Chapter 5

THREE WEEKS LATER

T here was something incredibly appealing about a man in paint-stained joggers and a T-shirt. And the fact that Kaster didn’t need a stool to reach the crease between the ceiling and the wall when painting was even sexier.

Urgh, I shouldn’t have been thinking about him as sexy. He was my friend, nothing more. We’d agreed, weeks ago, that whatever was between us would remain platonic, and yet somewhere along the way, the boundaries had begun to blur.

The easiest thing to do would be to limit the amount of time I spent with him. Easy enough to do now that the missing persons cases were at a roadblock. The canvasing had yielded no results, and we were banging our heads against a brick wall. No more cold ones had been spotted since the attack on the School of Creation, even though we continued to patrol. Turned out that the Sangualex who’d gone missing by the river had been killed by cold ones, their bodies found downriver, mangled but not eaten. I guessed vampires weren’t as appealing to cold ones as children. No new information had come to light about the boathouse fire either, leaving us in the dark about why the chapter operatives had been sent there. Poor Padma was still at Harriet’s mercy, and I was still trading my blood for the doctor’s services.

So yes, there wasn’t much tying me to Kaster, so once I finished helping him decorate his apartment, I’d pull away from our relationship.

My heart sank because we were almost done. Just one more room to paint and a few knickknacks to source, then his New Town apartment would be complete, and I could back off and reaffirm our boundaries.

I slid a glance his way, noting how his tousled dark hair fell across his forehead and into his eyes. Here, like this, away from society and convention, he was relaxed, both in appearance and action.

He set his brush down and surveyed his handiwork. You were right about this color, he said in my mind. It does make the room look larger.

And the mirror we found in that thrift shop will make the perfect centerpiece. We can stick that chest of drawers underneath it and the candelabras on either side, get some flowers and ? —

His laughter filled my head. How about we get some food first?

I fell back onto the tarp-covered sofa . I can’t be bothered to get dressed and go out tonight.

We don’t have to go out. I'm going to cook.

My brows went up. Oh? And what are we having?

My signature dish. Creamy carbonara with homemade garlic bread.

My tummy rumbled. Sounds delicious.

Why don’t you hop in the shower, and I’ll get started?

Don’t you want to shower too?

Is that an invitation?

My mouth went dry, and I forced a laugh. Bad idea.

His gaze darkened, and he stepped closer. Is it?

The heat from his body kissed mine, the smell of paint overpowered by his bergamot scent, an aroma that evoked a sense of security and safety.

He was a vampire just like Ezekiel, but even though I knew Ezekiel would protect me, that he wouldn’t hurt me, I never truly felt safe with him.

Not like I did with Kaster.

I wanted nothing more than to melt against him, but I held my ground. You know it is. I can’t give you all of me.

Maybe I’m happy to take what little you can give.

There was longing in the depth of his dark eyes, longing, heat, and want. All the things that echoed the emotions inside me because Kaster had become my go-to place. My haven away from all the things that reminded me of what I’d lost and what had never been mine. Kaster was my guilty pleasure in a world where the rules kept my heart caged, and if I crossed the boundaries we’d set, then I risked losing this sanctuary because I could see myself falling for this male, and soon, what little I could give wouldn’t be enough.

Better never to step onto that road.

Kaster stroked my cheek with his fingertips. It’s all right, Orina. Understand that you’re in control, that I’m ready and willing to meet you at whichever boundary you set, and that I would never, ever cross it. But know that you can move that boundary whenever you want as many times as you want. I’ll be here…whatever it takes to keep you.

My heart swelled because I believed him. I trusted him. But…I didn’t trust myself. Thank you.

He kissed my forehead. Go shower but leave me some hot water.

I left him to pack up, grabbed my overnight bag, and headed to the bathroom. Maybe staying the night was a bad idea. I’d done it before, three times this week, in fact, but maybe tonight I should go back to the chapter house. But even as the thought entered my mind, I knew I wouldn’t because either Ordell or Hemlock would be at the chapter house. Reminders of a path that was no longer mine, a destiny that didn’t belong to me. It was pathetic that it still bothered me; after all, I hadn’t even known about it until three weeks ago, but it made my relationship with the two hunters feel like a lie, and I wasn’t entirely sure how to deal with that.

They had Ariella to worry about now. To watch over as she got closer to Ezekiel.

My chest ached at the thought of them together, but I shut it down and turned on the hot water.

Stepping into the spray, I allowed it to cleanse me of all redundant thoughts.

The carbonara was rich and filled with flavor, and the garlic bread was crispy yet melted in my mouth. I ate with gusto, focused on the meal, and it was only when my stomach was full that I realized Kaster was watching me intently, wine glass in hand. He’d barely touched his food, moving it about his plate to make it look like he’d eaten more than he had.

Vampires didn’t need food to survive, but they enjoyed it nonetheless, so this, him sitting down to a meal with me, was more for company, to make me feel comfortable.

I wasn’t about to point it out and ruin his efforts.

It’s delicious. You’re an amazing cook.

Oh, don’t get too excited. This is one of four dishes that I can cook well.

Oh? And what are the others?

Scrambled eggs on toast, fillet steak, and chicken casserole.

