25. Finn

I resetthe alarms and sigh out in relief as I watch her drive like a bat out of hell down the driveway.

I know there's no point in lying when the guys ask where she went, but I don't really give a fuck.

I couldn't have her here anymore. I was on the verge of doing something stupid, like finally giving in.

The way she looked at me when I was in the middle of the ring made me sick to my stomach. I've been nothing but a complete asshole to her, and yet she still cares. I guess she's pre-programed to as my scent match, but that just makes everything worse.

Her sticky, sweet vanilla scent still clings to me. Some primitive part of me wants to get up and chase her, bring her back to this house, and claim her.

But the rational part of me couldn't be more thrilled that she's gone and that I'll never have her scent around me ever again. She deserves better than anything I could ever give her anyway.

I don't have it in me to care for someone like that again and for them to be ripped away from me. It's far too common in this life, and I witnessed it firsthand.

Flashbacks of Fiona covered in blood and gasping on the ground fill my drunken brain, and I groan. I wince as I wipe a hand down my bruised face.

It was selfish; I know it was selfish to send her away. To push my brother's scent match away from him, but I never claimed to be anything other than a self-important asshole.

He'll get over it, or he won't, and he'll finally have a small glimpse of how I've suffered all these years. How I'll continue to suffer all of the following years with Elena gone. She'll find some nice pack, one who treats her right and doesn't lock her in rooms or act like she's making them suffer.

Elena has fire in her, she's a survivor, she'll be fine.

At least, it's what I tell myself as this unfamiliar sense of guilt fills my body. I'm not used to the sensation, maybe it's all the alcohol and painkillers. I wanted her gone, out of my head, and to stop consuming all these thoughts I can't push away.

It's a dangerous world for Omegas, especially one that smells as good as Elena does. It doesn't hurt that she's also one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.

I truly meant it when I told her that I hate myself. I don't deserve an Omega, I had to let her go before I ruined both of our lives. Sullying her by keeping her tied to me would be the worst fate I could imagine for her.

I'm a shell of the man I once was, and I feel like everyone would be better off without me sometimes. It's probably why I do everything in my power to act like I'm keeping this family afloat; because if they realized how pathetic I truly am, maybe I'd just end it all.

God, I need another drink and a Percocet. Maybe I'll toss in an Ambien, too, and test my luck.

Footsteps pound against the stairs and I wince at the way my head thunders from the sound. I sigh at the inevitable grating voice that's going to ruin my self-loathing stupor.

"Where the fuck is she?" Declan demands.

"Who?" I groan.

"Oi, now is not the time to fuck with me, Finn. What did you do?"

"You didn't want her either."

He grabs me by the collar of my shirt, and I wince from the movement as he gets into my face.

"Fiona is turning over in her grave over the sight of you."

"Don't I know it," I groan, and Declan stares at me for a long moment, letting my shirt go. "Sometimes I look at you, and I see her," I say, and he sighs, running a hand through his ruddy hair.

"Fiona would have liked her," he says fondly about his cousin.

She was his family; I loved her, but I didn't crave her the way I do Elena, and that's the most terrifying part. I've spent years hating myself for what happened to Fiona, but I never felt the visceral need for her like I do the Omega I just set free. It's why she had to go, that feeling is too dangerous.

If Elena was truly mine? I can't imagine the madman I'd become in order to protect her; it's already been too much.

It was for the best. I can go back to being who I've always been, and Elena can go live out her dream life far away from me.

"She'd be so pissed to see who you've become," Declan states, bringing Fiona up again.

"So am I."

"Where is she, Finn?" he asks.

I'm not sure if it's this newly found guilty conscience or him saying Fiona's name out loud, but I can't lie. It was stupid to let Elena go. She knows too much, and all she has is a fucking t-shirt and a couple grand to get her by.

Plus, deep down, I really didn't want her to go at all, that's the most fucked up part of it all. But she still took my keys and ran, maybe I should cover for her; she clearly wanted to get away from us as well.

