1. ‘Raven’

ONE

It’s been almost two weeks since I saw Ash’s dumb-as-fuck brother, Reed, at the hospital. Well, not actually that stupid ’cause he’s one of Tank’s doctors, but still my body trembles just thinking about his name. Ash. Since then, I can’t get him outta my mind, which isn’t good for me because the last time he just up and disappeared on me. It nearly broke me and if not for my brothers, sisters, and parents I’d probably have ended it all. Actually, Mom made me go speak to that therapist in Bozeman, which in the long run helped.

What hurts the most are the memories on video running through my mind day and night. I thought I’d finally put it all to rest, then I see Reed out of the clear blue sky. Knowing sleep will not happen tonight, I get up and throw on my ratty-ass sweatshirt from my community college time. Well, it hits me, not community college and it’s Ash’s sweatshirt, but I can’t part with it. Everything else I got rid of, except for a few boxes still in my parents’ basement. I make my way to the kitchen, grab a coffee pod, and start my Keurig up.

While I wait, I go to the fridge, grab my oats creamer, and smile. God, would he love this creamer. Milk never agreed with him so he started drinking his coffee black, which he hated, especially since his family has one of the largest dairy farms in Montana. It was his dream to take over the family business after his dad retired. None of his brothers wanted it and he loved the land. Reed obviously became a doctor; Rue is on the rodeo circuit. Alder is working as a ranger for the state of Montana. Rowan, the baby, is still at home from what I hear. And the little I know from my mom, Ash is still on the farm doing what he does best, following his daddy’s orders. Though I hear he built his own ranch home on some of the property.

Grabbing my coffee, I put in my creamer then head to the front porch of my cabin. Tink was gracious enough to make sure all of the Devil’s Handmaidens officers had the opportunity of having their own home. It also makes it easier for us to be close by if needed. Over the last few years, it’s been the best idea she ever came up with. For Christ’s sake, my club sisters really can find them: the men in their lives along with total drama.

Pushing back and forth on my porch swing, I think back on our dramas from Tink to, holy shit, Shadow, didn’t know that sister had an emotion in her entire tattooed body. Well, until Panther came along. Damn, she hit the jackpot, though Tink’s Noodles is no slouch. Biggest surprise was my hippy sister, Taz, putting her star on an Intruder and that brother being Enforcer. Talk about badass though, all I ever see when he looks at Taz is true love shining from his eyes. Vixen I relate to, as she found her one and only when she wrestled with her past. Ironside, the ex-FBI agent, had a rough go, not only with Vixen but all of us because we all knew how badly she was hurt when he all but disappeared on her. Finally, Glory and another Intruder, this time a prospect, Yoggie. Damn, I moved too slow on that one. My mind draws up that memory of walking into Glory’s room to find that fine as fuck specimen of a man lying in her bed. In the end though, each one of my sisters is finally enjoying life and that makes me happy. I’m still lonely and alone and that doesn’t make me content.

Trying to blank my mind of everything, I still, swing, and watch the sun start to rise. It surprises me that, even being a night person, I love watching the sun come up. Especially like today when the ranch is quiet since everyone is probably still asleep. I can barely hear the horses whinny and some moos from our cows. Someone has let one of the dogs out ’cause I can hear them barking. Ranch life is truly the best. And being a Devil’s Handmaiden sister comes in a close second.

Seeing a truck make its way up the long-ass driveway has the hair on the back of my neck go up. At this time in the morning, who the hell could this be? I know between Tank and Tink the gate is guarded at all times, so whoever it is had to pass through that checkpoint. I see the truck pass the main house and swing around to the cabins. Well, which sister is expecting an early morning guest or maybe a booty call? Can’t wait to see where the pickup stops so I can have some juicy news. I can then make one of my sisters crazy as I think up all kinds of funny shit.

So stuck in my own thoughts of fucking with a sister, it takes me a second or two to notice the truck stops in front of my cabin. Who the hell is it? One of my brothers, I think, though I don’t recognize the brand-new Chevy Silverado parked in front of me. Trying to squint to see who it is, the sun isn’t helping, so I lean forward and wait. Apparently, whoever is in the truck is doing the exact same thing.

When the door opens, I’ve convinced myself it has to be one of my brothers because who else would come out this early. Unless maybe it’s Onyx. Now that she’s part of the Blue Sky Sanctuary, I’ve seen her around a lot. She’s trying to repair our relationship, and so am I. I miss my sister.

Hearing the door slam, I look and I sympathize with Tank as I feel like I’m having a goddamn heart attack. Never in a million years would I think it was him. Gave up on that when he dumped me during our engagement party at my folks’ house. Yeah, we were young as shit. I was what—seventeen, no, maybe eighteen—and madly in love with this asinine jerk. Never taking my eyes from him, he makes his way to and up the stairs. When he’s in front of me, the cowboy hat comes off and he hangs on to it with his fingers, which are turning white. This is his rodeo not mine, so I sit back and wait.

“Morning, Darlin’. Ya ain’t gonna make this easy on me, are ya? Told Reed nothin’ had changed but he swore you were different. Guess he’s an idiot wearing a doctor’s coat. I came here to try and make peace, Brenna. Is that even possible? Can you give me a chance to explain?”

