15. Kye

FIFTEEN

KYE

My fake girlfriend was ruining my life.

I'd been thinking about her for three fucking days straight, to the point I was struggling to focus on anything else.

Now, I had agreed to come to her party that was, apparently, being held at a pool.

I walked around the back of the country club's building, already hating the entire day. There was something nagging me, though, making me know I couldn't miss this, even if I would rather just wait and take her out for a drive later tonight.

Years of hanging around the crew, driving it into my head, that I couldn't let her down over something so simple.

I didn't know when or why I cared so much, but for some reason, fate had brought Daisy into my life. I wasn't sure why, but it seemed inevitable now.

The worst part of all of it, though, I was desperate to see her.

I pulled my hat lower, trying to hide more of my face as I made it around back.

Then I saw her.

Her black bikini was covered in small little white daisy flowers, and her hair was up, clipped away and threatening to fall as she laughed.

Even looking right at her, I couldn't figure out what it was that made me feel…anything.

But fuck if I didn't feel things around her.

She looked my way, and the smile that spread over her face was real.

"Hey," she said, walking up to me. She moved to hug me, but she seemed to think better of it and froze. "For appearance's sake, could I hug you?"

It didn't matter if I could figure out why we were brought together. I just knew that for the first time in my life that I could remember, I wanted to touch her, and I did not deny myself what I wanted.

I moved first, pulling her in and hugging her. Her crowd of friends looked our way, but they made it less obvious than my friends about how hard they were staring.

She turned, pressing a small kiss to my lips, and I froze like always. It wasn't even that I didn't like it, but I kept waiting for the pleasure to disappear and the pain to come back.

"You taste like candy," I mumbled, leaning in further. I kissed her again, and she smiled against me. Her arms wrapped around my neck and lips parted so I could take more. And for a second, I did.

Until I realized how fast I was losing control.

I wanted her hand wrapped around my neck again, for her to kiss me like her next breath depended on it, and I was seconds from asking when I finally broke away.

I pushed back, putting space between us fast.

The fact that her smile grew only shocked me. Most people were mad when I denied them affection, not smiling and ready to spend more time with me.

"Come on, drinks and party over here."

She led me over, not reaching for my hand or hanging on me.

And I hated it.

She was doing exactly what I had told her I wanted, and now I was pissed.

What the fuck happened that I suddenly wanted affection, and what was it about Daisy that triggered it? Unless it wasn't just Daisy.

I looked around. The party was packed with girls, and I tried to look at each one as though my brain would suddenly light up and want their touch.

Nothing happened.

Maybe it was just that I hadn't been touched much in so long in an affectionate way that I had been cured and hadn't known it. Which meant I needed to find another girl that would touch me to test it.

Even the thought of it made my skin crawl, and I didn't think that was a good sign.

Daisy introduced me to a few people before I couldn't stand anymore. I needed a break from the small talk that she seemed happy to continue.

"I'm going to sit in the pool. Preferably away from everyone. Come get me if you need me for anything besides arm candy," I said, grinning.

She smiled but didn't say anything, just nodded in agreement.

I slid into the pool and pulled my hat down low. This way I was technically at the party, but I didn't have to socialize.

I could also see Daisy's every move from here.

If this was how people lived every day of their life with the opposite sex when they liked them, it really wasn't as much of a mystery to me now why the guys lost their minds trying to get their girl.

A girl swam up to me, coming way too close to only be friendly.

"Hey. Kye, right?"

"Yes," I said, not matching her friendliness at all. There was no reason to be so close to me, and I could already feel the creep of disgust moving over my skin.

"Wow, Daisy's mentioned a few things about you, but she never mentioned how hot you were. I like the whole, I'm dangerous, leave me alone thing you have going on."

"Okay," I said, sliding farther away from her. I had plenty of women come up and hang all over me, but none of them had ever been friends with my fake girlfriend, so I couldn't exactly handle it the way I always did. Which usually ranged from one of the girls in the crew stepping in or me turning and walking away immediately.

Here, I was trapped.

I moved down the wall of the pool, putting a few more feet between us, but she seemed intent on closing it again.

"Going somewhere?"

"I assume some space would be appropriate."

She looked back at Daisy, who was wrapped up in a conversation with someone, not noticing what was happening. "I don't agree. Do you not like pretty women near you?"

"No."

She laughed now, her hand resting on my arm. Bile rose in my throat and I ripped my arm away. I needed to keep my cool, but I was already so overwhelmed dealing with Daisy touching me and liking it, that I was struggling to keep control of my body's visceral reaction to this girl.

Apparently, the test of liking other people touching me had a clear outcome.

"Can you please get off of me?" I asked, taking a deep breath.

"Get you off?" Her confident hand reached down, sliding her hand along my stomach, heading towards my dick. "Are you saying that you don't find me attractive?" she asked, the purr of her voice making my skin crawl.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," I said, as her hand landed on me again.