"I gave her my car, told her to go."

"And she did?" he asks, and I nod. "She couldn't have gotten far. I'll send guys out now and wake up Lorc and Cillian. They aren't going to forgive you for this."

"But you do?"

"Just this once, Finn. But I'm done, we're all done with your shit. Get it together, or fucking leave. Be miserable in fucking peace instead of making everyone else as desolate as you."

I groan, my face hurting just as much as my soul does.

My phone vibrates next to me on the couch with an unknown number.

"What?" I bark into the phone.

"Mr. O'Brien, it's Deputy McGuffey with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department."

My heart sinks. It's then, without a single doubt, that I know I absolutely fucked up. There was no escaping my scent match, and I very well may have put her in harm"s way for being a pathetic, spineless asshole.

Maybe Declan was right, maybe it's me that I need to completely remove from the equation.

"It's late, Deputy."

"Indeed, it is. I'm at St. Thérèse, and there's a woman claiming to be your Omega here. Barely dressed, with a vehicle registered to you."

Declan can hear the conversation, and his look of relief is palpable as I respond to the officer.

"We had a bit of an argument. She's going into heat soon. You know how temperamental they can be. We'll be there shortly to pick her up."

"Of course, sir," he replies. "We will wait for you here."

"Where is she now?" I ask.

The feral part of myself I can't contain, the part of me that recognizes her as the person made for me, hates the idea of him seeing her barely clothed. This is the part that haunts me, this incessant need to claim her, make her mine, and hoard her away like a prized treasure.

There's no escaping this feeling now.

"She's waiting alone in your vehicle, sir."

"We'll be there shortly," I repeat.

Declan is already on the phone dispatching different guys, not even looking at me as he bangs on Cillian's door and runs upstairs to get Lorcán.

I just sit here, seeing as I can't drive, let alone barely function.

My twin comes out, leaning on his cane, wearing boxers and a t-shirt.

"You fucking asshole," he sneers as he grabs his car keys. "Are you coming, or are you going to sit there and be a drunken dip-shit?"

"Can we get food on the way back?" I ask.

My brother just blinks at me like I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to him—I probably am. But I refuse to let anyone know how deeply Elena has crawled her way under my skin; I barely even admit it to myself.

"Just get in the fucking car, Fionn," he throws out my whole fucking legal name for that one.

It takes some effort and a lot of grumbling on my part, but I get off the couch and walk beside him to the garage.

"Look at us, huh?" I say, joking with his cane and how I look like I got the shit kicked out of me, which I guess I did.

"Shut the fuck up and get in the backseat," Cillian orders, and I do as I'm told.

I lean my head against the cool glass of the window as Declan takes the driver's seat and Cillian takes the passenger seat.

"I'll send Cormac to pick up the car," Declan says.

"Where's Lorcán?" Cillian asks.

"He hasn't come home since the fight."

I groan in the backseat. My half-brother and I have never been close, and I know it's my fault. Honestly, what fucking isn't?

It started with our mother's hatred of him, and Cillian and I followed suit. Then it turned into more. I know that Lorcán is the best of us, and it pisses me off. Everything he's been through, and he still has the capacity to be kind, to want our trust and love. I fucking hate it.

"You better shut the fuck up back there, or I'm dropping you off in the desert. I can't believe you let her go. Do you know how lucky we are that someone on our fucking payroll found her? What if Anthony found her, or fuck, what if some strange Alpha did. You need to get your shite together, Finn, or you're out of this pack. I can't take it anymore," Cillian rants, not turning to speak to me.

Maybe we would be better off if I were the one who left. But we all know my pride would never let me.

I'm an O'Brien through and through. I have no dreams of a simple, clean life. This family is all I have, yet I'm the one destroying it.

I say nothing in return, just press my face against the glass as Declan drives us to the catholic cemetery.

The blue and red lights show where the girl is.

