Chapter 18

I stepinto the room I shared with Eli all those years ago, just as he comes out of the bathroom. For the first time since I died, I really pay attention to my friend's appearance.

Zoey is right. He does look older. There are fine lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth, and a faint shadow of stubble coats his jaw. His green eyes are tired.

He presses the heel of his hand to his forehead and closes his eyes.

"Pull yourself together. Open the boxes. Let's see what shit we thought was important to our eighteen-year-old selves."

"I don't want to." His voice is ragged.

"Don't be a pussy, Eli. It's just stuff." That's why I haven't visited this room since I died. Because it's just stuff.

He pulls open the door to the closet and picks up the first box. I perch on the bed and watch as he empties it.

"I miss you, Kell." His voice is soft. "Even after all this time."

I ignore the pain in my heart. "Your favorite hoodie isn't here."

His eyes close and he sighs.

"Now open the other box."

His eyes snap open, and he gives a tiny headshake.

"Fuck that shit. Just open the fucking thing."

His hand hovers over the top.

"There isn't a fucking snake in there, coiled and waiting to bite you."

His laugh is soft and he folds the top back to look inside. My gaze remains fixed on him as he looks through the items inside, his eyes soft with memories. Then his head lifts, and he packs everything away and stands.

I follow him as he strides out and along the hallway, down the stairs and outside.

"You fucking coward."

He's so focused on where he's going, he doesn't hear me or see the woman coming toward him.

As though it was fated, Arabella bounces off his chest. Ignoring the awkward words between them, I lean close to Eli.

"It's a shame you can't go back and have a fresh start." I push as much energy into the words as I can, and hope he hears them. "That first meeting for you both set the tone for your entire relationship."

I can see the second my words slip into his mind. Eli throws his shoulders back, and slides his hand down her arm to take her fingers in his and lift them to his lips.

"I don't believe we've had the pleasure," he says softly. "My name is Eli. Eli Travers."

I'm smiling when I fade away.

* * *

Something is shifting,changing and whenever I pop in to see Eli, it feels like more time has passed for him than it has for me. I feel like I'm losing my grip on the reality around me.

But, on the flipside, it looks like my suggestion took root, and Eli and Arabella are working things out. They're always together, they're smiling and touching, and kissing, and hopefully, fucking.

"You need to let them go, Kell." Zoey appears in the doorway of the chapel. "And when are you going to stop lying across the altar in your death pose? It's creepy."

"It'd be creepy if someone other than you walked in and saw me." I sit up. "Although, that'd be funny as fuck."

"Could you imagine?" She giggles.

That's something else that's changing. Zoey seems lighter, less serious since our senior year returned to Churchill Bradley for the reunion. She denies it, but I think she likes people being here. It makes her feel less … well … dead.

"How much time do we have left with them?" I sit up and face her. She's better at judging how time passes for us than I am.

"A couple of days." Her head turns toward the door. "I can hear voices."

Hopping down off the altar, I walk to the doors. I know I don't have to walk anywhere, but I prefer it. It makes me feel alive. I do, however, walk through the wood instead of trying to open the door.

Arabella and Eli are standing outside, talking quietly. As I watch, he drops her hand and steps toward the chapel. "Could you give me a minute?"

It's written on his face what he's thinking and I snort.

"You're such a fucking idiot. The girl isn't going to fall out of love with you just because you shed a tear or two. I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your fucking life if you don't cry over me."

His lips twitch, but he doesn't reply.

I trail behind him as he walks inside and goes directly to the altar.

There's nothing to show that anything bad ever happened here.

His thought reaches me.

"Did you expect there to be?"

"There's not even any bloodstains." He leans on top of the stone, and talks out loud. "The only reason they haven't removed the altar is because Churchill Bradley had it carved out of stone instead of it being wood."

"Maybe he was sacrificing people." From the howls and curses I've heard, it wouldn't surprise me. "Aren't most of the sacrificial altars made from stone?"

Eli laughs softly. "Maybe. Is that how you want me to tell the story? That you were a sacrifice to gods unknown?"

"Sounds better than the second-prize target of a psychopath."

"Yeah, I guess it does."

He bows his head. "I miss you, Kell. I wish you were here. Things would have been different."

"You need to stop blaming yourself." I step up beside him and stare down at the place where I took my last breath. "It's not good for you."

"I never should have agreed to you keeping the phone. It was dangerous, and we were fucking reckless. Maybe if we'd been able to figure out what was happening to Ari sooner, this could have been avoided."

I laugh. "Right. Sure. Because that would have stopped me."

"Yeah, there was no stopping you when you got something into your head."

"Exactly, and I always said I'd die young. I just thought it'd be in some kind of blaze of glory."

"I'm so fucking sorry. You and Zoey didn't deserve this. You both should be here."

"We are here. But you shouldn't be thinking about us. You should be living your life. You can't stay hidden in the woods forever."

"I got lost. So fucking lost without you."

"I'll never let you get lost, Eli. You'll always be my best friend. Not even death can change that."

A shudder passes through me when Arabella steps through my body to wrap her arms around my best friend.

I move away to give them some privacy, following behind them when they walk toward the exit. The closer we get, the heavier my footsteps become.

Zoey is right. I can't carry on this stupid quest.

I'm fucking dead. I can't help him from here.

But Arabella can.

"I love you, Eli."

He stops to look back, eyes searching the shadows. Searching for me.

"It's time to say goodbye," I continue, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. "You don't need me here anymore."

I'll always need you. His thought drifts on the air to me.

My gaze shifts to Arabella.

"No, my shift is over. It's Arabella's turn now. Live well, my friend. Let me go."

Please let me go. Because if you don't, I won't be able to.I leave the words unsaid.

His eyes meet mine, and I'm certain, for just a second, he sees me, then Arabella says his name and the moment breaks.

"I'm okay." He wraps his arm around Arabella's shoulders. "Let's get out of here."