40. Elena

I'm notsure how long I sleep. All I know is my mouth is drier than the desert, and I desperately need something to eat.

I turn to the left, patting the bed for Cillian, but he isn't there.

"I ordered food. Are you hungry?" he asks from the other direction.

I blink and squint to find him sitting at the table with a ridiculous amount of food trays.

"You're an angel," I say, getting up off the bed and walking towards him. I don't even consider the chair as I take my seat on his lap, and he opens lids to different trays. "What time is it?"

"Seven"

"Morning or evening?"

"Morning, it's Thursday."

I grab a piece of toast, slathering it with strawberry jelly as everything that's happened over the last few days catches up with me. Cillian is rubbing my back in a soothing motion, and just lets me eat while I gather my thoughts.

"Anthony is dead?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to know what happened," I tell him honestly.

Shooting him weighs on my conscience already. I don't want to know how he died or what they did. I hate that I still have an ounce of empathy for him. He ruined our lives and took my father from me. He was a vile person, yet I somehow still feel responsible for everything that transpired.

"It was unavoidable, mo stór."

"I know."

"None of it is your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty for—nothing."

I dip a strawberry in whipped cream and eat it before turning in Cillian's lap to face him.

"Shouldn't I feel more sad?"

He pets down my messy hair and gives me an easy smile.

"You"re allowed to feel however you want."

"I just don't understand how things got so bad, you know? I always knew he hated me, that he resented me for how our father looked at me and not him. But to do what he did?" I can't even say it out loud, that he killed my pápa; maybe part of me doesn't want to believe it.

"All that matters is that you're safe. You never have to worry about him again."

I sigh, and Cillian dips another strawberry in cream and feeds it to me.

"Stay in or go out?" he asks, and I perk up in his lap.

"Really?"

"There"s no reason to keep you hidden anymore."

"Isn't it fucked up if I go out and have fun with all of this happening?"

He uses his thumb to collect some cream off the corner of my lip and slides it into his own mouth.

"No. I believe it would be more fucked up if you didn't live your life because of a man who wanted to destroy yours. Go take a shower, and I'll take you down to the casino."

I get off his lap, using his shoulders for balance as I kiss his cheek.

"Are the others coming to join us?"

"Probably not until later. They all needed to get some rest."

My cheeks heat, and I nod. God, I can't imagine how tired they must be after helping me through my heat and then dealing with—I don't want to know what they're dealing with.

Maybe I'm dissociating when it comes to my brother and what happened after my heat. It's easier not to dwell on it, to not feel any type of way about my brother being dead.

Acting like it didn't happen is bliss.

Cillian grabs my hips and places his face against my stomach.

"Go take a shower and get dressed. I want to spoil my girl."

He kisses my abdomen through the shirt I'm wearing, and I brush my hand through his dark, soft hair.

"What does that include?"

"A little birdie told me you get dazzled by slot machine lights. There's a spa, though it would need to be a couple's massage, or I would need to sit and supervise."

"I don't like the idea of anyone else touching you," I tell him, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

"Good, ‘cause I don't like it either. We could rent a cabana by the pool. Whatever you want, baby."

I kiss the top of his head, and there's a pep in my step as I make my way to the shower. I'm still achy from my heat, my muscles tight from all the positions they put me in, but it's the best kind of ache.

There are a lot of things that have been out of my control, or weren't my choice. I didn't have any part in Anthony's actions, or what he did after our father passed. I know I made some wild decisions when I ran away and worked at the High Roller. Even more unhinged choices after Finn locked me in that room.

But I feel at peace with everything now. It's all lining up as it's supposed to, and I'm not afraid anymore.

Maybe part of that is because Anthony is dead, and maybe I'm a terrible person for feeling relief, but despite everything, I still care. I don't want to have remorse over someone who wouldn't bat an eye over selling me or not caring if any harm came to me, but he was still my brother. My response to his death is confusing, and I'm not sure how to feel.

I'm choosing me, even if there is still some guilt festering inside of me.

Cillian has an app on his phone that works with the slot machines here—which is dangerous, but awesome at the same time.

He taps it against the machine as I sit down on his lap and start hitting buttons.

"I'm going to need a phone, you know."

He wraps his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"We can go pick one out tomorrow."

"You don't need to check in with the others?" I ask, cursing under my breath when I don't hit. I push the next button more violently than I need to.

Cillian's hands are splayed over my torso like he needs to touch as much of me as humanly possible.

"We're never going to live down the whole kidnapping thing, are we? I just want it to go on the record that I had no part in that."

"Forgive and forget is overrated. Forgive and never forget is my motto. So yes, every argument plan on me bringing up the fact that I was kidnapped."

He inhales against my neck, taking in my scent before squeezing me a little tighter.

"It was never supposed to be like that. We just want you to be happy and safe."

I push the button to place a max bid and hit a bonus. The bell digs as coins fly, and my winnings continually increase on the screen.

I turn in his lap, looking over his beautiful features. He was made for me, predetermined to be my mate by the universe, and I was so stupid to try and fight destiny.

"I think I'm done playing slots," I say.

His brows furrow as he looks at the screen and back at me.

"We've hardly even been here forty minutes."

I stroke his face, my perfume enveloping us in the crowded casino. It's the softest I've ever seen Cillian look—like he's in complete awe of me.

"You really want to? I didn't bring you here expecting this, or want you to feel like you have to."

"I'd be lucky to bond with you, Cillian."

I swear his eyes look glossy as he pushes his face into the crook of my neck and holds me tight. My nails rake through his hair as a purr starts up in his chest, soothing me while also making me want to straddle him right here and now.

