Chapter 10

W ho knew that Whistlethorpe Ice Cream Parlor was open late every day? People loved ice cream, and patrons chose to come here after they’d been to a bar or a restaurant. They had all the flavors. More variety than at a restaurant. And after seven p.m., you could also get warm waffles and donuts, making this a winning place to come.

It wasn’t too busy just yet, though, so we had our pick of tables. We ordered our cones, and it turned out that Hemlock was also a mint chocolate chip kind of person. Ordell got his regular raspberry ripple with chocolate sauce, and we found a table at the back of the parlor.

The guys ushered me into the booth, and Hemlock sat beside me while Ordell took the bench opposite.

“I can’t help but think you’re caging me in to stop me from running. What is it? What do you want to tell me?”

“Eat some ice cream first,” Ordell said.

I took a lick, but my heart wasn’t in it. “Look, just spit it out, okay? You’re scaring me.”

“By buying you ice cream?” Hemlock said.

And how the heck was his scoop almost gone? “Just spit it out.”

“We’ve been watching Ezekiel,” Ordell said. “And we weren’t sure at first, but after seeing him at dinner last night and then again tonight, we’ve come to the conclusion that he’s falling for you.”

I heard his words. I processed them. But they made no sense. “You’re insane. He is not falling for me. Nothing about the past three weeks indicates that he’s falling for me. He spent all his time with Ariella. He hasn’t attempted to contact me at all, not even with his dream walk ability, and did you not see him with Ariella last night and tonight? Everything points to him falling for her.”

“That’s what he wants you to think,” Hemlock said. “He wants you to think that he’s falling for Ariella. He wants to get a reaction from you. He wants to know how you feel. Heck, maybe he even wants to hurt you. It would be in line with who he is.”

“He sent a Raven to you, right?” Ordell said. “Sent it to Kaster’s apartment?”

“He knows that you’ve been sleeping there,” Hemlock said. “He's probably been watching you.”

“Having me watched?”

No,” Hemlock said. “Actually watching you. He’s growing in power, and one of his abilities allows him to see through his Ravens’ eyes.”

Oh God, so every Raven I’d been seeing the past week…Ezekiel could have been watching me? So he’d know how much time I spent at Kaster’s, that I’d been sleeping there. Could the guys be right and the last two dinners had been his way of punishing me by flaunting his relationship in my face, trying to hurt me because…because he was falling for me? It was ridiculous. It didn’t make sense. It couldn’t be, but there was a part of me that reveled in the possibility, that heated with joy at the thought that he could feel the same way that I…Oh God, this could not be happening.

“Orina, you’ve gone pale,” Ordell said. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in, but we believe it to be true. Hemlock and I have taken it in turns to scout the castle at night, and we’ve yet to find them together. Ariella is either in the kitchen or in her room. Alone.”

“That doesn’t mean a thing. You’re not there all the time.”

“We believe the dinner party was a ruse. Ezekiel attempting to get a rise out of you because he knows you’re seeing Kaster Black,” Hemlock said. “And again tonight, he spent more time watching you than he did Ariella.”

“I didn’t notice.” All I’d seen was him holding her hand or touching her cheek. “No, you’re wrong. Why would Ariella be so smitten if he hasn’t been spending any time with her?”

“How do you know she’s smitten?”

“She told me when I followed her to the washroom.”

“Then maybe he has spent some time with her. Enough to charm her, but trust us when we tell you that his affections don’t lie with her. Not yet, anyway.” Ordell cursed and lapped at his melting ice cream for a moment to get the scoop under control. “We need him to fall for Ariella so she can fall for him too. Not an infatuation. Love. But if you’re in the picture, then that may not happen.”

“Remember,” Hemlock said, “although Ezekiel knows that Ariella is somehow linked to his curse, he doesn’t know how intricately or how important it is for her to love him. His affections lie with you.”

“So we need to sever them,” Ordell said. “You need to make things official with Kaster.” The corners of his eyes tightened when he said it, as if it pained him to do it. “Hem, I can’t say it.”

“Say what?”

“You have to fuck Kaster,” Hemlock said.

Ordell growled and crushed his cone. Ice cream spattered all over us.

Hemlock plucked some napkins from the dispenser on the table and handed them out before continuing. “Ezekiel needs to smell Kaster on your skin, to know that you’ve consummated. That you’re taken. That you’ve moved on.”

