Chapter 21

Twenty-One

JANE

The bad man will come back at any moment. My friend lies in a pool of sticky blood. She hasn’t talked to me in hours. I tried to keep her with me, but she went to sleep. Everything hurts. Especially deep within my thighs, all the way to my core. I don’t want him to hug me anymore.

Steps on the cold floor down the hall make me press against the stone wall, but there’s nowhere I can hide. The patters echoing underneath the wooden door aren’t like normal, though. These are lighter, smaller. Before my hoarse shriek can leave my throat as the shadow of legs appears beneath the slit to the hallway, a boy about my age rushes in.

In his right hand is a gun pointing at the floor. I’m too afraid to do anything, but he unbinds me quickly. Whimpers come from my friend next to me. “Kill me.”

I stand and lean against the wall, frozen with terror.

“Kill me,” she sobs. Between her legs looks like raw roast beef. There’s so much blood oozing from her, it’s as if someone doused her in ketchup for a meal.

The boy leans over her and peers at her eyes, which are fixed and large. They look like ominous black holes in her head. Both he and I glance up to the ceiling as we hear a scrape above us, meaning the impending visitors are probably minutes away. The boy straightens up, then points the gun at my friend’s head and shoots, the sound causing my ears to go numb.

Standing as still as a statue, he watches the floor for a long moment before his green eyes finally look at me. Thrusting his free arm out, he says, “Come on! We have to move!” Placing my small hand in his, we run as fast as we can, but I’m so tired, it’s nearly impossible. I don’t know where I’m going, but I follow my rescuer, my hero, out into the cold, black night.

“It was you,” Cal repeats, backing away slowly with his knife at his side.

I’m broken. I can’t breathe. Only my tears escape, as well as the sobs in my chest. Those memories are worse than death. Dying would be a release from the pain they cause.

“I don’t want to remember who I am… Don’t you see? You saved me. You set me free.”

Giving me his strapping back, he raises his hands to the sides of his head and tugs on his chocolate strands, the blade sticking out like a horn. Taking a small step to the left and then changing to the right, his body seems to be confused, not knowing whether to run or stay. The sweetness in his voice has been replaced with some type of animal cry as he repeats the word over and over. “No, no, no, no…”

Blinking rapidly, I clear the tears clouding my vision and try to contain the heaving breaths squeezing inside my chest. When I sniff back my snot, his taut form whips around to face me and that familiar fear I’ve held for him returns. His green eyes are the color of a dark forest riddled with rain, red marks smeared underneath each socket. If I look closely enough, I can see tiny spider capillaries on the sides of his nose. Focusing on them, they move slightly, almost as if waving at me, and I want to say hello.

I’m sure his movement is swift, but I can see him coming before his feet move when he drops his knife to the floor and sits down next to me on the bed. His face peers into my eyes, studying them. The colors in his irises dance underneath the rivers they contain, which spill over on one cheek. My tongue sticks out to catch it. The thought of doing so makes me giggle and the pulsations in my lungs change from heavy thunder to a babbling brook, which rises from my belly and out of my mouth. I laugh.

“Shit.” Cal starts undoing my wires, and as he releases one arm, it falls at my side. So heavy. Who knew an arm could weigh so much? “I-I can’t let you go. You’ll kill me.”

I toss my head back at his joke. It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard him say. Now the tears are from his amusing gaze. I can’t stop. And the impending terror of his wrath switches to a caring warmth. If only I could lift my freed arms to wrap around him. How much do arms weigh? I should start hitting the weights again.

“Why would I kill you? You’re my deliverer. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. They thought they were training me to harm you, but I just wanted to be with you. I don’t want to go, Cal, can’t you see?”

Cal considers me as if I’m an invalid. “Lay back, Vera. Let me get you some water. You’re trippin’ balls right now.”

Smacking my lips, I feel as though my mouth could form sand, maybe even produce a diamond if my tongue grits against my teeth enough. Channeling all my energy into my hand, I lift it toward his face as he pours a glass for me. When he holds it to my lips, I place my fingers against his cheek and the light between the trees in his eyes fades as he closes them.

“Vera…” His voice is a whisper, and the wind coming from his breath hits my eyelashes, causing them to flutter. Cool liquid runs down my throat and fills my stomach. I’m satiated on water and my man.

After I swallow, I’m able to speak again. “Why? What is Vera? Who is she?”

Placing his hand over mine, he clutches them together, then warms me with his sincere expression. “Who do you want to be, Veracity?”

“Yours.”

