Chapter 13

I woke in a bed.A real bed with a mattress and a pillow, even a snuggly comforter. I took a moment to blink at the ceiling, which I didn't recognize. Constructed of pine boards tightly fitted together, a ceiling fan hung from it, the blades lightly turning. A slight shift of my head showed more of the wood paneling on the walls, along with a window covered in a filmy white curtain.

I patted my body, looking for the cuts that had peppered it. No ridges met the tips of my fingers, nor any pain. I'd been healed. My body, at any rate. My mind, though, remained a mess.

I shoved myself to a seated position, bracing myself for pain, yet the only discomfort I suffered appeared to be of the muscular variety, the kind you feel when you've been in bed sick for a few days. How long had I been asleep? Judging by the shakiness of my limbs as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, a while.

As I stood, the door to the room opened, startling me. I whirled to confront and lost my balance in the process. My clumsy ass fell on the bed, and Cain exclaimed, "For fuck's sake, Sadie, what are you doing?"

"Getting up?" I mean it seemed kind of obvious.

"You should be resting," he chided.

"I was resting, and now I'm awake and wondering how the fuck I'm still alive."

"By pure luck!" he growled, heading to my side. He reached for me, yanking me upwards by the arms. I expected a vigorous shaking, but to my surprise, he dragged me against his chest for a hug.

A hug against a solid body that smelled nice. I leaned my head on his pecs and let myself bask for a moment before murmuring, "Where am I?"

"We're in a cabin in Northern Ontario."

Which put us well out of the Toronto area. Hours away, as a matter of fact. I must have been sleeping hard because I didn't recall being moved at all.

"What happened to the warehouse sanctuary?"

"After the gigacerta battle, the damage left it unusable," he advised, still not letting me go.

"Did you kill it?"

"Of course," he huffed somewhat indignantly.

I pushed away from his chest to see his face as I asked, "What happened after I passed out?" And by that, I meant, where was Moloch? At least he'd not appeared in my dreams while I recovered.

"Later. I want to start with why you left. Do you know what kind of panic you caused?" he growled.

Uh-oh, here came the lecture. "I didn't mean to cause any worry."

"What did you think would happen when we couldn't find you?"

I winced. "I'm sorry." Sorry I'd been so caught up in my own pity party that I thought no one would care if I left.

"You should be, and you still haven't answered why you left."

"Because."

"That's not an answer," he groused.

I sighed. "As if you don't know already know. I was tired of feeling like a failure. I wasn't making any progress with my supposed power. While everyone was out fighting and doing something meaningful, I got grounded to the warehouse and, at the same time, prevented you and Vance from doing your jobs."

"Our jobs were to protect you."

"I thought I was doing you a favor."

"Your favor let loose the demon king."

Once more I winced. "I thought by giving up my magic I'd prevent that from happening. That I wouldn't feel like such a failure that was letting everyone down. I didn't know Emilia lied about removing it."

"How long did that lying, treacherous witch fill your head with lies?"

"It wasn't her fault I chose to go." It would have been easy to blame her. "I'd been thinking about it, and she just so happened to tell me what I wanted to hear to convince myself to take the plunge."

"I can't believe we had an agent of the Dark Lord in our midst," he growled.

"It didn't sound as if her conversion happened that long ago."

"It shouldn't have happened at all!"

"Moloch promised her power, and she got greedy." Look at me, making excuses for her inexcusable actions.

"I don't understand how Moloch got to her. She can't see demons, so how would they have made a deal with her?"

"He came to Emilia in her dreams," I whispered softly. Then added, "He's been infiltrating mine as well."

"And you didn't tell me?" Cain almost knocked me over he rose so abruptly to pace.

"I also didn't tell you that he spoke to me through that woman at the park."

"The one you said had a heart attack?" At my nod, he asked, "Why, Sadie? Why did you hide all this?"

"Because it's so easy to tell people, hey, I think an evil demon lord is talking to me while I'm asleep." I couldn't help the bitter sarcasm.

"You should have told someone. We can't protect you against threats we don't know about," he chastised me, and with good reason. Why had I kept it secret? "How long has this been going on?" he demanded.

I shrugged. "Not too long."

