Chapter 17

Chapter

Seventeen

DANYAL

I wasn't trying to punish him. Part of me wanted to, but as I sat there and watched the sunset beyond the trees, I allowed myself to acknowledge that Mikael was hurting, and I hated it. It wasn't just Omega instinct that wanted to go after him and make it right—but I couldn't deny my biology was playing some part. I had spent most of my life free of the restraints a lot of Omegas had to learn to live with, but being around Mikael like this was testing them now.

It hadn't been like this for me in years.

I felt strangely young again—a pup just coming out of puberty, the tendrils of a last heat nipping at my heels. Never mind it had been decades. Never mind I had lived an entire lifetime without Mikael or a heat.

It was pride alone that kept me from going after him, but the wolf in me whined when he appeared hours later with the last of the fresh meat. There was a warmth in my stomach I wasn't sure I'd ever felt, and it tied my tongue in knots.

Stay , I wanted to tell him, but I met him with silence.

Eventually, he turned on his heel and left, and I picked at the food—only to make him happy. What I wanted more than anything was to be home. I wanted a safe space to explore what all of this meant, instead of trapped with him after the agonizing time I'd spent under Kasher's watch.

It was killing me, not knowing how safe we were. It was driving me up the wall not knowing whether those other Wolves had managed to accomplish everything they'd wanted to accomplish.

And to top it off, Mari and Kor's child was still out there, and I wasn't even sure she and Arturo had managed to get away without being caught.

After an eternity by the mouth of the cave, I dragged myself to my feet and made my way back into the tunnel. Mikael was there, curled in the corner near our supplies, messing with the little phone. I had no doubt he was trying to make it work so we could reach someone from our camp, but I wasn't sure there was any point.

Kor had promised an extraction, but only if he could successfully get one to us.

"You should probably give that a break," I told him, lowering myself onto the pile of blankets. I noticed there were more than the night before, and I realized he'd given up some of his share and created a little nest. I had to wonder if it was being cut off from civilization that was making him react harder to his baser instincts or if it was just me.

"Arturo left us something," he said, his voice strained. "I missed it before."

My eyes widened. "Left us what?"

Mikael held out his hand and there was a set of keys. "He also left coordinates. I looked them up, and they're on the coast."

"A boat?" I wrapped my arms around my middle, not sure how the hell that made me feel. "Do you trust him?"

Mikael blew out of a puff of air. "It seems foolish to, right? Considering he fucking stole Kor's child and left in the middle of the night with half our shit? But he also went through a lot to get her back, and he's no friend of Kasher."

Mikael had a point, but it was against my nature to trust anyone outside of my pack. "Can you even sail?"

He snorted. "Yes, but it's been a goddamn long time, and I'm not sure I can sail over the fucking Atlantic." He dragged his free hand through his hair, then shook his head. "Everything feels like a goddamn trap, and I don't know who to trust. It seems ridiculous to keep waiting here for some phone call that's probably never going to come. But it seems equally absurd to trust this Wolf who has spent his entire life flowing in and out of the human world, undetected."

I bit my lip hard, then released it. "I think whatever we choose, we're pretty close to fucked. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "Tomorrow night, I think we need to sneak down into the village and try to get some information. Maybe see if we can figure out how bad it is out there."

I raised a brow at him in the low lantern glow. "How?"

"I don't fucking know," he snapped, then swallowed thickly, and oddly, I was grateful when he didn't apologize for his tone. "We're probably going to have to break into someone's house. We can check the news, get on the web. Something."

I hated the idea of it, but he had a point. We could wait around here for Kor, or we could start taking matters into our own hands. And Kor had to know Mikael would choose the latter—and so would I. "Why not tonight?"

Mikael cocked his head to the side and studied me. "I'm worried it's too soon after all the shit that went down at Kasher's little castle."

I snorted. "Tomorrow night isn't going to make a difference in that case. We know how to be stealthy. We were made for it."

He couldn't really argue. Not only was it part of our biology, but he'd been trained for it. Years of war, having to sneak through enemy territory—he was perfect for this job. And I could follow.

After his prolonged silence though, I studied him a bit harder, then realized his hesitation. "You're worried about me."

"I know it's unfair. Patronizing," he added with a shrug. "But I can't help it."

