11. Raegan

Chapter eleven

Raegan

The smell of crisp leaves and air edged in winter tickles my nose. I reach out on instinct to pull the source of that scent closer, and my arm falls through air back to the bed. I open my eyes and frown.

Had I dreamed last night? I shift my legs, and the resounding muscle aches tell me it was no dream. Everything hurts. But in a deliciously used way. I’ve never come so many times in one night, let alone a single marathon session of sex. I can’t even remember falling asleep or how it ended. Had I passed out at the end?

I tuck my arm under the blankets I’m cocooned in and slide it over the space next to me.

It’s still warm.

I’m torn between wishing he was still here with me and grateful that he’s not, so I can skip any awkward or overly intimate morning-after conversation.

Groaning, I drag myself from bed and the bundle of warmth I’m leaving behind to get dressed. I hurry to my room for a change of clothes, take a hot shower, and roughly towel-dry my hair before walking into the main room.

The three that aren’t my missing shadow are sitting at the table eating lunch. They look up when they hear me coming, and Kellan grins at me. “Well, if it isn’t Sleeping Beauty, awake in time for lunch.”

I snatch the bowl of strawberries from the kitchen counter and bring it with me to the table. I’ve unofficially claimed the chair opposite Aiden’s at the head. Dane and Kellan sit on the long sides on either side, and Jack’s not usually around or ever sitting at the table, so I’m not sure where he sits. Probably in this seat, and he’s been keeping it to himself when he’s seen me in it.

I close my mouth around the strawberry as I bite to contain the juices that spill free. I don’t know where they have been getting these from, but they are the sweetest and most delicious strawberries I’ve ever tasted. I can only hope that the bowl keeps refilling every few days.

Kellan shoots me a heated look when I lick my fingers clean. I give him a saucy smile while reaching for another one, then turn my attention to Aiden, who’s been staring me down since I sat. “Did I miss something while I was asleep? Are we finally moving in on GE?”

I’m getting antsy sitting around here for so long. My attempt at looking for clues from Gordon the other day failed, and aside from training, I don’t feel like I’m doing anything toward my goal.

It’s no wonder I made better progress in my short time here alone than they had in the years they’ve been here.

“Has anyone seen Jackson?” Aiden asks instead, staring pointedly at me. I can’t imagine why. The door to Jack’s room had been locked from the inside when I left it. There’s no way he could have seen me in it. Jackson also promised me that no one could hear us, and I believe him.

I take a bite of another strawberry and slurp the juice, this time while keeping eye contact with Aiden. His lips thin at my noise, and I smile at him. It feels like sweet satisfaction whenever I piss him off. I know it’s childish, but it gives me some small burst of pleasure that I can still affect him.

“Nope,” I reply, popping the “p” for good measure.

Kellan chuckles and then shoves his plate in front of me. “Haven’t seen him since yesterday on the roof,” he says to Aiden, even though he’s only looking at me.

“What is this?” I point to the sandwich on the plate in a low murmur, just for Kell.

“Eat it. You missed breakfast, and I’m not letting you pass out on me during training tonight.” He goes into the kitchen to make himself another one before I can argue that I can make my own.

A knot forms in my throat at the simple but meaningful gesture. I’m so used to doing everything on my own and not having anyone else looking out for me. This right here is just…Oof. I will not get choked up in front of them all over it, though. They don’t need to know about my time on the streets when I struggled for food. I grab the sandwich and take a large bite to shove any feelings down with it.

When I look up, I catch Dane watching me. His face gives away absolutely nothing of what he’s thinking as he stares away unashamedly. I swallow the food. I debate on whether or not I should call him out for it even though I know it’ll only trigger his recent asshole reflex, but Aiden intervenes before I have to make that choice.

“I’m still getting the Guild situated for a longer stay and making sure they are secure. We got ourselves somewhere safe; now, it’s their turn. We won’t be moving on anyone until that is in place.”

I work quickly through my sandwich as he talks, pausing halfway through when I realize that sitting around here doing nothing is his plan right now. “That’s what you’re doing. What about us? We can at least keep going at GE before all trails run cold, if they haven’t already. My last lead died with the congressman.”

“We don’t move until all of us are ready, so we don’t bring GE to our doorstep or the Guild’s. You may not be used to working as a team, but this is the way we do things.” Aiden’s voice is firm, like he thinks he can shut down my questions, just like that.

I go for another strawberry and bring it to my lips, but don’t bite down until after I’ve spoken. “And if I don’t agree? Am I your prisoner here, or will you let me keep doing things the way I’ve been doing them for the last few years? Considering my success rate at getting their attention is pretty high.”

