14. ‘Ash’

FOURTEEN

Not sure why I thought this was a good idea. I’m sitting on Brenna’s steps, waiting for her to show up from wherever she’s at. I didn’t call or text either. Since last night with the birthing of the foal, I feel off. And no matter what everyone said to me it didn’t matter, I needed to see and talk to Brenna. So here I am like a goof or lovesick idiot, waiting for the pretty girl to come home.

Hearing crunching in the distance, I look up to see Brenna making her way down the road to her cabin. When she sees me, she stops right where she is for a second or two then keeps coming my way.

“Hey, Ash, need something?”

“Brenna, hi. Thought I’d stop by, knew Bray was doing her thing today with your club. Wanted to make sure both of you are okay. Alder would have been here but they made the hike up to the cabin today. We’ve not heard anything as of yet. Mind if we talk for minute, or I can come back a different time.”

She looks at me and nods before she steps up and plops down right next to me. I can tell she’s nervous and hopefully in time she’ll get over that. I reach to my side and pick up the bag Mom wanted me to give to her. When I hand it to her, she looks in and with big eyes looks up at me, a smile starting on her face.

“Are these your mom’s homemade apple and blueberry pies? Oh my God, my mouth is watering already. Come on, let’s talk inside so I can eat a piece of both. You want a small slice?”

That makes me laugh. Just like Brenna, even back in the day, if she liked something she’d share… but just a little bit. Hearing me laugh, she looks at me and then it hits her what she just said. She grins then jumps up and goes to the door, unlocks it with a key code, then walks in and hits an alarm panel. Once we are both in, she hits the green button and then heads right to the kitchen. She pulls out a gallon of farmer’s milk and two plates. By the time we are at the table, both plates have a good slice of each pie and glasses filled with milk beside them.

I wait and she doesn’t disappoint. As soon as she puts a forkful in her mouth, the moan that follows has my body reacting immediately. Yeah, Brenna is very vocal or she used to be. I look down and start to eat my pie. It’s comfortable for about three minutes then I can tell she’s starting to struggle with why I’m here.

“Brenna, I owe you an apology. No, listen, last night we had a mare in trouble during foaling. I called Ollie to see if Paisley could maybe come out. Not only did she come out but in a helicopter with Phantom. By the time they got there, Panther, Shadow, and Avalanche were there, as your brother called them since they were closer. Long story short, they all managed to save not only the mare but the foal too. It made me think and remember that we are not alone. Why we acted like we were I’ll never know, but none of what happened was on you. I acted a fool the first time I came here when I saw you and Avalanche together. It would have served me right if you two were a couple. Though I will say, I’m beyond glad you’re not together. I’m here tonight to see if we can somehow move on and try to get to know each other again. As friends. I miss you in my life, Brenna. Even before we got together as a couple, we shared a close friendship. You were my best friend. Is it possible to work to that again or did I totally fuck this up?”

My eyes never leave her face as she looks around, doing everything not to gaze into my eyes. Oh well, I tried. I stand and pick up my plate when she reaches over and puts her hand on my arm.

“Sit, Ash. I don’t know what to say. I’ve tried to hate you for the last couple of years and, if I’m honest, I never truly did. You were also my best friend and my first everything. I’m afraid to let you back in because if we end up apart again, it will kill me. And we can’t promise we won’t hurt each other because we just don’t know. That’s where I’m at.”

I sit back down and place the plate on the table. Then I turn to face her, grabbing both of her hands in mine. I take a deep breath and then take a chance.

“Brenna, my life’s been shit since we broke up. The only thing I have is the ranch and even that is a pain in my ass most days. I did build a house, one I thought you’d like. Besides that, I live, breathe, and almost die for that ranch. I’ve not been a saint since we broke up, I’ll be honest, but I’ve never had another girlfriend or fiancée. Best I could call it was hookups when I needed, you know, some relief.”

I can feel my face getting hot and she’s looking at me, trying not to laugh at my discomfort.

“Go ahead and laugh. Not only was it far and few between, I’d drive into the city so it wasn’t someone from around here. Mom has been on me to try and find a bride to help me, but there’s only one woman I want as my bride. No, I won’t put any pressure on you, Brenna. I’m just trying to be honest and upfront. Now, I know you’ve had a really long day, I’ll get outta your hair. Maybe we can grab a bite to eat sometime. Your call. I’ll leave the ball in your court.”

Again I stand, and this time after I lean down and put a kiss on the top of her head, I walk to the door. Before my hand can reach out, she calls my name again.

