Epilogue

EPILOGUE

KAI - TWO MONTHS LATER

Mr. Antihero: Xan wanted me to let everyone know we are about 10 minutes away from the compound! [Car emoji]

Mr. Antihero: And that Ridley is asleep… so if anyone wakes her up, there will be "hell to pay."

Mr. Antihero: His words, not mine.

Gay for Lizard Dick: No shit, Cappy. [ROFL emoji]

Deadbeat with a Capital D: If the baby wakes up, I can simply use my powers to put it to sleep again.

Lizard Dick: [Popcorn emoji]

Mr. Antihero: Theo, if you so much as look at my daughter the wrong way, I will burn you to a goddamn crisp.

Mr. Antihero: That was Xan!

Mr. Antihero: He pulled the car over to text on my phone.

Gay for Lizard Dick: NO SHIT, CAPPY!

Deadbeat with a Capital D: You supes are so touchy…

Deadbeat with a Capital D: Acting as if you don't have a backup baby. [Twins emoji ]

The Mouthy One: DON'T MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND!!!

Mr. Antihero: Sugar…

Thing One: Behave, brat.

Thing One: I don't wanna see Wolfy cry if Twins 2.0 don't arrive.

Clan Daddy: [Sad face emoji]

The Mafia Queen: I already need a drink.

——

"Are they there yet? Are they?" Daisy's excited voice sounded from where I'd left the laptop open on the kitchen counter while we prepped some nosh.

Including fried chicken, duh.

Without the "Good Ish," thank you very much.

"Not yet, petal!" Vi replied, winking at me before returning her attention to the vegetables she was chopping. "Uncle Theo is trying to ruin it for everyone."

"Ugh," Daisy huffed. "He's the worst."

Hard agree.

The truth was, I'd almost gotten used to the Stellarians in the family—if you didn't count the whole appearing-out-of-thin-air and making you piss yourself thing.

What?

Pushing out twins is no fucking joke.

Especially surprise twins…

Apparently, Theo had somehow creepily known I had two buns in the oven this whole time but "thought it would be fun" to not tell anyone .

So fun.

The one saving grace to the entire pregnancy was that I hadn't gone into labor until after we'd returned to Big City. Since I now lived under Wolfgang Suarez's roof, that meant I not only got to deliver them at home, but with an entire team of the finest doctors and nurses at my beck and call.

I hadn't been kidding when I'd told Xan I didn't want to move in with him after "Twins 2.0" arrived. Being a surrogate took a lot out of me, and while I was ecstatic to be Auntie Kai to Ridley and Adrian, I was even happier to hand off both babies to my bestie and his new husband so they could deal with the midnight feedings and endless diaper changes.

Smell ya later, suckahs!

Vi and I were end game now anyway, and with how enormous the Suarez family compound was—and how neither Xander and Butch nor the twins and Theo went out of their way to visit, aside from scheduled family gatherings—we took full advantage of our privacy.

Just a princess and her Mommy, living the suburban dream.

Wolfy and Simon also kept to themselves for the most part, although we did eat dinner together when they were around. I soon realized this was Wolfy's way of checking in, because the instant I mentioned moving back to the city to continue with my acting gigs, he'd hired a private chauffeur to take me to auditions.

Because money is no object for this ridiculous family.

And because the fearsome Hand of Death is actually a bazillionaire goth mother hen.

Besides learning what a softie Wolfy was, I'd fallen into a routine of weekly spa dates with Simon and Vi that usually ended with a Real Housewives of Awakeners Bay marathon. Yes, once upon a time, I wouldn't have dreamed of watching my favorite trash TV without Xander, but my bestie and I were in different stages of our lives now.

And that's okay.

If there was one thing Xander and I had learned from our first big fight, it was that I needed my space—needed to find my autonomy again after my body wasn't my own for so long.

Thank you, parasites.

Adorable little parasites, but still.

As much as I'd been enjoying my newfound freedom, Vi and I had ventured into the city a few times to squeeze the babies and check that the guys were still alive. Now that everyone had settled into their routines, it was time for Babies' First Big Family Gathering at the compound—even if the entire family wasn't going to be here.

Zion, Balty, and Daisy had returned to Sunrise City to focus on their clan, while Ziggy and Micah had blasted off for more "badass space adventures." Luca was back in Geneva but had made offhand comments about leaving the supe council and moving to Berlin, as if we all didn't know he had plans to drag Erich into the fold.

Thoughts and prayers, fellow normie.

We were all taking baby steps into our new lives and, from personal experience, I knew it was far better to be eased into the Suarez-Salah-Stellari experience than thrown into the deep end.

No forced island getaways.

0/10, would not recommend.

"THEY'RE HERE!!!" Betsy ran through the kitchen, screeching like there was a goddamn fire and scooping up the laptop along the way.

A chorus of equally feral greetings began the instant the door shut behind the guests of honor, followed by the demonic sound of two overstimulated babies—and two exhausted new dads—yowling in despair.