Sounds good to me . I wiped my mouth with my napkin and sat back in my seat. I’m not a good cook. In fact, I try to avoid it at all costs.

Luckily for us there are plenty of restaurants in New Town, and most deliver. We can get something delicious every night.

We? He was talking as if I would be living here. With him. The thought created a knot of longing inside my stomach.

He watched me studiously . Orina, this apartment…I won’t always be staying here and…there are two bedrooms so ? —

Don’t. Don’t say it.

I have to. I want you to have a key. I know you can’t live here full-time, but I want you to think of it as a second home to the chapter house. It’s close to your office and…it gives you some space.

Even though he didn’t know the truth about Loviator, Ezekiel, or Ariella, he must have picked up on the distance between the hunters and me. How easily I’d agreed to stay over at his apartment rather than head back to the chapter house.

Heck, I’d been here so much these past two weeks, I might as well move in, but that would give the wrong impression, not to mention as head of the chapter house, it was my duty to live there.

What was I doing? I can’t.

He sighed. Just take the key anyway. Please. I want you to consider this your sanctuary.

My eyes pricked. I stood abruptly and crossed to the window, where my reflection stared back at me from the inky night beyond. Why are you so…so fucking perfect?

Oh, I’m far from perfect, Orina. I’m a male with a long-term plan. He came up behind me, and my breath stalled.

Oh? And what is this plan?

He cupped my shoulders and turned me to face him. To make you fall in love with me.

My pulse skipped then beat hard against my throat. I can’t be the woman you need, Kaster. I can’t ? —

He silenced my protests and doubts with the warm pressure of his lips, sipping on my gasp and cradling my head with one hand to hold me to him as he tasted me.

I melted, clinging to his shoulders, savoring the tart wine that lingered on his tongue. We kissed for long seconds, deeper and with growing passion, our bodies meeting and brushing and rubbing, begging us to take this further, and God, I wanted to. I wanted to abandon caution and thought and all the chains that held me back from pure pleasure, but what we wanted wasn’t always what we needed, and what I needed to do was pull away.

I should…

Just one moment.

He broke the kiss with a sigh, his chest rumbling with regret. I’ve wanted to do that for the longest time. He rested his forehead on mine, breathing fast and ragged . I’ve wanted to do so much more. To taste you. To devour every inch of your body.

Heat crawled up my chest and hugged my neck. “Kaster…” My tone was a breathless whisper.

I know, I know that you have boundaries. The Order has rules. I understand that, and I will never coerce you to break those rules, but we can have this… He kissed the corner of my mouth and ran his hand down my side in a featherlight caress that left me aching for more. We can have pleasure without breaking your vow of chastity.

I froze. What?

He pulled back. Your vow to the Order. I’m assuming you have to take a vow of chastity. That is why you have the boundaries, correct?

He didn’t know the full truth. That it was more than a vow, more than a reprimand that would ensue if I broke it. He didn’t know that sex would strip me of my blessed mark and my ability to wield a blessed sword, forever severing my connection to the white wings to render me adrift. He was simply making logical assumptions, something that I now wondered if Ordell had made also.

I exhaled, masking my relief with a smile. You assume correctly. But I can’t take that risk, especially with someone that I…that I want so much.

He cupped my face, staring deep into my eyes. What if I vow to be the compass? To be the anchor that holds you back if you find yourself caught in a tide?

I closed my eyes. It would be too much to expect of anyone .

He kissed my lips softly then released me. Then let’s end the evening with dessert. I have chocolate cake.

His shift in topic tore a surprised laugh from me, and I squashed the stab of disappointment that he hadn’t pushed harder.

Chocolate cake sounds wonderful.

We ate on the balcony, enjoying the view of New Town from our eight-story height. All its twinkling lights winked at us. It was a cold night, but Kaster loaned me a sweater, and with the balcony door open to let out some heat, I barely felt the chill.

We usually had an evening herbal tea out here, and when I stayed over, I took my coffee out here while Kaster slept. I’d claimed the seat I was in as mine and even bought a special cushion for it.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love it here.

We’d just finished up when a huge Raven landed on the balcony beside me.

I dropped my fork with a curse. Then checked its foot for a message. Not all Ravens were messengers, and I’d seen plenty the past two weeks just perched on posts or sills.

This one carried a pellet.

Kaster approached it and unclipped the message tied to its ankle. He read it with a frown then passed it to me.

“For me?”

He nodded. Ezekiel.

Ezekiel knew where I was? Which meant he’d been keeping tabs on me. I hated the flicker of warmth that thought evoked.

I’ll clear the plates, Kaster said.

He retreated inside to allow me some privacy. I unfurled the note and read it twice, blood thundering in my ears as the flicker of warmth died.

Dear Miss Lighthart,

You are cordially invited to dinner at Branwood Castle tomorrow night.

Ezekiel and Ariella .

He’d signed it from them both. As if they were a couple. Together. This was good. This was what we wanted, but did I want to see it? No. No I didn’t. I could send a Raven back and politely decline.

I closed my eyes and took a moment to center myself.

Not attending would be like running away, and I did not run away from my duty.

I’d taken three weeks to myself. Stepped back from it all, but I was here as Ezekiel’s watcher, and it was time to act like it once more.

I’d go to dinner tomorrow night, and I’d watch the fuck outta him.