Chapter 14

M y scream was a bloodcurdling alarm that froze Shay in his tracks for a moment before his paralysis broke and he rushed me.

I screamed again, but the thunderous beat of wings drowned out my cry.

A huge shadow dropped from the roof and onto Shay’s back.

His eyes went round in shock, and the next moment he was torn away and flung to the other end of the alley.

The shadow coalesced into a human form.

“Ezekiel…” Oh thank the stars.

He stared at me with burning eyes. “Excuse me one moment.” He turned and headed down the alley in the direction he’d thrown Shay. “Gone. Coward.” He came back to me and crouched down to study my face. His fingers were cool against my skin as he gently gripped my chin, lifting it to look deep into my eyes. “Surely you know better than to drink fae wine.”

“I didn’t know…” A sob clawed at my throat as the reality of what almost happened rushed through me. Shay had been intent on having sex with me. He’d made me drink fae wine and then taken advantage. He would have violated me, and I’d have been too weak to stop him and—The sob escaped.

Ezekiel’s mouth tightened. “You’ll be the death of me.” He scooped me into his arms, and the world melted into darkness.

I came to on a leather sofa in a stranger’s apartment. It was empty, except for a sofa suite, walls bare and unadorned. What the fuck?

Oh…Oh shit. Shay and the alley and?—

“Good, you’re awake.” Ezekiel stepped into the room from the balcony. “I was about to enter your mind to find you.”

“Where are we?”

“Your new apartment,” he said smugly. “I acquired it yesterday for you. I know how much you enjoy staying in New Town.”

“So you bought me an apartment?”

“You can decorate it as you wish. I will provide the funds.”

Was he serious right now? “I don’t need or want your apartment.”

He frowned. “That isn’t what your behavior of the last few weeks tells me.”

“Because you’ve been spying on me.”

“Keeping an eye on you, yes. For your protection, which tonight saved your life. The Baobhan sidhe would have drained you.”

“The what?”

“His kind are rare, especially on this side of the veil. They feed on human emotions, fear, joy, desire…” His shoulders tensed. “If I hadn’t been there tonight…”

His tone was more I-dread-to-think than you-best-thank-me.

But he deserved my gratitude. “Thank you for saving me.”

“Don’t thank me. Make better choices.”

“Says the guy who chooses violence most every time.”

His smile said he conceded the point. “Why were you with the sidhe? Do you know him?”

“No. But he’s a friend of…a friend…” Did Crush know what a slime bag his friend was? I doubted it. I’d have to inform him.

“Maybe I should speak to this friend.”

“No. I’ll deal with it. I just…I’ll sort it out, okay?” The last thing I needed was Ezekiel getting up in Crush’s face and alienating the only fae world contact we had. My gut told me Crush didn’t know what an ass his buddy was. Heck, maybe Shay wasn’t even a close friend, maybe he was a business associate.

I swung my legs onto the floor, back in command of my body, but my mind was still clouded. The fae wine hadn’t worn off completely yet, and being around Ezekiel when not in command of my full faculties was dangerous. “I need to go.”

“Weren’t you listening?” he asked.

“I don’t want to stay here.” I stood slowly.

“Then I’ll take you back to the chapter house, or…you can come back to Branwood. Your room is still there.”

“It’s fine. I have a key to Kaster’s, so I?—”

He made a gruff sound of displeasure. “You don’t have to go back to his apartment. This is your space.”

“It’s not about the apartment, Ezekiel. It’s about Kaster. I want to be with him.” And there was truth in that.

He flinched. “You…you care for him.”

“I do.”

“And me?” he asked softly. “What do you feel for me?”

There was too much vulnerability in his tone. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Not now. Not ever, really, but here we were, face to face, ready to have this confrontation.

I could lie to him, but what would that achieve? He would know, and he would wonder, and the cycle would continue. So I gave him the closest version of the truth that I could.