We both knew that was a lie. He could help it. All Alphas could control their baser instincts when it came to Omegas—even the ones they claimed as their own. But I also understood how it was for him. We had just come together again, and he had no promises from me. All he had was his own ability to guarantee my safety.

"Trust me to follow your lead," I told him. "I'm as antsy as you are to get the hell out of here."

He flinched, like my words were cruel. "I don't blame you for wanting to get as far away from me as you can, but there's no need to take risks."

I let out a small sigh and fought the urge to just throw myself into his arms, because it was exactly where I wanted to be. I was furious about the lies—even if I understood they were borne from trauma. But it didn't change the fact that he was my Alpha. After all this time and all this distance, he was still my Alpha.

"I can't know if I want to be with you," I told him, and I felt his gaze get heavier. "Not out here. I just left Kasher's compound, we're stuck in a goddamn cave, and we've lost Kor's child. We just found out there are Wolves out there who can pass as humans," and at that, he snorted, though the laugh wasn't full of amusement. "We have no idea if a rescue is coming—or when. All we have is each other, and I don't want that to cloud my judgment."

His gaze lingered on me for a long while, then he let out a breath and nodded. "I understand."

"Do you?" I pressed.

Seemingly unable to stop himself, Mikael stood up, crossed the distance, then knelt down next to me. "Yes, I do. I understand more than you could possibly know. This is the last place in the world I wanted to be when I told you what a fool I've been over these past few decades. But we're here, and I couldn't lie to you any longer. I want to beg you to give me a chance, but I'm not going to lay that on you here."

He was close enough to touch, so I did. Not just for me, either. It was unfair to deprive him of these small comforts while we weren't sure we were going to make it home again. My fingers grazed the top of his hand, then I curled them around his wrist and pulled. He collapsed into me without a second thought, scenting me along my neck with the tip of his nose.

"Danyal," he breathed out.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel it—this uncomplicated care that didn't need examination or unpacking. We could just have this, for this little while. "We should sleep," I said after a beat. When he started to pull away, I held tighter. "Like this. I sleep better when you're right here."

He made a soft, almost wounded sound, but he allowed me to nestle us deeper into the blankets he'd carefully arranged, and it was only when his breathing began to even out that I allowed myself to rest.

I hadn't expected to sleep so deeply, and I woke when Mikael dropped something along the far edge of the cave and started swearing. He had one lantern lit, and I could see him through the dim light, shoving things into one of the bags. He offered me a slightly guilty smile as I raised a brow at him, and he shrugged as he let the pack fall to his feet.

"Supplies," he said. "For just in case. I also thought I'd leave room in the bag because if we're breaking and entering, we might want to do a little stealing."

I wanted to tell him no, but morals became more of an abstract concept when we were out on our own like this. It was France, so there was every chance there would be a decently sized wine selection in the house, and I could use a drink…or six. I let out a small groan as I pushed to my feet and stretched the kinks from my muscles, and I tried to remember what it felt like to sleep in my own bed.

It hadn't been that long, but it also felt like a thousand years.

"When we get back, I'm soaking in a bath for at least three days," I muttered, searching around for something warmer than the t-shirt I had on.

Mikael snorted and shook his head. "Make it a week. Did uh…when you were with Kasher, were you able to rest at all?"

I looked up at him, then shrugged. "Not at first. He kept me drugged in a cell. After we left though, it wasn't a hotel, but it wasn't torture. I had a bedroom and a bathroom. I had meals. I was just constantly reminded that I was alive on his whim, and he could change that at any moment."

He let out a soft growl, then gave his head a shake, like he was trying to clear it. "I fucking hope we have our hands on that bastard. And I also fucking hope he's not dead by the time we get back."

I wanted to be the bigger person and not wish for the same thing, but I couldn't deny wanting to be there as some of the Wolves got their revenge. I could only pray to every single one of the gods that Yasin had been rescued, and by the time they were ready for Kasher to die, he would be front and center with claws and fangs ready.

It was one of the few times I didn't mind the idea of unleashing our inner beast.

"Danyal?"

I realized Mikael had said my name more than once, and I flushed slightly. "Lost in thought."

"Of?" he asked, his tone cautious like he wasn't sure he was allowed.

"Revenge. Blood," I admitted. "Yasin being able to inflict even a fraction of the torment that Kasher put him through."

