Chapter 18

Amon

My knuckles rap against the door, not seeking permission but warning that I’m entering. Ruby’s head pops up from her pillow, red-rimmed and misty. She’s defeated, something I haven’t witnessed since the first few days after she summoned me.

The impact of her sadness almost knocks me back, pinching at my heart in a way I’ve never experienced.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, lowering myself onto the bed beside her.

“Oh, Amon,” she sobs, throwing herself at me as I stare at the top of her head in shock. I’ve always struggled with this—showing affection and caring for others. My discomfort is pushed aside as I wrap my arms around her, letting my fingertips glide along her spine.

Cas studies me as he drops onto her other side, curling against her back as she reaches for his hand. “Talk to us, baby,” he whispers into her hair, pushing it out of her face and raking his nails against her scalp. Once again, I’m hit with a potent rush of inadequacy that makes me feel like I’m invading on a private moment, but I push it aside.

Ruby wants me here. She needs my comfort.

“It’s stupid,” she whispers, a hiccup interrupting her words.

“Anything that hurts you could never be stupid,” I say, and Cas nods his agreement. She’s quiet for a long time, refusing to share what upsets her because of the misguided fear of judgement.

Something deep inside me thrashes, needing to take away her pain.

My chest tightens, pulse rapid-firing as I muster my courage. If I want her to open up, I have to be willing to do the same, even if the words are whispered. “I left because I was scared.”

“What?” She twists her head to me with those sorrowful, mossy eyes that pierce my heart.

“That day in the bedroom, you asked why I left the kitchen. You said you could sense that I was upset, and I walked out.” Her eyes never leave me as she nods.

“You and Cas are effortless together, Ruby… you always have been. I watched as you both laughed and talked, and it was a reminder of what I could never offer. You made it seem so easy, so fucking simple, but I felt like an outsider.” I turn away, unable to hold her gaze as I finish my thought. “I was jealous.”

“Throughout my entire life, I have kept everyone at arm’s length, never seeking or desiring anyone’s affection or approval. Even with the soft spot I’ve always had for Cas, our relationship was clearly defined. There were never any blurred lines or confusion.” I force myself to look at her. “Not until you.”

Her lips wobble in a tiny tremble as I plant a gentle kiss on them. “And then this maddeningly innocent human summoned me to Earth, and she was kind and sweet and had a soul so beautiful it made me question everything I’ve ever done.”

Cas meets my eyes from beyond her. His usual devil-may-care attitude has vanished, replaced by an unwavering attention that is laser-focused on me. Ruby’s voice wobbles as she says, “Sounds pretty amazing,” and I blow a laugh through my nose.

“The most amazing.” The half smile on my face fades as my demeanor becomes somber once more. “Ever since we got here, you’ve been chipping away at the walls that guarded my heart for centuries, and that was the day the first crack formed. The first time I’d ever wanted more. Suddenly, these intense emotions were flooding into this tiny hole in my defenses, and I was drowning. I had no idea how to handle what I felt for you… both of you.” My cheeks burn as I meet both their eyes, but there’s no judgement.

Cas whispers my name, but I shake my head and drop my gaze to the blankets.

“None of it makes any sense to me. It has been mere weeks since I met you, Ruby, and Cas has been a constant presence in my life for decades, as nothing more than a fling . I was afraid to lower my guard, and you still came back to me. Why did you always come back?”

It’s a rhetorical question, one that doesn’t require an answer, but Cas tries. “Amon,” he says again, his voice turning urgent.

I shake my head, powering forward before I talk myself out of it. “How can my feelings for both of you consume me so completely? It’s all so fucking confusing. I’m a demon—a creature crafted from the very fire of Hell.”

Cas rolls his eyes at that, muttering something that sounds like, “Dramatic much?”

I glare at him for a second before sighing and letting my head sag. “It is not in my nature to love another.” Heavy silence envelops us as I gather the strength to say what needs to be said, sensing the importance of the moment. It’s a tipping point.

A precipice.

A pivotal juncture that has the potential to shape my extensive life.

