Chapter 9

9

Madeline

"Darren," I answer the call, my voice tight. I don't think there's a single thing I could do to relax it or me right now.

"What the fuck kind of stunt was that yesterday?" He sounds murderous and I didn't expect anything less.

I inhale a breath, taking a moment to reply so that I can search for a little calm. "It wasn't a stunt, Darren. I didn't want to get married."

"That's bullshit. You've wanted your claws in Tucker from the first day you met him. Marrying him was always your goal."

"And this just shows how little you truly know me. I wanted Tucker because I thought I was in love with him. Marrying him hadn't ever crossed my mind until he started talking about it and then rushing me to the alter."

"Don't kid yourself, sweetheart. You ran around doing everything for the brand you were told to. Fuck, if we'd told you to get on your knees up on a stage you would have. You wanted everything that being with Tucker could give you and you went out of your way to get it."

Get loud, Maddie.

Get fucking loud.

The thing about never experiencing anger? When you do feel it, finally feel it, it feels like a magnitude 8 volcanic eruption. My skin is alive in a way it has never been. There's violence trapped inside it. Right under it. Explosive violence.

"Two things, Darren." I try to speak slowly, try to slow my eruption, but I can already feel that this isn't an explosion I can control. It's been building for too long. "Don't ever fucking call me sweetheart again." I suck in a breath, my body shaking. I want to harm this man like I've never wanted to harm another person. "And don't ever presume to know why I do anything. Yes, I did do everything for the brand that I was told to, but for very fucking different reasons than you think. If I really was the person you've just described, I would have stayed yesterday and signed my life away to Tucker and you."

"I'll call you whatever I want, Maddie. I own you." Venom spills all over his words. "Now, you need to get the fuck home so we can begin putting this shitshow back together. The tour depends on it."

Go home?

Put everything back together?

Go on tour?

"I'm unsure of what's not clear to you. I'm not marrying Tucker. There is nothing to put back together." And I'm certainly not going on tour with him.

"You are marrying Tucker. I don't care if it's before the tour or after, but it is happening."

"Go fuck yourself, Darren. The time when you get to order me around has passed. And if you think that tour's happening, you're deluding yourself." I think of one last thing. "And it was really nice to hear from Tucker himself, but I guess he's been too busy fucking Tee. Come to think of it, she might be who you're confusing me with. She's wanted her claws in Tucker since the day she met him." I stab at the phone to end the call, throw it into the center console of the car, and look out the window as I release a long breath. God, I hate that man. With a capital fucking ‘h'.

Ethan doesn't say anything. He allows me the space I need to come down from that confrontation.

I'm in the middle of doing that when a text sounds from my phone. The text notification alone triggers more violence under my skin.

When I don't reach for the phone, Ethan says, "How you doing over there, Miller? Do you need me to take over?"

I smile as I stare out the window. My fury eases a little instantly. Ethan has a gift for cutting through the noise and quieting my inner turmoil. And the way he's started using my surname? I like it a lot.

I turn and find concern on his face. "I don't think I'm doing too well, to be honest. I think I've just ended my career."

"Your manager has that much control over the twenty million people following you?"

"I appreciate what you're trying to do but you don't know the industry like I do. Tucker is an asshole with far too much power. One word from him or Darren and I'll find it hard to get people to work with me. My career will be over before it's really even begun."

He's quiet for a moment. Thinking. Then he says, "Sure, you may not be able to work with some people if your ex blacklists you, but there's a lot of talented people in this world waiting to be discovered. I imagine you could find your perfect collaborators if you really wanted to. And the fact you already have a large platform means the kind of opportunity that so many don't have." He pauses. "Point is, you aren't powerless, Maddie. Never forget that."

Another text comes through for me and this time, I reach for my phone. Ethan's right; I'm not powerless. And I have value. Tucker and Darren wouldn't still want me if I didn't.

Tucker: You have a contract, Madeline.

Tucker: And I highly fucking recommend you honor it. You won't like what happens if you don't.

And there's the asshole I was going to marry. I know he's referring to the tour contract, but the subtext is get your ass home and marry me, or else.

We arrive in Pittsburgh close to six p.m. That's after adding six more songs to our playlist in between having a long conversation about Ethan's work and the travel he's done as part of it. He's a photographer and has photographed people all over the world, although, he hasn't done much photography over the last couple of years after he developed an app that teaches photography. He's just sold the app and isn't sure what he'll do next, but I've got the impression he misses taking people's photos. It was that conversation that got me through the afternoon. If I didn't have Ethan to help with that, I would have spiraled into a black hole of worry over my career.