He scowls. “We’re not trying to get their attention. We’re trying to take them down from the top without having to face everyone between us and them first. If we get into a battle of just numbers, we’ll lose.”

I switch tactics. “What about Thorne? What’s our plan for him since he kicked our asses when it was five against one? ”

“Keep training with Kellan.” He turns to look at Dane. “You should start joining them when you can. Aside from the truck bays and the locker room, this place is livable. We can put a hold on any more updates if needed.”

Dane flicks an annoyed look at Kellan, who’s grinning at him in a look that spells ‘I told you so’ all over it.

I finish my sandwich and pick up the plate, stealing one more strawberry for my exit. Sitting still isn’t really my style, and neither is following directions. I waited patiently. I heard his plan. It sucks and takes too long. So, I’m taking things into my own hands.

“Where are you going?”

I set my plate down in the sink and turn to Aiden, smiling sweetly. “To the lady’s room, why? Did you want to come?”

He gives me an annoyed look and then turns his back on me without taking the bait.

Good.

He doesn’t need to follow and see where I’m really going. I stride down the hallway, past the bathrooms and rooms to the very end, where there’s a door leading outside and to freedom.

He can do things his way, and I’ll do mine my way.

We’ll see who gets to the top first.

The university’s coffee shop is just as busy mid-afternoon as it is in the morning. With my last lead dead and no secret messages from Gordon, I’m back to square one. Well, almost. I still have everyone who attended the mayor’s end-of-summer party who I can investigate, which is what brought me back to the north end of the city.

I’m sure most, if not all, of them have ties to Gifted Enterprise.

I sip the overpriced coffee and pretend to read something on my burner phone so that I look distracted. The amount of money I’ve spent today, including buses to get here, makes me cringe. I’ve been getting by at Old Red since the guys have been supplying the food, and I haven’t needed to buy anything else, but now that I’m back in hunting mode, I’ll need to replenish my funds again.

Hype is too dangerous for me to return to, so I may have to find a regular bar that has no problem hiring me off the books and without identification. It’s doable, but a hassle to find the right one.

The bell rings over the door to the coffee shop as another patron enters. I glance up briefly to see if I recognize this one. Average height, brown hair cut short, stuffy professor suit, and a plastic smile. It’s Ken Doll from the beach house, who’d been pushing me into taking up his internship opening.

See, Aiden? I’m like a magnet for trouble .

Which I realize isn’t the best attribute for a girl to have, but I’ve made it useful for me, and that’s what counts.

The last Ken Doll saw of me, I’d gone to congressman Joe’s home for food. And neither of us made it back to the party. Luckily for me, the congressman was seen after that night, so his current disappearance shouldn’t link anything back to me. He may suspect something happened between us and then the congressman tossed me to the side when he finished with me like the others .

Ken, because I can’t remember his actual name, orders his drink at the counter. I push my phone in my pocket, trash my current coffee, and rise to get in line behind him. He shifts to the side counter to wait for his order while I ask for another overpriced coffee.

“I’ll get that,” Ken speaks up beside me as I’m fishing through what bills I have left.

Game on.

“Oh! Hi…”

“Steve.”

“Steve.” I smile. Ken . He hands the cashier his card while keeping his plastic smile on me. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” We move to the side counter. “I didn’t see you back at the party after you left with Joe.”

“I’m sorry. I still didn’t feel well after eating and had my friend pick me up and take me home.”

“There’s no need to apologize. I’m glad we could see each other again then. Are you still interested in the internship at my firm?”

Both of our drinks are pushed across the counter. He takes them and hands me mine.

I blow into the small opening of the lid and the steam warms my lips. “I am, but I was hoping to ask you more about it.” And hopefully find some sort of tie between you and GE.

His smile widens, and he withdraws his cell phone from his inner jacket pocket. “As you should. I have a meeting to attend, but if you’ll put your number in my phone, we can work out a good time for both of us.”

“That would be great!” If only I remembered the number of my current burner phone. I whip out my phone instead and start a new text. “What’s your number? I’ll send you a text so we have each other’s numbers.”

Ken recites it and I send him a simple message that reads: Rebecca .

His phone buzzes, and he checks what I sent him. “Perfect. It was good to see you, Rebecca, but I have to run.” He waves with his phone.

“No problem. Thank you again for the drink!” I wave back as he leaves the coffee shop.

I smile behind my drink.

This is a good first step in proving to Aiden that my plans get results.

Something big and warm clamps down over my mouth, and I jolt awake. Fear shoots through my limbs like electricity and sets my heart racing at who could have found me.