“But I do,” I finally say, forcing myself to meet their gazes instead of avoiding them. “I love you, Ruby.” Her eyes widen as I shift to Cas. “And, as fate would have it, it turns out I love you as well, Casimir.”

For a terrifying moment, no one says a word. Fear wraps its icy fingers around my heart and constricts, stealing the oxygen from my lungs as I swallow. It’s the only sound in the silent room.

Did I misread everything ?

Preternaturally still, Cas only stares, the red glow building behind his solid black eyes. And then he moves, scrambling over Ruby to climb in my lap.

“I’ve loved you for years,” he blurts, and relief whooshes through me like a strong wind, allowing me to take my first full breath in what feels like days. Once his words register in my brain, it’s my turn to be shocked.

“You never said anything.”

Cas scoffs and rolls his eyes, the action easing the tension. “You never wanted me to,” he says gently. “Imagine if I burst into the room, confessing my love for you when we were supposed to keep things casual. What would you have done? You would’ve run, and it would’ve been over.”

The truth in his words makes me wince, so I just nod as he continues. “It was selfish of me, but I wanted you… any part you were willing to give me. Any piece of yourself that could be mine, even if for a short time.”

“Cas,” I whisper, my chest physically aching at the realization.

He shakes his head, turning to Ruby. “And I’ve loved you since the minute I laid eyes on you. You were always it for me.” She leans in as Cas wraps his arms around us both, and something inside me is lighter at the weight of them against me.

They’re mine.

After a few moments of peaceful quiet, Cas pulls back. “Please, Ruby… let us help you. Tell us what’s wrong.”

Her eyes bounce between us as her shoulder slump, then after what seems like forever, she deflates with a long breath. “It’s Johnny.”

“Who’s Johnny?” I demand, ready to bury a body, while Cas is thoughtful.

“Your ex?”

Ruby winces as she nods, her cheeks flushing. “It shouldn’t matter, and I shouldn’t care… I know I shouldn’t care… and I swear I wasn’t even cyberstalking him, but a friend of mine shared a post and I saw it…” My eyes widen with every word, only comprehending half of what she is saying, and Cas is just as puzzled.

“Slow down,” he soothes, smoothing her hair away from her face. The stubborn red coil pops right back over her forehead, and he just smiles, tucking it behind her ear. It calms her, and she tries again.

“Johnny is my ex,” she explains, meeting my eyes. “We were together for years until he left me for someone else… someone younger and prettier.”

“Stop that,” I growl, and she gives me a rueful smile.

“It’s not like I miss him, because I don’t. I rarely even think about him, but someone shared an announcement about their engagement. The party is tonight at a ritzy, exclusive club, and they both look stunning while I’m sitting here in my PJs crying in bed. It’s… pathetic.”

Cas and I exchange glances and nod in unison. “Alright, let’s go.” So much confusion paints her face that I touch my hair, wondering if Cas’s mishap spread to me.

“We can’t just… go.”

“Why not?” I ask. “Is this party somewhere private?”

Cas waves a hand dismissively. “Doesn’t matter, we can break in.”

“N-no,” she stutters, shaking her head. “The nightclub is ‘technically’ open to everyone.” She flexes her fingers in the air with the word, and I furrow my brow at the action. “But the line always wraps around the building, and you only get in if you’re hot enough.”

Cas gasps, loud and dramatic, as his hand lands over his heart. “Are you saying I’m not hot enough?”

Ruby’s posture loosens a fraction, a smile playing on her lips. “You are definitely hot enough… both of you are… but me…”

“That’s it,” I decide, clapping my hands as I stand, and Cas tumbles to the floor with a surprised shout. “We’re going.”

Her mouth opens and closes like a fish before she snaps out of it. “We can’t— ”

“We can, and we will,” I argue, grabbing her hands and pulling her to her feet. Cas glares at me from a heap on the ground, and I relent and help him up as well. “I want to meet this Johnny,” I sneer, hating the taste of his name in my mouth, “and show him exactly what he’s been missing.”