Chapter Thirty

CHAPTER THIRTY

D ressed in a ragged pair of shorts and nothing else, Xavier sat on the back porch and slugged down his second cup of coffee. Even though he wanted nothing more than to go back and hold Jazz, he needed to get his head back on straight. Being around her right now seriously screwed with that.

He hadn’t planned what had happened. When she’d asked him to stay with her, he’d intended to hold her if she needed his reassurance. Or, if she’d had another nightmare, he wanted to be close enough to wake her before it got too bad. Instead, she’d told him she wanted him, and without a second thought, that’s what she’d gotten.

No, he hadn’t forced her, and yes, she’d been responsive and eager, but had it been too soon? He’d done his best not to hurt her. She was still weak and recovering from her ordeal, so he hadn’t exactly ravaged her like a wild animal, but still, he felt like he’d taken advantage of her in some way.

Even before he’d fallen for her, he’d always felt protective of Jazz. Yes, she was fine-boned and delicate-looking, and next to her, he felt like a giant. But that wasn’t the biggest reason. Not only had Jazz been hurt a lot in her life, she had a charming, unaffected kind of innocence that made him want to fix everything for her. She often called him out on his actions for being so solicitous with her, and he did his best not to go overboard, but it was hard. He would fight demons to keep her from being harmed.

And now another challenge to keep her from being hurt had been presented. She believed her brother was an assassin who had taken out Franco Bass. If it had been anyone else, he might’ve questioned whether she’d really seen her brother or just someone who’d resembled him. Identifying someone in a matter of seconds with adrenaline pumping through you could be difficult, if not impossible. And considering the emotions that were involved, doubting her might seem reasonable. But this was Jazz. Her recall was second to none. Even if her emotions were all over the place, he trusted that the man she saw was indeed Brody McAlister.

So what did that mean? Did McAlister work for the Wren Project? He could see why she’d be worried about OZ going after him. Xavier didn’t condone that she’d gone off on her own to try to find him, but he could definitely understand where she’d been coming from.

She needed to tell Ash about this, and it needed to be soon. She’d fallen back asleep after they’d made love, but when she woke and after she’d had some breakfast, he was going to encourage her to call him and get it over with. Not only did Ash need to know because this was an ongoing investigation, having it hanging over her head was only going to make her feel worse.

The phone on the table beside him buzzed, and without looking at the screen, he already knew it was his boss, as if he and Ash were mentally connected.

“Hey, Ash. Anything new?”

“Not sure yet. Serena is following a lead that might give us something. I’ll let you know if it does. I’m just checking in to see how Jazz is doing.”

“She’s getting stronger.”

“But…?”

He wouldn’t reveal to Ash what Jazz had told him. That was her story to tell. However, he knew Ash was asking about something else. Jazz might’ve had her secrets, but Xavier had one, too. A secret that would create even more questions and worry for her. He’d put off giving her the intel until she was stronger. After last night’s confession, he knew he was living on borrowed time.

“Soon, Ash. I’ll tell her soon. But before I do, Jazz has something she needs to talk to you about.”

“So she told you why she went off on her own?”

“Yes.”

“You can’t give it to me?”

“No, this is her story, but I do want to say one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“If you upset her, I’ll bust your face open.”

“Threatening your boss?”

Thankfully, he heard a tinge of amusement in Ash’s tone. Threatening friends was not his style, but if Ash let loose on her, Xavier would be pissed. Advising him beforehand to prevent it from happening had seemed appropriate.

“Respectfully,” Xavier added.

Ash barked out a laugh. “Never heard of a respectful threat, but okay. And you know I’m not going to go off on her.”

“Yeah, I know. Just wanted to make sure.”

“So is she around?”

“She’s still asleep. I can?—”

“Is that Ash?”

Xavier whirled to see Jazz standing in the doorway. Her hair tousled around her face, she was dressed in the T-shirt he’d worn to bed, which reached past her knees, and a pair of yoga pants, and she looked both sexy and adorable.

“Yeah,” Xavier said. “He’s just calling in to see how you’re doing.”

“Did you say anything about?—”

“No,” he cut in quickly. “That’s for you to explain.”

Okay, this was it. Taking a bracing breath, Jazz went to Xavier and held out her hand for the phone. Pushing her hair back, she pressed the phone to her ear. “Ash?”

“Hey, Jazz. You feeling better?”

“Yes, getting stronger every minute.”

“Good.”

“Listen, there’s something I need to say, and I want to do it face-to-face. Can you arrange that?”

“Yes. Give me about five minutes to set up a secure line, and I’ll call you back.”

“Okay, thanks.”