"Nova needs to know."

"She's going to be mad I didn't tell her." In the light of day, I couldn't understand why I'd not spoken up. I should have trusted Nova and the others. I needed to stop thinking I had to handle things alone and recognize I was part of a team.

Before I could apologize for being a dumbass and promise to do better, Nova entered. "I thought I heard voices. Hello, Sadie. How are you feeling?"

"Stupid."

"No, if anyone should feel that way, it's me for not realizing we had a traitor in our midst. It was only by happenstance we realized Emilia had gone to the dark side."

"How did you find out?" I asked.

"Because she tried to convince her lover to join her. When he refused, she attacked him before fleeing. I just wish we'd picked up her trail sooner."

"We've got bigger problems," Cain interjected. "Sadie says Moloch spoke to her while possessing a woman, and he also came to her and Emilia in their dreams."

The claim caused Nova to go wide-eyed with surprise. "So that's how he poisoned her against us. I didn't know he could project his consciousness from his prison." She tucked her hands behind her back as she muttered, "I wonder why he's never done it before now."

"There was mention about planets being aligned," I offered. "Maybe he was too far away before?"

"Something we'll have to look into, but more importantly, I'll have Devika devise something to protect the sleeping areas to prevent any more Moloch visits from happening in the future. Over time, we should be able to modify the individual demon-detecting talisman. Forewarned means being prepared," Nova stated.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before," I apologized.

"You should be, but it must have been confusing for you. I mean no one expects their dreams to be a dangerous place." Nova excused my actions, and I almost hated her for being so understanding.

"More like I worried you'd see me as a detriment and, you know, remove me." I sliced a finger across my throat, which led to Cain blurting out, "You actually thought we'd murder you?"

"Wouldn't you if it saved the world?" I countered.

His mouth opened and shut. Before he could formulate a reply, Nova waved a hand at Cain. "Leave. I need to talk to Sadie." When he appeared as if he'd argue, she added, "Alone."

The moment the door shut behind him, I readied for my rebuke.

Instead, Nova sighed. "I'm sorry I failed you."

My mouth rounded in surprise. "You didn't fail me. I was the one who didn't tell you Moloch was talking to me. I was the one who believed Emilia when she said she could take my magic and make me normal again. I'm the idiot who left a safe place and in doing so allowed myself to be used to bring Moloch back. I'm the reason the world is about to be destroyed." I'd gone from being a potential hero to the bringer of the apocalypse.

"You didn't tell me because I pushed you too hard. I should have been more approachable."

"It's not your fault. You've got lots of shit going on."

A faint smile graced her lips. "I did, but so did you. I left you to struggle with it on your own. No wonder you chose the route you did. But that is water under the bridge at this point. We need to find a way to go forward and beat Moloch. That is, if you're willing to help."

"I don't really have much of a choice, do I?"

"There is always a choice. And I'm sorry if before I made it seem like you didn't have one. These events are unprecedented, and I pushed you harder than I should have."

"Look at us being true Canadians, apologizing to each other." I managed a rusty chuckle.

Nova sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you feel up to telling me what happened?"

"Starting where?"

"Wherever you feel comfortable. Be that the dreams, Emilia, your departure…"

I told her everything, from how Moloch spoke to me by possessing that woman in the park, to invading my dreams, to Emilia's subtle campaign to get me to quit. How my parents, who weren't my parents, had kidnapped me and raised me to be a pussy, all so they could eventually sacrifice me to free Moloch. I even told her of Moloch's plan to make babies with me. By the time I finished, Nova appeared shell-shocked, but it quickly turned into a musing expression.

"It would seem forces have been conspiring against you for a long time."

"Michelle and Larry killed my birth parents because Moloch knew about me being born. Think there's a way we can find out who they were?" I hadn't had time to fully digest that fact before. It now made me wonder about my roots.

"We can definitely try. I wonder if they were known to the coven and guild. The thing that struck me most was something you said about Emilia tampering with your daily drink."

"It would appear she and my"—I paused because I didn't want to call Michelle and Larry my parents—"those assholes who raised me were drugging me."

"Giving you something to inhibit your abilities. It would explain so much. How your powers didn't manifest until later in life. Why we couldn't get your magic to work."