He appears in pain as he squeezes his eyes shut, and all I want to do is to reach out and brush the wrinkles in his forehead away. “I can’t tell anymore. Are you lying to me? You have no idea how desperate I am to hear the truth from you.” If I could wrap the warmth of reality around him, I would. I would take away his worries, but even now, he’s not believing me. Maybe he’ll believe me if he’s inside me, if we’re joined.

As frantic as he is for the facts, I long for his love.

“Then let me quell your needs. Please, please fuck me, Cal.”

Hesitating, he scans my frame up and down. “I can’t. Not like this.”

“Please. I can show you. My body doesn’t lie.” Sitting up straight, his eyes snap open with a fierce gaze into mine.

“Goddamnit! Do you understand how much I want to give myself to you? You’re all I think about. You’ve consumed me. The feelings I have for you… I don’t even think I can exist without you. And I’m still not convinced I didn’t form you myself. Were you really there?” Pinching the bridge of his nose, he lets my hand drop back to the mattress. “Now that I know what that monster did to you…I don’t want that for you. I don’t want to be like him.”

Cal isn’t him. Franklin Von Dovish was the venom, and Calum is the antidote. He just needs to see this for himself. I’ve never gotten to be open with anyone else, until now. As desperate as he is to be with me, I’m more so to meld with him.

If only he would believe me.

“Please. Show me, Cal. Show me what it can be like. Show me it can be different. I want to know… I want to be someone, someone real.”

His hair sticks wildly in all directions, his face troubled. Muscular frame is still like a rock for a very long time. Just as I inhale to speak, he swiftly scoops me in his arms like I weigh nothing. My body flops against him and sways as he carries me through the basement and up the stone steps. By the time we reach a second story of his mansion, he kicks open the door to a large bedroom outfitted with several computers and a wall of monitors.

Not stopping, he leads us into the largest bathroom I’ve ever seen. Despite his compact body, Cal is strong as he walks to an arched alcove in the teakwood and white-walled room. Sparkling like stars, tiny quartz tiles dance in the light of faux candles lining the back wall of the alcove. Three wide marble steps lead down into a giant pool tub. Overhead hang three rain showerheads and covering one wall is what could only be described as a series of car wash nozzles.

As he places me on my feet, Cal steadies my weakness with an arm around my waist. “Lift up,” he says with his honey voice and spring green eyes staring into mine like he’s afraid I’ll vanish. Urging my body to cooperate, I ease my arms over my head as he lifts my lavender dress above it, tossing it outside the alcove. Lowering my diaper, he tosses it away, as well undressing himself. In between taking off his pants, he grips my waist, then again after he removes his T-shirt.

“I want to give you a name so I can call it out as I worship you. Do you remember yours?”

There’s nothing in my head before that day I was his, and when I think of it, tears form in my eyes again. Answering him with a small shake of my head, his face softens, a tiny glisten of emotion forming in the whites of his eyes. He turns on the hot water, which begins to fill the pool and sprinkles down in gentle droplets coating my skin. I lift my hands to catch more of them before he walks me with his body to lean against the side wall. There’s a small ledge surrounding the pool, and I sit as he parts my legs with his hands, his eyes searching for my resistance. He’ll find none.

“Please, please, Cal.”

One of his taut forearms presses against the wall as he brings his face close to mine, then tips my chin up to meet his gaze. His brown hair hangs over his forehead, the waves now straightened with the weight of the sheets of water dripping down from it. “You need me?” Dazzling specks of water spurt from his mouth as he says the words.

“Yes, please. I do. I always have.”

“But…do you need me?” He reaches down and grabs his thick, hard cock, stroking it once. The sight of it makes me feel empty inside, needy, desperate again, like when the toy was vibrating against my clit.

“Yes, please. I need it. I need you.”

Scanning my eyes, his sweetened tone replies, “I need to make you feel good.”

“Show me how. I don’t know what it’s like.” And that’s true. Other than pain and manipulation and duty, I’ve never experienced pleasure from sex. Even with Dash, I always felt like I had to prove to him how worthy I was to keep him there in bed with me, to show him that I was better than all the other women he slept with, to try to hold on to him. It was always a performance, just like with everyone else.

The safest person in my life is the boy who rescued me from my nightmare, the man who I was trained to assassinate, the person who may kill me… And I trust him completely. It would be an honor to die by his hand.