I moved to grab it, intent on pushing her away as a body came down into the water next to me, stepping between us.

Daisy's body slid against mine, the soothing calm of her coursed through me. My arm snaked around her waist, pulling her hard against me. Every part of my body calmed, and I could finally take a breath.

"What are you doing, Sydney?" she asked.

"Just meeting your boyfriend," Sydney said with a smirk.

"Wait, this is Sydney? The girl Dean said he was going to sleep with after your breakup?" I should have known, but it didn't occur to me that Daisy would even think to invite her. "Now she's over here desperately trying to grab my dick."

"Are you serious?" Daisy asked, pushing back into me and shoving me harder into the side of the pool. Her back pushed against the front of me, and all I wanted to do was curl my body around hers.

"No, he's not serious. He was the one all over me, Daisy. Maybe keep better track of your boyfriends."

"Don't even try it, Sydney. Dean might have been a cheater, but Kye wants nothing to do with you. Go away before you embarrass yourself anymore."

She scoffed and turned, swimming away without a word.

"Why is she here?" I asked, glad we were in the water. The touch of her washed away and was replaced with everything Daisy.

"I had a stupid idea that I could keep up appearances," she said, turning to face me. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize she would be desperate enough to assault my boyfriend."

"Fake."

"That was implied."

"Is there somewhere I can go for a second?" I asked, taking a deep breath. "I just need a minute away from…people."

"Yeah, come on."

Her hand wrapped in mine and I held on, letting her lead me out and pull me along until she was shutting us in the pool house.

"I'm sorry about her. I really wasn't expecting that. I should have, though. It's not like it's the first time she's tried to take my boyfriend."

"It's fine. She just wanted to get under your skin."

"Yeah, it always worked with me on Dean. I would get so upset and storm off."

I leaned back, sitting on some barrels while Daisy hopped onto a few boxes across from me. "So, are you mad, then? But you didn't storm off?"

"Because I was always upset before, not mad. This time, I was pissed. Why would she think she could do that? You looked horrified. There's no reason to be mad when you're the one who was basically assaulted. Dean's face was always…lustful. He liked it."

"I was horrified. Not a big fan of friends who betray people or women who try to grab me so blatantly. The touching," I said, my body involuntarily shivering.

"It's funny. If you would have put you and Dean next to each other before all of this, I would have figured you would be the one to put me on edge and make me feel insecure."

"Why?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Don't even play that game. You know what you look like, what you act like," she said. "I'm not the only one who assumes it. And you know what it does to me, so I guess I should have assumed it would do it to other people, too."

"I didn't realize I was doing anything to you."

She reached out, moving to swat at my knee with a smile, but I flinched away.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at me, but didn't ask more about it. "But I don't set you on edge like that? Or do you just hate me touching you in any way?" she asked.

I let out a hard breath, knowing it was time to come clean. I wasn't even sure how to tell her that I couldn't stand to be touched, but then to add on that out of everyone I'd ever met, I like her touching me. If I kept trying to hide it, though, this was only going to get messier.

But I knew I sounded out of my mind.

This was a fake relationship, and I worried telling her that would make it all too real.

"I need to tell you something," I said. I could hit and fight without a second thought, but telling someone new that I hated being touched made me want to gouge my eyes out.

It was going to be better to just jump right in and lay it all out. There were going to be questions, so I started from the beginning.

"So, I was beaten pretty much every day of my life. I think every inch of me has been covered in bruises at some point, and I've had broken bones more than once from the beatings," I said.

Her eyes didn't leave mine, the horrified look in them almost painful. "Kye," she whispered, but I continued.

"Even after I moved in with the crew at the apartment building, I would have to go home a few times a week just to be beat. We were doing some pretty illegal things back then and my choices were not to not go back and have the cops all over us, or go back, take the beating, and get to go back to my life. I think the guys saw what was happening, what I was choosing between, and helped us not do those illegal things anymore. They always felt bad because I was younger, but I never cared. The minutes I spent outside that house were good, illegal activities or not. It wasn't until I was eighteen that I really had a chance to break free from it," I said, leaning back, my chest heaving now as I tried to find anything to calm myself.

"Come over here," I said, sounding way more angry than I felt. Her eyes went wide, but she jumped down. She took one careful step towards me and stopped. "Come here, Daisy."

She finally did, and I grabbed her hands, placing each one on my chest and letting my head fall back. A tingling warmth went through me, the world falling away as the calm warmth spread over me.

