9. Raegan

Chapter nine

Raegan

I almost back out of Kellan’s training session tonight, but I’m able to argue myself back into it. I can’t just run away because I don’t feel like it. GE could attack at any time, even if I’m in a mood like this. So, no excuses.

I rally myself up to find Kellan and get it over with. He starts me in the weight training room, saying I need to build up my muscle strength first, and then he works me to the bone until my body is quivering from exhaustion. But it’s a good muscle burn that makes me feel like I’ll already be stronger tomorrow.

He only poked at my sour mood once, and after I snapped at him to leave it, he thankfully let it go and got back to business as my ruthless trainer.

I make it through another day, another training night, before my skin itches with the need for something. I don’t know what it is at first, and I wander aimlessly throughout Old Red. Dane is zoned into his laptop, and Kellan is playing his zombie game in the living area. Aiden is sitting at the dining room table with his phone .

Where is Jackson?

And I realize that’s it. I’ve only seen him once since he woke up from his healing sleep, and it was such a fleeting encounter. I need to see him. He’ll be able to calm the chaos in my mind, even if it’s just while I’m with him.

I check his room, knocking first and then letting myself in when he doesn’t answer. He’s the only one I would do this to because I know he wouldn’t mind. His bed is unmade, the sheets a tangled mess and half on the floor like he’d been caught up in a nightmare the last time he was in it. For some reason, it feels odd to see proof that he sleeps. He seems…superhuman.

When does he sleep? Aside from when a healing forces it on him. When was the last time I’d seen him eat anything?

A breeze sweeps through the room, and I hurry to the open window to look outside. “Jack?” I call out, searching around the yard and then up at the roofline. I can’t see anything from here, but I can feel it. In the way my heartrate picks up and the rush of adrenaline in knowing he’s nearby. Maybe it’s a sixth sense, or my other senses are picking up on him at a lower level than I can recognize.

Carefully, I crawl onto the window, twisting around to sit on it, and then stand while holding the top trim. I reach up to the edge of the roof, pushing to my tiptoes, as my fingertips swat at the roof. I strain harder when I finally feel the rough tile, but then my foot slips, and I drop.

A hand grabs mine above me, and I look up. Jackson smiles at me with that dimple and says, “You knew I’d catch you.”

“I knew.” Butterflies are having a field day in my stomach, and I feel a little weightless in my chest.

His smile grows. It would be pretty on his full lips if his eyes weren’t shining with wickedness. There’s something different about them tonight. Like the mask he wears to appear human and good is slipping, and I’m getting a glimpse of the monster underneath.

Air pushes under my feet to guide me up to him. His hand isn’t actually needed on mine, but he keeps hold of me anyway, even when my feet meet with the roof.

“What’s wrong?” His blue eyes search mine, and his body tenses. It’s like he’s preparing himself to attack whoever or whatever’s upset me just as soon as I give him a direction. Or a victim. Because they certainly wouldn’t survive him.

“Nothing,” I start, to which he angles his head to the side. “Nothing I want to talk about. Right now.”

Jackson stares at me—no, through me, it seems—straight into my heart and soul until he finds whatever he’s looking for, and then he nods. “What do you need, little one?”

My cheeks heat at what I want to say, but also don’t want to admit. Does it sound stupid? Am I willing to tell him why I sought him out? That I’ve been drowning in my thoughts about Aiden and the Guild for the last day, and I can’t get my head above water.

Jack draws me close and strokes my face from my temple down to my jaw, then back up to push my hair behind my ear. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath of his fresh, fall scent. It hits me then how weird it is for me to compare his smell to autumn. To the smell of dead leaves. Would he be upset if he knew that was what I smelled when he was near ?

“Say it,” he commands, and I feel compelled to do anything he asks when it sounds like that.

“You. I need you.” I hate feeling so vulnerable. So exposed .

The unfiltered obsession in his gaze shines through. I realize it’s probably not healthy to want that amount of attention from anyone, but it’s too late for me now.

I could get addicted to that look. In fact, I might already be hooked.

He doesn’t need any further persuasion from me. His hand at my ear curls around to the base of my neck, sending tingles down my neck and body like pop rocks on my tongue, and his full lips take my breath away.

His kiss is languid but firm and coated in darkness. I couldn’t tell just from talking, but when he kisses me, I feel closer to him. The connection we have between us comes into focus when we kiss. I can feel him in a way that I couldn’t before. I feel the fine tremor in his hands that hold me. The overly-controlled ministrations of his mouth on mine.

It’s like he’s holding himself back, forcing his demons at bay.

I push his hood back, lacing my fingers through his obsidian locks and gripping tight. I yank his head back to stop the kiss. “You’re holding back,” I accuse him.

