Chapter 5

Rage

L unch is really uncomfortable and I’m not quite sure why. When Meli and Priscilla come back from the restroom, they’re visibly upset. I know better than to act like a bull in a china shop though, so I do my best to keep the conversation ball rolling. After lunch Mia goes outside to play with Barley, and I take Priscilla for a walk around the property. I had planned to show her around, there’s a lot of land attached to the restaurant. My club brother Venom is building a home on a parcel of land near the coast and the whole area is so beautiful, but I also want a chance to talk to her alone because she looks like she’s barely holding it together.

I take her down the winding sidewalk into Meli’s rose garden and we sit on a bench. I roll right into the conversation I want to have because there is no use putting it off. “Were you able to tell what was bothering Meli? I’ve never seen her act that way.”

Priscilla freezes and a long silence spins out between the two of us. Just when I think she isn’t going to answer me, she speaks. “She figured out I was the one who broke your heart all those years ago and was worried that I was trying to get my claws in you again.”

“Oh shit,” I tell her. “Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her about that. That shit’s ancient history. There’s no use bringing it up now.”

“I want to explain—”

I hold up one hand, silencing her. “No need. Like I said, it’s ancient history.”

Her head spins around to look at me, her expression is shocked. “You really don’t care what happened?”

I fucking know what happened. She spelled it out pretty clearly in her Dear John letter. I wasn’t up for getting raked over the coals hearing it all again. I may be a strong man, but Priscilla was, is, and always will be, my one weakness. So, I look her right in the eyes and tell her, “No. I don’t want to rehash all that. We’ve both moved on, so there’s nothing to be gained from going over old history. I bump shoulders with her gently. “Let’s just leave the past in the past and live in the now where we can at least still be friends, okay?”

She tears up but manages to hold back the waterworks as she nods, “Yeah, sure. If that’s what you want.”

“It is,” I say firmly. She seems really upset by that, and I don’t have a clue why. I’m giving her a pass on her past behavior for fuck’s sake, surely she’d be pleased? Trying to lighten the mood I ask, “Now, let’s get started talking about what you need right now.”

Her eyes got big. “Besides my getting my prescriptions filled, I don’t need anything.” Glancing out at her daughter who’s playing on the grass with Barley, she adds, “I’m already so grateful for the new clothing and stuff you bought for Mia. I wouldn’t feel right having you spend your hard-earned money on me.”

This woman is breaking my heart. I wonder if she doesn’t want me to spend money on her because she thinks I’ll expect something she’s not willing to give in return, or because she was so used to living with her abusive stingy-ass husband for so long that she doesn’t think she deserves nice things. Or maybe she feels guilty for running out on me to marry that rich asshole. I shake that thought away, I need to stop feeling so angry all the time. I jump to my feet and hold out one hand, “That settles it, we’re going shopping.”

“No, really. I’m fine,” she tells me earnestly.

The more reluctant she is to spend my money, the more eager I am to spoil her. I told Mariam I wasn’t looking for a relationship and there was nothing between Priscilla and me. I might have believed my words, but you can’t just turn on and off feelings and the more I was around her, the more I was starting to feel that old need.

I need to shut that shit back down, but in the meantime, I have a woman here who’d had an unbelievably shitty time of it over the past however long. She needed a treat, “Look, Prissy. The only thing you have are the clothes on your back and those were donated by my club’s old ladies. You need more than a couple of outfits. Your asshole of a father-in-law isn’t letting you back in your house. It’s going to take us petitioning the court to get in there and remove your belongings. Our club attorney is working on that now, by the way.”

“I don’t want to spend your money,” she says carefully.

I squat down in front of her to explain. “Want to know what happens after you’ve been through a childhood filled with abuse, lose the love of your life early, and end up seeing active duty on the battlefield all before you’re twenty-four?”

She shakes her head, with her lips pressed together as if she’s afraid of offending me by speaking.