"I guess the damage was done, though, because I haven't been able to deal with people touching me since. I can deal with the crew now. Their hugs and stuff, but they try to avoid it for my sake. When I said I wasn't affectionate, it's because it's physically painful and disgusting. I don't kiss people. Sex is the worst. I have to make the other person realize that they can't touch me, like palms down flat on the bed and don't move, which doesn't go well for most girls. The times I've made it further than that, I've tried to get it over with as fast as I can. It's never felt good because I'm so worried about the touching. My brain is screaming the entire time. Rationally, I know that person isn't there to beat the shit out of me, but my body doesn't care. It's tense to the point that light touches actually hurt. Hands on me hurt, Daisy. Even Sydney doing that. As soon as she got close, every muscle tightened until it was painful, and I can't stop it. It takes so long for my body to uncoil that I feel like I've worked out for days, even if I've only been sitting there for a few minutes. I've never found anything to stop it. If it's not painful, it's horrifyingly gross. My stomach churns, and that feeling of disgust just washes over me."

Her hands jerked away, but I grabbed them, forcing them back onto my bare chest.

"Don't," I said. "It's helping."

"But you just said you hate being touched."

"I do. I fucking hate it so much. I've hit people for doing it. Even accidentally, I've hit them. I've yelled, and screamed, and fought against it."

"Then let me take my hands off of you, Kye. I didn't realize that's what you meant. You should have told me sooner. I've touched you so much. I've kissed you," she said, talking faster now. Her face fell, and she finally looked me in the eye. "Oh my god, Kye, I've made you kiss me repeatedly! I've literally jumped on top of you."

"Yeah, that was the shock of a fucking lifetime, because I felt none of that."

"So you like me touching you?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. I never want it to stop. This has never felt good to me until you."

I pulled off my hat and her soft hands moved up my neck until they pushed into my hair. My head dropped towards her and I could only groan at the sensation.

"Why?"

"I have no idea." Her hands moved back down, over my neck, my chest, my arms and then over my stomach, going over the same place Sydney had just been. "It erases it. You move your hands over me and it undoes it. Every muscle calms down until I can breathe again. It's warm and soft and soothing, and I have no idea why."

She stepped between my legs, getting closer. I held my breath as she reached up, placing a soft kiss on my lips.

"For the first time in my life," I said, "I can be touched, but I keep assuming that it's going to end. That suddenly, it will hurt again when you touch me."

"I hope it doesn't," she whispered against my lips. "You deserve to feel how good it is, to have it not hurt." Her hands hadn't stopped moving over my back and shoulders. "Do you want me to touch you more or keep our distance still?"

"No, I want you to touch me until it hurts again," I said, the painful tone to my voice making me want to die in embarrassment, but there was nothing I could do.

"Have you thought about the fact that you could just be getting better? Like it could be anyone touching you, and maybe it doesn't hurt anymore?"

"I did think that," I said, already knowing that wasn't what was happening. It would still hurt, except with her. "Sydney just proved that wrong."

I cut her off, kissing her again. I didn't want to think about this ending or about experimenting with my body with anyone else again right now. For once, I liked the calm, and I wanted to hold on to that.

I already knew it would still be different with other people. There was something about Daisy that was different, not me.

She leaned in harder for a second, swiping her tongue against my lips before moving against mine. It didn't take long before I was losing my mind.

Her hands moved down, resting over my hard cock as she kept kissing me. "Does this mean you are fine with me touching you here? Or should I stop?"

"No, it's okay. Keep going," I breathed. I tried to focus on every brush of her fingers and push of her palm against me, but my head started to spin.

"So have you had a blowjob before, then?"

"Yes."

"And? Did that at least feel good?"

"No."

"No?"

"I think I flinched more than anything and never got off." I tried to laugh it off, but my voice gave me away. I hated admitting to any of this. I knew the wild range of thoughts people had when I did tell them that I couldn't be touched, and I never actually admitted to anyone exactly how little sexual experience I had. It's not that I couldn't figure it all out. I had just never wanted to.

Until now, apparently.

Daisy's hand still moved over my cock and I pushed against her, wishing there was nothing between us now.

"Does that mean you might want to try it now?"

Her fingers moved along the seam of my shorts, and I didn't stop her. Instead, I nodded.

Her face lit up with a smile, and she moved to undo my shorts completely when someone started banging on the door.

"Daisy!" a girl yelled. "We're out of beer, and need you to find more."

"Can you give me a few minutes?" she yelled back.

"No! Get your ass out here and take care of us," the girl yelled, laughing as she banged on the door again.

"It's alright," I said. "Go take care of your party."

"Are you sure? I really don't mind staying in here to take care of you." Her eyebrows jumped as she smiled, but I shook my head.

"Maybe some other time. Come on." I jumped down, angling her towards the door and back out into the crowd of people.

I really didn't mind waiting. It was a lot to even learn that I liked touching Daisy, but it was another to find out how bad I wanted her to touch me, and having another day to take that in wasn't a problem for me.

Maybe by then, I would have a clear head and realize how bad of an idea this all was.