He smiles at me. Not sweetly or sarcastically. No, this one is sharp and dangerous. A smarter person would be afraid of him. But I’ve already come to accept that I have nothing to fear. Everyone else should run screaming. “I’m in a mood.”

Well, that’s an understatement .

“What happened?”

“I received another message from Thorne.” I release him and take half a step back, but Jackson pulls me back into him. “I’ll take care of it. It’s just taking me a minute to get it out of my head.” He kisses the side of my neck, and I instantly angle my head to grant him more access.

“What did it say?” I ask breathily.

“Nothing important,” he murmurs, sending a throb of desire between my thighs. His voice sounds a bit off when he says it, but I’m too distracted by his touch on my neck, and when I go to reach for the thought again, it slips through my fingers.

“I don’t know if I can hold myself back right now,” he admits.

My pulse accelerates. “Then don’t.”

There’s so much in his eyes when he looks at me; it would be impossible for me to pick out every single one.

“Show me. I want to see all of you, Jack. Not just the mask you wear for the world. Give me your demons.”

His body shudders at the request. I can tell he’s unsure, but I wasn’t asking. And there’s no way he’ll deny my request, even if I can see the shred of doubt in his gaze. “You won’t hurt me,” I promise him, an echo of the one he once said to me.

Something knocks my feet out. I gasp when I fall, but a cushion of air catches me before I hit the roofing tile. I drop onto it from an inch above, and then he’s on top of me and kissing me with single-minded intensity. His hips press into me, rubbing against my clit, and I groan and wrap my legs around him. We grind into each other until I’m soaked and quivering in his arms .

Jack rips his hoodie and shirt over his head in a single motion, and I hurry to follow suit with my own clothes. I’m desperate to feel his skin on mine.

He moves me onto my hands and knees and then shoves my shoulders down so my ass is up and presented just for him. The cool night air sweeps over my heated skin, and I shiver. His dick glides through my folds, coating himself in my natural lube while also running across my clit. He inserts two fingers without warning and curls them inside of me.

I moan and push back against them, opening myself deeper to him, and he takes it all without hesitation. They drive in and out ruthlessly, pushing me higher and higher at a rate too fast to keep up with until my head is spinning. My body shakes uncontrollably when my orgasm creeps up on me too suddenly, my muscles tightening almost painfully as I’m forced to take the pleasure he’s feeding me.

Then a third finger joins the other two, and his other hand strokes and flicks my clit, and I shatter.

A scream tears from my throat at the intensity of the orgasm. It hits me hard and fast, rushing through me like a tsunami and then pulling back all my strength as it leaves me just as quickly.

There’s a second where I feel the head of his cock pressing at my entrance. But his voice, rough and drenched in shadows, curses. “I don’t have a condom.” His fingers are brutally gripping my hips as he holds himself back, just barely. I’m sure there’ll be bruises there in the morning, but I couldn’t care less.

I’m shocked that he’s able to stop himself. That he cares. Kellan’s fucked me four times now and never once thought to wear a condom.

“It’s fine. I’m on birth control.” I’d rather not get into the how’s or why’s about it since that leads back to an ex and the skeletons in my closet.

Jackson pauses only for a beat and then impales me on his long, hard dick.

All the air in my lungs is expelled by that move that feels like I’ve been skewered. There’s no room left except for him.

My body rocks forward with each violent thrust, my forearms scratching against the roofing tile to protect my face as I’m driven into them. Everything about this is wild, hard, and rough. There’s nothing sweet or loving about it. This is fulfilling a base need, which just so happens to be me, while exposing the truth of Jackson’s current emotional state.

He’s furious at something, though I have no idea what could get my calm and confident shadow this worked up. All I know is that I’m loving every second of it as I see the real Jackson when his gloves are off.

He’s violent. Arrogant. Obsessive. Angry.

Jackson shifts behind me, and his cock scours over a spot that has me seeing stars. I fall apart within a few strokes, and he pounds faster, pushing through my orgasm to chase his own until he comes, his fingers digging into me to hold me still until he empties himself completely.

I re-gather air in my lungs once I’ve come down from my high, blinking up above us and noticing that the clouds have all gone and revealed the stars. It’s beautiful up here, in the woods, without any light pollution to corrupt their glow. When I glance back over my shoulder to tell Jack, he’s watching me in the same way I’d just been looking at the night sky.

The violence I’d felt humming beneath his skin has softened.

But it’s not gone.

He’s not done yet.

He scoops me up in his arms to cradle me against his chest. Then he walks right off the edge and we drift down to his window. He helps me in first, using his gift to keep me from falling, and sets me down on the full bed. Then he hops inside, and our clothes follow him before he shuts the window.

It’s the first time I’ve seen him without the layers of black that keep so much of him hidden. The light in his room shows me everything, including tattoos all in black and shades of gray. There isn’t a single one with color.

