11. Kai

CHAPTER 11

KAI

The One with the Biggest Dick: If you losers want to go parasailing over some random beach you can't even enjoy, knock yourselves out. I'm staying on the main island today to work on my tan. [Sunglasses emoji]

The Mouthy One: First of all, the "random" beach and surrounding water are protected breeding and nesting grounds for the Pacific Green Sea Turtle.

The Mouthy One: But excuse me for trying to give you the chance to FLY like the cool kids, Vi.

The One with the Biggest Dick: Ain't nobody trying to be like you, Uno Reverso. [Middle finger emoji]

I wanna be like Vi when I grow up.

Violentia Suarez was the coolest. She reminded me of the hot alt-rock chicks in high school who pissed off the popular girls, bewitched the jocks, and made the artsy drama nerds like me fall in love simply by existing.

Except those girls didn't have freakin' superpowers !

While I didn't have all the details of how Vi's powers worked— since, apparently, it was top secret, even to other supes —I had deduced she was the villain known as Ultra Violent in this infamous Suarez clan.

Captain Obvious, reporting for duty.

I didn't collect the black market supe trading cards like some cape chasers did, but an evening searching the dark web suggested Vi could kick major butt by turning everything she touched into a deadly weapon.

The way I've dreamed of doing exactly that whenever men talk…

Besides making me crush even harder, this tea only highlighted how ridiculous it was that this take-no-shit boss bitch chose to slum it with me on a regular basis.

Me.

The one Xander nicknamed The Token Normie in the group chat.

I glanced down at my phone again, hoping to see Vi drag her brothers some more.

Gotta reach my petty quota for the day somehow.

Much to my disappointment, the chat had already moved on to boring-ass parasailing details, so I set my phone aside and refocused on applying my SPF 3000 sunscreen while shamelessly daydreaming about applying tanning oil to Vi's skin.

As a friend, of course.

You know… just a couple of scantily-clad gal pals rubbing oil on each other.

"Oh, Kaaaay-pop!" Violentia called out in a sing-song voice that echoed throughout the bungalow we shared. As roommates. "Are you ready to go? I brought nosh! Fresh-squeezed lemonade, meat and cheese, fruit, and pastries, since I know you love a good charcuterie."

Gah!

I frantically waved my hands in front of my eyes, hoping to dry my traitorous tears before Vi spotted them.

There's no goddamn good reason to cry over CHARCUTERIE, Kai!

I'd been crying a lot since becoming pregnant—mostly whenever Vi did something nice for me, but also for the most random things. Just the other day, I'd watched a housefly bang against the window and sobbed over how short an insect's lifespan was.

What if they knew they'd be dead in 15-30 days?

Would they live their little housefly lives any differently?

To be fair, I also spent a good amount of time sniffling over big picture stuff—like how my life hadn't turned out at all like I'd planned.

That's the trouble with getting mixed up with supes.

When Xander moved into the apartment next to mine a few years ago, I'd assumed he worked for the CIA. He was always dressed in either an expensive suit or a Navy Seal-grade wetsuit, used fingerprint access instead of a key to open his door, and avoided his nosey neighbors at all costs.

So I made it my mission to become his bestie, obvi.

I eventually wore him down through sheer charm and a mutual love for The Bored Housewives of Awakener's Bay. The moment that secured our friendship was when I introduced him to Felix's fried chicken at Sun-Mart deli on the corner.

After that, he actually gave me fingerprint access to his place— which I was getting teary just thinking about— so I could feed Meowson when he mysteriously disappeared for days at a time. When I asked what he did, he told me he was a marine biologist. That tracked, based on how often he ranted about sea turtles, but part of me still liked to secretly pretend he was CIA.

Then I learned what was really going on.

Bestie was a supervillain.

Of course I knew these superhumans lived among us, but it was one of those things I'd never spent too much time thinking about. They did their supe business while I worked reception at a hair salon and auditioned for bit parts in the hopes of one day taking the stage on Broadway.

This stark separation all changed when I suddenly found myself up to my eyeballs in supe business and then made the questionable decision to go all in without considering the long-term effects on my normie psyche.

Or my résumé.

Since there isn't much work to be found for a nearly nine months pregnant tap dancer.

I sighed and scrutinized my reflection in the bathroom mirror. The new retro-style bathing suit I was wearing was cute, but I couldn't help but focus on the negatives. The bags under my eyes were darker than usual, my roots desperately needed a touch-up, and there was no escaping the invisible aches and pains only I could feel. I was exhausted by the end of most days but, worse than that, I was tired of no longer recognizing the girl staring back at me when I looked in the mirror.

Are you still in there?

"I'm in here!" I called back to Vi, forcing cheer into my wavering voice .

Barefoot and pregnant, with no shotgun wedding in sight…

The worst part was that I had only myself to blame for my current circumstances. I'd been the one to insist on being Xander and Butch's surrogate and had joined forces with Butch to wear down my child-averse bestie until he agreed to procreate.

It hadn't been a difficult sell, honestly. Xander was so head over heels in love, he'd probably chop off a limb if Butch asked.

Or leave his bestie in the dust.

Unable to stop my self-pity party train from rolling down the track, I focused on all the ways my relationship with Xander had changed since Butch literally flew into his life. While I was legitimately happy my friend had found his person, I couldn't help feeling slightly bitter that this entire situation had caused me to lose mine.

Or who I thought was mine…

But she's long gone now.

"What's wrong?" Vi appeared next to me in the mirror's reflection with murder in her unearthly gorgeous eyes. "Who do I need to beat up?"

The world.

