Chapter 19

Raphael

I stridethrough the bustling hospital corridors, nodding absently to familiar faces while battling to focus on the stack of charts in hand. But concentration keeps slipping through my grasp. Visions of raven hair and worried maroon eyes dance ceaselessly through my thoughts instead.

It’s been a full weekend since Helena fled my condo after receiving that cryptic late-night message. Yet it feels far longer bearing this cold knot of dread within my gut. I keep replaying our last moments together, searching for clues in the abrupt danger that whisked her from the warmth of our newfound intimacy. Did I miss some vital sign of her turmoil before it boiled over? Could I have kept Helena safely tucked in my embrace if only I’d pressed her to confide in me earlier?

Logically, I know no action could alter whatever ominous forces now swirl around her. Helena likely hid the truth deliberately to shield me—noble stubbornness runs strong in Morningstar blood, it seems. But knowing that does nothing to quiet the panic battering my composed facade the longer her silence stretches.

I pass the rooftop garden entrance, tempted to slip outside for an anxiety break. But escaping work won’t hasten responses from Helena. It will only amplify my fretful thoughts and send them spinning in endless circles. Duty comes first, then the reward of seeing my beloved whole and well again soon... I desperately hope.

Somehow, I battle through the morning meetings and rotations competently, despite my inner chaos. By the time lunch break arrives, I’ve checked my phone to disappointment dozens of times. Enough. I need to hear Helena’s voice before my imagination renders me useless with grisly possibilities.

Ducking down an empty hallway, I tap her name with bated breath, pacing as dull rings menace my calm. But it flips straight to voicemail once more. I inhale sharply. Adamantly tamping down swelling dread, I dial again, listening to those damned endless tones...

“Hey! I can’t reach the phone right now. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”

“Damnit!” I hiss, immediately regretting the outburst. Is she purposely avoiding me, or perhaps something happened to her? I rake a hand roughly through my hair, grappling my anxiety back under a tight leash. Maybe she’s just busy handling club business. No need to jump to conclusions when there are plenty of innocent reasons for Helena’s absence or her unresponsive phone.

I spin towards the observation garden, desperate to find solace before my composure shatters. The sound of the burbling fountain and lush greenery usually calms even the most tense spirits. Surely, it can do the same for me.

Stepping out into the gentle sunlight, I take a deep breath and savor the earthy scents and warm breeze. But my inner peace is shattered when I hear familiar footsteps approaching from behind. I stiffen, unprepared for company in my shaken state. But the smooth voice instantly identifies my eldest brother before I turn.

“Raphael. Didn’t mean to startle you, brother.” Michael’s kind smile doesn’t quite reach his worried eyes, roving my tense frame as he approaches. Ever the healer gifting compassion freely, Michael senses distress even without his celestial empathy, and hides his concern beneath camaraderie for my comfort.

Attempting an answering grin feels nearly impossible under the weight of anxiety and my secrets. But I try, putting on a mask of casualness to allay Michael’s perceptions for now. No need to drag him into perilous affairs of the heart, however pure his intent.

Leaning back against sun-warmed ledge stones, I fold both arms loosely, willing a facade of ease. “All good here. Just needed some air, you know?”

Michael nods amiably. But I feel his gaze sweep over me, peeking beneath my armor of nonchalance. He chooses his next words with care. “Rafa, you do know I’m always here to talk, right? About anything at all.” Compassion and understanding radiate from my eldest brother alongside the silent offer of trust.

“I’ll always support whatever makes you happy,” he adds. His expression is open, earnest. “Even if it’s... unconventional.”

My pulse quickens, but I keep my face blank. Does he suspect? Impossible.

I cannot confess the hidden relationship threatening everything moral Michael represents. Not without condemning our love myself. So I deflect instead, forcing a teasing grin. “Since when do I do anything ‘conventional’?”

Michael’s expression clouds with concern not so easily dissuaded. He steps nearer, tilting to catch my averted eyes. “I simply want to make sure you would share any... burdens, if you carried them. You’ve listened to my own troubles often enough.” His weighty pause swells between us. “What are brothers for, if not lending an ear when needed?”