I don’t get the chance to see what they are before he drops to his knees in front of me, then grabs my face and kisses me. It almost feels like he’s bowing down to me. Like I’m his queen, and he, my loyal servant.

But he’s more than that. Doesn’t he realize?

I see something out of the corner of my eye and break the kiss to turn and get a better look at it. There’s a tattoo on the inside of his right wrist in the shape of a butterfly. It’s just the outline, though, because inside of it is a skull with eyes staring back at me. Beneath the butterfly in thick, bold letters, are two words. Memento mori .

“ Remember that you will die ,” he answers my unspoken question .

He’s watching me with laser focus while I try to muddle through my sex-addled brain to understand why he would have that as a tattoo. Is it a reminder for himself? Or for his enemies? But, of course, he knows exactly what’s going on in my head and elaborates, “It’s for me and anyone I meet. None of us are exempt from death. I’m prepared to meet my end, if that’s what it takes to win.”

I grip his wrist and bring it back to my face, where he automatically cups it in his palm. “Don’t say that. You’re not allowed to die on me, Jack. No sacrificial shit. You’ve found me. Now keep me.”

His lips curve in his typical, enigmatic smile that tells me nothing of what he’s thinking. He drops his head to my neck, kissing and tasting me all at once. His tongue trails a line down my sternum until he’s crouched between my thighs. I realize then that the lights are still on, and he can see every bit of me.

Normally, I couldn’t care less if someone sees me naked. It’s only a body. But with Jackson, it’s more than that. He can see right through me, even in all my layers of clothing. Being bare like this seems more intimate than with anyone else. Like he can see all the scars on my soul written on my skin.

“Turn off the light,” I pant just as his lips and heated breath run along my inner thigh.

“No.” With that, he bites down hard on my thigh when I start to argue, and I cry out instead. He sucks the same spot and chases it with his tongue to ease the initial sting, and I can’t help but wonder if that was near or on the same area that Kellan had marked the day before.

He shifts my feet onto each of his shoulders, angling me back on his bed on my elbows to keep me upright enough to watch him as he paints a line with his tongue from my entrance to my clit, flicking it at the very end.

It’s a brief tease before he drops all pretenses and sets in to consume me. His cerulean gaze flicks up to mine as he eats me with abandon, and I nearly come from that look alone. Like he’d do anything and everything to please me, and he’ll enjoy the fuck out of it too. My arms are shaking from trying to hold myself up, and I finally give in for the sake of grabbing a pillow and holding it over my face to muffle the noises rising unbidden past my lips.

“No one is going to hear us. I’m keeping your sounds all to myself.” He chuckles, then returns to licking my pussy like it’s drenched in his favorite flavor.

Cool wisps of air tickle and tease along my skin, and I know he’s letting his gift out to play. It circles and dances across my flesh in devastatingly slow movements that draw pleasure to the surface of my skin. Every square inch of flesh is caressed and fondled while his tongue works leisurely strokes between my folds, circling my clit with strengthening pressure.

I’m writhing and moaning for him to release me, my hands clawing at the sheets and hips grinding into him. I need more . “More. Please, Jack. Touch me. Fuck me.”

His tongue rounds my entrance, and his air finds my clit, spiraling it repeatedly with a fine pressure. Then he sinks his tongue inside of me and rubs it along my inner wall, and another orgasm whips through me. Before I can recover, he’s replacing his tongue with his cock and thrusting into me. My wanton voice echoes back to me in the room as if it’s in stereo.

I think he’s just going to take what he needs, but his thumb rubs through our shared cum and drags itself over my overstimulated clit. I jolt from the contact. “Jack, it’s too much. I can’t—” His lips fuse with mine, and I’m swept away in his kiss. I surrender completely to him, wrapping my legs around him. It hurts so good that I can’t stop it.

I think it’s impossible for me to go again, but Jackson proves me wrong once again that he knows me better when an orgasm detonates inside me, leaving me boneless and shaking. My body sets off his release and milks his cock dry, greedy to have all of him even as it drips down the base of his shaft and the edge of the bed.

I can’t move. My body twitches and trembles beneath him. I have just enough strength to turn my face to look at him.

He looks at me like a man possessed. I’m not sure if I’m soothing the demons inside or just calling them out to play because he looks hungrier for me than before. Like he’ll never get enough.

I drag myself backward on the bed, and his eyes track my every movement. “Jackson…” I start, my voice soft and breathless.

My voice stirs something in him, and he moves to follow me, crawling over me to cage me in. “I’ll never be done with you, little one.”

His tongue finds the pulse in my neck, and he sucks on it, and I just know there’s no escape for me tonight until one or both of us passes out from exhaustion.