Epilogue

The smoke from the long battle finally began to dissipate, allowing shafts of golden sunlight to pierce through and illuminate the devastation left in the wake of Aethel's downfall.

Rubble from shattered buildings and paved roads lay strewn about in smoldering heaps, yet the air carried an electrifying undercurrent of hope and new beginnings.

Elara stood amid the ruin her expression pensive as she surveyed the daunting task ahead. Though her fiery hair was matted with sweat and grime, her emerald eyes still burned with the intensity that had helped turn the tides. Closing them, she inhaled deeply and allowed her magic to flow forth unchecked.

The ground seemed to shiver and exhale a long-pent breath as vast swells of upheaved earth began to shift and flow like gentle waves across a pond's surface.

Fissures veined through the rubble resealed themselves as rotted detritus and scorched timbers were absorbed back into the rejuvenating soil.

Saplings and vines poked through, rapidly unfurling into vibrant plant life that stretched towards the sun in a shimmering emerald tapestry.

From this fertile rebirth, the graceful architecture of a new Sylvanaar began taking shape under Elara's stewardship. Sweeping arches and vine-laced towers bloomed forth, their pale stone seeming to grow organically from the earth itself rather than being quarried. Trees stretched their boughs to provide sheltering canopies along winding footpaths while gurgling streams and bright flora brought vibrant life to verdant plazas and courtyards.

All around Elara, the ruins were transforming into an urban forest paradise, a verdant sanctuary interwoven with the ancient magic of the wilds yet wholly unafraid to boldly embrace the open air and sun's warmth. [MN98]

Gone were the days of Sylvanari having to cower in dank, subterranean hollows–this new incarnation would stand royally amid the primeval woodlands as a sight to rival Aethel's former glory.

Kael watched in awe as color and life seemed to bloom forth from Elara's outstret [MN99] ched hands. The weary rebels and subjects gathered in a revered silence, bearing witness to the true extent of Elara's vision and power as an earth shaper.

In the years that followed, magic-born of all origins were welcomed into the verdant embrace of Elara's new Sylvanaar. It became a bastion of learning and peaceful exploration of the arcane arts, its ideals a living embodiment of the freedom and harmony they had fought so fiercely to secure.

The ancient bans and persecutions were cast off like an oppressive, ill-fitting cloak, replaced by a spirit of openness and unity with the natural world.

Yet even as Elara and Kael assumed roles as respected leaders of this revitalized haven, murmurs began to circulate of an ominous prophecy borne by a wandering seer from beyond the fractured realm's borders. It foretold of an encroaching doom, an inevitable unraveling that would devour all of creation itself in its insatiable hunger.

The words seemed to saturate the very air, carrying an ineffable weight that made even the most steadfast tremble. But as Kael looked upon Elara's face framed by the verdant splendor she had helped rebirth, he saw that resolute fire had not diminished whatsoever in the passage of years.

A sad smile played across her lips as she traced the edges of the prophecy's delicate script with a fingertip.

"We have tasted freedom," Kael declared, his voice holding a depth of certainty that dispersed any doubts. "Whatever comes, we shall face it together in the open air and warm light–and ensure that liberation's flame is never extinguished or forced back into darkness."

Around them, Kael could feel the reassuring presence of the spirits of forest and field, of the myriad allies and magic wielders who had coalesced with the singular purpose of securing the world's preservation.

No more would they have to cower or hide their gifts, for the indomitable Sylvanari would stand unashamed as beacons of the harmony between civilization and the wild magic of the land.

He gave a resolute nod, allowing his own power to intermingle with that of the elementals as it had so often in centuries past. Drawing his mate close, he leaned down to tenderly rumble in her ear. "Then I will be your bulwark, my heart. Let whatever horrors awaken in the darkness spend themselves in vain against the fierce protectors of Sylvanari's unshakable light."

Elara's eyes shone with pride and love as she matched his embrace. "Always together," she replied, her fingers tracing the contours of his weathered yet powerful form.

Whatever was to come, they would be ready. For in the ashes of one empire's cruelty, the enduring spark of defiance had been fanned into an inferno of justice that would never be allowed to be smothered again.

This time, the Sylvanari would stand boldly in the open for all the world to witness their resilience, acting as wardens to safeguard the magic of land and its peoples with unbridled ferocity against any who dared threaten its sovereignty ever again.