“I care about you too, Ezekiel, and it scares me. It disgusts me how much I want you, and that contradiction is draining. It makes me feel awful about myself. It makes me hate myself. Things are easy with Kaster. He makes me happy.” All true.

His nostrils flared, and his breathing quickened as if he was preparing to fight. “Are you in love with him?”

If I could say yes here, and it be true, would it stop Ezekiel dead in his tracks? Would it kill this burgeoning thing between us? This skein of emotion that could never be woven into anything functional.

It didn’t matter because I couldn’t say it. “No, I’m not in love with him, but I could be.” In time. If I allowed myself to fall.

“Have you given your body to him?”

It was my turn to flinch because there was accusation in his tone. This was my chance to cut him off. To show him that I was committed to another. “Yes.”

His sharp exhale was the only reaction I got, and when he spoke, his tone was matter-of-fact, as if he was relaying the weather forecast for tomorrow. “What if I take him away from you? I could end his life.”

I swallowed past the tightness in my throat. “Then I’ll hate you.”

He growled. “I don’t want him to have you.”

“Then what? What do you want?”

“I want you as mine.”

Part of me had believed that this admission would bring me peace, but all it did was open a pit of nothing inside of me, and when I spoke, my tone was flat. “I don’t want to be yours.”

“Liar.” He bridged the distance between us and gripped my shoulders. “Say that again. Say it when my mouth is on your skin.” He pressed his lips to my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw, then my neck. My body lit up for him. “Say it now.”

The urge to embrace him was so strong it hurt to resist it, but I fought, eyes burning, lips trembling with the effort not to cry because a wave of emotion pressed outward, threatening to break free and steal my autonomy.

I wrestled it all, and I pushed out the words that he needed to hear. “I don’t want to be yours.”

“Liar, liar, liar.” He kissed my pulse, suckling on it until a moan ripped free of my lips and my hands sank into his silken hair. “Orina…”

My name on his lips was the jolt I needed to regain my resolve. I pushed him away, catching my breath, gathering my wits, locking away the need that pulsed between us.

I gulped air as if it could clear my blood of the need to submit to him. “The lie comes from the contradiction between my body and my mind, but it’s my mind that I’ll listen to, Ezekiel. Always. You and I are nothing but watcher and charge. It will never be more than that. Maybe if you accept it, we can be friends. In time.”

“Friends?” he sneered. “I don’t want you as a friend. I want you in my bed.”

I took an involuntary step toward him then locked my knees. “You need to focus on Ariella.”

“Forget Ariella. There will be other Ariellas.”

“Your curse?—”

“Will still be there next rising. Maybe if I hadn’t met you first, maybe then I would have been charmed by this pawn in a game I don’t fully understand, but for once in my achingly long existence, I have something that is mine.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “My choice entirely.”

“Don’t…”

“You. Orina, I want you.” His tone softened, his gaze questing. “Can I have you for this year?”

My pulse hummed yes, all the thousand yeses and damn the consequences, but my mind reminded me of the awfulness of those consequences and how damned we would all be if I capitulated.

There was only one path here. One truth.

He could never be mine.

I lifted my chin and forced my lips into the shape of disgust. “There you go again, relegating me to a possession, a thing you think you can have. Well, I don’t want to be had or owned or possessed . Ariella, on the other hand, is besotted with you and?—”

“She means nothing.” He shook me. “I used her to make you jealous. I wanted to see pain in your eyes, the same pain I feel when you’re with him.”

“And that is why you’ll always be a monster.”

Pain flashed in his eyes.

Real pain. Real emotion that stole my breath, but then his expression shuttered.

Cold and impassive.

“Yes, Orina. I’m a monster, and like all monsters, I can do terrible things and feel no remorse. Remember that when you lie with your new beau. Remember that his life is in my hands. Always.”

I didn’t doubt it. “Get out.”

“Goodbye, Miss Lighthart.”

He walked onto the balcony, morphed to shadow, and flew into the night.

Gone.

I waited long seconds to be sure he’d left, and then I threw myself onto the sofa and cried my heart out.