Chapter 10

Ten

JANE

Best to worst date ever award goes to Zero. Great on the launch, terrible dismount. Literally did not get mounted at all, which was my one goal for the evening. And I chickened out after our kiss. The feel of his lips against mine was something I’d been longing for. Trained for. Dash will be so fucking pissed I couldn’t land it. But I just couldn’t do it. It didn’t feel right.

One of the best times of my life ended with the worst rejection, but I’m not even sure I wanted Cal to come upstairs with me. At least not because it was my duty. Not just for an obligation.

Cal knows about me. He has to know. Isn’t that why he offered to beef up security? Is he leading me to certain death?

-

No. He’s right where you want him. Protecting pitiful Jane. This is a good thing.

-

Fuck him and get it done, 0. That’s an order.

Me

Roger

After immediately deleting the coded messages, my hands scurry to hide the phone back in its alcove behind my long dresses hanging in the closet. Stepping toward the bathroom, I strip off my date clothes and loosen my hair a bit.

How can I lure Cal back to me again? The end of the night was so abrupt and disheartening. Did I sabotage it myself in order to protect him from me? Maybe.

But if I don’t succeed with my mission, I’m useless.

There were moments during the date I thought it was going well; things were so easy. But those were the moments when fear wasn’t even a factor. I wasn’t even trying to be Jane.

I just was.

Sliding into the bath, one leg perches on the edge of the tub. My messy ponytail makes a soft cushion for my head as it lulls back against the tile. The aroma of lavender fills my nostrils as I ease my shoulders below the suds.

I’m not sure I even like the scent. But it’s what I’m expected to wear…

Back when I was fourteen and learning my new identity, I shirked my own self in order to become her: Jane Ersatz. So I could be used for special purposes. One was being deployed for the Von Dovish son when the time was right.

“And you’ll want to curl your red hair slightly. Like this,” Dot says, fixing it in the mirror while glancing at pictures of Cal’s mother.

“I don’t like my hair that way,” I tell her. It’s old-fashioned. Something way too mature for my teenage head.

“It doesn’t matter what you like, Zero. Only what Cal does. You’re his now and our psychology tests indicate he would like someone to look like his mother. It’s quite common. You’ll get used to it.”

Grimacing, my brow lowers at her reflection as she continues to fuss with the strands.

The people in charge said he’d gotten a new spy of his own, one they thought would be very dangerous for our clan. Code name Alpha, otherwise known as Daisy, was plucked from an orphanage on West Side after she’d been in the sex trade for a few years. She was then picked by the Von Dovishs when she was thirteen for her looks and evasion skills.

My new mission was to combat her, seduce Franklin Von Dovish if need be or his son. Once they told me I was too old for Franklin, I was beyond relieved. But that meant I was to be deployed when they felt the time was right. The perfect moment. And that wouldn’t come until much later.

My physical training was brutal. Starvation, isolation, torture… Anything you could imagine for months at a time. But the worst was facing my only friend. Whenever Dash and I would get too chummy, we were expected to rat on each other for some basic need or to hurt each other in some way. It taught us to never trust anyone.

Except I tucked away the small fantasy I held on to, the one thing I had left of my own self deep in the recesses of my mind where no one could ever touch.

“No, you’re dropping your shoulder again before striking. I can see it,” Dash says, his irritated expression making me want to hit him harder. So, I do, but before I meet his face with my fist, he punches me square in the nose. “See? Told you I know when it’s coming… Again. Stand up.”

“Can we just rest for a minute? Please, Dash. Please…Liam,” I say softly, hoping using his real name will work. I was sixteen, and it had been weeks of Krav Maga with him being the superior fighter with five more years of experience than me. The lack of any sort of affection without violence was weighing on my mental state.

“It’s all part of the training,” Dot would say.

Swiping at his nose with the back of his thumb, Dash nods, then grips me around the neck with his thick bicep. Pulling me closer into his sweaty body, he holds me for a moment, and just the feel of his skin was almost enough to make me forget the grueling months of abuse.

Since I was found at seven, he had become the twelve-year-old big brother I never had. It was only us two on all those gray nights in the cold underground cinder block home we stayed in, ate in, trained in. At fifteen, he became a momentary crush, then a crutch in my life. Someone to use for comfort because I never had a security blanket.

But he made a terrible one.

It used to scare me to have to disappoint him, because I couldn’t stand the look on his face. Now, I know it means the end for me if I fail a mission.

But if I proceed with this one, I could end up worse than alive.

I must get Cal’s attention back. Whatever it takes…