[MN1] In the first sentence it talks about a village of Sylvanaar, but then it talks about a King (most villages don't have Kings) and how this one village stood up against an Empire with a mighty army. Against, the idea of a village standing against an entire empire and how many people for an mighty army could a single village put forth? A village, especially in a fantasy story might have a 100s of people vs an empire with 10s of thousands. I would suggest changing the Sylvanaar to a kingdom at minimum. Kings lead kingdom not villages. Alderman or mayors lead villages.

Re: I've changed all reference to Sylvanaar from village to Kingdom and everywhere there was ‘villager' or villagers is now subject or subjects through the entire book.

[MN2] If it is to kindle hope, it is something that needs to spread to all and not just to a few while leaving the masses in despair

[MN3] And here we go back to just being a simple village. It might make more sense for the Kingdom of Sylvanaar with a King. And then have a separate village.

[MN4] Door? She's crouched behind a tree in the middle of a forest. What is this door?

[MN5] And now a wall. I think we need a better description of this "meeting place." I had assumed a clearing in the woods or a stone circle considering you mention trees and underbrush and mist. But now we'd had a door and a wall. So what this meeting place is needs to be better defined so the reader can paint a picture in their head. Also, if they are inside a house in this meeting place then it would be much harder for Elara to overhear the conversation.

Re: I've removed the words door and wall that were causing the ambiguity.

[MN6] How did they see her if they were inside (??) a building?

Re: Fixed

[MN7] Something is missing here. She stumbles back and then she's retreating in to the underground passages. Was there a passage right there? Did she travel back to the original tunnel? She only knocked over the leader. What of the other soldiers? Did they not follow her? Why not?

Re: I thought it is clear that she is going back, but I added the word ‘back' to help with any ambiguity.

[MN8] This seems to be out of order or missing something. She can't be curled up in a hiding place, while then racing through winding pathways.

[MN9] What? Why can't she stay? Explain it to the reader.

[MN10] I am very confused. If they live underground, what is the light source and how are things like undergrowth growing without the sun?

[MN11] Elara needs to tell him what happened before he can offer his advice on what to do.

[MN12] I don't understand how dawn can cast light into a chamber that is underground.

Re: Actually, underground living quarters are built in such a way that they capture light and let it illuminate within them. This is ancient architecture. A Kingdom like Syvanaar with so many people living underground would likely ensure its subjects have a way of getting some natural light.

I thought this will be an accepted assumption for the reader, but since its coming up, I have deleted the ‘light' part.

[MN13] Confused about timing. Seven chapters up, she says at dawn that today she would return to the ruins. And then she talks about being at the edge of the village but it's evening. And now she's saying that tomorrow she will return to the ruins. What happened to today. And what was she doing all day in the village that she didn't go to the ruins as she said she would and why is the ruin trip now put off until tomorrow?

[MN14] How does he know this woman is part of the rebels?

[MN15] The general's orders were to leave the camp immediately or be killed. So he can't still be there the next evening in camp. An army would never tolerate a "traitor" just hanging around in their midst.

[MN16] If they are in an military camp on the edge of a battlefield, there are not street corners. However, there may be row intersections of tents. BUT – why would he be laying on a corner rather than in his tent? And again, if he was told to leave, he shouldn't be hanging around camp anymore without being arrested/killed.

Re: I've made this clear now. He left the barracks for town.

[MN17] There is only Marek so cant have friends' faces.

Re: Right!

[MN18] You need to explain why she thinks her answers lie in Aeloria. There is nothing in the story so far that makes that leap, especially since this is the first time we are hearing of this place. It would make more sense if in her vision, instead of Sylvanaar she saw Aeloria.

[MN19] What is this we business? She hasn't asked him to go and no where has he volunteered to go with her.

[MN20] I don't understand what this sentence is trying to say. Plus, the last we saw of Kael, he was slipping away from camp at dawn. And there would be no main street. It's a army emcampment. Is this reader to assume that he was taken prisoner on the same dawn that he was escaping camp?

Re: He is now in town, not at the military camp. I've fixed previous texts concerning this.

[MN21] Suggest changing this to cell. Or chained to a post. An army encampment wouldn't have dungeons. You've mentioned they are surrounded by tents.