I bring one hand up and rest it on her leg. “You stay busy by working three jobs to keep you from ruminating over it all. For the last eleven years I’ve been keeping myself busy with work. I work so much, I don’t have the time or energy to spend it.”

Grabbing her hand, I say, “Come on, Prissy girl. Let’s dip into my savings account. I might even let you help me pick out something cool for myself.”

A small smile jumps onto her face as she looks me up and down. “I’ve actually got some good ideas for giving you a styling aesthetic.

“As long as it doesn’t get in the way of me riding a bike or being a first responder, I’m probably gonna love it. Let’s face it, when it comes to clothing, you have good style.” The truth was that I don’t give a good goddamn about styling or buying shit for myself. What I care about making sure Priscilla has what she needed to function as a human being. I need her to be alert and present for her child, rather than falling into a pit of despair because her shitty husband shot her, wound up dead, and had screwed her out of her marital home by putting everything in his father’s name.

Standing here looking down at her, that seems like a tall order. I hold out my hand again and she reluctantly slides her hand in mine. Her other hand goes to the still healing wound on her belly. “I’m not sure how much walking I can do, but I’ll try to keep up.”

I tug her closer and wrap my arm around her back. “Don’t you worry about that. I’m taking you to a boutique, it’s one my club brothers sometimes use for their old ladies. All you have to do is sit. I’ll even model all the outfits for you if that’s too much effort.”

She bursts out laughing and stops just as abruptly with a wince. “Don’t make me laugh I might split my stitches.”

I can’t keep the smile off my face for anything. Finally having my Priscilla back, even as a friend, is the best thing ever.

“I was thinking of taking Priscilla shopping for supplies. Would it be possible for Mia to hang out with you?” I ask Meli.

Meli’s the closest thing I have to a mom. Me and her son, Venom, took a blood brother oath a few months ago. At the time it was just a silly thing, but I really appreciated the thought. Turns out Ven took it seriously, as did his mom who always wanted more kids, so since then I’ve been treated as a member of the family. She seems to really like Mia, so she jumps at the chance. Turning to Mia, she says, “If you stay, we can bake cookies, just like you wanted.”

“Yay! Cookies!” Mia says excitedly. Then she bends down and claps her hand for Barley to come to her. “Did you hear that, Barley. I’m staying the whole day, and we get cookies.”

“No cookies for Barley,” Meli says.

Mia’s face falls, “But he loves cookies, he told me so.”

“Maybe we can make him some special dog cookies then,” Meli grins as she scratches the top of Barley’s head.

“Watch it,” I tease. “If you’re not careful, Meli will put you to work in the restaurant.”

Meli just laughs, “Maybe someday, when she is older, she can wait tables, my Serp did that at weekends.”

Mia gleefully tells Barley, “Did you hear that, boy. I landed my first job too.”

Priscilla is all smiles when we leave. Clearly, she trusts Meli with her daughter.

I help get Priscilla settled in the passenger side of my truck because I don’t want her climbing up unaided. After making sure she’s okay I get in and start the engine before explaining, “Over the last two weeks, I’ve taken Mia out to Meli’s restaurant several times. Mia loves it there. She’s even taken to cutting flowers and creating little mini flower arrangements. She gives them away and decorates her room with them.”

“She has a room at your house?” Priscilla says in a surprised voice.

“Of course. What did you think I was doing, locking her in the attic?”

“Well no. Naturally, you would put her in your guest room.” Blushing all over again, she mumbles, “I don’t know what I was thinking. To be honest, I’ve been thinking of us as homeless.”

“Don’t be silly, woman. You’re going to stay at my place until you’re back on your feet—however long you need. It’s a little out of the way cottage down a dirt road that leads to nowhere. You’re going to love it.”

She perks up. “I’ve never lived in the country, it sounds a bit isolated.”

“Well, it’s not that isolated,” I tell her with a mischievous grin, “besides me, there are bears, coyotes, and wildcats.”

“Oh okay, you’re scaring me now. Why would you pick such an out of the way location?”

