34

34

Cassandra

I can barely look at Apollo’s body without the fear of what-if seeping in around the edges, the idea of a world without him so cold and dark that I can’t stop shaking. He thinks I’m rattled because of witnessing a murder, and I won’t pretend I’m remotely okay with that. Or the reminder that this isn’t all that unusual for him. How can he live like this? How can any of the Thirteen?

Getting beaten barely registered as a blip for him; he immediately pivoted to worrying about the greater good of the city. I should care about the city. There are a lot of innocent people who live here.

But it’s the potential loss of him that has me burrowing beneath his ridiculously expensive sheets and arranging my body carefully against his. I’m not certain I can touch him without causing him pain, but he tugs me close all the same and I don’t argue.

I need this.

I think we both need this.

For a long time, we simply lie there. I allow his slow breathing and the steady thump of his heart against my ear to soothe me. He could have been hurt so much worse today…but he wasn’t. That’s the important thing. He’s here. He’s with me.

Only for a few more days.

The reminder hurts. It always hurts, but the bite feels particularly vicious and jagged now. We’ve been here for hours and not a single person has come to check on Apollo. Oh, his family won’t know what happened unless he decides to tell them, but not even Zeus has checked in. He’ll have already had a preliminary report from Ares about the situation and Apollo’s injuries. Apparently that doesn’t even warrant a call.

I want to beg him to come with me, to leave behind this city that doesn’t care about him before it hurts him in a way he can’t recover from. The loss of one Apollo might barely be a blip for Olympus, but it would be everything to me.

He won’t leave, though. This is his world—it has been since birth—and he feels a responsibility for everyone in this city. His genuine care is part of the reason I love him, but I can’t help the worry that wraps around me and squeezes tight.

I don’t know who moves first. I shift against him, or he pulls me closer. Maybe both. But I tilt my head back and then Apollo’s mouth is on mine.

This time, there’s no finesse. No kinky games. No power dynamics. Just a deep heat that burns away everything but the need to get closer. He starts to push me onto my back and winces. That’s all I need to shift away. “You’re too hurt for this.”

“Cassandra.” He digs a hand into my hair and pulls me in for a searing kiss. “I need you.” When I still hesitate, he curses. “I promise to tell you if anything hurts too badly.”

It’s a bullshit promise and we both know it, but my thoughts aren’t orderly enough to navigate past the desire to reassure myself that we’re both here, both alive, both safe. For the time being. I swallow hard. “Okay.”

He tries to kiss me again, but I’m already moving down his body. He tightens his grip on my hair. “You don’t have to.”

“Apollo.” I hold his gaze. “When have I ever given you any indication that I’m going to do something—sexual or otherwise—that I’m not fully on board with?” I don’t give him a chance to answer, dipping down to kiss his chest. This part of him, at least, is bruise-free.

“Never.” He says it almost hesitantly.

Gods, I love this man. I love him so much, part of me wants to dig that emotion out of my chest and set it on fire. To exorcise it because it’s complicated and messy and the implications are more than I can bear to think about right now. I flick his nipple with my tongue. “I’ve been dying to suck your cock again. Please let me.”

His chuckle is strained and raspy. “By all means, love. Don’t let me hold you back.”

I’m careful to bypass his ribs. In the fading light of the evening, his bruises look even worse than they did earlier in the shower. If he’s able to move at all tomorrow, it will be a small miracle.

He widens his legs so I can kneel between them. I take a moment to memorize every detail of this. This man, who has exasperated me, confused me, and lifted me up for years. One of the very group of people I should hate beyond all others. The kindest person I’ve ever met.

The one who holds my heart in his gentle, battered hands.

“I love you.” I said it earlier, but it feels different this time. It changes nothing. It can’t change anything. But I need him to know it’s true, that this isn’t something as mundane as sex for me. “I think I’ve loved you for a very long time, even if I would have thrown myself from Dodona Tower before admitting it to anyone, let alone myself.”

He gives a bittersweet smile. “I realized I loved you that day with the printer.”

I instantly know exactly what he’s talking about. It wasn’t a good day. It was the anniversary of my parents’ death, and my sister and I had a fight that afternoon when I’d taken her out to lunch. My emotions had been riding too close to the surface, boiling and ugly and awful. When the ancient printer went haywire, I’d lost control completely. But that means… “You’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

“Apollo, that was four years ago.” I stare. “You can’t have loved me that long.”

