CHAPTER NINETEEN

BELLA

Immediately upon opening my eyes, I whimper in pain. Everything hurts. My head is pounding, and makes thinking difficult, because my brain feels like it has been scrambled. My ass throbs like someone butchered me.

Oh my God.

Parts of my memory slam into me, and I remember crying while he held me down and cut his fucking name into my ass. Moving to get up, I’m quiet, because the asshole is sleeping on the other side of the bed. Part of me believes he did that because he’s a psychopath, so of course he would, But the other wants to see something more to Reaper than there appears to be. I saw his anguished expression, when he thought I was judging him. He was right, he feels pain. It was clear as day. I wasn’t trying to judge him, I was trying to understand him.

I spot the knife on the bedside table and then glance at him. He is still passed out. This might be my one chance to get away. Walking over as quietly as possible, I take it in my hand and turn to him. Staring at him, I tighten the grip on his weapon, and his eyes pop open and land right on me.

“Bella,” he warns.

He rises to a sitting position and I panic.

“Don’t fucking move, Nico.”

Holding his hands up in the air, he admits what he thinks I want to hear.

“Look, baby. Last night, I probably went too far. I’ll make it up to you.”

I tilt my head at him as I stare at him with disbelief .

“Too far? You butchered my ass like you had a right. You have never had a right to do any of the things you’ve done to me. I never wanted to take a life. I’m not like you. All of this is everything I’ve never wanted. You said you would break me. Congratulations. I’m broken.”

I stand here staring at him, contemplating whether or not I can kill him, and I know I can’t. What I don’t understand is why. He has given me every reason to end his life, yet, when I look at the pain in his eyes, I just can’t.

Lifting the knife to my throat, I feel relief, because this is how it ends. This is the only way.

“Bella. Jesus fucking Christ. Put the knife down.”

My hand holding the knife trembles, so I steady it with my other one and smile. Not because I’m happy. That’s far from my current emotion, but because now I’ll be free of him. There won’t be any more torture. Never again, will I wonder how he will kill me, because I’ll already be dead.

“This is the only way this ends. One of us needs to die.”

“No!” He roars, and his voice comes out drenched with anguish.

“Bella, I’m an asshole. I know that. But, baby, please, you’re the only good thing in my life. Please don’t do this. I’m begging you. Don’t do this to me.”

Do this to him? I’m ending my life, and he’s worried about how it will affect him. The anger rises and causes my blood to boil.

“Even now, it’s all about what you want. You never think about anyone other than yourself.”

Taking a deep breath, I’m ready to leave all this behind. I’m not suicidal, not really. I think most of us that choose death don’t actually want to die. We just don’t want to live like this.

“Goodbye, Nico.”

Without warning, he jumps up from the bed, and grabs my arm holding the knife. My heart pounds furiously as I grip the handle tighter, and he attempts to yank it from my grasp. I push forward, and the blade plunges into his chest. A scream is trapped in my throat, as he falls to his knees before crumpling to the floor. I stare at the impaled blade, knowing full well it’s near his heart. Nico is going to die, and I can’t for the life of me understand why I care. Why the pain in my own chest matches his. My heart squeezes in anguish, as my gaze moves to his face.

With a smile, he grunts in pain.

“I knew you were special. The one woman stronger than all the men. I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you, living dead girl. Go. Live your life. Your purse is in the kitchen pantry.”

Grabbing his phone, I ask for his passcode.

“3223.”

His eyes close, and I look in his phonebook and find his brother Bones. That’s the one I should call, right? He’s in charge, so it seems right.

“Reaper,” he says after answering almost immediately.

“Umm this is Bella. Nico has been stabbed. You need to come get him or he’s going to die.”

I disconnect the call and set the phone down and stare at him on the floor. Regret fills my stomach, as he says words he never would have, had I not plunged a weapon into his chest.

“Go, Bella. Before my brother gets here.”

There is no way I should feel anything other than hatred for him, after what he has done to me, but if I’m honest with myself, I don’t. After everything he has done to me, why won’t my feet move? I should be running for my life, but I don’t want to go. I run a hand through my hair and pull at the strands.

Nico speaks low, as if it hurts to talk.

“Go, baby. If I lose consciousness, I cannot guarantee your safety. Please leave.”

I walk to the door, my legs as heavy as lead, as I walk away from the most psychotic man I’ve ever known. Tears stream down my face, as I realize I’m never going to see him again. My brain tells me I shouldn’t care, but my heart says an entirely different thing.

My chest tightens as I make my way to the pantry to get my purse. I’m fairly certain if I’m here when his brothers show up, I’m dead. That’s what he meant about not being able to guarantee my safety. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a member of the mafia sparing someone that killed one of their own.