"I don't know. I mean I stopped eating anything from the care packages months before I saw the first demon."

"After so many years, the effect most likely lingered in your system. You must have still been detoxing when we found you, only you never fully flushed your system because Emilia resumed with the dosing, tamping down your power."

"But I could still see demons," I countered.

"It could be you weren't imbibing enough of the drug. May I touch you?"

"Uh, sure?" I braced myself as Nova placed a hand on my forehead. She closed her eyes, and her expression went flat.

She murmured, "It's not magic-based, whatever they used. Nor is it harming your body, or the healing would have removed it."

"It's still there?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly. "it's not something I can see or sense, which is how Emilia got away with it. A pity we burned down the warehouse. I would have liked to search her tent to see what she used so we could find a counter."

"It should wear off though, right?"

Nova nodded. "It must, or they wouldn't have had to keep giving it to you."

"Does this mean I'll eventually be able to do magic?" Such a tiny, hopeful query. For all my claims I didn't want to be a hero, a lot of that had to do with my frustration when it came to accessing my so-called abilities.

"It will return, but the question is, how long before it's at full strength?"

"I don't know, but I don't think I can force down any more of Devika's concoctions to try to help it along." Not only had they been disgusting to begin with, but now that they were associated with Emilia's treachery I never wanted to look at one again.

"That's understandable, and I don't believe they'll be necessary. When we met you, you'd been several months without any and your magic only manifested in great peril, when your endorphins flooded your body, overriding the numbing agent."

"It didn't work in that backyard when they were slicing me." A memory that would give me nightmares for the rest of my life.

"Most likely you were freshly dosed. Now that we're aware, you will only eat or drink items prepared in plain view of Cain, Vance, or myself."

"I can trust Mizuki," I added.

"Can we? Knowing Moloch's been insidiously infiltrating bodies and dreams means I'll have to first ensure her mind is protected from tampering and also subject her to a truth spell."

"It won't hurt her?" I asked with worry. I didn't want my only friend resenting me over some weird tests.

"No, it won't cause any harm. Everyone will be subjected to the same treatment. We cannot afford a repeat of Emilia. Can you imagine if we had to worry about our allies turning on us during a battle?"

A valid point. "I guess everyone hates me for abandoning the cause." I'd run off and left them. Their reaper witch, their supposed savior, now a proven coward.

"Do you think you're the only one to ever be hesitant about what we do?" Nova reached out a hand and placed it on my arm. "We've all suffered from self-doubt at one point or another."

"Not Cain."

Her lips curved. "Maybe not Cain, but he's one of the rare few who rushes into danger. Most everyone else has a sense of self-preservation. A desire to lead a normal life. A want to avoid deadly danger."

"A danger I made worse. How bad have things gotten since Moloch's escape?" Were cities burning? People dying?

"It's actually been quiet. Too quiet. The demons around the world have all but disappeared."

The claim creased my brow. "I'm going to guess they didn't all suddenly go back to Hell."

"More likely Moloch's hiding their presence and gathering them to launch his offensive."

"How do we stop him?"

"I don't know. The texts and histories I've studied speak of him being imprisoned, but none explain how they managed it or why they couldn't eliminate him."

"Is he immortal?"

Nova took on a pensive look. "I don't know. I mean, in the sense he can live a long time, then yes. At the same time, while magic didn't appear to affect him, Vance's bullets did penetrate."

"Until he raised a shield."

"A shield that can be weakened, as it takes much concentration and magic to make it effective. Had he not escaped via portal we would have broken through."

"So the next time he appears, we should go after him hardcore and hope we get past his shield before he runs off like a coward again." It felt good to call him a coward. After all, for all his boasting of being uber-powerful, he'd run like a little bitch when the going got tough.

Then again, so did I. However, I'd gotten a second chance, and it came with a new attitude.

I'd been weak all my life because Michelle and Larry had drilled it into my head. Don't confront. Don't rock the boat. Don't talk back. Don't do anything that might make it appear as if I had a backbone.

But Moloch called me courageous. In my fear, I'd found my tongue. Could I change my sass into bravery? Could a coward become a fighter?

Time to find out.