“You were my employee, and you’d made your thoughts on the Thirteen and Olympus very clear from the start.” He shrugs and winces a little. “I wasn’t going to be just another selfish person in your life putting my needs and desires above yours.”

Against everything, tears prickle at the edges of my eyes. “I took an office chair to the printer that day. Anyone else would have fired me.”

“It was an old printer. I’d been meaning to replace it for a while, and you gave me the excuse to do so.”

“Apollo…”

His smile falls away. “Up until that point, you’d been very careful with me. Walking on eggshells. After that day, you didn’t bother. You gave me the real you.” He trails his fingers down my cheek. “You’re beautiful and complicated and the smartest person I’ve ever met. How could I not love you?”

If we keep talking like this, I’m going to start sobbing, and if I only have a short time left with him, I’m determined to fill it with as many good memories as possible. I turn my face and press a kiss to his palm. “Now lie back and be a good patient.” I give a wobbling, wicked smile. “Nurse Cassandra will make you feel better.”

I wrap my fist around his cock and lean down so I can take him into my mouth. His hissed exhale has me checking his expression, but there’s no pain there. Only pleasure. Good. I give myself over to tasting and teasing him, taking him deeply and then licking my way to flick the crown of his cock with my tongue. Working him up. Making him forget himself.

Giving us both a reprieve from the horrific memories plaguing us. From the inevitable pain of the future.

At some point, he sifts his fingers through my hair, tugging it back from my face but doing nothing to try to guide me. Letting me have my way.

Letting me take care of him.

Every time I glance up, I find him watching me with a fevered, intense look that feels twin to the feelings pushing in my chest. The knowledge that we might love each other but we’re destined to be temporary takes up too much space in the room with us. There’s no escaping it.

“Come here.”

I ease off his cock and give him a long look. “Your ribs.”

“I’ll hold perfectly still.” He gives a surprisingly sweet smile. “I promise.”

I hesitate, but the truth is that I want this, too. I narrow my eyes. “You’ll tell me if it hurts.”

“Yes.” He motions to the nightstand. “Condoms.”

I grab one from the nightstand and take my time ripping it open and rolling it down his length. I give him a slow stroke. “Apollo…”

“Come here,” he repeats.

He’s right. There’s nothing left to say. There’s only this. I carefully straddle his hips and lower myself onto his cock. Even with how turned on I am from sucking his cock, I have to fight to take him fully. I love it. I fucking love it. I take his hands and press them to my hips as I slide down another inch. “I feel so fucking owned by you when we’re like this.” I roll my hips. “Taking what’s yours.”

“No.” He tightens his grip and drags me down to seal us together completely. “You’re taking what’s yours.”

One of his hands drops to my upper thigh, his thumb stroking my clit as I ride him. The only sound in the room is our harsh breathing and the faint shift of our bodies against the sheets. I want this to last forever. For us to remain here for time unknown, to stay safe and isolated and happy.

Nothing lasts forever.

My orgasm takes me by surprise. One moment I’m luxuriating in the steadily building pleasure between us, and the next I’m coming. Apollo keeps me moving on him even as I lose control, crying out his name as I come. I manage not to slump onto his injured torso, but it wouldn’t matter. He bends up and kisses me even as he keeps me moving on his cock. He grinds me down on him, sending another wave of pleasure through me. I cling to him as I come again, as he follows me over the edge with my name on his lips.

Too good. Too perfect.

I ease off him, and he carefully climbs off the bed and walks into the bathroom to dispose of the condom. His phone rings as he’s heading back toward the bed. We exchange a look. Nothing lasts forever, but this was nowhere near long enough. I’m not ready for it to end. I’m not ready to leave him.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to leave him.

He picks up his phone and sighs. “I’ll take this in the living room.”

I’m about to say that’s not necessary when my purse starts ringing. It startles me so much, I stare at it, my brain shorting out. It’s Apollo who walks over and digs out my phone, passing it over before slipping out the door to answer his call.