Ruh-roh.

"What do you say we let the others take the heat for the meltdowns before we swoop in with the nosh to save the day?" Vi purred in my ear, wrapping her arms around me from behind, making me feel as small and pretty and perfect as she constantly told me I was.

"Yes, Mommy," I breathed, relaxing into her hold, surrendering completely.

Right where I belong.

Something hard tapped against my no-longer-pregnant belly and I glanced down to discover that Vi was holding a bright pink velvet box I recognized from a trendy boutique I had never set foot in for fear of the price tag.

But, again, money is no object to this family.

My chest grew tight. Call me materialistic, but there was nothing I loved more than a thoughtful gift.

And I just know Vi's will be the most thoughtful of all.

"I've held onto this for so long because it never seemed like the right time to give it to you…" she murmured, adorably nervous about the whole thing. "It's not your usual style, but I've noticed you have some rose gold jewelry…"

Of course you've noticed.

"…and anyway, I would be honored if you wore this for me. "

Now my heart was pounding in my chest—on top of the usual tightness we liked to joke was an inventus bond.

I mean, I'm not joking.

After blowing out a slow breath, I cracked open the box. My eyes widened as I found a long chain with an anchor-shaped loop on one end and a small, weighted padlock on the other.

"It's a slip chain necklace," Vi explained as she removed it from the box for me with shaking hands. "It wraps around your neck and pulls through the loop, and then the padlock gets attached to the end to keep it in place. But… you should know that wearing it means?—"

"That I'm yours," I whispered, reaching for it with grabby hands while she laughed at my eagerness.

Gimme!

The instant she fastened the lock around my neck, both my internal nerves and the chaos coming from the other room became muffled, leaving nothing but blessed calm behind.

This.

This is what it's like to be cared for.

Vi attempted to hand me the key, but I shook my head. "I-I'd prefer you hold onto it for me. Lord knows I'd just lose it."

And I want you to keep me.

"Do you like it?" she asked almost shyly, reminding me we were both figuring this out together.

"I love it," I announced, not needing to find a mirror to know that was the truth. "Thank you, Vi-Vi." The stern look she gave me had my toes curling in my boots. "I mean, thank you, Mommy."

"Good girl," she kissed my forehead, officially unaliving me .

She's never getting rid of me now.

"Holy fuck, tell me where the fried chicken is right meow…oh! So you've finally collared the manic pixie dream girl, huh, Vi? Put that yippy little attack dog on a leash."

Hello to you too, Xan.

"The fried chicken is over there, doofus." Vi pointed dismissively. "You can carry it in for everyone while K-pop and I handle the rest."

Xander huffed before shoving a wing into his mouth and groaning orgasmically. "If you think I'm sharing any of this with the idiots who woke up Rid- OW! MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

His chicken wing dropped to the floor as he clutched his head in pain. Then, he grabbed the tray and stomped out of the kitchen, muttering about "psychic assholes" and how they should all be afraid of what powers his spawn might manifest to spank them with.

We should probably brace ourselves for that big reveal.

None of us had expected Ridley and Adrian to have powers—since I was just the Token Normie whose new name in the group chat was Goddess Among Men , thanks to Vi. But then, Theo also spilled that Twins 2.0 were not only supes, but supes with extremely dominant Stellarian DNA.

Shockingly, this wasn't because Theo had meddled in some way. Our best collective guess was that Xan had somehow Uno reversed powers from one of the Stellarians during the IVF process.

Anything's possible with this family.

It wasn't something Xander and Butch seemed too worried about. They were way more focused on interviewing potential live-in nannies from their trusted network while preparing to open the doors of what we were internally calling The Academy for Not So Extraordinary Supes.

This initiative was created by Wolfy and Zion for the lesser supes who'd been dumb enough to drink Zion—well, Theo's —lizard serum, so they could be trained to control their newfound powers without blowing themselves up.

It's really more of an adult-ed situation for ticking time bombs.

Run by the sleep-deprived Doctor Antihero and Captain Masculine.

That should end well.

"Hey, Kai!" Butch beamed as we entered the family room to join the others. "Come say hello to Adrian."

I set down the hummus and veggies—which everyone ignored in favor of the fried chicken—and headed for Butch's mini-me in the form of the blondest, beefiest baby boy.

Such a cute wittle butterball.

Adrian had also inherited that daddy's temperament, as he was usually smiling. I didn't have the heart to tell them that, at this age, the smiles were probably just from gas. Either way, at least he wasn't a screaming banshee like his twin sister.

Ridley was demonstrating the full force of her lung power now—her tiny fists clenched in rage and her scrunched angry face so similar to Xander's when he was in a mood that I had to look away before I started laughing.

The resemblance is uncanny.

"Can't we stick a cork in it or something?" Simon grumbled.

"It's called a pacifier…" Gabe murmured absently.

"Is that what you're calling my dick now, angel?" Theo mused, but only Dre responded with a roll of his eyes.