"I'm fine," I lied, knowing she meant it literally and loving that for me. "I'm just wondering if someone's gonna mistake me for a beached whale today."

Vi's expression softened as she stepped closer, enveloping me in her comforting signature scent of shea butter and vanilla.

Yummy .

"You look beautiful," she crooned, making me roll my eyes in a desperate attempt to distract from my embarrassment. "Strong, radiant, a goddess among unworthy men."

I laughed. "You're just saying that because you don't fuck with men."

She snorted, a mischievous smile stretching across her face. "No one who'd grown up with my brothers would."

That tracks.

The best part about bantering with Vi like this—besides making me feel one thousand percent better—was the lack of ulterior motive. If a comment like that had come from my ex, it would have been a passive aggressive reminder that she saw every man around me as a threat. That she always assumed I had one bisexual foot out the door.

Since I "could never make up my mind" which side of the buffet I wanted to eat from.

The irony was, after being so incredibly, uncomfortably pregnant, the last thing I wanted within ten miles of my ovaries ever again was a sperm stick.

Vi got that, just like she understood me being bi didn't mean I was an indecisive slut.

Okay, I am that, but not because of my sexual orientation…

"I know you're over all the things, K." Vi gently placed her hands on my enormous belly—the only person besides the dads-to-be and the X-ray visioned supe doctor who I allowed to touch me like that. "But it won't be long now, and you're doing such a good job."

Nnnnghhh!

I was thankful to not have a sperm stick of my own, because there would have been no way to hide the proverbial boner I popped every time this "goddess among men" praised me.

Not wanting to make things weird, I awkwardly shrugged and cracked a joke—per usual. "Thanks for the pep talk, Mom. If you can spread some lotion on my back for me, I'll be good to go."

Vi deeply inhaled and smirked, probably as addicted to the coconutty scent of summer as I was. "With pleasure. I think some girl-time on the beach is just what we both need to calm down."

Twenty minutes later, we were lotion-ed and oiled and occupying one of those fancy beach cabana beds you only saw in the movies.

Or at a rich-person resort like this…

"As soon as you get too hot, let me know," Vi instructed as she put the finishing touches on my charcuterie board before stretching out beside me. "I can pull down the canopy to keep us cool."

I think I'll be sweating either way.

And not only because of the sun.

Vi did things to me, and it wasn't only because of her supermodel looks. It was the entire package—her take charge personality, how she'd been there for me when no one else had, the way she made me feel.

Like I'm cared for no matter what.

"I, um, appreciate you hanging back with me today…" I kept my gaze fixed on the pastries I was piling onto a plate so she wouldn't see how much I meant that statement. "Parasailing sounded cool."

Even if it was kind of exclusionary to the preggers Token Normie .

Vi huffed, and I didn't have to look to know she was rolling her eyes. "It sounded like a hellish way to spend the day when I'd rather just be with you."

Be with me or… be with me?

My attention snapped to her face, searching for clues, but Vi was already airily chattering again. "Plus, I've been parasailing before… and hang gliding. Bungee jumping, skydiving, zip lining…

I laughed. "A bit of a thrill seeker, hmm?"

She looked away and swallowed hard, as unsure as I'd ever seen her. "It's nice to feel something and be… aware of the experience."

I wonder what she means by that…

Not wanting to pry—or cross some unspoken, supe-related boundary—I decided to steer the conversation toward what we did best.

Gossip.

"So what's the likelihood of someone getting murdered before our grooms even say their vows?" I popped a chunk of mango into my mouth. "And why would it be Xander?"

Vi's gaze caught on the mango juice messily dripping down my chin before she smirked. "If anyone's going to commit murder this week, I'd bet on Simon."

Okay, that also tracks.

For as terrified as everyone was of The Hand of Death, Wolfy's Mafia Queen was clearly the guy you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.

The shorter they are, the closer to hell.

Not that I'm one to talk …

My notorious nosiness won out, and I decided to push my luck. "Sooo… I know Simon's not a normie. I mean, how could he be and not explode whenever Wolfgang touched him?" When Vi simply arched a perfectly on fleek eyebrow, I powered on. "Are you… allowed to tell me what he is? Or is that against the rules?—"

"I'm sure it's uselessly illegal." A disembodied voice had me nearly jumping out of my skin. "These supes with their pointless rules and laughable disguises—as if a silly little domino mask could hide someone's identity. Amateurs!"

I was freaked the fuck out, but Vi only growled in annoyance. "Stop lurking in the shadows, creep. It's not like we were planning on sunbathing topless anyway."

We weren't?

"What a disappointment," the voice replied the same moment a familiar creep materialized at the end of the cabana bed, lounging in nothing but a palm frond-printed kimono robe.

"Hello, Theo," Vi sighed, as if this sorcery happened all the time. "Are you lost?"

The twins' shared fuckboy stretched out languidly—like a jungle cat on a tree limb—causing the kimono to fall open and reveal the neon blue banana hammock beneath.

Brother, ew.

Theo made no move to cover up, instead reaching across the cabana to steal one of my pastries.

Okay, I actually think it might be Theo who dies this week.

As if he could sense my emotions, the eccentric artist snapped his attention to me. "If anyone's lost, it's this poor Earthling."

Earthling? !

When I could only gape at the revelation that I was talking to an actual alien, he grinned in triumph. "Violentia may have to follow the ‘a supe's identity is sacred' bullshit, but I don't. You want to know what Simon is? I'll tell you. Or better yet… I'll show you."

The last thing I remembered before it all went dark was Theo turning into a starry Eldritch horror and Vi attacking him with the charcuterie board.

Just another day with this family.