She handed Xavier’s phone back to him with a slight grimace. “He’s calling back in a few minutes.”

“Have you had coffee?”

“No, not yet.”

“I’ll get you some.” The instant he stood, he pulled her into his arms and spoke into her ear. “Everything will be okay.”

Before she could answer, he pressed a kiss to her cheek and walked away.

Wrapping her arms around herself, Jazz looked out over the mountain range. For some reason, she hadn’t been nearly as anxious last night when she’d told Xavier the truth. Confessing it to Ash gave her the heebie-jeebies. He could fire her on the spot. She didn’t think he would, but she also knew he’d be justified. She’d broken a multitude of OZ rules, and he had every right to come down hard on her.

“Here,” Xavier said behind her, “take a few fortifying sips. You’ll feel better.”

“Thanks.” She took several swallows of the scalding, bracing brew, appreciating that the cream-to-sugar ratio was just the way she liked it. With each sip, she did feel slightly stronger.

“He’s not going to tear into you, Jazz. Or fire you.”

“He’d be justified.”

“Perhaps. But if he did that to every OZ operative who’s screwed up, there would be no OZ.”

That was true. And she knew that Ash was a fair man. Maybe one of the biggest reasons she dreaded telling him was the disappointment she knew she’d cause him. But she had learned her lesson, and she would take her medicine, no matter how bitter the pill.

The phone in her pocket jingled. Ash was calling on her phone. She answered and saw his handsome face on the screen. He had strong features and steely eyes, but they’d only ever looked at her with kindness. Today was no different.

“Jazz, you’re looking better. There’s color in your face.”

“I’m getting stronger, Ash. Xavier is taking good care of me.” Remembering what had happened a couple hours ago brought an unexpected heat to her cheeks. If Ash looked closely, he’d see the deep red blush she wasn’t able to hide. She glanced over at Xavier, and the grin on his face made her blush even more. The man was enjoying her embarrassment.

“That’s good. Now, you have something you need to tell me?”

Settling into the chair Xavier had been sitting in earlier, Jazz started with the shooting. What she had seen, what she had done, and why—all the way up to when she’d been abducted. Ash didn’t speak or ask questions. He just let her get it out. Once she finished, she held her breath, waiting for his judgment.

“Did he recognize you?” Ash asked.

“I think so…maybe. It’s hard to say. He looked at me for a second, but that doesn’t mean anything really.”

“This definitely gives us another avenue to pursue.”

“Yeah,” she said softly. She knew that avenue had been delayed by weeks because of her.

“Jazz, let me ask you something. What did you think would happen if you had told us what you saw?”

“I didn’t know, Ash. I…I panicked. The last thing I wanted was for Brody and the team to get into a shootout. I thought if I found him first, I could talk him into coming in on his own.”

“That was damn dangerous, Jazz. But you already know that.”

“I know…and I’m very sorry. I broke a ton of OZ rules.”

“Rules that are there to protect you.”

“Yes.”

“Don’t do it again, Jazz. You need to remember that blood doesn’t define family. It’s people who love and protect you and always have your back, no matter what. That’s what you’ve got in Option Zero.”

“I know that, Ash. Again, I’m sorry.”

“Let’s move past this. Feel better soon so you can get back to work and we can all figure this out together.”

“Thanks, boss. I will.”

The screen went blank, and Jazz let loose a huge breath, unaware until then that she’d been holding it in.

“See? That wasn’t so bad.”

“Still, I’d rather face down a pack of hyenas than do that again.”

Laughing, he held out his hand. “You against a pack of hyenas? My money’s on you.”

Taking his hand, she allowed him to pull her into his arms. And when his mouth touched hers, she forgot everything except the joy of being here with him.

Raising his head, he captured her gaze. “About this morning…”

There was that dratted blush again. She’d blushed more in the last few hours than she had in ten years.

Instead of laughing at her embarrassment, Xavier gave her a look of serious concern. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you?”

She didn’t have a lot of experience, but she did know that she’d never had someone treat her as if she were not only desirable but also precious and valuable.

“No,” she said softly. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“And your wounds? I tried to be careful, but?—”

Taking one of his hands, she held it against her heart, marveling that a hand so large that could be so gentle with her could also knock a giant down with one blow. She’d seen him do it.

“We didn’t use protection, Jazz.”

It was standard procedure for all female OZ operatives to receive a birth control shot, but that was likely one detail of Option Zero health care Xavier might not know.

“I’m protected. Don’t worry.”