[MN22] Make sure timing is consistent. He was leaving the army encampment at dawn. The soldiers nabbed him then. His being taken to the barracks/city took how long? It is now dawn again. Make sure the reader has a sense of time and how much time is passing within the story. How many days passed to get him from the battlefield front to the imperial city? And what happened to the underground passages under the barracks.

[MN23] Would suggest changing this. This is a vaguely medieval setting. Cities were walled and gated. You didn't have woods up to city walls (fire and hiding enemies hazard) and even if you did have woods outside of a city, you wouldn't then have another iron wall (that isn't patrolled) outside the proper stone walls encircling a city. Look at walled city that still exist like Rothenburg

[MN24] Mentioned earlier, he escaped the city at dawn. Which means that this should be he ran all day long until dusk. Or something similar.

Re: I've fixed this so he was arrested at night and its still night until now that it's almost dawn.

[MN25] You might need to have a reflective moment here. Kael seems honorable. So now he's calling the empire an insidious evil, but he had no problem working for them until they turned on him. If they hadn't would he still be there with them? He needs a moment where the reader can see him wrestling with his conscious and not just suddenly doing a 180 and badmouthing an empire he used to work for.

[MN26] Again, he's been shown this evil for years. Funny how he only recognized it when it turned on him rather than others.

[MN27] If this is the name of the group, capitalize it like Marines, or Rangers.

[MN28] Comment to the author – try to stay away from phrases like "seemed to." They water down the emotion/action that is happening.

Re: Noted

[MN29] Where are they that they can hear and see all this so clearly but no soldiers seem to see them?

[MN30] You've already used piercing gaze multiple times.

[MN31] She's a rebel leader, constantly on the move and and needing to move quickly and quietly if need be. Don't give her some fancy overdone pavilion.

Re"

[MN32] You've already told us that she's small. You don't have to retell the reader every time she's mentioned.

[MN33] Note that an EM dash signifies when a speaker is cut off. The ellipses are when a speaks trails off in their speech. Since she cuts him off, it needs to be a dash

[MN34] If these people have lived in the forest all their lives, even if they are the old and the young, they would know how to forage for food, how to set snares and how to find water.

Re: This is just to drive the plot forward. I don't think the reader will overthink this little detail. Nevertheless, I don't know how to fix it because they did lack water at this time…

[MN35] They had already sank to the ground to rest.

[MN36] This is an odd thing to say since none of the visions she's had so far that the reader has seen have shown the bear to be controlling in any way.

[MN37] Again, these are people that have lived their entire lives hidden in the forest. Generations of them. They should already know how to survive, find food and shelter and make weapons from natural resources

Re: I've fixed it as best I could. But please remember it was a kingdom and different people have different rolls. Not everyone was a food gatherer or a blacksmith.

[MN38] Why are they, especially Kael, talking about her like they don't know who she is? He's already had the conversation with Annis where the redheaded woman is the Weaver. It's weird that he keeps referring to her "as the woman" like he doesn't know who she is or what she is to him.

[MN39] Again, with ‘the woman.' Just have him call her the Weaver

[MN40] Again, already know she's real and the Weaver. If you want to go the route that she might not be, then you need to go back and change the scene with Annis where they talk about her being the Weaver

[MN41] Didn't she already have a map to Aeloria? If not, what was the other map she was given?

Re: That one led them here. This one will led them to Aeloria.

[MN42] Where did Seraphina come from? She wasn't traveling with them. And if she already knew where the map was and could just magically teleport there, why all the subterfuge? What was the point of giving them a map, sending them on a journey to another map and then leading them to a clearing just to tell them information she could have told them the first time she met them?

Re: 5 paragraphs up. I felt a shift…Seraphina appears then..

[MN43] This doesn't make much sense. She's lived her whole life with the empire hunting them. She should know who Corvus is. Plus, if she didn't know who he was, there would be no reason a name would cause a chill.

Re: I don't think it's a given that she knows Corvus. Not everyone is exposed to everything that's going on. And given her age, she may not have knowledge of a lot of things.

[MN44] "Resolve hardening" is a phrase that is getting overused and starting to stick out.

[MN45] If the bear just ripped through a bunch of soldiers, he's going to be covered in blood and gore. Nuzzling her hand will transfer that blood to her. Needs to be addressed.

Re: I personally think this is okay. Its left to the reader's imagination, as we see such scenes in movies where a wild animal can still look decent enough even after a war. As you imagine he's bloody, all I see is an endearing moment of connection between two people who have been longing to see each other. At this time, I am not thinking of blood at all.

