cinnamon and washed with yellow on my chest and flanks, black ticking behind my shoulders and the tip of my tail. I was small and lean, like I was in human form, and barren of the scars that most my packmates possessed. Although the pain lingered, there was an ease in my body I’d never felt before, a fluidity and energy that I couldn’t contain. I took my first few shaking steps forward. Then I jogged and ran, feeling as light as I felt in the dream. Only it was real. I yipped with joy as I raced through the night, barreling through the bushes and flying over fallen logs, my tail fluttering behind me like a flag of pride. I was free, like I’d always wished for.

This was how I should have felt the night of my Moondream. This was how I should always feel! My spirit soaring free, not locked up in Hexen Manor. I was meant to be out here.

I ran through Dalesbloom territory without fear of the dangers lurking within. If somebody caught me, I wouldn’t care; but I didn’t cross any scents of my packmates. Or any human campers, either. What I encountered the longer I ran was a pungent stink like charcoal, the acrid taste of sulfur stung my nose. I recognized it, and I stopped running to look as soon as it hit me.

Expecting the moving shadows, I saw nothing at first. My head hung as I caught my breath and set my thoughts straight. It was probably my imagination. It had to be; I didn’t know what could possibly be causing the smell. I turned around and got ready to move when I glimpsed a dim glow ahead of me—a body moving, but not a shadow. No, it was as pale as the moonlight, its body reflecting the light like a phantom drifting through the forest, graceful steps seemingly without pause. The closer I came to it, the more I made out what it was: an animal with an equine body and a long sloping neck, a beautiful silver mane that shimmered almost holographic. A tall, spiraling horn that sparkled like opal sprouted from its brow. I’d never seen anything like it. It was a unicorn.

I stared in awe, forgetting the sulfur smell as the mythical sight captivated me. A twig crunched under my paw. The unicorn froze and looked in my direction, and suddenly I felt exposed, sheepish, pinning back my ears in humility. I had no right to be in the presence of such a magnificent creature. Was this another dream…?

The unicorn stared back at me for long minutes. It flicked its lion-like tail with a tuft of silver hairs wispy in the dark, long eyelashes framing its gentle lilac eyes. Its nostrils flared, taking in my smell and I inhaled to do the same, wondering if it was the cause of the burning smell. But there was no scent attached to it. It was pristine and virginal like an illusion, leaving the world around it untouched. It couldn’t be real. I had to be dreaming. I had no idea such an animal could even exist. This was my first night as a wolf, and I wondered if the Moon Goddess had sent some sort of angel down to guide me. She was so beautiful I wanted to weep.

The sulfur smell intensified, like fire suddenly taking hold of the forest. I glanced past the unicorn, but her brightness left my eyes maladjusted to the dark. I couldn’t see anything until the bodies in the shadows materialized right before us.

The smell hadn’t belonged to the unicorn. It belonged to the monsters that suddenly surrounded the unicorn, monsters that had been hunting the creature I found first.

A ghostly howl rang out to the south heralding the monsters’ appearance.

Inky black bodies stepped forth into the glade. Their smooth scales glimmered in the moon glow, bodies serpentine and muscular, with prowling paws tipped in razor black claws. Black bat wings hugged their flanks as they churned around us, three animals that I recognized. David had warned me about these monsters, these other shifters. The burning smell sizzled off of their skin, their teeth bared and predatory yellow-orange eyes flashing: these were dragons and they were deep in the heart of Dalesbloom where they shouldn’t be. Whoever howled out there knew the dragons were here.

The unicorn anxiously stamped a hoof and looked between the dragons. They hissed and snapped at the unicorn, fluttering their wings and lashing their spiny tails with excitement. In fear, the unicorn looked at me and backed away—but its fear punched me with shame. I wasn’t working with the dragons! I couldn’t bear to let the creature think that of me. The dragons were clearly here to hurt the unicorn, but what could I do…? I didn’t know how to fight. If I tried to defend the unicorn, maybe I would redeem myself in her eyes. Maybe this was a test from the Moon Goddess, the declaration howl her divine voice—an opportunity to prove my worth, that I deserved the wolf I had waited so long for.

I had to protect the unicorn.

My teeth drew back in a meek snarl at the dragons. They leered at me, snickering with reptilian flicks of their tongues and refusing to take me seriously. I was no threat to them. But the unicorn saw my act of defiance and pressed closer to me, thrusting its horn at the dragons.

One of them lunged at the unicorn. I bristled with fear and tried to bite at the dragon’s leg, but missed. The dragon recoiled and closed its jaws around my nape, its grip strong enough to pick me up off the ground. My heart stammered. My paws swam helplessly in the air as the dragon shook me and threw me aside. I landed hard, whimpering as I watched the dragons close in on the unicorn. Ice cold terror overtook me.

I was foolish to think I’d be any match for these dragons. Maybe this wasn’t a test, maybe it was real. What was I supposed to do? The back of my neck was wet and throbbing, my ribs sore. I pushed myself to my feet, only for one of the dragons to grab my hind leg and drag me. Dread made my limbs go stiff. I whined, helpless. The dragon tightened its grip and its teeth sheared through my skin while the other two corralled the unicorn into the trees. As hard as I thrashed, I couldn’t escape the beast and I was only spilling more blood.

It was going to tear me apart.

What had I gotten myself into?