Is that why he’d sniffed me tonight and last night too? And they wanted me to sleep with Kaster even though it would mean losing my blessing, unless…Unless they didn’t know about that condition.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it because first there’d been Ordell, wonderful gives-the best-hugs Ordell, who I was beginning to fall for, who then mate-marked me, putting me at risk of being fucked and eaten by his beast, and now Ezekiel had feelings for me. Real falling-for-you feelings, and I might feel the same. Fuck it, I did feel the same, bone-achingly, heart-wrenchingly the same. I was falling for a monster, and a monster was falling for me, and I couldn’t do anything about it, so if I didn’t laugh, then I’d sob my fucking heart out.

“Orina?” Ordell watched me with a concerned expression.

“I think we broke her,” Hemlock said.

I sobered and sucked on my ice cream for a moment. “I can’t fuck Kaster. In fact, I can’t fuck anyone. Those are the rules of the Order. You should know that.”

“Of course, the whole chastity thing,” Hemlock said. “I doubt anyone actually adheres to it.”

Oh, wow. “You really have no idea, do you?” They exchanged glances, and I continued. “Once an operative is blessed, they must remain chaste. No sex at all. If we break that rule, we lose our blessing, and we can’t get it back.”

“Shit,” Hemlock said.

“We did give the white wings autonomy with how they brought down cold ones,” Ordell said.

“But this is more important than cold ones,” Hemlock said to me. “So you lose your blessing, so what? You can still be an operative.”

His callous tone, his unfeeling words left me cold. “You have no fucking idea, do you? No idea what this blessing means to me, how it’s saved not just my life but countless others? It’s part of my identity. It’s who I am, and you want me to give it up so that Ezekiel will maybe stop having feelings for me? Then what? Hmmm? What happens to me?”

Ordell looked devastated, but Hemlock’s expression remained hard and unforgiving. “If you don’t give it up, there may not be a world to save.”

“Fuck you. Fuck you, Hemlock.”

“Feel free to,” he said. “If it gets Ezekiel to focus on Ariella, I’ll take one for the team.”

“Enough!” Ordell snapped. “Enough…Orina…I didn’t know. I’m sorry if we offended you.”

I softened because his tone was sincere, his words genuine. “It’s all right. I’m sorry that I can’t help you with this.”

“You can’t have sex with Kaster, fine, but can you do other things? Naked things?” Hemlock said.

A wave of rage washed over me, and it took everything I had not to shove my cone in his face. “I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me. Get close to Ezekiel, you said, so I did, even after he killed my friend. You asked for help, and I gave it. Then you told me to back off. Let Ariella get close to him, you said. So I did. And now you’re telling me distance isn’t enough? You’re trying to dictate to me what I do with my body? Who the fuck do you think you are?” My eyes burned and my breath shivered in my lungs. I wanted to hit something. Someone. Him.

“This is about the greater good,” Hemlock shot back. “The protection of innocent people. Lots of innocent people. People you took an oath to protect.”

His words hit a nerve, puncturing the ballooning rage inside me because he was right. I had taken an oath.

I dropped my melting cone onto a napkin, allowing the rest of my ire to bleed away before speaking. “And what about Kaster, huh? You want me to use him? Hurt him by going down a road that has no culmination?”

“But you care about him, right?” Ordell said.

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

“And he cares for you. Wants you.” His jaw ticked, and he ducked his head. “I’m sure he would take whatever he could to keep you.” Was he wondering if he and I could have had that dynamic if he hadn't mate-marked me?

I’d considered it but decided it was too risky with Ordell because I was so drawn to him, and the same applied to Kaster even though he’d offered to adhere to any boundaries I set. But the stakes were higher now.

“Please,” Hemlock said softly.

That fucking please, coming from him… “What if it doesn’t work? What happens if Ezekiel continues to feel for me?”

Once again, they exchanged glances, communicating silently.

“If that doesn’t work,” Ordell said, “then you have to leave Dracul territory.”

How many times were these men going to gut punch me with their words?

I couldn’t leave. Not now. Not while Padma was infected and desperate for a cure. Not while Merry needed help with her memory issues. I had missing people to find and a conspiracy to solve. I’d started to build a life here that felt like home, and they wanted me to leave?

“You can’t kick me out. I've got work to do here.”

“Your job was to be Ezekiel’s watcher,” Hemlock said flatly. “But you can’t do that, not while he has feelings for you. Not while you’re standing in the way of him falling for Ariella.”

“And how can you be so sure that he’ll fall for her once I’m gone? How can you be so sure that he’ll fall for her if he thinks I’m sleeping with someone else, in love with someone else?”

“We can’t,” Ordell said, “but we have to try. Our lives and everyone else’s lives depend on it.”

“Please, Orina,” Hemlock said again.

I closed my eyes on an exhale because there was nothing more to say and only one thing that I could do.

Allow myself to fall in love with Kaster Black.