[MN46] Why can't he stay? This needs to be explain in some way because I can see no reason why he can't stay. Also, the wings on a bear (that were not show or mentioned before these last 2 transformations needs to be addressed.

Re: The wings have been explained. Here, too, he already took an oath to help the rebels, he can't just leave them behind.

[MN47] There is no if. They have already discussed that she is the Weaver.

[MN48] And yet he left her with no explanation

Re: He came back for the Rebels. They have a role to play too.

[MN49] You've said this about every map so far.

Re: Lol. They're all old.

[MN50] When you refer to her as ‘the woman' rather than her name or title, it creates a distance for the readers. It's impersonal, like he doesn't know her.

[MN51] What is the point of this? He was already with them and yet left for some reason. And now they are sending scouts and undertaking a perilous journey when it's not needed. He can just fly to them again and the rebels can catch up later. He talks about his need to get to her to protect her but isn't actually flying to her.

Re: He has a responsibility to protect the rebels as well.

[MN52] This is getting overused.

[MN53] Why doesn't she just do another dome over the villagers like she did before? Why do they have to fight this time?

[MN54] Keep an eye on this. It shows up a lot -- "a mix of xxx and xxxx.

Re: I've worked on them. Thanks.

[MN55] This is the 4 th , maybe 5 th time the leaves/trees have whispered secrets.

Re: Lol

[MN56] Does she not share in these dreams? Every Kael chapter he talks about seeing her in his dreams. But she's only mentioned it once? I think.

Re: She has no one to share them with.

[MN57] And yet for some odd reason he's taking the long way instead of just flying to her.

[MN58] They are rebels who have found imperial forces. Why can't he leave them? They took care of themselves before he met them? It's seems a weak answer.

Re: But they were waiting for him to lead them, according to what Annis said.

[MN59] Why Lyra now and not her mother who was the rebel leader? It's like she's just been dropped as a character in favor of Lyra

Re: Yes, I've fixed this.

[MN60] This doesn't make much sense since she's already met him. This comment would make more sense for the first time they met when he flew in to fight the soldiers for them.

Re: He was a dire bear then. This is the first time she's seeing him in his human form.

[MN61] She still acting like she hadn't met him already in bear form. Which also begs the question, why didn't he turn back into a man and talk to her then instead of flying away.

[MN62] If she controls rock and each, why doesn't she control the stone guardians?

[MN63] Again, why Lyra and not her mother Annis who was the leader/spiritual head of the rebels?

[MN64] How would a stone guardian that has never left the city know the name Corvus? Also, as a mage, wouldn't Corvus have magical forces and not ‘Corvus's soldiers'" Wouldn't they be imperial soldiers working for Corvus?

Re: They can know because they are guardians so acquainted with events. Remember that they were told that Corvus was looking for Aeloria too. It's not all the time sorcerers use their powers immediately or directly. AS we will see later in this scene.

[MN65] He's shown that he's more powerful as the bear so why isn't he changing into that form?

Re: He's also a soldier and will fight as one too. Shifting is always a last resort, not the first option.

[MN66] Again, stone guardians who have not left this hidden city in centuries?? The speak too easily of current events and people.

Re: They are watchers and guardians.

[MN67] It took them days of travel to get to the city. And days before with the rebels leaving the city before they even started heading towards the rebels. There is no way he's going to run and get to the capital by sundown. Also, why isn't he flying when he's shown twice before that he can fly?

Re: He shifted into a bear (sorry I didn't point that out, but I have now). And he also moved with the speed of ‘flash'. It's as good as flying.

[MN68] You used this phrase in the paragraph above

[MN69] Again, they were walked for days to get to the magical city. Did she only sleep one day/night? How did they get to the capital so quickly? And if she has been asleep for days, she's going to have to pee something fierce when she wakes up

Re: Yes, you're right, but in novels and movies, people's pees and dodos and need for food aren't generally pointed out.

[MN70] How would they know to have a bath ready and to the minute so that it's still steaming?

Re: As soon as a King gives an order, magic happens. You know this. We see it in mediaeval movies all the time.

[MN71] You need to explain these magic suppression runes. It makes sense they would be in a dungeon cell, but not in a normal palace room unless they are everywhere in the castle. In which case, you need to mention that as she is led through the halls.

