Chapter 18

18

Aurora

As soon as Malone leaves the room to go to work, I flop down on the bed and curse hard. I am a fucking failure. Not only did I not take advantage of the opportunity being in Malone’s bed offered, but I woke up humping her like a horny teenager. Worse, for those few hours with her mouth on my skin and my hands on her body, I forgot I hated her at all. There was no room for anything but sheer need.

“What the hell am I doing?” I pick up the phone and stare at it. I already know I’m going to obey her command. No matter what questions I asked, there was never a drop of doubt that I’d be recording myself orgasming and sending the videos to her.

Maybe that’s why I start dialing. I’ve been here less than a week, and I’ve already lost sight of the ultimate goal. I need the reminder, the slap in the face to get my head on straight. There’s only one person capable of doing it, only one I’ve trusted enough to tell the full truth.

I call Allecto.

Despite the relatively early hour, she answers quickly. “Do you need out?”

Guilt swarms. Of course she would assume that’s why I’m calling—that I’ve killed Malone and need an escape. “No, I’m fine.”

Allecto blows out a long breath. “You are hell on my blood pressure, you know that?”

“I’m sorry.” And I am. I never really thought I’d end up with a family of sorts in the Underworld, but that’s exactly what’s happened. Their presence in my life doesn’t negate what I lost, but I can’t deny that they have enriched my life and given me more love than I thought possible. Allecto will always be there when I need her, and as much as I need her right now, I really don’t relish the coming “I told you so” she’ll no doubt deliver. “I, uh, need some advice.”

“End the assignation early and come back to the Underworld today. There, see how easy that was?”

Against all reason, I laugh. “Shouldn’t you wait to hear the situation before you start offering advice?”

“No, because I know you. This ends one of two ways. Either you kill her and have to leave the city to avoid her people strapping you to a pyre and setting you on fire, or you can’t go through with it and you end up mired in misplaced guilt and bullshit self-loathing.” She softens her tone. “I know you’re grieving your mother, but this isn’t the way to do it, Aurora.”

I close my eyes. It would be so much easier if the only reason I was calling was to request an exit. She’s right; it’s the smartest course of action. But I’ve never been smart when it comes to Malone, and I only seem to get more foolish as time goes on. “I can handle this.”

“Is that why you’re on the phone with me right now? Because you’re handling it so well?

I glare at the ceiling. “She deserves to die.”

Allecto makes the jump with me without hesitation. “We’ve all done shit that could be argued we deserve to die for. You know my past isn’t free of sins. No one in the Underworld is—including you.”

“It was one tiny fire.”

“Aurora, the only reason that asshole isn’t dead is because his brother hauled him out a window. He still suffered two broken legs from the fall.”

I can’t help my satisfied smile. “Maybe he shouldn’t have fucked with Tink, then.” Not that she knew what I’d done. No one but Allecto did, and only because I needed her security clearance to get the relevant information on the man who’d tried to rough up Tink in one of the private rooms. He hadn’t gotten far before security stepped in, but Hades chose not to do anything beyond banish him from the neutral territory. That wasn’t enough of a punishment for me.

“My point,” Allecto continues, “is that Malone was perfectly within her rights as challenger to do what she did. It doesn’t make it less shitty, and it doesn’t make you less hurt by it, but no one in that territory sees things the way you do.”

“We’ve gone over this before.” My voice catches. “My mother is dead because of her.”

“Yes. And I’m sorry for that, but it doesn’t make a damn bit of sense to throw away your life for something that happened twenty years ago.” She pauses. “I know it doesn’t feel like twenty years ago, not with what happened last week, but that just confirms that you need to be here, with your people, not off on a reckless path of revenge.”

“If I wanted a lecture, I would have called Hades.”

“Great idea. Let’s loop Hades into this.” Her tone goes dangerous. “Hades who does not know about the decision you made regarding your mother.”

Guilt flares. “If he knew, he would have said no.”

“Yeah, he would have.” She huffs out a breath. “What happened? Obviously, something changed, or you wouldn’t be calling me right now.”

Now that I have her on the phone, I’m not sure I can verbalize it. It feels like too much a betrayal to my mother. I swallow hard. ”She’s not what I expected.”

“Considering you expected her to be a fire-breathing dragon, I’m not surprised.”

“I’ve read her file.”

“We all have. Stop stalling, and spit it out.”

“She’s just so human at times; not like a monster at all. It’s messing with my head.”

Allecto’s silent for a long time. Long enough that I have to bite my bottom lip to keep myself from babbling. Finally, she says, “It almost sounds as if you like her.”

“Don’t be absurd.”

“That’s not a no.”

“It’s also not a yes.”

She waits a beat. “That isn’t a no, either.”

I drag my hand over my face. “Liking her would be unforgivable. You know that. After everything she did, I need to hate her. I do hate her. She took everything from me, and she deserves to see consequences because of that.”

