15. Gianni

Chapter fifteen

Gianni

Sunday, March 2, 2025

T his woman has somehow managed to invade my brain in a matter of weeks. No, minutes.

Everything about her makes me feel like a live wire lying over a car on the road. My body hums with apprehension when I’m around her, knowing she’s in a relationship but seemingly unable to stop me from fantasizing about her. I’m volatile. When a power line falls on your car, you stay in your goddamn vehicle.

And if I were to try to act on these feelings? That would just end poorly because she’s not interested. She’s taken.

I repeat that mantra over and over until I no longer feel like the electric line lying on the road, waiting to singe anyone who dares to get out of the safety of their grounded vehicle. Because ultimately, that’s something that I most definitely am not. Grounded.

I haven’t felt tethered to this planet since September thirteenth, when my life went to hell. Or further than it already was, at least .

Ever since the accident, I haven’t been able to take a full fucking breath. I’m constantly on edge, just waiting for something else to go wrong.

When Dr. Hughes didn’t show up to class on Saturday, I felt sick to my fucking stomach. I barely even know her, but every time someone becomes some form of a constant in my life, and I don’t know where they are when they should be with me, I lose my mind with worry. I’ve lost too many important people to reckless drivers. It’s honestly a wonder how I’m still able to even manage driving myself around.

Letting out a shaky breath, I work to calm my racing mind. I feel Pickles’s soft fur glide across my cheek as she nudges me, moving to lay her bulk across my chest like she does most mornings.

She’s a big girl, but she doesn’t seem to think so. I swear the damn dog thinks she’s a teacup Yorkie with the way she demands to lie in my lap and crawl on my chest for hugs.

I wrap my arms around her fluffy bulk as she settles in with her chin resting on my shoulder. I’m unable to work my puffy eyes open just yet, so I take in my surroundings instead, focusing on my senses just like Alex used to coax me.

“ When you’re feeling anxious, just close your eyes and focus on what you can feel and smell. It works. Just trust me. ” I can hear his voice, clear as day in the back of my mind, still coaching me out of my own thoughts. My heart squeezes in my chest at the memory and the realization that that’s all it’ll ever be now. Memories .

I run my hands up and down Pickles’s long, soft fur, taking in the feeling of it beneath my calloused hands. I focus on the scent of her fur, an earthy one from the dirt she rolled in on her walk last night .

The faint scent of bleach permeates through the air, leftover from the kind woman who cleaned my apartment yesterday after I had had enough of living in squalor. Alex would have been pissed to see me letting myself fall into such misery without him around.

That’s the only thought that made me get on that app and find someone who could come by.

The woman, Lucia, was really nice, willing to work on a weekend as long as she could bring her daughter since she couldn’t afford a sitter. She primarily spoke Spanish, so that’s how I conversed with her, not wanting to force her to communicate in broken English when I could speak to her in her native tongue. Her daughter sat on my couch, watching a children’s movie about a special family who each had some form of power, like the daughter who was extremely strong, the other who was beautiful with the voice of an angel, and then the youngest daughter who seemingly had no gift at all. After she left, I sat on the couch with Pickles and watched the movie by myself.

I won’t lie. The music was good, and the message was sweet.

Lucia told me all about how she immigrated to the US two years ago and all the people who’ve shown her kindness along the way. She doesn’t know me, doesn’t know that I have demons fighting to make their way into my every thought, and yet, she was kind to me. She treated me like a normal person and never once made me feel like the sad sack that I’ve become, nor did she make me feel bad about my disgusting apartment.

She just cleaned and spoke to me.

I can’t imagine how difficult it was for her to make that move, especially with how downright horrible people can be to those who are different from them. She’s strong. I hope to find just an ounce of her strength to carry me through as I continue to grieve.

Lucia said she’ll return each week to clean for me to ensure I have a safe space to be myself.

I felt something pull at my heartstrings when she offered, and I can’t say I’m not excited to speak to her again. She reminded me a bit of my mom. I don’t have my own memories of her, but from the home videos I’ve watched countless times, she was kind and strong. A force to be reckoned with.

Once my breathing has calmed some, I crack my eyes open, blinking several times to adjust to the still-dark room. The blackout curtains give nothing away.

Peering over to my nightstand, 10:31 stares back at me in red.

I groan, planting a kiss to the side of Pickles’s head. “Good morning, pretty girl. You ready for a walk?”

She stands abruptly, trampling over me with a punch to the gut before jumping out of the bed. She does a full-body wiggle of excitement as she paces the floor, waiting for me.

I roll out of bed, settling my feet on the gray carpet. It feels a lot softer after Lucia came to clean, and my heart squeezes again.

“Alright, get up,” I urge myself as I push up and make my way to the bathroom.

***

Unleashing Pickles after our walk, I pad across the vinyl floors, heading for the coffee machine .

Once the machine is cued up, I wait, scrolling through the myriad of missed messages, skipping over all but two.

Kassian Narvaez

Hey man, I won’t be able to bring Pickles to class next weekend if you can’t make it. I’ve got an away game.

Kassian Narvaez

Oh, and the redhead? She’s newly single, according to my sister. Just giving you a heads up.

She’s single.

Oh hell. Cupping the back of my neck, I cuss under my breath. The only thing keeping me away from that woman right now is Kas’s ability to take Pickles to her classes and her boyfriend.

Now I have neither.

Thanks for letting me know.

Kassian Narvaez

Anytime.

I flip to the next message.

Kat

Lark is single, but don’t make a move just yet. It’s not my business and I have no interest in breaking her trust, but I just wanted you to know so you don’t make any mistakes. Her boyfriend cheated on her, so give her some time.

I barely know the woman, but that sucks. Sorry to hear that.

While it’s true that I barely know her, hearing that her boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend, cheated on her pisses me off to no end. My blood simmers with anger, and a desire to take a swing at him lights up inside me.

Just like I had with Damien. The things he’d said after Alex’s death were deplorable, and frankly, his death was too raw. I couldn’t help but react poorly at the time. And I can’t say I regret it.

Though I’m glad she’s at least okay physically. The breakup must be why she wasn’t there yesterday.

Kat

You know better than to do that with me, Gi.

Kat

Last night, you literally couldn’t keep your eyes off of her. Take it from my experience. Sometimes that kind of instant attraction is just fate.

I don’t warrant that with a response. I agree that she and Alessandro being together was by some great cosmic being; truly, I have to. They’re so clearly madly in love, but that isn’t what’s going on with Dr. Hughes and me.

She said no to me once, and even if she were interested, she’d find out what a wreck I am and flee for the hills.

And I wouldn’t blame her one bit.