Mikael said nothing, but his yellow eyes glowed brighter, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. Degradation, humiliation, torture—it would be too good for that bastard.

"We should get going," Mikael said after a beat.

I finally found a light sweater, and I slipped it over my head before following him to the mouth of the cave. I had no idea what time it was, but the air and the night sky told me it was well past midnight. It would be easy to pick a place no humans were residing from the sound of their heartbeats, but I knew we didn't have a long time to be picky.

We made our way down the hill, through the thick trees, and eventually into the shadows of an empty street. Mikael's head was tilted as he listened, and I let him take the lead since his hearing was stronger. Our pace was impossibly slow, but after a few minutes, he reached out and seized my hand. "That building right there. There's at least three floors, and the top two—I can't hear anything."

It would expose us as we darted across the street, but I couldn't detect the presence of humans anywhere—at least, not ones that were awake. We rushed over, relying on our speed and his strength to get us through the door, and then we took the flights up. We stopped on the third floor, and he paused to listen again before nodding.

He worked the lock as carefully as he could, and soon enough, we were inside. The place smelled a little stale, but only like they'd been away for a few days. It likely meant the food was fresh, and there would be internet if Mikael could find something to use it with.

"I'll take the back rooms," he said. "Don't turn on any lights, though."

I gave him a flat look, reminding him that I might not have fought in the war, but I wasn't stupid, then I began to shuffle my way through the living room until I stumbled on a phone. It was attached to a charger—it looked old, and when I punched in Talia's number, I got a message in French letting me know that the phone wasn't in service.

But, I realized after a second, it was connected to the Wi-Fi.

"I got something," I called out, pitching my voice low.

Mikael appeared a second later, and his face broke into a grin when he saw what I was holding. He looked years younger as he rushed up to me, and he took my face between his palms instead of taking the phone. "Brilliant."

I flushed in spite of myself, then gently eased back. "Why don't you look up whatever we need. The phone isn't in service, but the Wi-Fi is working."

"It's just as well," he said, erasing the call history from when I'd tried to dial Talia. "We don't want to give anyone a way to track us."

I felt a little bit foolish, but he didn't seem bothered by what I'd done. He quickly began to type on the browser, so I moved into the kitchen and found a loaf of bread that was a bit stale, but not moldy, fruit, some eggs, and the wine in abundance I had been hoping for.

I was half-way through filling the pack when I heard a small, distressed noise from Mikael, and I wandered out to see him standing at the window.

"Mikael…"

He held up his hand and shook his head, then mouthed, ‘Slow your heartbeat.'

I was terrified to move, so I waited—and after a short moment, a light passed by the window. It was only by luck alone that I managed to slow my heart to a human pace, not sure why he asked me to, but trusting he had a reason for it.

"They've got Wolves with them," he murmured when the light had passed. "They're listening and watching."

"Fuck," I breathed out. He had pitched his voice low enough that not even a Wolf could pick up the sound, and I quickly did the same. "Do you think they heard me before?"

"I doubt it. Your heart was at rest, just like mine. But it's obvious someone alerted the town that we escaped in this direction. We're going to have to leave. We can't wait for Kor."

I nodded, more scared than ever, but it made sense. "Your friends in Paris?"

"Maybe. Worse comes to worst, we commit a few more crimes and cross the border. When we get there, maybe we can find a private airfield and someone willing to bring us home."

A plane would be faster than the possible boat Arturo left, but it would also be easier to track. That much was obvious. And there was a better chance of finding someone who could let us on anonymously.

"Should we head back to the cave?" I asked.

Mikael was obviously conflicted. "They've begun searching the town, which means they'll probably start searching the hills soon enough. I don't know if it's worth the risk." He turned, and I followed his gaze to the intricate wall clock. It was two in the morning, which meant we'd have to chart a course toward Paris and find somewhere to lie low before the sun rose.

We could make better time than a car by running as our wolves, but still not enough to make it to the chaos of the city before we were noticed.

"I think we should take the chance on sleeping here," he said.

My eyes widened. "If these humans come home…"

"We incapacitate them and run," he said with a shrug. "I don't think they're coming back any time soon, though. A lot of clothes were missing and nearly all of their toiletries."

