14. Grace

FOURTEEN

GRACE

"Bad fucking Bunny," Tanner says, slapping my clit with his fingers while lying between my parted legs. "You know better than to act like a brat in public when I can't punish you for it, don't you?"

I whimper into the gag in my mouth, nodding my head in affirmation. He's had me tied to the bed for nearly an hour, edging me almost to the point of tears. I can barely even think anymore with how badly I need to come, but I know I deserve every bit of the torture I'm getting right now.

It all started this morning when Tanner picked me up from my house. Our plan was to go to the grocery store for food before we headed out on his dad's boat for the day. His parents are back from Nantucket, and we had to start spending our nights at home so nobody would suspect that something is going on between us. Although it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility for us to hang out alone every now and then, being together as much as I want to be right now would definitely raise a couple of red flags.

We got away with spending three nights together here at the lighthouse, and they were nothing short of amazing. When we weren't lounging around or goofing off, Tanner was carefully easing me into having sex and doing all the other things that come along with it. After the initial soreness wore off, he stopped being so gentle with my body, fucking me in all kinds of different positions and pushing me to new limits every time. He restrained me with his hands above my head a few times and made me hold off on orgasming until I made it clear that I was uncomfortable. We christened every available surface this place had to offer as he introduced me to some of the kinkier things, not even bothering to get dressed sometimes because we knew there wasn't a point when our clothes would be coming right back off again anyway.

You haven't lived until Tanner Lake has served you breakfast completely naked.

Unfortunately, we haven't seen each other as much as I wish we could've since then. We've texted some, but we're trying our best not to tip anyone off to what we're doing. I honestly doubt our parents would care, but I know it might put a rift between him and my brother if he found out. That would be the very last thing I'd want. I know Riggs wouldn't be too keen on his best friend teaching his little sister how to be submissive and railing her into the headboard at every possible moment.

It's Monday, so everybody is at work, leaving us to spend the day on the boat by ourselves. We decided to get stuff from the store, bring it to the lighthouse to pack into a cooler, and then we're going to launch the boat from the dock. But I thought it would be funny to push his buttons a little bit while he was busy reaching to the top shelf in the very not empty aisle we were shopping in. If I knew that reaching around to rub his dick would result in this type of suffering, I probably wouldn't have done it. And I definitely wouldn't have done it a second time in the checkout line after he specifically told me not to, but I did…and I'm having regrets.

"You made my cock hard in front of a store full of people," he says, leaning down and flicking his tongue roughly on my swollen clit. Clearly, Tanner is done taking it easy on me and we've moved on to the next phase of our arrangement. "Tell me you're sorry."

I inhale through my nose, trying hard to focus on what he's saying as he sucks so hard, I see stars. "Fowwwyyyy," I mumble unintelligibly into the gag, which is really just the belt to the robe that hangs on the back of the bathroom door. My arms are secured above my head, tied to one of the wooden rungs of the headboard with my panties, and each leg has been restrained with a separate piece of rope that I assume Tanner found lying around the lighthouse. I'm spread wide as he brings me to the edge repeatedly, but never lets me fall over. I'm sweating bullets and my body is shaking uncontrollably while he licks and sucks at my skin, stopping every once in a while to slap or pinch my aching bundle of nerves.

"Do you think you deserve to come, you greedy little cock whore?" he asks. "Or should I edge you a few more times."

I whine into the fabric as tears begin to well in my eyes. As painful as this is, I've never felt so alive.

Just like I thought I would, I love being dominated. Having his strong hands holding me down as he punishes me with his tongue and fingers is so fucking hot, there's no way I'd ever ask him to stop. It's by far the most delicious pain I've ever experienced.

I feel my release getting closer than it has since we started, and I try not to let on that I'm going to orgasm because I'm afraid if I do, he'll take it away again.

"Don't do it, Grace," he warns, thrusting two fingers inside and curling them to hit the spot deep inside me that makes my eyes roll back. He reaches up with his free hand, pulling the gag down so it's no longer in my mouth. "Don't you fucking come without my permission."

"Tan," I gasp, "I can't…I have to ."

He picks up his speed, finger fucking me roughly as my toes curl and my legs pull against the ropes. "Are you going to be bad again?"

"No!" I cry out. "No, sir!"

Those must be the magic words, because the next thing out of his mouth is like music to my horny ears. "Okay, baby. Come for me," he says with a hot-as-fuck, deviant smirk lifting one corner of his mouth. He continues fucking me as I let go, exploding around his fingers the second he tells me I can. My back bows off the bed and my body convulses with an orgasm so intense, I black out. And when I come to, he's already got my ankles freed from the rope and is kissing along the red marks from me pulling at them.