"Do you think you can hold out for an hour?" he asks, and I blink at him. "Trust me."

I whine a little, and the withholding bastard smiles at my despair.

"I thought you'd be subdued after your heat."

"You're making me wait an hour for my bond mark. I'm having a little fit."

His smile widens further, and he kisses my jaw. "I'll take you shopping. One hour. It will be worth it."

"One hour, and we better be back in our suite."

"I promise."

I groan. "Fine, but I also need some dessert."

"Done," he agrees, kissing my forehead and typing away on his phone. I try to look over his shoulder, but he holds it away from me.

I don't know what Cillian has up his sleeve, but I'm more than eager to find out.

Cillian holds my hand and my shopping bags as we walk down the hallway to our suite. I'm about to combust.

I know that my poor vagina has seen its fair share of dick in the past week, but I need Cillian's bond mark on me like I need to breathe.

The thought of having both of my scent matches' marks on me fills me with an overwhelming sense of calm. My life has been many things, but calmness is a very foreign feeling, one that I would truly like to experience—immediately.

Cillian scans the door, and when I walk in, tears flood my eyes as I look around the room. There are red rose petals scattered all over the room leading to the bedroom, champagne and strawberries are sitting on the table, and faux candles light the space.

"This is why you needed the hour?" I ask, turning to face the Alpha in question.

He's put all my bags on the floor as he approaches me and cups my face.

"I want to give you everything, Elena. That's never changed. From the moment that stupid contract was signed, and I knew we'd be bonded one day, I wanted to give you the world. And when I finally met you and scented you? All I wanted was for you to be mine. I know how we got here wasn't perfect, but I wanted this moment to be."

I blink up at him; this tightening feeling clenches in my chest, and I realize what it means.

"I love you," I whisper.

The smile that takes over his face is bright and lovely. "I love you too."

His hand grabs my throat softly as his lips meet mine. The anticipation has my heart racing and my thighs pressing together in need.

Cillian glides his hand from my throat to my pussy, where he cups me.

"Tell me, mo stór. Do you still want something soft and romantic?"

"No, I want you how you are, Cillian."

"Dress off and bend over the bed," he directs as he walks me backward toward the bed.

I swallow thickly, grabbing the hem of my dress and frantically tugging the material over my head.

Cillian is still fully dressed. Although he's not wearing a suit like he did at the club, and I can't decide which I like more. Him in expensive Italian or dressed down in slacks and a vacation button-up? Both are mouth-watering.

I turn, placing my palms on the soft bed as his hand trails down my spine, his fingertips grazing over all the bruises from my heat.

He smacks my ass lightly, and I gasp.

"You're perfect. None of this is your fault."

He spanks me again, and I sigh, remembering the last time he took my guilt away. How does he know when we aren't bonded?

"No guilt. Only this, only us, Elena."

Only this, only us.

Nothing else matters.

He spanks me one more time; it isn't hard, almost complete pleasure as the sting of his hand fades from my ass.Cillian's teeth drag down my spine and lower back until he bites down on my panties and pulls them down my legs.

He playfully bites my ass while squeezing another cheek. "Part of me wants to bond you here. But I need people to see it. See how mine you are, mo stór."

"Please, Cillian."

"You're so fucking sweet sometimes. It makes me hard."

He accentuates this by rubbing his hard, clothing-covered length against the crease of my ass.

"I wanted my bond mark on you more than I wanted my knot in that sweet little pussy since the first time I scented you."

I keen, my back arching as the sound of him undressing makes my heart rate speed up. His fingers trail through my slick, sliding my wetness over my clit and making me moan.

The sharp sting of his slightly wet palm meeting my ass has me arching my back again before he grips my hips and turns me over.

"I need to see you as you take my knot and mark, little Omega."

He grabs my ankles, placing them against his shoulder as his cock slides deep inside of me.

"Nothing has ever felt this good," he sighs, thrusting deeply.

I throw my head back as pleasure fills me. Cillian grabs one of my legs, spreading me wide as he looks down and watches himself enter me repeatedly.

"Let me see that sweet pussy swallow my knot."

He pushes in deeper; the stretch fills me with a mix of pain and pleasure from all the activities of my heat. I relish it.

"Good girl, look at that greedy cunt," he groans, staring down at where I'm stretching to accommodate him.

His thumb strums my clit while he fucks me, and I'm so close.

"Cillian," I whine his name, and he smiles, his strong frame coming to lean against mine. The strong expanse of his chest rubs against my breasts as he fucks me, all while he cradles the back of my head.

My arms and legs wrap around him like a lifeline as he ruts into my pussy and his pelvis grinds against my clit. The pressure and friction are nearly too much. I don't know how much more I can take.

Cillian kisses my throat, his tongue lavishing the skin right next to his brother's mark.

"Mo stór," he whispers out the pet name as his knot swells, and I scream as his teeth bite down on my exposed flesh.

It's almost too much.

The orgasm lasts forever as expletives and moans rip out of my throat. I clutch Cillian close to my body, his hips continuing to rock roughly into me as our bond takes place.

His scent wraps around me like a warm embrace, and I shiver at the sensations taking over my body.

He licks the bond mark, healing the bite before kissing the skin along my neck. His panted breaths flutter against my ear. He's shaking, and it seems like I can't get his body any closer to mine than it already is.

"Thank you," he whispers in my ear, and I feel all his love and gratitude float down the bond.

All the guilt leaves me. Life is too short not to enjoy the happiness I feel at this moment.