The curiosity in her voice is all kinds of cute. Priscilla’s most certainly a city girl and I’m pretty sure she’ll want to get back to it as soon as possible after she heals up. I decide to tell her the story of how I ended up with my home. “The house originally belonged to my neighbor. He was an older man with no family. After getting called out to his place one time when he fell and broke his hip, I started stopping by every day to check on him after he got out of hospital.”

“Oh, that was really sweet of you. I’m sure he appreciated the help.”

“Actually, it was my fucking honor to know him. He was a retired Purple Heart veteran and had traveled the world back in the day.” Taking a deep breath, I continue, “You’re right though. He did appreciate me coming to check on him and making sure he got to his medical appointments and got his prescriptions filled. We used to sit out on the porch and talk for hours. I really miss Gerald. Since he didn’t have anyone, he left everything to me, including his house. I could have sold it, but I decided to keep it because it reminds me of him and the stories he would tell.”

Priscilla immediately chimes in, “I am so sorry you lost your friend. There is no kind of pain like grieving.”

There’s something in her voice and I wonder who she lost, though maybe she’s referring to her husband? I don’t know what things were like between then, “I know Conrad was a real asshole. Does some small part of you miss him.”

She turns to look out the window and takes a few minutes to organize her thoughts. “With Conrad, it’s complicated. He wasn’t always bad.”

“Yeah, you never really know what someone’s capable of. You think you know their limits right up until they pull the rug out from under you.”

She turns to me and nods. “You’re not wrong about that.”

“It’s hard to grieve over the person who tried to kill you, right?”

She nods and wrings her hands in her lap. “Yeah, that’s about the size of it. I didn’t love him and don’t feel grief so much as relief that it’s all finally over and I’m away from that family.”

Her story really drags out all my protective instincts all over again. I want to ask why she didn’t reach out to me. She has to know that I would have moved heaven and earth to get her out of there. I don’t ask though because I don’t want us to get mired down in the sins of our past. She didn’t want me. I shouldn’t be worried about why she didn’t call me when things went bad with her marriage. “Any idea why your parents had their hearts set on an asshole like Conrad for you to marry?”

She takes a deep breath and says, “It was because his family was wealthy. For the duration of our marriage my parents got a hefty stipend from his family.”

That doesn’t make a bit of sense to me. “Why would your parents have needed that money? They were wealthy in their own right.”

“No, they really weren’t. By the time I was starting high school, my mother discovered that my father had a gambling problem. He’d taken out a second mortgage on our house, our cars all had loans against them and his business was slowly failing.”

“Fucking hell, they practically sold you to that bastard.”

When she doesn’t respond, I know that I’ve taken this conversation too far, so I apologize. “I’m really sorry, Priscilla. I didn’t mean to rake up so many bad memories for you today.”

She turns to look out the window again, “The memories are always there, Ray, no matter whether or not I talk about them. So, don’t be worried on that accord.”

I reach over and cover her hands with mine. “For the rest of the day, we’re not going to talk about the past, only the present and future. How does that sound.”

She puts her free hand on top mine and gives me a wary smile, “That actually sounds fantastic. I feel like I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster the last couple of weeks.”

***

We manage to stay off touchy subjects for the rest of the journey and by the time we reach Las Salinas, Priscilla has a genuine smile on her face. I pull into Francesca’s Boutique. I park up and help her out the truck again, enjoying the feel of her arm around my waist.

When I put her down on her feet, she holds my arm with both hands for a moment to stabilize herself. I like the way she clings to me too much and am far too disappointed when her hands slip away.

She looks up at the sign, and reads it out, “Francesca’s Boutique, Hair and Nail Salon.” Turning to me she grins, “Sounds like a one stop shop, right?”

“Yeah, it is. Trust me, this is just your kind of place, Prissy.”

Her indulgent smile made me feel things I shouldn’t ought to feel. This was the woman who ran out on me all those years ago. She let her family pressure her into marrying another man because his family was rich. I’d pinned all my hopes on marrying Priscilla and creating the loving family I never had, but it exploded in my face.