“Are you trying to convince me…or yourself?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Aurora, you’re human. So is Malone. Is it really that surprising that she’s got nuance and that there might be stuff about her that you actually like?”

“Weren’t you ready to take her out so I wouldn’t have to?”

“Yeah,” she answers easily. “But that was to protect you, not because she’s a monster.”

“Whose side are you on?”

“Yours. Obviously.” She sighs. “But cut yourself a break. No matter what your history, you’ve been drawn to Malone from the start. It’s not exactly surprising that there might be something more there.”

“There is not anything more there.” Even as I say it, I feel like a liar.

Another of those sighs, like I’ve disappointed her. “If you can’t kill her and aren’t going to change your mind, you might as well call off the assignation now. Hades will be overjoyed. He’s been stalking around here, looking half a breath from ripping people’s heads off. Everyone’s so scared of him, they’re on their best behavior, and it’s making my job too easy. You know how I hate being bored.”

She’s right. I know she’s right. If I can’t follow through on my plan, I need to get the hell out of here. I have no reason to stay without that driving me. And yet… “I’ll stay through the end.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Don’t you dare make that sound at me, Allecto.”

“Mmhmm.” She snorts. “Tell her that if she mistreats you, I’ll gut her myself, golden queen or no. But as long as she’s on the same page, I look forward to an invite to the wedding.”

“You are such an asshole.”

“Just because I’m an asshole doesn’t mean I’m wrong, and you know it.”

Except she is wrong this time. Ribbing me or no, there is no version of Malone and my relationship that ends in happily ever after. Even if I can get past what she did to my mother, the hurdles to surmount are impossibly high. Better to just end things now. I close my eyes and try to steel myself to do exactly that. There is absolutely no reason for me to ride out this assignation. Not a single one that makes sense.

I still can’t bring myself to make that call. Not yet.

“Aurora.” Her tone has changed, some of the amusement falling away. “Do you need me to make the call and get you out?”

A small, cowardly part of me that I’ve worked so hard to exorcise wants to beg her to do exactly that. If someone else makes the call, then I’m not responsible for how things fall out. I don’t have to figure out my confusing feelings for Malone. I can just run. Allecto won’t hold it against me, either. She’s got no problem wading into a situation and hauling her people out, regardless of wrong or right. She just does what she feels is necessary.

I clear my throat. “No. I have it under control.”

“You sure as hell don’t.” She sighs. “I’m trusting you to call if you need me.”

“I will. I swear I will.” I even mean it. Except… Some things you have to do on your own. This is one of those things for me. If I can’t follow through on my original intention—and I’m still not sure if that’s true—then I need to get myself out of this mess with my own willpower and strength. Allecto would call me seven kinds of a fool for feeling that way instead of using the plentiful resources I have at hand with my friends, but Allecto has already fought all her personal demons and won.

I glance at the clock by the bedside. “I have to go.”

“Stay safe.”

“You, too.” I hang up and flop back onto the bed. What a mess. I don’t know if I really thought calling Allecto would result in the heavens opening up and the answers falling into my lap, but obviously that didn’t happen. No way forward but through this.

I prop myself up on my elbows and look at the vibrator Malone left. Part of me wants to ignore her command out of spite, but she’s not bluffing about not letting me orgasm for the rest of the assignation if I do. More than that…I want to send her the videos. Thinking about her watching them down in her undoubtedly fancy office makes my toes curl. And if they distract her a bit from that laser focus she has? All the better.

The vibrator is a little different than the ones I’ve used before. I mess around with it for a few minutes, finding it extremely bendy. The internal portion has a movement that, when lined up correctly, should stroke my G-spot, and the clitoral stimulator motion mimics oral sex. Damn, this thing is cool.

It takes a little time to get the fit right, but before too long, I’m rushing toward my first orgasm. I barely remember to grab the phone in time. Knowing she’s going to watch this video only makes it hotter. I don’t bother to try to hold out, not when I have five more where this came from. I come with a cry and bite my lip hard enough that delicious little pricks of pain heighten my pleasure.

I stare at the phone and grin. “One.” Then I end the video and send it to the number she programed in there before she left.

I almost keep going, but if I’m going to obey, I’m going to do it my way. It takes a little doing to get the setup right, but when I’m finally happy with it, I lie back down and start up the vibrator again. This time, I do go slower, edging myself up to a truly impressive orgasm. And, yeah, I play it up a bit as I give myself over to the pleasure. I always did like putting on a show.

By the time I let myself come, I’m shaking and moaning, and I’m pretty sure the top of my head is in danger of exploding. I ease the vibrator out of me and reach down for the phone, unable to help my satisfied smirk. “Two.” A few seconds later, the video is winging its way to Malone.

Now that I have the challenge in place, I decide to keep things interesting. She thought she’d use this command to make me vulnerable, but I’m going to turn it around on her.

You want to watch me come, Mistress? Enjoy the fucking show.