I tried to push Tucker and Darren to the back of my mind after Tucker's texts. I haven't replied to him yet and I'm still unsure of what I'll text back.

"Okay," Ethan says after he gets off a call with the hotel we've decided to try and book for the night. We're currently sitting in his Range Rover in the hotel parking garage. "There's some massive event on in Pittsburgh this weekend and hotel rooms are scarce. They can give us two rooms but they're on different floors."

I know what he's asking here. Am I happy to be nowhere near him? The answer to that is no. I feel panicky at being alone in that way. It's irrational, I know, but it's how I feel.

"Would you be okay if we shared a room?" I bite my lip. From the moment we met, I've been asking things of this man and I feel bad over that.

"I don't know. That's a big fucking ask of a guy." He grins.

Ten minutes later, he's booked us a room and we're in the elevator up to it. Thankfully, no one has recognized me.

The room we could get is a deluxe room with two queen beds that overlooks a park. Ethan lets me choose which bed I want and then asks if I want to order dinner in or go out for it. He suggests he could go out and get anything I'd like. It's at this point that I feel really awful for everything he's already had to do for me. It's also the moment where my anger at Tucker and Darren resurfaces because they're part of the reason Ethan and I are here in this hotel room together.

"Do you know what?" I say as I stride to my suitcase. "Leigh threw a wig in here for me, and I think I should put it on, and we should go out for dinner. It's not fair to you if I demand we stay hidden away for this entire road trip."

I've pulled the suitcase up onto the bed and am unzipping it when Ethan moves behind me and places his hand over mine.

"Maddie, stop." He's so close to me that his chest brushes against my back. "I knew what this road trip would be when I signed up for it. I'm happy to stay in for dinner and I'm more than happy to go out and get it for us. Please stop thinking that you're putting me out. You're not." His deep voice and closeness affect me, sparking flutters in my stomach.

I turn, ready to thank him for what he just said. However, every sense I have is overwhelmed by his close proximity and my good sense shuts down on me. There's a lot going on between this and the anger I'm feeling toward my ex, and this is the only reason I have for what I suggest next. "I think you should take me out and get me drunk."

His response is immediate. "I think that's the worst idea you've had since I met you."

"Worse than demanding you kiss me?"

"Far worse than that."

"Well, we could just get drunk here."

"Or we could just eat. I've worked out you really like chocolate. I'll bring you enough to binge on so you don't feel the need for booze."

"It's a real wonder you aren't the father of an eight-year-old and a husband of that child's mother. How any woman ever let you go is beyond me."

That slows him down for a beat. He stares at me for the longest moment, like he's turning over what I just said in his head. "I have a running list of my faults as told to me by exes if you'd like it. It's a long list." There's no bitterness in his words, just candor, and I get the impression that Ethan is a very self-aware man.

"I don't care to read the list. I have my own."

"Fuck. Already?"

"It only has one item in the Could Be A Problem column."

"What is it?"

"Your quads."

His lips twitch. "That really is a problem because I can't do anything about them."

I cock my head. "I don't know about that. Surely, if one were to stop putting on hot-quad shorts to take part in leg day, the problem would eventually disappear."

He lets his smile out to play. "How boring would life be without hot quads though, Maddie?"

I return his smile and realize the tight feeling in my chest has disappeared. "I think you should go out and find us something to eat for dinner while I take a shower."

"What do you feel like eating?"

"Anything except spicy food. Surprise me."

He appears to like that suggestion and a few minutes later, I'm alone in the hotel room. After I gather my thoughts, I grab my phone and send Tucker a text.

Me: I'm not marrying you, Tucker, and I'm not going on tour with you.

He comes straight back to me.

Tucker: You're making a mistake here.

Me: You wanted to sleep with other women. Well, the world is wide open for you now.

Tucker: The world never shut down for me, babe.

I stare at that last text for a long time and know deep in my soul that Tucker never loved me. He used me for his career. That's all I was to him.

Tears spill down my cheeks. Not because I'm broken up over our relationship ending. I'm not. I'm hurt that he used me in this way and I'm upset that it's taken me so long to see it.

I feel stupid.

I let two men run my life without question.

Well, never again.

I'd rather start fresh and see if any fans stick around. And if not, I'd rather have no career than no self-respect.

With more boldness than I'm actually feeling, I tap out a reply to Tucker.

Me: We're done.

His text comes back a minute later.

Tucker: Good fucking luck to you then. Make sure your shit is out of my place tomorrow.