Taking time, I try to keep my temper in. First, I try to count to ten, then twenty, and finally fifty. No, it isn’t working, damn it. Closing my eyes, I take in a couple of deep breaths like Taz is always telling us to do when stressed out. Now that worked, so I do it again. Okay, I can do this. Until I opened my eyes and Ash is standing right in front of me. Dang it, he can still move like a bobcat. He almost scared the crap out of me.

“Still move like a wild bobcat, don’t you? What do you want, Ash, I got shit to do?”

“Told you, want to make peace between us. Since that day our families are torn apart and it’s our fault. My mom misses your parents, and I’m sure they miss her too. My brothers haven’t been hunting with your brothers since then. We need to fix this, Darlin’. So I’m being a gentleman, coming to you to try and figure out how to do it.”

Feeling my head getting ready to blow off my shoulders, I stand up so fast the swing moves back and then hits me in the ass and upper thighs, sending me straight into Ash’s arms. For Christ’s sake, I can’t make this shit up. He grabs my upper arms, holding me until I catch my balance.

“Get your hands off me, Ash, you lost that privilege a long time ago. And as far as making peace, a good way to start said peace is to tell me why you dumped me in the middle of our GODDAMN ENGAGEMENT PARTY, you asshole. Then you took off with Patsy Woods. How do you think that made me feel, you dickless jerk?”

He has the decency to drop his head down, but as usual says nothing. I’m done, so I move past him, going to the door. Before I can push it open, he’s in front of me, blocking my way. Oh no, not playing any games. I shift and when I lift my leg to knee him in the groin; he moves faster than me. In the next minute, I’m up against the cabin and his entire body is plastered behind me. I can feel how huge he’s gotten, and I mean huge everywhere. His breath is on my neck before I feel his lips there. Holy shit, no. I don’t want this, swore to never forgive him for what he did and put me through. He annihilated my heart.

I try to push him off but he’s too strong. Then I throw my head back and hear an ‘oof’ but he doesn’t let go. When he leans into me again, I can feel something wet dripping on my neck, so I must have gotten him in the nose. Good for me.

“Darlin’, enough of this bullshit. We need to have a grown-up conversation. Yeah, I know, Brenna, something you’re not used to, but ya need to hear me out. So is that gonna happen today or do I need to keep coming here ’cause I don’t have a problem with that. One way or another we are gonna talk, you tell me when.”

Before I can say a word, I hear a growl right before Ash is yanked away. When I turn, I see Avalanche whaling on him. Fuck, Shadow’s Big Bird is going to kill my Ash. Wait, he isn’t mine anymore.

“Avalanche, no, please let him up. Shit, brother, you’re going to kill him and he isn’t worth it. Avalanche, please.”

He looks up at me then down at Ash, whose face is already swelling. Avalanche drops his head, all that long beautiful brown hair of his covering his face. Then he lets Ash go and stands up. When he offers Ash his hand, my heart wishes I could fall for Avalanche. He’s one in a million.

“Raven, what the hell is going on? I come back here to do a walk by and see this asshole, well cowboy dude, has you pushed up against the cabin. Oh shit, did I interrupt a sexual moment? Are you into what do they call it, yeah, voyeurism? Oh fuck, didn’t mean to intrude, you two. I can get outta your hair. Sorry, man, not my intention at all.”

“Avalanche, shut the hell up. No, you didn’t interrupt a tryst at all. And no, I don’t like people to see me having sex, for Christ’s sake. This is my ex, who suddenly decided we needed to make nice. Don’t know why, but that’s what he’s trying to sell to me. As I told Ash, I’m not buying it, but he won’t take no for an answer. As you can see by his bloody nose, I tried to explain it first vocally then physically. That’s where we are right now.”

Ash has been watching the interaction between Avalanche and me, and the look on his face shocks me. He actually looks hurt. What is that?

“Is he the reason we can’t move on, Darlin’? Obviously, you did…uhm, moved on. Good for you. Sorry to bother ya. Hope you both have a nice day. No wait, I actually hope it totally sucks cow balls. You have no idea how hard this was for me to come here, Brenna, and you treat me like a piece of shit on your boot. Was gonna try to explain and hoped you at least would listen, but no, not you. Well, you are getting what you wished for, I’m gone.”

With that he stomps to his truck, turns it on, shifts, pulling out, and leaves us in dust and smoke. I’m in total shock and just stand here watching his truck drive away. I actually jump when Avalanche whistles.

“That motherfucker has it bad, Raven. Whatcha do to him back in the day? Almost feel sorry for the son of a bitch. Come on, tell your big handsome brother, what’s going on?”

Instead of speaking, I feel a breakdown coming. I try to make it up the porch and inside the cabin, but Avalanche grabs my arm and before he can pull me into him, the tears are already running down my face. Damn, there go my credentials as the clown. Nothing funny here, for sure.

“Come on, Raven, let’s get inside and you can tell your strong studly brother all about it.”

His words do exactly what he intended. I snort then giggle. We make it back into my cabin, with me still crying but also laughing. Damn, why doesn’t fate work for me? I could be in bed with this stud instead of offering him some coffee. Oh well, welcome to my world.