60. RAVEN

60

RAVEN

Pain is my friend. It's the best cure for emotions. And it cuts off my anger, if only for a short while as blood gurgles in my nose. A warm trickle of it runs down my lips and chin. Blood is in my mouth. I swish it and spit it onto the ground, raising my eyes at Skiba

Traitor. How did I not see him for what he is? Ali did, of all people.

"Stop…" The soft plea breaks my thoughts, right away lighting every cell in my body on fire. "Please, stop. Tell me what you want for his freedom."

It's Maddy, who grabs the guard's arm around her neck and pulls him with her in a step toward us. One step.

I shake my head. Don't.

She takes another one, her eyes not on me but on Skiba.

"Stop hurting him. I am Milena Tsariuk. Let him go, and my father will give you what you want."

Skiba cocks his head at her, studying her up and down with curiosity. If they worked for Tsariuk, like O'Shea said, he's trying to match her face with her older pictures. Or he knew all along and is trying to figure out how to work this to his benefit.

Fucking scumbag.

"You don't look like a mafia princess," he drawls. "Pretty, though."

That pretty makes my insides twist. As does the way he looks at her, assessing, with lust.

I can't have this, not her, not bargaining with a thug, not even fucking considering doing some type of fucked up favor to help me.

"She's just a girl," I say sharply, cringing at the words of betrayal.

I make a move, but the guy behind me jerks the chain around my neck, keeping me in place.

Skiba turns to me. "Just a girl? Your girl. That's… something. Siena said no to me, that fucking bitch. This one is offering herself. I'm in."

He scowls. I don't respond. He sucks his teeth. "I watched you, Raven. Watched your every step. Was angry when you shot Cunningham, wanted to shoot you on the boat and dump you in the fucking ocean. But this"—he nods toward Maddy—"might just be a good bargain."

I'll tear his face off. I'll fucking come back from the dead and rip him into pieces. If there's a chance he believes she is Milena, he wouldn't dare to even touch her, afraid of the consequences from Tsariuk. But a degenerate like him with nothing to lose can be stupid enough to try.

"Let her go," I rasp. "Please. And then the guards will go too. You won't have a problem. I'll stay."

Skiba raises his stupid eyebrows. "Oh. Please, huh? That all it took?"

"It's a promise." I turn my head and, through the blood that trickles into my eyes, I see Nilanski in the distance, at the front of the guards who stand waiting. "Get Nilanski here."

Skiba motions for him to come over. "Drop the gun."

Nilanski is slow and careful, but he obeys and walks over, stopping only twenty or so feet away.

Skiba zeroes in on him. He can't hate everyone. He's worked with all these guys for months. Nilanski is already jeopardizing his life by coming close disarmed.

"I give you the girl," Skiba says to Nilanski, "you turn around with all your pals and leave. That clear? Or like I said, a certain house at Ayana will go up in smoke."

"Understood," Nilanski says with a nod, approaching.

So, Skiba is afraid of Tsariuk. Good.

Skiba motions to the guy holding Maddy, and he pushes her toward Nilanski, who grabs her and, right away, pushes her behind him, protecting her.

But she yanks herself out of his grip and runs up to me, falling onto her knees before me.

"Rave, we can't do that. We can't. We can't," she pants, her hands palming my face.

This is why men like me don't get close to people. This is why we don't form connections. One little woman can become our weakness and destroy dozens of lives.

Instantly, the chain tightens around my neck, pulling me back out of her hands. A gun is pressed to Maddy's head.

"Step back, Maddy," I rasp with as much anger as I can fake, though in my mind, I'm begging her. "Leave, beautiful girl. Please. Go… Just go…"

"I'm Milena Tsariuk." Maddy looks up at Skiba, her stare confident. "You want money? I have it. You want leverage? I can get it. Take me. Let him go."

"No!" I snarl, glaring at her, panic clogging my chest, then turn to Skiba. "She's just a girl I'm?—"

"— fucking , right." Skiba smirks, staring down at both of us on our knees. "I'd like to know your taste, Raven. How about we take her for a ride, huh?"

The words cut like a razor, slicing through my nerves.

The fucker chuckles, taking a step toward her.

The guards on the opposite sides shift, their hands on the guns tightening. Nilanski takes a step toward us, and right away, a thug's gun is in his face.

I try to think, think, think, and make eye contact with the guards to see if any of them would venture to start shooting or fighting. Fucking anything!

Thunder suddenly cracks above us, low and guttural.

Skiba doesn't flinch.

"How about"—he drags his gun from the top of Maddy's head down the back of her neck as she tries to act brave, her stance confident, but her chest heaving—"all of my guys take her for a ride?" He leans to bring his lips close to her ear. "Is he worth it?" He licks his lips stretched in a nasty grin.

I never thought I'd end up like this, not afraid to suffer or be tortured, but afraid that I'll watch my loved one being hurt.

Maddy meets my eyes, and it's the first time I see this coldness in her gaze. Or determination. It's hard to say, because it's the first. The first time I see Maddy for what she was turned into as a child, a spawn of a ruthless man who cuts heads like cutting grass, raised among the blood and senseless killings and endless power, black like tar.

Skiba looks at me and then back at her. "There's only one thing that can save you tonight, Raven," he says, looking at her. "If this girl trades spots. Oh, the choice…"

He's reaching toward her face.

Five fucking inches, and he'll touch her.

With all the force I can manage, I push forward, against the chain around my neck, pulling the guy behind me with me. I spring to my feet and lunge at Skiba, a roar breaking out of my throat as I knock him down and fall on top of him. I ram my forehead into his nose, wanting to cave his face in. But before I can do it again, the chain yanks me back with such force that I start choking and getting dizzy as it drags me back.