Guilt rises at the sight of my sister’s name on my screen. I hadn’t even thought to update her, but why would I? I try to keep the unsavory aspects of my life from touching her. Until this point, that included how gods-awful everyone with the tiniest bit of power is to me, how stressful the bills get, how much I resent our parents for painting us into this corner with their selfishness even as I grieved them.

This is different.

I take a deep breath and try to erase any fatigue from my voice. “Hey, Alexandra.”

“What happened?”

I blink. “What do you mean, what happened?”

“Cassandra.” Her exasperation practically pours through the line. “It’s all over the gossip sites. Hephaestus is dead. And he was at the same party you were at this week with Apollo. What’s going on?”

I open my mouth to tell her that she needs to worry about college and not about me but stop short. I don’t want to drag her into this, but dismissing her question is shitty. “Some stuff happened, but it’s best if you stay out of it. I’m okay, but I don’t want you to worry about stuff you can’t control.”

“Cassandra, I love you, but that’s a load of horseshit.”

“Excuse me?”

She doesn’t sound angry. More like she’s exhausted. That almost makes it worse. “I’m not a kid anymore. You don’t have to shelter me from the bad stuff in this world. I know it’s there.” A weighted pause. “Be honest with me. For once.”

She’s…right. Alexandra is an adult. Wanting to shield her from all the bad stuff is as much about me as it is about her, and that’s not fair. I sigh. “It’s like it was with our parents. The new family in town? The Vitalises? Theseus killed Hephaestus and claimed right of might.”

“What?”

“He…” I drag in a breath. Honesty only goes so far. I’m not going to expose my sister to the level of violence I witnessed at that party. “It doesn’t matter. We’re getting out of here. I have enough money to pay for us to start a new life outside Olympus. Poseidon has already agreed to get us out.” A lie, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s a small price to pay. I’ve shielded my sister from so much. I can’t tell her the price I almost paid for this escape.

“What did you just say?”

I frown. There’s something in her tone that I don’t like. “I have a way out for us. A new life. It’s what we wanted, Alexandra. This place is fucking poison, and you’ve been working so hard. You can finish out your degree at any college in the country. Gods, you could probably attend any college in the world.”

“Cassandra.” My sister’s voice shakes. “What about Apollo?”

My heart cries out, and I can’t keep the waver out of my own voice. “It was never going to work with him.”

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Alexandra curses. “It does to me. You like him. You’ve liked him for a long time. Obviously he feels the same way. Why would you leave that behind?”

I start to tell her I’d do anything for her, but I’ve been dishonest about too much. I can’t quite manage it now. “We’re too different.”

“Explain.”

I frown. “You’re kind of being an asshole right now.”

“And you’re kind of being a self-righteous martyr.” Alexandra exhales slowly. “I don’t fault you for wanting to get out of here. You don’t exactly talk about it, but it couldn’t have been easy to shoulder the burden of raising me while we lost everything. I don’t blame you for hating this city and the upper circles, but… Cass, I don’t. My friends are here. I love my graduate program and, well, I was going to tell you this at dinner next week, but I got accepted into an internship with Demeter’s company. Cass, my life is here. But we’re not talking about me right now. We’re talking about you.”

It feels like the world just flipped me around and dropped me on my head. I stare at the tangled sheets of Apollo’s bed. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that even if I wanted to leave the city, it wouldn’t make a difference. You’ve given up too much, Cass. Don’t give up on him, too.”

“It’s not that easy.” The truth bubbles up, all the fears I’ve been shoving down since I realized exactly how high the stakes were. “It’s like our parents all over again. They were comfortable committing murder to accomplish their goals. They knew the risk and didn’t care, and they were killed because of their ambition. That’s the world they moved in. That’s the world Apollo moves in. He’s comfortable there. I never will be.”

“Cass…” Alexandra hesitates. “If you need to leave Olympus, I won’t hold it against you. But make sure you’re leaving for the right reasons. You might say that you’re not comfortable in the world Apollo moves in, but you’ve been his right hand for five years. You’re already moving in that world.”

“That’s different.”

“Is it? You interact with the other Thirteen and the legacy families all the time. What would be different if you and Apollo kept dating? If you got married?”

The thought of being married to Apollo nearly knocks me off my feet. I have to close my eyes and swallow hard. “I’ll drown, Alex. The waters are too deep.”