The idea of sleeping in a bed—of hiding out in this little flat for a day and being allowed to just pretend for a moment that things weren't upside down—it was too tempting. "Is there anything at the caves we still need?"

Mikael shook his head. "I grabbed the phone Kor left and the cash. We're going to need to abandon most of it though. Even between us, if we're running as wolves, we won't be able to carry it."

Nodding, I watched him pull the curtains tight, and when all traces of the outside world were shut out, I crossed the room and pushed into his arms. He gripped me, a noise of surprise escaping his lips, but I felt him smudge a kiss against my temple as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I almost asked you if this was what it was like during the First War, but that seemed wrong and cruel."

He huffed a quiet laugh and nosed through my hair. "Sometimes it was. We spent a lot of time sitting around waiting—enough that we were taken off our guard more than once. But I don't think that's going to happen today."

Biting my lip, I pulled back just far enough to look at him, and I felt another surge of warmth in my gut. His nostrils flared, and I realized he was smelling my desire.

"Danyal…"

"I can't help it," I told him. "I haven't let anyone touch me since you. And I'm not saying I want to cross lines we're not ready to cross, but…"

His hand lifted, and he cupped my cheek, his thumb dragging a line under my bottom lip. "I will take whatever you're willing to give me…for the rest of our lives. If it's only this—if it's only this moment, I can live with it. When we get back to Corland, if you decide that you want to move on, I won't stop you."

I felt a strange pang of hurt in my chest. "You wouldn't fight for me?"

"Have I earned the right to do that?" he asked.

My eyes narrowed. "Have you earned the right not to?"

He seemed startled by the question, and almost without thinking, he moved his hand to my throat. The gentle pressure had me wanting to submit, though I held fast. "Danyal," he said on a half-growl.

I reached up and pressed my finger to his lips. "Don't. If they hear you rumble like that…"

Mikael snapped back to himself almost like he'd been slapped. "Shit. This is exactly what I mean. It's so easy to let the peace of the moment make you forget everything else."

I wanted that, desperately, but I knew the only place we could let those moments happen was Corland—surrounded by those who wanted to protect us.

"We should eat," I told him. "And drink. A lot."

He laughed softly, then dragged his hand away like it caused him physical pain to do it. "Best idea I've heard in weeks."

I gathered the wine, the bread, some of the fruit, and some cheese from under a little dome on the counter, then followed Mikael down the short hallway and into what had to be a guest bedroom. It was a little bit too put together and unlived in, and the smells there were of human, but muddled. I felt less terrible about what we were taking as we settled in there, Mikael drawing back the blankets.

It was something like heaven to sink against the sheets, and he let out a chest-deep groan as he laid his head on the pillow and stretched. "Would you think less of me if I soaked in the bath before we left?"

I laughed quietly as I used a claw to dig into the cork of the first bottle of wine. "Maybe, but I'll also be thinking less of myself."

The cork came out with a quiet pop, and then I looked at him. The smile on his face was sweet and indulgent—a side of the Alpha I hadn't seen, even in heat. The possessive, needy way he'd taken me all those years ago had been a side of him I wanted to see again, but this new softness, it was something I wanted to cradle between my hands and protect it from harm.

I didn't think he let his guard down like this often, and I was a little afraid to shatter the moment between us.

"Why is this three-day old bread the best thing I've ever eaten?" he asked, tearing off a piece and dragging it through the soft cheese. He let out a small groan that was almost pornographic—going straight to my cock—and I could see it in his eyes when he noticed my scent change.

"How long were you on the road?" I asked.

He cocked his head to the side. "Not long. Kor ordered me to wait two fucking weeks before going after you. I hit the road as soon as I could, and I found Nadya in Mexico."

"It feels…" I didn't finish my sentence, but I didn't need to.

"I know," he said quietly. He reached past me for a peach, then bit into the soft flesh. Juice dribbled down his chin, and I fought the urge to lean over and clean it up with my tongue. "Before we leave Paris, I want to find a way to contact Francisco or Theo. I need them to know we're on the road. If Kor sends someone looking for us…"

"Do you really think we should risk it?" I asked. "Talia and Zane will both know that I'm not dead or in distress. We're too far away for me to send them anything specific, but they can feel me. They have to know I'm with someone I trust."

