Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

" I don't want to do this," I grumble and pout at the guys. Rylee holds my hand tighter. "I'm completely fine, and we won first place. We should be celebrating," I complain, but it falls on deaf ears.

"Don, you're not okay. I know you're not ready to talk to us about it, but you need help. You almost dropped Felicia during our routine. You're not eating, you're losing weight, and you constantly have dark circles under your eyes, so I know you're not sleeping. Please. We love you, Donny," Len says from next to me, and I'm man enough to admit that I have tears in my eyes.

"Let's just try this, okay? If you don't like this person, we will find you someone else. Your mental health is more important than a celebration," Teo mutters from the driver's seat.

Sighing, I nod and wipe my eyes. "I love you guys too. I'm so damn exhausted," I admit.

And I really am. The nightmares haven't let up in months. Every day I feel myself getting pulled further into the past.

Teo parks in front of a nice brown-brick building. There are pretty flowers planted in front of it, and I hesitate.

Rylee squeezes my hand again and I turn to face her. "Come with me."

Her eyes widen and she licks her lips, nodding. "If that's what you want," she says gently, and I'm not sure I like that.

I don't want her to be hesitant with me. I think it's worse than pity. Lennox opens the door on his side and climbs out.

They sat me in the middle like a little kid, worried I might try to make a break for it.

Giving me a pat on the shoulder, Len pulls me into a hug and Rylee releases my hand, talking to Colt and Teo.

"Do you want us to wait?" Len asks but I shake my head.

I know when we leave here, I'm going to need some space, and I think it's time Rylee and I had a serious conversation.

"No. I'll get us an Uber."

Nodding, he returns to the car and Rylee joins me, taking my hand once more. When we reach the front door and the guys have pulled away, I stop.

"I'm scared," I whisper. She turns me to face her by placing her palm onto my cheek.

"You are one of the strongest, silliest, most loving men that I have ever met, Adonis Baros, and I love you, no matter what."

"I love you too, Cherry. I don't know where I would be if I had never met you. You make me feel like everything will get better, even if the demons in my mind are fighting you at every chance."

"Then let's finally get rid of them for good."

Nodding, I let her guide me into the small office and over to the receptionist. My heart is racing and I feel sick.

I don't know if I can actually do this. I know I have to. That it's time, and if I ever want to move on and heal, I need to do this, but telling a stranger about all my darkest secrets…

"Hi. We are here to see Robin," Rylee says with a smile, taking over for me. My mouth is dry, and I try to clear my throat.

The woman behind the desk gives me a once over, then reaches behind her into a mug and hands me a lollipop.

My hand shakes as I take it and I try to smile. "You will love Dr. Ekman. Don't be frightened, pet," she tells me with a kind smile, and my shoulders relax a little.

Rylee thanks her and guides me over to a comfortable looking couch in the corner. I can't sit still. My knee is bouncing up and down and so I jump up, beginning to pace.

I open the sucker and place it between my lips. It's root beer flavored and I try to calm down. I think about ice cream floats and warm summer days with my mom before she died.

Before my life turned to hell.

"Donny," Rylee says, gaining my attention. There is a woman standing behind me with a big smile on her face and her hand extended for me to shake.

"Hi, you must be Adonis," she says. She seems welcoming with her soft features, and cardigan over a light-blue sundress.

She's young, maybe mid-thirties, but she has crinkles around her eyes, showing me that she smiles a lot.

"Um, yeah," I croak, then clear my throat and take her hand. Her palm is warm and soft. Mine is clammy, but she doesn't even flinch.

"Shall we?" She releases me and waves toward her open office door. I peek inside and there are several large bean bags in the corner, as well as a huge sofa and a coffee table full of snacks and junk food.

I take a step forward and realize Rylee is still sitting. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, trying to be brave.

Holding my hand out in front of her, I open my eyes, asking her without words. "Are you sure?" she asks and I nod.

"I need you," I mumble.

She takes my hand, letting me pull her off the couch, and she takes the weight off my shoulders by guiding me into the office.

Robin is sitting in a comfortable looking chair, waiting. She gave me and Rylee a moment in private, and I appreciate that.

Showing vulnerability isn't easy for me. I spent a good portion of my childhood being beaten for showing weakness.

I move over to one of the large bean bags and pull Rylee onto my lap. Robin smiles and moves to the other bag.

"Would you like something to eat?" she asks and Rylee laughs.

"I can see why the guys thought you'd be perfect for Donny."

My stomach is in knots, and for the first time in, I think, ever, I turn down free food.

"Maybe later," I mumble, and Rylee squirms until I let her go. She grabs me a plate anyway and returns, taking a seat next to me.

"I think we need these at home," she mutters, tilting her head towards the huge bean bags. I nod, agreeing, but my mind is a million miles away.

"Okay, Adonis, you have me for the next hour, so what would you like to talk about today?"

I look into her soft green eyes and take a few more breaths. "Can you call me Donny, please?" I mumble and she nods, writing something in her notepad.

"Of course. Anything to make you feel comfortable here. This is a safe space, and if you'd like to continue chatting with me, you may bring in items from home, or request certain treats for during your sessions."

Rylee is nodding with every word she says, while eating some cheese and crackers.

Looking over at me, she smiles, and I find myself grinning back.

"So, where would you like to start? If I could be candid…" She pauses and I lean back, creating more space between us.

"From the bags under your eyes, and with how worried your friends seemed, I think you may have a lot that you need to talk to me about, but let's start with something easy."

I nod and she continues. "Tell me what you like to do for fun."

"Well, I like to watch anime, play dodgeball, and cheer. We just won a huge cheerleading competition."

"Oh, that sounds like such fun. Okay, how about your favorite food?"

We continue chatting about mundane things and I start to relax. Robin seems nice, and maybe she won't judge if I open up my closet of shame.

"My grandfather abused me!" I blurt out and Rylee gasps. Closing my eyes, I keep going.

"When my parents died, my grandparents became my guardians. At first, everything was okay. I was really sad and my grandma would cuddle with me and read me bedtime stories. Then she went out of town and left me with him. "

My heart begins to race and my hands are sweating. "In the beginning, he just liked to take pictures of us. He used my parents death as an excuse. Said I reminded him of my dad… I wonder now if he did the same thing to my dad when he was young."

"Predators usually do have a pattern. If they get away with disgusting behavior, they start to get a God complex, feeling invincible. They believe that no one can touch them, because they haven't been caught so far," Robin says, then jots down more notes.

She continues to tell me some exercises I can try at home, for when the demons want to break in and make me feel worthless. I listen and Rylee takes notes on her phone. I don't know what I would do without her here.

I don't open up any further today, and she says that's okay. She wants me to come back, and I think I might.

We end the session with her famous chocolate chip cookies, and I actually do feel a little bit better.

Leaving the office, I wave at the nice lady behind the counter before the door closes.

"Thank you for coming with me," I mutter to Rylee and she gives me a smile. I can see the worry in her eyes, but there's no pity. I'm not sure I could handle it if there was.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," she says, pulling me into a hug. Resting her head on my chest under my chin, I sigh and hold her tighter.

We stand like that until the Uber arrives, and then with a deep breath, I tell him to take me back to a place I never wanted to see again.

But it's time to finally put these nightmares to rest.