Guilt twists my chest bitterly. Ever selfless, Michael extends his legendary benevolence, unaware of how deeply it hurts to reject it now. I should share far more than I do to repay his eternal well of strength uplifting all around him during darker days. But confessing my insane passion for Lucifer’s treasured niece feels like plunging a knife into Michael’s trusting heart, destroying his golden image of me along with our precious filial bond.

So I deflect again, injecting effortless humor to diffuse the tension between us. I play my role as the carefree baby brother. “Since when have I ever withheld things from you?” I raised an eyebrow challengingly.

Michael stares at me with that indulgent look he reserves for fledgling angels, seeing straight through my charade. But he knows better than to push where I am not willing to go. So we stand in strained camaraderie until he finally sighs and gives me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

“Should you wish to talk later... you know where to find me.” Weighted meaning underlines his pointed reminder before footsteps signal my brother’s reluctant departure.

The kind invitation trails away leaving only silence. And I slump bonelessly against sun-warmed stone once alone, weariness barreling through my crumbling defenses. Ever the pillar upholding others, Michael stretches out his grace yet again despite my barriers. But this situation extends well beyond even his eternal well of wisdom.

I couldn’t explain to him the pull I feel towards Helena, despite the threat of eternal damnation or societal condemnation hanging over us...

A harsh vibration jolts me from my somber musings. I nearly dump my phone in the nearby fountain, scrambling to answer the anticipated call, pulse skyrocketing. “Helena!” I choke out in my haste, flooded with dizzy relief as her name flashes on screen.

“Raphael... hello yourself. Smooth amusement trickles through, soothing away my earlier bleak thoughts. My body sags weakly against the convenient ledge stones. “Miss me that terribly, darling?” Even shaken and distracted by unknown threats, the teasing remains perfectly Helena.

A rueful laugh punches out of me, the sound rusty from sustained tension. “You’ve no idea, beautiful. I was ready to dispatch squadrons of angels to scour the earth for you.”

Her answering laughter chimes softly across the line, warming my chest. “Well now I’m glad you exercised restraint. Nothing to worry about over here.” Humor fades to sincerity edging her words. “But seriously, Rafa. I apologize for worrying you. Time simply got away handling club affairs.”

I grasp that olive branch desperately, curbing deeper questions on the phone. “No apologies needed, sweetheart. I understand, busy days happen.” Clenched white knuckles around my device belie the casual tone, but no one bears witness. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Of course! Never better.” The device can’t hide the turmoil beneath her breezy tone.

My voice comes out sharper than intended. “Helena, please... don’t shut me out. Whatever’s going on, you can tell me.” I soften my tone gently. “Let me help shoulder the burden with you, rather than carrying troubles alone, my love.” The word love slips out unthinking, too overwhelmed with relief at hearing her voice to restrain the endearment. But Helena doesn’t seem to register that, humming noncommittally instead.

I switch tactics, coaxing gently rather than demanding vulnerable truths right now. “Come over later, after the club shuts down?” Hope edges each word. “I’ll cook us dinner and you can unload everything weighing you down so heavily...”

That earns another tired chuckle. “Trying to ply secrets from me with food and flattery? Clever man.” A pause stretches, my thoughts chanting feverish pleas that she accepts my refuge, if only temporarily. “Very well, archangel. I hope you have plenty of coffee on hand, though. It may be a long night.”

Wild elation surges through me. “For you, Helena... I have an eternity.” I infuse the vow with enough intensity that she reads the underlying message. I intend to stand sentinel over this woman as long as I draw air, no matter the revelations carried on midnight’s black wings to shake our frail balance. Fate sealed our union through happenstance that first night, but determination alone will hold us together moving forward.

We confirm a late dinner, my energy buzzing with renewed purpose once I end the call. At last—a chance to reunite with Helena and provide her with both physical and emotional support.

Perhaps she expects nothing more than a sympathetic ear and a warm meal, but I can feel it in my bones that tonight’s meeting will redefine our relationship. The fact that she called me back confirms a level of trust between us. This is no longer just a series of meaningless trysts.

Hopeful, despite my lingering tensions, I head back to the office and finish my shift with a fiery passion. My colleagues make light jokes about it, but little do they know how true their words are. A single spark has ignited my entire being ablaze, and I would burn this city to the ground to protect her.