But instead of harm, he grabs a bottle of liquid soap and a sponge, then begins to rub me down, starting with my neck. His large hand cups my cheek and brushes a thumb over it while gazing at me, lathering my shoulders. Never leaving my eyes, he uses the bubbles to massage every inch of my body, even between my legs, washing my skin while I lay my head back against the tiles. As soon as he cleans an area, the water rinses it, then he uses his lips to coat me with his tongue, bathing each piece with his mouth.

“I’m covering you with my scent…with me,” he says, standing, leaning over my body. The drops fall from the ends of his strands and drip onto my face. “You’re about to be claimed, puppet.” His chest rises and falls rapidly, as if he’s holding himself back from something. Gripping the back of my knees, he pulls me toward his waiting dick. “And when I soothe your need with my cock, you’re mine. Do you understand?”

Hearing that is everything I’ve ever wanted. The deep pain of rejection from being a tool to be used is replaced by the comfort of his closeness. Cal wants me. Nodding rapidly, I answer him, “Yes, please. I need it.” My pussy pulsates with desperation as it senses the bulbous head nearby. “I want to be claimed. I’m yours.”

Before I finish the words, the tones are choked off as he plunges inside me while gripping the back of my neck with a large hand, the other holding my waist. The feel of him is all I’ve ever needed. Each thrust inside fills me whole, makes me feel like I’m becoming someone real, alive. As I sip a breath, he dips down and captures my lips with his, stroking his tongue against mine with gentle reverence. His flavor and mine become the same. My fingers latch onto the wet hair at the back of his neck until his find their way to my round butt and lift me off the ledge into his strong arms.

Wrapping myself completely around him, he lifts me off his cock and back down repeatedly, each slap against his skin causing my clit to engorge and tingle.

“You’re my puppet. You’re me. We’re one.”

A pleasured groan escapes my mouth as he places his forehead against mine and works my pussy over his thick cock. Using my heels dug into his back, I writhe on him, and the worried intensity of his brow dissipates into thin air, replaced by a small grin. “Yes, baby, work that. Take it and come all over it. Soak me with your cum.”

Long before it happens, waves of pleasure effervesce from deep within my core, filling every part of my pussy. Then, like a fire, it burns up into my belly and down to each limb. I explode, gripping his heavy cock with my inner muscles and screaming a release of intense ecstasy, traveling to a place beyond fear, somewhere only goodness and safety and comfort exist.

And when I return, that place is still surrounding me as his arms grip my body firmly.

“Good girl.” The tenor of his voice eases me back to reality, and I become like the water, fluid in his hold. Pressing my back against the cold tiles, he rapidly shifts his hips. His length engorges inside me, stretching me fully. “Now I’m going to fill your insides with me. There’s no way you can escape. Everything about you is now mine.” Burrowing his mouth into my neck, he moans loudly as his cum satiates my desire, my pussy still vibrating from my intense orgasm.

As much as he soothed me, I use my fingernails to return the favor by stroking along the skin of his back and massaging the base of his skull. Sobs release onto my skin as he continues to pump inside me for several thrusts. His cries match my own as I realize the shower isn’t the only source of water on my face.

After several minutes, he lifts his face, an expression of worry and pain returning. “Shh, shh. You did it. You saved me. I’m yours,” I tell him.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tears stream from his eyes, and I cry with him.

“It wasn’t you. It wasn’t your fault. You saved me.” We rest together, fully connected, holding each other like it’s no longer an option to let go.

“I killed her. I couldn’t save you.”

“You did save us, Cal. I’m here. You rescued us both.” One arm twisting around his back and the other around his head, I embrace him as close to me as I can while he catches his breath on my chest.

As if it’s a realization he never had, he murmurs, “You’re here.”

“I am. You saved me, Cal. We’re out. We’re here now. We aren’t in the basement.”

“I’m not in the basement.” His words are mumbled, the heat of his breath painting my collarbone.

“No.”

Pressing his thumbs into my cheeks, his green eyes pierce me as he says, “We don’t belong there.”

“No, we don’t.”

I’m dressedin Cal’s robe, no underwear, and restrained to his bed by Velcro straps on my wrists and ankles. The band underneath the mattress holds them securely tight and, honestly, I can easily get out of it, but he’s still too scared of me. Which is bizarre, since he terrifies me.

“I sent for your clothes and my spy is scanning your apartment again.”

“Cal, you don’t have to do all of that. I told you. I’m on your side. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

He’s still questioning. Despite our connection, I thought he understood now. Will he ever? Or am I damned to be in the dark corner of his castle, the deep recess of his basement, used just like with everyone else?