Re: I did mention a walk down a corridor…and I've added more details about the runes.

[MN72] Kael left without the rebels so how did they catch up with him? Also, if's it's been a day, how did they get there so quickly? And, what was the whole thing about being at the capital by sundown? That whole plot thread seems to have been forgotten.

Re: this is from her perspective. She has no way of knowing all that information. But its explained when the POV changes to Kael.

[MN73] Is he outside of the city gates or the palace gates? Because if outside the city, he wouldn't necessarily see the palace. If the palace then there wouldn't be a boulder to hide behind, he'd be surrounded by the city.

Re: Yes he is in the city of can see the palace from the distance where he is, as palace then to stand out high above the city skyline.

[MN74] Was he flying? Did they give magic that allowed them to go that fast?

Re: He moved at an accelerated speed and so did they. Else there's no way they could have gotten there that fast.

[MN75] If they are in a corridor and can see the doors and guards, why can the guards not see them?

Re: Entrance guards are usually standing stiffly and usually facing one direction. Its easy not to notice someone who sneaks up on you.

[MN76] During Elara's chapter she drove out a window and into a courtyard, not in a small heavily fortified chamber. The two accounts need to be reconciled.

[MN77] Elara escaped to a courtyard according to what happened in her chapter's POV. How did they get into the throne room?

[MN78] The magic runes are still around so her magic should still be greatly reduced.

[MN79] Gates of the city or the gates of the palace?

[MN80] When Elara walked through the corridors of the palace they were opulent and jewel encrusted. Suggest making this the prisoners tower or the dungeons beneath the palace and not the palace itself.

[MN81] Again, where is the city. The first time through the city surrounds the palace. So he needs to leave the palace and then go through the city before he can reach the edge of the forest.

[MN82] How did the villagers get there? The stone guardians gave the rebels magic to get to the capital and Kael could fly, but how are the villagers there? And what about the dark magic was the surrounding them and poised to kill them? Why would Corvus keep his word to let them go? He's better off just killing them.

Re: They returned back to the Aeloria but I am making it clearer.

[MN83] What was the point of giving himself up? IF he just immediately leaves? Corvus can still go after the villagers.

Re: Good point. He gave himself up so the rebels could leave. Corvus had threatened to hurt them. We are leading up to a climax.

[MN84] How did they get back to the heart of Aeloria? He was in a clearing outside the capital.

[MN85] According to the story, the only villagers left were very old and very young, especially the children. I don't think they would be using them as combat troops

Re: Some could fight.

[MN86] This is a repeat of two paragraphs back. Is that would you wanted?

[MN87] Again – with children and old people?

Re: Just a few of those that could fight.

[MN88] This has been mentioned way to often.

[MN89] Why does Kael know so much about magic? Also, they never went back to the book to read about the "real" prophecy after they were interrupted. And why aren't they using the stone guardians in their fight?

Re: they will help later.

[MN90] The whole bond growing stronger bit is getting way overused.

Re: Thanks

[MN91] Overused phrase

[MN92] This doesn't make much sense. Hidden rebel groups would be spaced all around the country. Not a few hours walk away from the hidden city. A journey like this would logically take days and wouldn't just be (a little further down the woodland path)

Re: But it's a trap that Elara did not pick up on because she trusted Lyra.

[MN93] This whole paragraph/phrasing is overused

[MN94] Considering this village is supposed to have been hidden, how did this group of rebels find it? Elara needed a magic map. Kael followed the pull to Elara.

[MN95] This comment doesn't make sense. Annis wasn't there so she doesn't know about Lyra's betrayal or about her being held out in the woods. So this answer to her question of where Lyra was would make no sense. The response should be along the lines of – she's not here in camp. She turned on us and during a fight she was restrained in the woods and when we went back out to get her, she was gone. We've searched etc etc etc.

[MN96] Note that the city is back again. Need to make all the references to city and palace and the city around the palace consistent.

[MN97] Medieval cities (which fantasy cities are mostly based on) never had undergrowth right up to their walls precising so that armies couldn't hide against the walls. Plus, mostly medieval cities used the areas around cities for pastures so the land was mowed down.

[MN98] Considering this was the capital city, where are all the inhabitants? A good sized city could hold thousands of people. And what if they don't want to live in the midst of all this greenery?

[MN99] Wife? When was the marriage?