“Calm down,” a familiar voice says softly above me. Dane waits for the panic on my face to melt away before he moves his hand. My heart is still galloping a mile a minute, and I focus on convincing it not to jump off a cliff. We’re safe; we’re fine. Just another one of the guys breaching my personal space yet again.

“Either you’re up and ready in two minutes, or I’m leaving to see Vera without you.” Dane leaves the room but keeps the door cracked so I can see his back as he waits for me.

My brain scrambles to put two and two together between still waking up and slowing down the panic. Vera. Out.

Oh, not again.

I throw the blankets off me and dress as fast as possible, knowing that Dane would love the excuse to leave me behind. He’s upholding his end of our deal but trying to find a loophole around it. I pack myself with knives and a gun. I know I promised not to harm Vera, but she might not come alone this time.

I’m ready in record time and open my door fully to let him know. Dane frowns when he sees me, his lips thinning to a flat line but staying shut all the same.

All their vehicles are parked in the truck bays of the firehouse. I open the main door, and Dane pushes the motorcycle through it and keeps walking it down the drive. It isn’t until we’re down a road that he climbs on and starts it.

He hands me a backpack. “Put this on.”

“What is it?” I ask while tucking my arms under the straps. It’s light, but I can still feel the weight of something inside it.

“It’s for Vera,” is all he gives me, then jerks his head to tell me to get on.

I frown at him, but I can’t imagine that he’d give her anything that would put the others in jeopardy, so I let it go. For now. I hop on after him and tug the helmet over my head before leaning into him.

I feel awkward and guilty as my arms slide around his waist to clasp in front of him. I’m sure he hates this part, having me touch him like this, but it’s a testament to how much his sister means to him that he’s putting up with it. I try not to cling too close or let my hands move at all from the one spot. I doubt he even notices my efforts, but I try anyway.

The drive to his chosen meeting place is longer than last time now that we’re further away from the city. I’m still worn out and tired from Kellan’s brutal workout that I find my eyes closing to the lull of the motor. Just a bit of rest before facing off against Vera again, who I’m sure will try harder to kill me this time. No biggie.

Dane’s hand slaps over mine and yanks it back in front of him. I jump and blink when I realize I must have dozed off for a second. “What are you doing?” he yells at me from behind his mask.

I lace my fingers back together and give him a quick squeeze in apology. He wouldn’t hear anything I try to say behind this helmet while we’re driving, so it’s the only thing I can think of to communicate that I’m good again. Thank fuck he noticed—and said something—before I fell off the bike.

We make it to the same building and up the fire escape to the roof. “Should I hide somewhere this time or…?” I ask, while handing over his backpack.

“No. Stay where I can see you.”

I scoff and shake my head. Does he really think I’m going to sabotage his meeting with Vera after everything I’ve said? Apparently, he does .

We both do our perimeter and roof check, looking for signs of people, traps, weapons, whatever, and then sit before the letter O like last time.

“So, what’s in the bag?” I ask again.

Dane looks at me with his lips turned down. “It’s nothing. ”

I sigh and lean back on my hands so I can stare up at the sky. The city lights are too bright, so I can’t see any stars. Just endless black with the reflected glow of lights trying to keep pure darkness at bay. “I’m going to find out if you’re giving anything to her. May as well show me now, since we have time to kill.”

He doesn’t answer me for a long time. I assume he’s choosing to ignore me until Vera comes when he unzips the pack and pulls out a notebook. “Here.” Dane hands it to me with a look of tired resignation.

“I don’t have to—” I start.

“It’s fine,” he interrupts sharply. “I’d rather not give you any ammunition for doubt in our group about what I could be giving her in case this comes out.”

I nod slowly. It’s a simple, black-and-white composition notebook like we used to use at school on the island. I open it. There are taped-in pieces of paper with letters in no order to make actual words or sentences. I flip through them, unsure of what they mean, and then there are pictures and random drawings and doodles.

I don’t linger on anything for too long. This looks like a book of memories between Dane and Vera. It’s personal to them, and it feels wrong for me to be looking at it. I turn more pages and pause when I see a letter from Dane to Vera sometime after she died. I pass by it to find another. And another. Like he’s been writing her letters every day or week or whenever he needed to talk to her after she was gone.

I close the notebook with shaking hands.

The pain of losing Vera that I thought I’d moved past circles and tugs at my heart. I hand back the notebook and rest my forehead against my arms. It’s a harsh reminder that I’ll never really move on from that moment in my life. I’ll always keep it with me. There will always be a chance that it may rise to drown me again if I’m not careful. Knowing the pain it would cause Dane was one of the biggest reasons I wallowed in my grief after. Now, seeing how he's still dealing with it even years later, it all comes rushing back.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. About everything. Vera being alive. What you said happened when she died. What happened on the island after, and even when you saw me again and still didn’t tell me what happened.”