“You’ll tell me whatever I want to hear.” His frantic pacing has slowed to a meandering across the thick white carpet, but the path he’s made in it makes his gray sweatpants almost work themselves down his waist. I watch the patch of hair on his lower abdomen appear and keep my eyes trained on what lies just beneath it.

A long sigh releases from my mouth, half in happiness of being his puppet, tied to his bed, waiting to have sex with him again, and half in frustration that he won’t give himself to me. “What will it take to prove my loyalty? To show you I’m yours?”

Still as a sculpture, he considers me for a long while with his hand on his chin. “I want you to come with me to see your people.”

My pulse races, brow crinkling. “Who? Donovan’s?”

“No.” Enunciating the word slowly with his tongue, he replies, “Herodius.”

Trying to remember where I had heard the name, I recall Dot discussing the organization in a briefing. “The Owls, a group of women reportedly controlling Strauss’s movements.”

The furrow between his eyes lessens. “Yes. Your people.”

“They aren’t my people. But I do know some things about them from my briefings. You were my mission, so I wasn’t as privy to the information, but I will gladly tell you everything I know. Either they or Strauss alone peddled me as a sexual slave when I was seven or eight years old. Even if you think I’m an agent of theirs, understand that I want revenge. They deserve to be ended.” Sitting up as much as I can, I stare him down with as much scrutiny as he gives me. “I will help you, Cal. If you want me here as your sex puppet, hey, that’s fine by me. My heart is yours. It always has been. I will tell you everything I know.”

For a long while, I think he’s going to comfort me, place his warm hands on my body once again. Instead, he twists suddenly and tugs at his hair and mutters, “Everyone lies.” A ding on his phone stops his frantic struggle as he pulls it out and glances at the message. “Your stuff is here. You live here now. The only way I can protect myself is to keep you with me.”

“Good.” My lips lift into a wide grin. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt as happy as I do after hearing him saying those words. I’m Cal’s now and I’m safe with him. This is exactly where I want to be.

Under a watchful eye, he lets me dress and use the bathroom by myself, but then places soft wrist handcuffs on me, leading me to his dining room. Von Dovish manor is so fancy, I feel underdressed in my everyday jeans and blue T-shirt, soft wool moccasins on my feet. The drugs have faded and I’m feeling tired and sober. Finally hungry, especially as we round the corner and the food smells waft toward us, causing my stomach to squeeze in anticipation.

As if it’s some luxury prison, he pulls my chair out and hands me a metal spork to eat the meal laid before me on fancy China plates. Waving the cloth napkin in the air, he spreads it over my jeans on my lap. A glass of red wine and another of ice water sit next to the dish of braised beef and mashed potatoes. The sight of the juices running around the plate, mixing with the pile of carbs, is enough to make me ravenous. He has what looks to be some sort of meat substitute in front of him. Despite being so starved I could gnaw off my arm, I try to remember my manners, waiting for him to seat himself.

“Ladies first,” he says, nodding at my food. I don’t hesitate and dig in, despite struggling with my cuffs.

“Mmm, this is delicious!” With my mouth full, I gasp as I ask, “Why don’t you eat meat? You’re missing out!”

His fork pauses as he raises it to his mouth. “I can’t. Not after…”

“Ah.” Suddenly, I’m very sorry for bringing up our shared memory, the images of the blood coming to my mind. It’s not enough to deter me in the slightest from the food sitting in front of me, and I scoop up another huge bite, closing my eyes at the deliciousness. Despite that, I stare at my plate in silence.

As if sensing my reticence, he interrupts, “I mean, yeah, that had a lot to do with it, but, um… There’re things I’ve done, V, that made me realize what kind of meat we all contain. And it’s difficult for me to push those visions from my brain.”

“Like cutting off toes and fingers?”

Chewing slowly, he finally nods. “Yes.” The way he says it so flatly gives me a sense he is also thinking about other times, too.

“A-are you going to cut me up, too? I just ask ’cause…” This time, I wait until I’ve swallowed my bite. “’Cause if you’re going to kill me, would you do it quick?”

A fierce look comes over his face as he snaps his eyes to mine. “Depends, I suppose. On how many lies you tell.” Could he not see how much I’m on his side when he was inside me? Maybe he could, and now that he’s not, he’s worried again. I don’t know how to fix this. Cal clears his throat and pushes his chair back. “After you finish up here, I’m taking you to meet your makers.”

My meal suddenly forms a hard knot in my stomach. “And you think my crew is⁠—"

“Herodius.”