Gabriel was intently focused on his phone, but when I craned my neck to snoop, all I saw was a black screen.

Weird.

"He's waiting for his space boyfriend to sext him," Dre explained with a smirk, because no snooping went unnoticed by King Snoop himself.

"I am not!" Gabe snapped, blushing in a way that somehow made him prettier.

The genetic lottery this family won, I swear…

"Fifty bucks says Micah's doing the same thing on the other end," Theo chuckled.

"Bet," Dre replied, laughing when Gabe scowled.

"Does that child never take a breath?!" Simon hollered to be heard over Ridley's wails. "At this point, I say we take Theo up on his offer?—"

"NO!" Xander growled the same moment Dre pointed across the room and said, "Bring her to Wolfy."

That shut everyone up—well, besides Ridley—and we all looked to where Wolfy had been gazing longingly at his niece and nephew.

Such a skerry, soft boi.

The Hand of Death adamantly shook his head, genuine fear widening his eyes, but Simon was apparently willing to try anything for the promise of peace and quiet. Snatching the screeching infant out of her daddy's arms, he marched over to his inventus and plopped himself down onto Wolfy's lap with Ridley safely nestled in his arms.

And she immediately stopped crying .

"Told you!" Dre crowed triumphantly. "Wolfy always got Gabe to stop crying when we were babies."

"Whatever, dude," Gabe grumbled. "You were the one always cryi?—"

The rest of his clapback was lost as his face lit up brighter than his phone screen.

"Space sexting tiiiime!" Theo sang out as Gabe raced from the room.

Wolfy paid the peanut gallery no mind. His attention was solely on the baby who, in turn, only had big amber eyes for him.

"Hey, Padawan," he murmured in that morally gray voice of his, and the ovaries I'd designated as officially Closed for Business roared to life with a vengeance.

Goddamnit, Wolfy!

Simon tried to look resigned to his fate as a glorified Boppy pillow, but I couldn't help noticing the adoration in his eyes as he watched his sweet murder muffin adorably interact with the next generation of Suarez supes.

Felt.

The thing was, I could pretend to wipe my hands of these superpowered fools—pretend my life could go back to "normal" now that the babies were born—but I had to admit, this ridiculous family had grown on me.

Like a bunch of barnacles.

"Kai?" Theo was suddenly standing next to me, making me jump.

"Jesus!" I squawked, clutching my chest but blessedly not breaking the seal. "You need to stop doing that. What do you want?"

He grinned in what was probably supposed to be a normal way. "Do you still have that completely harmless cube you won from me during the gift exchange a few months ago?"

I furrowed my brow. "Uh… yeah, I think so. I probably stuck it in that junk drawer over there?—"

Theo was there and back again in an instant, handing the cube in question to me. "See if you can turn it on."

I sighed but humored him by mashing at the buttons that all looked the same. "I don't even know how?—"

The cube suddenly lit up on all sides and began producing a high-pitched whirring sound.

Ruh-roh x infinity.

"Theo!" Dre shouted, materializing in front of us to snatch the cube from my hands. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Per usual, Theo was unrepentant. "Just a little experiment. Isn't it fascinating that Kai can still turn it on? We should let her keep it and see what happens… for scien?—"

His words were cut off as the Stellarian and… whatever Dre was disappeared along with the probably not completely harmless cube.

Boys, bye.

"C'mere, K-pop." Vi pulled me onto her lap on the loveseat before producing a plate piled high with charcuterie.

She gets me.

"How do I look, Mommy?" I whispered, tossing my new unicorn hair out of the way so she could get a good look at my necklace.

"Like the perfect princess," she whispered in reply, kissing me behind my ear, making me squirm. "Like mine."

"You two are making me jelly!" Xander whined, flopping onto the chair next to us. "Butch and I haven't had a night alone since Ridley and Adrian were born…" His eyes suddenly lit up with villainous intent. "Hey! Can we leave the twins here tonight, Wolfy?"

"No," Simon replied at the same moment Wolfy said, "Absolutely."

Well played, bestie.

"Quick!" Xander shouted, leaping from the chair. "Husbands, assemble!"

What the…

This must have been the Antihero-Masculine battle cry, as both men raced from the room, laughing maniacally and throwing the diaper bags behind them as they disappeared.

Looks like we're on babysitting duty toni ? —

"Not it!" Vi hollered, scooping up me and my mini charcuterie and racing from the room.

The last thing I heard before the kitchen door slammed behind us was Theo, who'd apparently reappeared just in time to offer to babysit "the Stellarians in training."

"For science."

That should end well.

Want to see what sort of kinky mischief the new dads get up to during their night of freedom? Subscribe HERE and receive the bonus epilogue Husbands Assemble .

And while this may be the final book in the main Villainous Things series, you can blast off into space with Ziggy and Micah in Earth Boys Are Easy ( Villains in Space , book 1), with Space Daddy's Guide to the Galaxy coming soon!