"Just sit in the fucking car," Cillian grumbles.

I roll down my window and listen as Cillian speaks with the cops. Declan opens the driver's side door of my car and grabs Elena's hand before opening the door across from mine. She scoots in, a ridiculous amount of thigh showing in that shirt as she crosses her legs and looks over at me.

Declan and Cillian are straightening everything out with the cops, and the silence in the car feels deafening.

"So that didn't go so well," I comment.

Elena tosses her head back and laughs. It's the first time she has really smiled and laughed around me, and if my face didn't hurt so fucking bad, I might just laugh too.

"Why did you come here?"

"To yell at my dad," she replies easily.

"Where were you going to go after?" I ask her.

Her blue eyes look over me with pity, and as much as I deserve it, I hate it. Why am I like this? Why can't I just accept what I want from her. Why can't I stop hating myself?

"Back to the house, but don't tell the others," she says.

I blink at her, wondering if I heard her right.

"Why?"

Why in the fuck would she ever want to come back to a house that I trapped her in and then promptly told her to run away from?

She exhales dramatically and deflates in the seat.

"There's nowhere else for me. My brother hates me and will sell me off to a worse pack. There's a part of me that wants to be independent and to brave the world on my own, but I don't even know where to start. It doesn't help what you and Cillian are to me. No matter how angry I am with the both of you, nothing would ever be able to fill that space for me, and I'm fully aware of that. I'm choosing to stay because I want to, not just because I'm out of options."

Her hand reaches out and cups the top of my bandaged one. Her touch is light as a feather, and isn't as revolting as I thought it would be.

"I won't ask you for something you can't give, Finn. But I am asking for your respect, your protection, and to be a part of your family. Do you think that's something you're capable of?"

I flip my hand and squeeze hers lightly. Why does the bare minimum seem so fucking hard?

"I meant what I said, you can't fix me, Elena."

"I'm not trying to change you, Finn," she says softly.

I look at her with so much confusion and admiration. After everything, if she can still show me so much kindness then I can do the same.

"You're my scent match, Finn."

It's a fact, but it still feels strange hearing the actual words fall off her tongue.

"I'm choosing to stay. I'm choosing this pack, can you accept that?"

I swallow, looking at her beautiful face. She's so pretty it fucking hurts. Now that she's back, I know my downfall will be inevitable. But with her pleading blue eyes on mine, I know there's no going back for me now.

Despite how badly I want to continue to fight this, I'm at a loss.

"Yeah, I can do that," I say softly before squeezing her hand one more time and pulling away.

Even though I know there will come a moment when I can't hold back this need inside of me. No matter how much self-loathing I put myself through, there's no denying that Elena belongs to me. I just hope I can be a better man before I take what"s mine.

"So this is a truce? You'll stop being an asshole?"

"I wouldn't go that far," I retort, and she laughs again.

The others can be pissed at me all they want, but it's obvious she needed this field trip. Whatever catharsis she got from her father's grave clearly helped her sort through some of her feelings. At least, that's how I spin it in my own head to get over this guilt.

Cillian and Declan get in the car. There's a sharp silence until Cillian breaks it.

"Are you still wanting to run away?" he asks, his voice soft and pathetic.

"No, we can have a pack meeting about it tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"That's what I said," she snaps back. I bite down on my lip and wince at the broken flesh there.

Declan starts the drive home with a shit-eating grin on his face. Elena is calm and relaxed in the seat next to me, and I don't know how to handle all the different emotions running through my head.

The combination of pheromones, alcohol, and medication must really be getting to me because suddenly, I feel at peace.

My stomach growls, ruining my one moment of not feeling anything, and I groan.

"I thought we were going to get food," I complain from the backseat. Declan mumbles under his breath.

"I am hungry," Elena adds in softly.

"Fucking fine," he grumbles, heading toward a twenty-four-hour pizza place.

Elena gives me a conspiratorial wink, and something tight releases in my chest. Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.

Maybe I can change.