Skiba jumps to his feet and at me and?—

The pain is so sharp that it takes my breath away. It pierces my stomach, just under the left rib. The world goes dark as I gasp. Skiba's eyes narrow in a smile, his crooked, bloodied teeth bared.

"I am a step ahead of you, Raven," he hisses with sardonic gluttony, then pushes against my body, and the pain shoots through me again.

"Voila!" He raises his eyebrows in mock surprises and shows the bloodied knife in his hand.

"Rave!" Maddy cries out, but for a second, I see that Nilanski is dragging her backward.

"Don't fucking touch him!" she screams, thrashing in the guard's arms. "I agree!"

I gasp, taking a gulp of oxygen, my head dizzy, red-hot pain spreading through my entire torso, everything pulsating in and out of darkness. The chain around my neck yanks me back, off my feet, making me tumble.

A kick into my stomach adds another shot of pain.

Maddy's scream pierces the air.

"Get up, you piece of shit." Skiba's voice is so close though I can't see him, blood dripping into my eyes. I crouch, inwardly screaming through the pain, until I get myself onto my knees and raise my eyes to meet his.

He'll take his revenge. I know it now. He won't even make it to Butcher's.

The pain is so fucking bad that I have a hard time breathing, every breath a painful tug. But I hold his gaze, gloating at the blood dripping from his broken nose.

A rumble of thunder breaks above us. The sky rips open, and it starts pouring, the sudden assault of water cooling my burning face.

Skiba brings the barrel of the gun to my forehead and pushes me back. "There is nothing else in the world I want more than to wipe you off." His lips curl, his nose crinkling in hatred. "And now I get a chance to. Fuck Tsariuk and your deal. Truth is? Butcher will be happy for this favor. You should've kept me around, Raven. Should've respected me."

"You have to earn respect," I hiss.

"Finish him!" one of the guys barks.

"Noooo!" a scream pierces the air, but much farther away. I turn to see Maddy thrashing in Nilanski's arms. "Raven, we'll make a deal with them. I'll make a deal," she shouts.

The atrocious thought of what she just suggested makes my insides twist in disgust.

"Aww, look at this," the rasp comes from Skiba, making me see red and wanting to blow this place up. "Last chance," he shouts back to her as Nilanski struggles to drag her away. "You come with us, sweetie, and we leave him alive. Otherwise, it's time."

"Yes!" she shouts in determination.

"Nooo—" I try to break out, but the chain almost suffocates me, making my vision blur.

I can't pass out.

I can't let this happen.

"Don't be pathetic, Skiba," I rasp, my throat closing, pain making me dizzy. "You have me."

"This is amusing," Skiba says, waiting. They are all waiting. But there's no other way out of this. She is not the way. She's my everything. I wanted to give her freedom from her fucked-up father. And I'll sacrifice my own for her.

I turn to meet her eyes, and I see pity in them, the last fucking thing I ever wanted her to feel.

"Step away, beautiful girl," I say. "Please," I beg for the first time in my life. "If you don't, I will never forgive you."

Her eyes are full of tears.

"Please," I whisper. "Please, Maddy." I shake my head.

If I ever begged for anything, it wouldn't be my life. It would be her to walk away from me right now. Oh, the irony.

I shift my eyes to Nilanski and motion for him to move away.

Guns are cocked as he drags her backward, the only guy I'm okay with to do so. She's viciously trying to get away, but he won't let her.

"Rave!" she screams, tears spilling down her cheeks.

Skiba tsks. "Well, there's that. I guess it's just you."

I watch Nilanski dragging Maddy behind the line of guards. They start stepping backward slowly, carefully, guns pointing at the enemies. But my eyes are only on Maddy, catching the last traces of her until she disappears in the jungle with the guards, and I know she's safe.

My head is pounding. The world gets dizzy. She's out of sight, the last of my guards backing away into the jungle.

Relief washes over me. And another feeling—despair, something that I felt only a few times in my life. When I learned that Emily overdosed. When I thought I lost Maddy. When I thought Sonny was in danger and there was nothing I could do.

And now, knowing that Maddy is gone.

I wish I'd told her that no other person in this world made my heart beat so hard.

That her smile can heal the harshest memories.

That love is a weapon that can slay a person but also the biggest mercy that can bring hope to a death-row inmate.

But it's too late.

Skiba scowls as he presses the gun barrel to my temple.

It's pouring rain, and his words are drowned by the sound of the raindrops against the jungle leafage. But I hear the verdict.

"You are done, Raven. I have no use for you," he says in a tone etched with disappointment.

It's the end. I was hoping for something to stop this, but no one cares for me, nor will they trade their safety for this. Except Maddy. But that's not an option.

"Last words? A message for Butcher?"

Skiba wants to see me beg before he pulls the trigger. But I won't.

I don't want to think about Butcher or him. All I see in my mind is her . I wish I'd died at her feet. I wish I kneeled for her. I wish I had a lifetime with her. No such luck. But the few months I spent with her were the happiest in my life.

"Just fucking finish him already, and let's roll," one of the thugs says.

I've always known I would die in a violent way. My life was a punishment. Then God gave me her . However little time I spent with her was a blessing, relieving me from guilt and hatred.

Wishful kindness. Or mercy. Yes, that's it. She was the moment of mercy that the universe gave me for my shitty life.

"You get what you deserve." The cold barrel bumps against my throbbing temple as Skiba cocks the gun.

I close my eyes, seeing only her smile.

She is love. M. Maddy. Mercy.