36. MADDY

36

MADDY

The beach is gray under the heavy clouds, but it's hot and humid. The air is heavy with the upcoming rain.

It's our small gang of Outcasts and the so-often "grill & surf" get-together.

The boys went out to catch some fish. This time, they took Marlow's fancy powerboat. Sure, we could order fish from the restaurant, but there's a certain nostalgia about fishing and cooking it just like back then, on the Eastside.

We've all become friends but this gathering of mostly Outcasts plus Marlow is a tribute to the times we survived through the worst living on our own.

We are on the main Ayana beach, where the boats are docked. Yachts are anchored in the distance. I was invited to Marlow's yacht several times, but luxury is nothing new to me. If anything, it reminds me of who I used to be. And now I have to play poor.

Several Outcasts are surfing. Marlow is playing a guitar. Surfboards and surf gear are lined up by the beach. Later, Kai and Ty will join the surfers.

I wear a bikini, but somehow, this feels different from the Eastside. In front of us are yachts on the horizon. South off the beach are piers with docked speed boats. Behind us is the luscious slope of Ayana villas and infinity pools and meticulous gardens. Everything seems perfect. And I feel like an imposter.

I wish Raven were here. The thought is brief and surprising. He doesn't quite fit in this circle. Neither would I if I were Milena. But lately, I wish I could spend time with Raven talking and doing normal things during the day.

Somehow, our relationship only thrives by night.

It's been a month since the attempted attack on me. One and a half months of our deal. I'm dreading the end of it, the end of two months, and having to face my past. We will have to sit down with Archer and everyone in charge and discuss who I am…

A crack of thunder splits the sky in the distance, and we all look at it as if on cue.

"It's coming," says Kai. He means the hurricane. "For the first time, we won't be waking up on soaked mattresses."

We all laugh. How easy it is to laugh about the past that often felt like a nightmare.

"Still," Marlow says, plucking his guitar strings as he sits cross-legged on the sand, "the hurricane gets tre-men-dous-ly wet," he mimics a famous showman.

Only a year ago, the highlight of entertainment on this island were crazy parties. Now we have gatherings that feel like family reunions. We are getting older. The same amount of booze but less getting drunk. The same bikinis and shorts but no streaking and raunchy stunts.

Marlow and Ty start bickering over a joint. "Just suck on it harder," Marlow suggests.

"You put it out, maaaan."

"Use your tongue. You are such a pro."

"Shut up."

"Ty can push his sunglasses up with his tongue," Marlow says to no one in particular, then turns to Dani. "Can't he, Dani?"

Ty studies Marlow with unusual bitterness. "And you?"

Marlow shrugs, plucking at the guitar strings. "I'm celibate."

Everyone explodes into laughter.

Kai takes the joint from Marlow. "The fuck you are. Maybe before Ray-Ray got here. What's your kink, Nick?"

"My girl."

"See? Not celibate after all."

Ty's sister, Raylin, is not here, and so Marlow is boasting. He is head over heels in love and still trying to work out whatever happened between him and Ray-Ray back in college.

I see Ty's jaw tightening—he is still bitter about Marlow hooking up with his sister.

Kai slaps his hand on Ty's shoulder. "Lose the scowl, bro. They are grownups."

"Look at you, grownup," Ty murmurs, shaking off his hand and looking at others. "He's been holding back dreaming about Callie for years, so he's become this sex machine and a relationship guru."

Callie bursts out in laughter. It's hard to pinpoint the moment in time when Callie stopped blushing around Kai and started openly kissing him.

Kai pulls her into his lap. "Nah, I'm vanilla. Like, with chocolate syrup and marshmallows. Right, petal?" He winks at Callie. But the way her gaze slides possessively over Kai's body tells me she might be the sex machine after all.

"What about Archer?" Marlow asks, flicking a piece of a shell at Kat, who arranges paper plates and appetizers on a folding table.

"Like you don't know," she retorts.

"She pussified him," Kai says, making everyone sneer.

I see Marlow's eyes narrowing on me, and before he can bring up Raven, I get up and go to the table to help Kat with food.

"So, Maddy…" she drawls.

I know Kat's "soooo." I don't respond.

But she is insistent. That's Kat for you. "You are playing house with Raven?"

"I have some private things going on."

"I see. I saw it on cameras."

"Of course you did."

Kat is becoming the all-seeing eye of Ayana. I'm not blaming her. She is perceptive and nosy, also straight as an arrow with others and about who she is. I've made my motto on the Eastside "be kind." Katura's motto is "be kind of a bitch." Which suits her.

"Archer is obsessing for obvious reasons," she says without looking at me. "And Raven ordered several bodyguards for you. But…"

"But?"

"What is it about Raven?"

There we go. "You really think I need to explain myself."

"No, of course not. I'm just wondering. He is a fascinating man."

"Fascinating?"

"Yeah… You know what my father said when Arch and I got out of that kidnapping mess? He said it's not Archer who rules Ayana but Raven."

Every time someone mentions his name, I start thinking about him, us, me splayed on the bed, legs bent at the knees, panties gone, as Rave orders softly, "Use your fingers, beautiful, spread yourself open for me." The way he licks and teases, and works on me until I come, sinking into the bliss. The way he orders me on all fours and plays until I hear him unzipping his jeans behind me. The way he slides inside me, filling me up, always watching my face when he does so, every single time. His hot whisper in my ear when I come, "There you are, Mayflower."

His words haunt me. The visions of what he does to me slip into my daily life, instantly making my panties wet.

I check the phone religiously, waiting for his usual message. Tonight…

When it's not there by the time I leave my work shift, I hang out with everyone else so as not to think about him. When he does show up at my bungalow, I try to get to know him. I feed him food and then my stories, hoping for him to open up. Every day, I crave more and more.

"Maddy?"

The voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

It's Kat, but I missed her question. I don't want to talk about what I do with Raven and how I feel, so I divert the conversation to other topics.

By the time I get home, I'm tired. Raven doesn't call me. There's no meeting. He is odd. Sometimes, he comes every night, occasionally, to the hospital ward. Then, he disappears for several days, and there's no word from him, except when Little comes and tells me what they did together.

I take a shower and stand by the mirror for some time, brushing my hair.

Then I open the newly arrived package. Besides new underwear, there's a white string dress. It's not an expensive one. I can't afford expensive clothes even with my generous Ayana salary. At least, not the labels I used to have in my walk-in closet back on the mainland. I don't even know why I ordered this white dress, but it's so pretty. I slip it on over my naked, tanned body, slick my damp hair, twist the length of it over my shoulder, and stare at myself in the mirror.

This look is so… wedding-like.

The thought amuses me. I wonder what Raven would say seeing me in this dress.

And the next thought is unexpected. If I were forced to marry a man like Raven…

This is a ridiculous thought. Untimely. Odd. When Dad told me about my future husband, I was mad, gagging at the thought I'd have to bed the guy I didn't like.

But playing the "what-if" game with Raven in my mind feels different.

And I finish the sentence, I would do it in a heartbeat.

I grab my phone and snap a selfie, old-school—with a sultry look and puffy duck lips.

Without taking the dress off, I lie on my bed, stare at the ceiling for a while, and close my eyes playing with the "what-if" scenarios.

And that's how I fall asleep. In my white dress. Thinking about Raven.