I peek up over my arms at Dane. He’s staring hard at the concrete between his feet, his fingers shoved halfway through his blond hair, so it sticks up. He looks lost in thought, even as he’s speaking. I hold my breath as I listen, as if my breathing might somehow interrupt his train of thought, and I’d never know what he was trying to say to me.

“I can’t believe your story. Even if I wanted to, I can’t. That would mean that Vera isn’t the sister that I remember growing up with. It would mean throwing away everything about her I thought I knew. And I can’t—I won’t —accept that.”

I bite my lip and duck further into my arms. There’s nothing I can say about that. Am I happy about it? Of course not. But I also don’t blame him for it. Why wouldn’t he choose to believe in his sister, his blood, over me? A girl he met on an island who, according to Aiden, is a secret GE plant.

“But…” he starts up again, and my chest squeezes. “If I were to believe you, that would mean you’d sacrificed everything to protect that very image of her that I’m holding on to. That you refused to tell the truth of what happened—of who she was—so that I could keep remembering her as a good person.”

He looks over at me, and my breath catches at the pain reflected in his gold-green eyes. My heart breaks at the sight of it. At him trying not to fall apart at the revelation of everything that had happened on and since that day.

“Even if it meant that I would hate you, that the others would hate you, that you would lose us forever, and you’d be alone, you guarded that secret.”

I tear my gaze away from his when I can no longer handle it and bury my face back into the safety of my arms. I force myself to take calming breaths. Once I think I’ve gotten myself mostly under control, I reaffirm what he said. “If you believed me.”

Dane nods and gazes back to the city. “If I believed you.”

Right.

I nod, and we fall into silence.

Hours pass without any more words passing between us. I keep changing my position to try to stay comfortable, but without getting so comfortable that I fall asleep again. Vera almost killed me because of that last time.

When I can’t stand the silence any longer, I decide to poke Dane about something Aiden had said to me that affects us both. “You know, Aiden’s pretty pissed off that we’ve been going out without the whole team. Or, without permission, maybe,” I begin. Just throwing that out there at the wall to see if it sticks and a conversation comes from it .

Dane sighs and scratches his head. “Yeah. If this were anything else, I’d listen.”

I shrug and tap my fingers against the cold concrete. I’m lying on my side now, my head being held up by one hand as I look over at him. Dane has barely moved in the hours we’ve been here. He’s switched his legs in and out a couple of times, done a few perimeter walks, and then gone right back to sitting in the same spot.

“Why?” Dane sends me a look, and I hold up my hand for him to let me finish. “He seems too busy with this Guild to be dealing with GE. If we’re going to beat them, it’s not going to be like this. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Well, it’s not going to be won with you running in there alone either,” he argues with another follow-up look, like he thinks I’d do that.

I mean, it’s not entirely out of the question. It’s just not my first or second plan if I can help it.

“There are a lot of people relying on Aiden now. More than just us. Have a little patience, and then we’ll figure this out. Together, this time. No going rogue.”

“They seemed more than fine when we were there. Living in a jungle, but happy enough to pick fights.”

Dane smiles, honest-to-god smiles , at that. Fucking hell, I forgot how jaw-droppingly hot he looks when he does that. My heart pitter-patters before I squash it down. “Of course, they were,” he says with a hint of amusement in his tone. The fluttering in my chest burns like it catches fire with jealousy at his tone and expression toward the Guild. Gah !

He doesn’t seem to notice my inner battle and keeps going. “I haven’t been there in a while. Did you say it’s a jungle? Like the new Jumanji jungle?”

My eyes narrow. “What do you mean, new Jumanji?”

Dane blinks at me. “You know, the new ones they did.”

“They did a Jumanji 2?”

“No…”

I feel a twinge of anger. “A remake?”

“Not…no.”

I stare at him with confusion. “Well, which is it? I’ll be pissed if it was a remake because the original was too good to be redone.”

“It’s not a sequel, really, but they do reference Alan in it, so it doesn’t overwrite the original. How haven’t you seen it?”

My stare hardens, and I can see the moment he remembers my apartment at Hype, and it clicks. So, no, I don’t watch a lot of movies in my spare time or collect them. Not like Dane and I had on the island, where we binged movies like they were chips and thought sleep was for losers.

The conversation ends there, and we settle back in for another long stretch of nothing but waiting.

Eventually, the sun appears above the horizon, and Dane admits defeat. We pack up and leave. I’m glad to live another day and avoid the risk of Dane being captured, but my heart is heavy when we leave.

I wish he could have at least given her the notebook with his letters.