He looked at me a while, then shrugged. "I don't know if it'll matter, once we're over the border. Kasher's disappearance wasn't reported on anything I could find online, which proves some faction of Wolves have him."

My brows dipped. "How's that?"

Mikael shrugged. "Because if he was free and any of those under his captivity escaped, he'd have made a public statement by now. Alexei has done a few rallies over the last couple of days and hasn't mentioned his father once."

It made sense. They were trying to distance themselves from Kasher's compound and everything going on inside it. If and when captured Wolves came forward, Alexei could plead ignorance—assuming Nadya didn't have something on him. But I had no idea what sort of information had been released since my capture.

"It's going to get ugly again, isn't it?" I asked, then punctuated my sentence with a long drink from the bottle. The wine burned going down in the best way, and I only stopped when Mikael gently pried it from my hands.

Instead of taking a drink, he set it on the floor, pushed the remaining food aside, then gathered me against him. I didn't want to like it—to crave it—as much as I did, but there was no point in denying it.

At any second, we could be found. At any second, we might have to run. Or worse. I tried not to think of what those men could do to Mikael if they got their hands on him.

"Kiss me," I said.

Mikael stiffened, but instead of pushing me away, he held me tighter against him. "You don't want that."

I wriggled back enough to look up at his face and made sure he could read my tone and see my eyes. "Yes, I do. I've wanted it since you looked at me like I was a stranger. I have wanted it every gods damned day since I woke up from my heat alone. I'm angry, but that hasn't changed how much I…"

Need you. Want you. Crave you.

His fingers were trembling slightly as he touched my cheek—just a bare graze of skin against skin, then he pressed his palm hard and leaned in. At first, there was only breath—hot, sweet from the fruit, a rapid in and out dancing across my face. And then the distance was gone, and in place of it, were his soft lips and warm tongue as it pushed alongside mine.

I gave into him instantly. There wasn't a single atom of my body that didn't want this. If we only had a short time—if the threat was as big as we feared, it was stupid to waste what little chance we got to be together.

I might never have him in a heat again, but I had him like this, and it would have to be enough.

Rolling over onto my back, I took Mikael with me, letting him pin me to the bed as he devoured my mouth. But just before I lost all control, I stiffened, and he pulled away.

"Too much?"

I forced my breathing to slow, and I shook my head. "If they drive by again, don't you think they'll be able to tell? I don't know how human I can appear when I'm…"

His eyes twinkled softly in the dim light, and he nipped my jaw before finishing my sentence. "This turned on?" I groaned again, and he laughed before dragging his tongue from the crook of my neck to my earlobe, taking it between his teeth. "I'll listen for them. But I don't think they're coming back."

I wanted him too much to argue—risk be damned. I spread my legs, letting him situate between them, and his hard cock brushed along mine. I remembered what it felt like inside me, fucking me into oblivion, stretching me on his knot until I swore I would split in half.

Feeling it pushing against my own straining dick now, I felt like I was about to lose myself. "Mikael," I said, because I didn't know what to beg for. I wanted everything, but I didn't know where to start. The last Wolf who had touched me was him, and even then, I'd been entirely unexperienced and in the throes of heat.

I wasn't unworldly, but this…it was so much.

It was everything I had wanted, and now I was petrified of doing something wrong.

"You're panicking," he murmured. His hand brushed down my side, like he was trying to soothe the frantic beast just under my skin. "Danyal, breathe."

My lungs stuttered and shook as I tried to draw in air, and after a moment, it became easier. My limbs relaxed against his tender hands, and I was able to turn my head and look at him. "It's…" I almost laughed, and I eased my arms around his waist, holding tight. "I want to feel you. Please just…help me do this right."

He pushed up on his arms, dislodging my hold on him, and his gaze captured mine. "You couldn't possibly do this wrong. But I understand. Just lie there for a bit. Let me make it good for you."

The first real touch of his hand along my bare skin was almost too much. He rucked up my shirt and let his claws come out, raking them over my tender flesh. I arched into him, feeling them draw pinpricks of blood, and he chased them with his warm, rough tongue—just a hint of wolf in the gesture.

I was pliant—unable to be anything else—as he stripped my shirt all the way off, and when his hands went for my pants, I almost came right there. Years of not being touched by another person—of bringing myself off in perfunctory orgasms in the shower or to get rid of my morning wood—and I was ready to blow my load right there.