“Good. I wasn’t sure… I don’t… I mean, we’ve never really talked…”

It suddenly occurred to her that he was just as uncertain about this new step in their relationship as she was. Xavier exuded confidence in every other aspect, but when it came to romance, it was good to see that he could be just as awkward as the next person.

Hoping she wasn’t moving faster than he wanted, but wanting to reassure him, she said, “I like where we’re going.”

A confident gleam returned to his eyes as he said, “Good, because we’ve only gotten started.”

“Tell me about your mom,” Jazz said. “You don’t talk about her very much.”

After breakfast, Xavier had suggested a short walk. Even though he knew Jazz wasn’t up to doing much more than a half mile at the most, building up her stamina was paramount to her recovery.

They were walking at a leisurely pace, and it felt good to just be with each other, forgetting all the other stuff they’d soon have to face.

“My mom was the best. She worked so hard to give us a good life.”

“And your dad. He was killed when you were just a baby. Right?”

“Yeah, I don’t remember him. I was barely two when he died.”

“You don’t have any other family, then?”

Familiar anger surged through him. “Oh, I’ve got plenty of relatives—but I don’t consider them family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. A whole hoard of them.”

She stumbled slightly, but Xavier caught her before she could fall. “Really?” she gasped. “You’ve never mentioned them.”

“That’s because I don’t know them. I just know they exist.”

“What do you mean?”

Realizing she was breathing heavier than before, he slowed their pace. “My mom came from an upper-middle-class but very strict Italian family. She was the youngest daughter of a family of six. Their plans for her didn’t include getting herself hitched to a young mechanic with no pedigree or money.”

“How did they meet?”

“She was on her way home from shopping and had a flat. My dad stopped to change her tire. They hit it off and started dating. She took a chance and took him home for one of their big family dinners. It didn’t go well.”

“That’s awful. So they kicked her out of the family?”

“Literally. She walked out with the clothes she was wearing and never went back. She told me more than once that it was the best decision she’d ever made. She and my dad were married about six months later. I came along a couple years after that.”

“And then your dad died a couple years after that.”

“Yeah. My mom never stopped grieving.”

“And you lost her when you were in the Army?”

He nodded, a lump growing in his throat when he thought about that time. “She never even told me she was sick. I remember her hugging me before I boarded the plane. It was my second deployment, and I knew I wouldn’t see her for a while.” He swallowed hard as he recalled how tightly her arms had been around him and how she’d whispered how proud she was of him. “She knew she was sick then, but she didn’t want me to know.”

“That’s so sad.” She squeezed his hand in sympathy. “And you never heard from anyone from her family?”

“An uncle—one of my mom’s brothers—called about a month after she passed. Left a voice mail wanting us to meet. I never called him back.”

“You didn’t want to at least give them a chance?”

“For over two decades, they ignored her. Pretended she didn’t exist. I wasn’t about to give them a second of my time.”

When he’d lost his mom, the pain had been all-consuming. But Jazz had been through so much more. Not only had she lost both parents, she’d lost the brother she adored. She rarely talked about what had happened to her after Brody had disappeared, and he wasn’t going to bring it up now, but Xavier knew she’d had it rough until she’d met Kate Walker.

And that was a conversation for another day, too.

They came to his favorite place on the property—one of the biggest reasons he’d wanted to build up here.

“Oh, Xavier,” Jazz breathed, “it’s beautiful.”

Smiling proudly, as if he’d had anything to do with the view, he pointed to a bench a few feet away. “Come sit.”

Dragging her eyes away from the magnificence of the snow-capped mountain range, she glanced to where he was pointing.

“Did you put that there?”

“Yeah. While the cabin was being built, I worked on this.”

She jerked her head around, surprise on her face. “You built this? How did I not know that you’re a talented carpenter?”

“I’d say there are a lot of things we don’t know about each other.”

Nodding, she dropped onto the bench with a sigh. “True. When we’re on missions, our focus has to be on the job.”

Settling down beside her, Xavier inhaled deeply, the combination of some of the purest air on the planet and Jazz’s sweet fragrance was a heady mixture. How many times had he envisioned sitting beside her on this bench and sharing this view with her?

“Can I ask a favor?” she asked softly.

“Of course.”

“Can we take the next few days just for us?”

Turning to face her, he asked, “What do you mean?”

“It’s just what you said. There’s still so much we don’t know about each other. Maybe that seems selfish, since there’re people out there who are literally looking to kill us, but?—”

Xavier pressed a finger to her lips to stop her. “That’s an excellent idea. You and me…we don’t take vacations like a lot of people. There’s no reason we can’t take a few days off and just be together.”

“So that sounds okay to you?”

Pulling her closer, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and whispered against her hair, “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”