“So learn to swim. You’re the smartest person I know. If anyone can do it, you can.”

I don’t know what to say to that. It feels too big, too easy, when nothing about this is easy at all. The violence we encountered at Minos’s party shook me to the core…but even at its worst, Apollo was at my side. Refusing to leave me. Protecting me. Allowing me to do the same for him.

“I’m afraid.”

Alexandra’s voice warms. “When has that stopped you from doing something that mattered to you?”

She’s…right. I’ve been scared for a very long time. Of failing her. Of letting the legacy of our parents drag us down. Of letting anyone close. My throat tries to close, but I swallow past the feeling. “When did you get so smart?”

“My brilliant older sister has set a really outstanding example for me to follow. If you want to credit someone, credit her.”

Gods, now I’m going to cry. I blink rapidly. “If you change your mind about leaving—”

“Then that will be my choice,” she says gently. “And I’ll take care of it myself. Without you making any more sacrifices for me. It’s time for me to stand on my own, Cass. You’ve shown me how. Trust me enough to do it.”

“Okay.” I wipe at my eyes. I barely know how to process this pivot, but I don’t have time. Not yet. The crisis that started at the party isn’t over. Not by a long shot. “What else are they saying on the gossip sites?”

Another pause, longer this time. “That Hephaestus was killed because of some legal loophole that no one’s ever heard of. That there’s a new Hephaestus being put in place, though no one knows it’s Theseus Vitalis yet. The speculation is running wild, and they’re focusing heavily on the clause itself. Someone somehow knew exactly where to look to dig up the specific law and it’s all anyone is talking about.”

They know.

The entire city knows about the secret the Thirteen have worked for generations to keep under wraps.

Ironic that Apollo was worried about Minos as a threat. He’s only one man. The threat of the very city itself turning against the Thirteen? It’s incomprehensible. They won’t be able to walk down the street without worrying about every single person around them having a knife ready to sink into their ribs.

Some of them will take the threat more seriously than others. I’m sure Ares, Aphrodite, and Zeus will be fine. Hermes is too savvy to be caught flat-footed. Artemis won’t be surprised again.

But Apollo?

Who will watch Apollo’s back? His family is worthless when it comes to that sort of thing. He might be mostly allied with Ares and Athena, but they will have their hands full trying to ensure there isn’t an uprising.

Not to mention there’s nothing saying that Minos won’t try again.

I swallow hard. “I’m sorry that I was high-handed.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I know you were doing what you thought was best. It’s all you’ve ever done.” Rustling in the background as she shifts the phone against her ear. “Please respect my wishes on this. And put yourself first for once, Cass. You deserve it.”

“I will. Stay safe.”

“You too, Cass.”

I hang up and sink onto the edge of the bed. Too much information in too short of a time. I don’t know how I didn’t see that Alexandra was happy in Olympus. I chalked it up to her naturally sunny personality and projected my own issues onto her. I’m so used to taking care of her that it’s strange to have the shoe on the other foot. Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith and learn to fly on the way down. To do it for those I care about.

Alexandra. Apollo.

I can pretend they’re the only two people in Olympus who I would spirit away to safety if I could, but now, in this moment, I can admit it’s not entirely the truth. No matter what she’s done, I still care about Hermes. Not to mention Dionysus and Helen—Ares—have been nothing but kind to me. Even Eris—Aphrodite—mean viper that she is, has been a friend in her own way.

Am I really ready to leave the people I care about in a city gone murderous? Am I ready to let them face the potential threat coming from outside the failing boundary, too?

Chaos won’t happen right away. The shock of the information will ensure that a large number of people disbelieve it. But eventually someone will try their luck. The gossip sites will report on it in a frenzy, which will only encourage others to try, too.

If I were an enemy waiting at the gates, I’d give the city enough time to fall into violence. Then I’d sweep through and ensure my win, staging a coup all but guaranteed to succeed with the Thirteen fractured and under attack.

I don’t know what I can do to stop it. I’m not sure there is something to be done. But if I leave now, the city my sister loves will go up in flames.

If I leave now, the man I love will become a bastion alone without a single person to lean on.

I…have to stay.

I have to learn to swim in the depths.