"Close," I told him. There was no point in lying. I'd rather warn him instead of humiliating myself.

I expected him to laugh, or maybe even tease me a little, but instead, he groaned. His face pinked, his entire body heating up, and he nosed along my neck. "Fuck. You're so…" He didn't finish his sentence, and I was almost glad because I wasn't sure I could take it.

We had been warped by war and twisted by circumstance. I had wanted to hate him forever, and yet here we were—in the bed of strange humans, relying on each other to stay safe and alive. And every feeling I had repressed for the last several years was bubbling to the surface.

Maybe I'd resent him later for it, but now, I just wanted this.

"Touch me," I told him—a command, and it did something to me to watch him submit so readily. My gut went hot again, and I felt the very first pulse of slick in a long, long time.

It was uncomfortable, and my ass felt needy, and I couldn't help but squirm with want.

"Gods, I can smell you," he groaned. His fingers brushed under my balls, into my crease, and he circled my hole. I felt it twitch, felt my slick thicken as he pushed one finger inside. I wanted more—I wanted everything. I wanted his knot. I wanted his come to fill me.

"Don't make me wait," I told him. "Later, we can draw it out, but I need you right now."

He seemed to agree, because before I could beg again, he was on his knees, pulling at his jeans, throwing his shirt across the room. He hitched my legs up on his shoulder, and I saw a hint of fang between his slightly parted lips as he positioned his cock against me.

"It might hurt," he warned.

I sat up on my elbows and met his gaze, feeling mine burning with a fierce glow. "Good. I want to feel it."

"Danyal," he gasped, like it was a prayer—or maybe a curse—or maybe something in between. His fangs caught his lip, and I smelled blood before his hips pulled back slightly, then he pushed inside.

I arched off the bed at the sensation—agony and ecstasy all at once. I was utterly consumed with him—with feeling him against me. It was then and there I lost all hope of doing anything other than loving him. We were Animal and reckless now, and in the future—if we survived—we'd be lost to that slow, deep, impossible burn lasting for the rest of our lives.

For now, though, there was this. There was him driving into me fast and hard. It ripped my breath from my lungs, my words dying until all I could offer were soft grunts and stuttered moans. And his hands were everywhere, followed by his lips, and then his teeth.

He bit my side, then my nipple, and my neck. He was too far away from where he would sink his fangs in to create the bond, but I could feel it again. Even without the heat, it was there—a dull flicker, desperate for life.

I was too afraid to reach for it, so I shut down, even as he sped up, my heartbeat matching his.

He reached between us after an eternity of hitting my prostate over and over, then he pulled his head back and stared at me just as his fingers curled around my cock. "I could knot you, but I don't think I should."

I whimpered, unable to stop the noise. "Please…"

"We can't afford to be locked together. Danyal, I want it more than anything, but…"

He was right. As lost as I was to the moment, I wasn't lost enough because we weren't safe enough. He was still listening for the humans who were searching for us, and I was still listening for his warning.

"Pull out," I said. "Come on my cock—on my balls."

He swore a long string of something not English, so low I could barely make out the curves of the vowels. He began to stroke me, and as my entire body began to spasm as I tumbled over the edge, he ripped his cock out and slapped it on top of mine. I came seconds before he did, hot ropes hitting my chest before I felt his knot swelling.

It caught in the cut of my hip, and I pushed him back to reach for it. It took both hands to wrap around him, then I squeezed, and he let out something between a roar and a whine. If there were Wolves with the humans nearby searching for us, that would have done us in.

But there was no other sound in the building apart from the sleeping heartbeat of humans, and the racing breath of my once-again lover as he came, and came, and came—marking me with his seed.

His orgasm seemed to last forever, but eventually I felt him deflate, though his knot remained large against the palm of my hand. He collapsed, and I was damn sure a stiff breeze would knock him over if he was forced to stand.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

He laughed, mashing his face into the pillow as one arm and one leg octopussed around me. We were a sticky mess, but the scent of us together was everything. Having him against me like that once more…was everything.

"We'll have to bathe later," he murmured.

I kissed the side of his head and felt him as he started to drift. "There's time," I told him. I wasn't sure I believed him, but for this little while, I decided to hope.