“Hey, want to stick around, maybe watch a movie? I’ve got to take a shower. Long story, but little Teddy’s dog, Tuna, isn’t doing well and I went over to help just when she lost her cookies all over the house. Teddy is a wreck and Taz is pregnant. Enforcer was out so I cleaned up the mess then got the rug cleaner out and washed the great room rug ’cause it stank. Then before it got dark, went in the backyard and cleaned up. Now not sure you know, but they have three big dogs, so yeah, I filled an entire garbage bag full of crap. Teddy tried to help but, poor kid, dog poop and him don’t get along. By the second time he threw up, I sent him in the house. Told him to take some warm rags and wipe Tuna down. Once I finished, Enforcer was back home, so then I stopped at the ranch here to check on Bray. She was playing board games with Squirt, Kitty, and the twins, Dottie and Dani. So, need to get the smell of dog puke and crap off of me. I have some homemade lasagna in the freezer if you want to throw it in the oven. Won’t take me but a few then we can hang out and watch a movie. Even eat together. If you want?”

Looking at her face that shows her anxiety and a little excitement, I thought what the hell. This is what I want anyway. So, I nod and she smiles.

“Go take your shower, don’t rush. I’ll put the food on and see what else you have to go with the pasta. Mind if I get something to drink?”

“Oh my God, I’m a horrible hostess. Yeah, there’s beer in the fridge and hard liquor over there in the corner on the bar cart. Help yourself. I’m going to get started.”

I watch her walk down the little hallway to the door off to the left. Once she’s gone, I walk to her fridge, look in the freezer, and grab the lasagna. Then I preheat the oven and walk to her bar cart. I pick up a tumbler, grab the Jack Daniels, and walk back to the kitchen. I look for some Coke which, thank God, she has, so I mix myself a Jack and Coke. Rarely do I drink, but I need just one tonight. The stress has been building and with our asshole father doing whatever he’s doing, we are on pins and needles.

After I make a salad, I set the table and check the lasagna, which needs more time. I go sit on the sectional and flip the television on. Brenna has a cute place, it fits her. I must have dozed off because the next thing I know, Brenna is shaking me, telling me dinner is ready. I look around to get my bearings before I stand and walk to the table. She has everything already out so I sit down.

“You were out, I almost didn’t wake you up. Then your stomach growled and that told me you need to eat. Hard day?”

I laugh for a few then dive into what’s been going on since that day I first came to her. As we ate, she listened and even asked a few questions. I’ve never had this with anyone. Can’t talk to my mom about this shit or Rowan, he’s too young—well—teenager young. Then my other brothers are trying to work and have lives. It feels so good to have someone listen, but I also have to do the same so I ask her about her day.

“Well, started out really bad. Bray was doing her intake today and Shadow and Glory wouldn’t let me in with her. I mean, they actually physically removed me. I was so pissed but as time went on and I sat on my ass outside the room, it dawned on me it’s about Bray, not me. I should be supporting her. Well, leave it to Taz to figure out a way for me to support my sister. I spent almost three hours listening to Bray describe what the Thunder Cloud Knuckle Brotherhood did to her. Ash, if I could, I’d go up to that part of your ranch where they are and I’d kill each and every one of them. I told you what I did after, so think we are caught up. Do you want to call it a night so you can go home and get a good night’s sleep, or are you up to watch a movie?”

I don’t want to leave yet so I vote for a movie. We first clean up then fight over a movie. We decide on an action flick. Each of us with a drink and a bowl of popcorn Brenna made, we sit on the sectional with our feet on the ottoman. She throws me a blanket and then pulls one for herself. My eyes are so tired that I kind of lean to the arm of the sectional, putting my legs and feet on the ottoman. Brenna moves the bowl of popcorn so I can stretch out, and I do just that. Not sure but it probably takes only ten to twenty minutes before I am totally out on Brenna’s sectional. Don’t know what she does because I am sleeping but when I wake up a few hours later to pee, I am covered up by two blankets and my boots are off and by the door. A glass of water is on the end table.

I get up and go to the bathroom off the kitchen. When I am done, I walk to the kitchen window, move the blinds, and look out. Damn, it’s dark here too. Moving away, I let the blinds go and I head back to the sectional and sit. What do I do, leave or go back to sleep? I don’t want to fuck this up, but damn I’m exhausted. So, I send my mom and kid brother a text. Also send one to my foreman so he can make sure someone is up early to feed the animals. Then I take my jeans off, placing them on the chair, and remove my flannel but keep my T-shirt on. Then I fluff the pillow off to the side, lay my head on it, and by the time I pull the blankets over me, my eyes are already closing. And for once I sleep through the entire night.