He moves up to where I'm lying, untying the panties from my wrists and checking them for any redness. There isn't, but he kisses them for good measure before pushing the sweat soaked hair from my face and dropping his lips to my warm cheeks.

"You did such a good job," he says as I close my eyes and savor the feeling of his kisses moving across my face. "I'm so proud of you. I thought for sure you would give up, but you took it like a boss."

I hum contentedly. "You underestimate me, sir ," I say, peeking one eye open and giving him a subtle tip of my lips.

"You're fucking perfect, you know that?" he says, giving me a quick peck on the lips before standing up from the bed. I'm still pretty dazed as he walks down the hall, and I hear the bathroom faucet running for a minute before he returns to the room. My eyes are closed again, so my legs jerk together in surprise when I feel him press a warm washcloth between them.

"Sorry," I say, slowly letting them fall back open. "What are you doing? You didn't even come inside me." He's washed me a couple of times after we had sex, to clean the cum from between my legs, but all he did was eat me out and finger me this time, so I'm a bit confused .

"You, uhhh…made a little bit of a mess," he replies.

I jackknife upward, fearing the worst as I lift my butt cheek and look underneath me. There's a wet spot bigger than my entire ass soaking into the sheets, and I immediately freak out. "What is that?" I scream like an absolute maniac. "Did I—" I pause, covering my mouth with my hand. My eyes probably look like dinner plates, which tracks since I've never been so scared in my whole eighteen years on this earth. "Did I pee on you?"

I jump off the bed, running around the room like my hair is on fire, imagining actually urinating in this man's mouth. I will never recover from this. I'm never having sex again. As a matter of fact, does anyone have the number to the nunnery? I'm giving my life over to God. There's no place for me in the world of intimate relations.

I panic for another minute, stopping only when I realize that Tanner is lying on the bed, holding his stomach in a full fit of laughter. I freeze, squinting my eyes in annoyance. "Is this funny to you?" I say. "Are there no limits to the ways you'll laugh at my expense?"

He sits up, wiping the tears from his eyes—yes, he's actually crying—before he finally takes a relaxed inhale. "Calm down, Bunny. You didn't pee. You squirted."

My eyes return to their large, shocked state. "I did what? And why are you saying it like that would be less embarrassing?"

He shrugs. "Because it is."

I pop out my hip, crossing my arms over my chest and scowling deeper. "Oh, really? Please do tell how I shouldn't be considering a move to another planet right now."

He stands, slowly closing the space between us and gripping my waist. I try to turn away like a bratty child, but he holds me in place. I avert my eyes, refusing to look straight at him. "Well, first of all," he begins, "I edged you for over an hour. You came so hard, you actually passed out. Squirting is completely normal when you're overstimulated like that."

I sneak a peek in his direction and our eyes meet. Even though I should be mortified, which I still kind of am, the look on his face calms me a little.

"Also," he continues, pausing to bring his lips just inches from mine, "it was fucking hot. You are so goddamn sexy, Grace. Even when you don't mean to be. Fuck, baby. I can't get enough of you."

I loosen my arms and lean forward, pressing onto my toes to kiss him. Just like that, all the embarrassment I was feeling melts away. His hands slide up my body and tangle loosely in my hair, eliciting a contented sigh from my mouth into his as we lazily make out. There's no rush, no urgency to move further. It's just us, savoring one another in this moment.

This should alarm me. I know our time together will end when the warm, summer weather fades into fall. As much as I try to remind myself of that every day, it's getting harder and harder to imagine what my life will be like when Tanner Lake stops being mine. How will it feel when I see him and know he's just my brother's best friend again? Will I be okay when he finds someone to spend his future with, knowing that there was a time when he was everything I ever wanted? Or will it tear me apart to sit in the crowd at his wedding, wishing it could be me up there vowing to love him until my last breath?

These weren't feelings I anticipated having to work through when we started doing this. I just wanted to cross losing my virginity off my to-do list before I left for college, and maybe learn a few tricks to take to California with me. But now, the thought of moving across the country and away from Tanner if the Blizzard ends up drafting him makes me sad. It makes me second guess everything I thought I wanted.

I know how crazy that sounds. I'm only eighteen and was accepted into one of the most prestigious fashion design programs in the country. But if I'm completely honest, I never thought I'd get in when I applied. I just didn't want to spend my life wondering what if , so I filled out the paperwork and sent it off, thinking I'd get a small envelope in the mail containing a rejection letter a month or so later. When my mom handed me a thick mailer with all the acceptance materials from CCA, I was truly stunned. After the initial shock wore off, I started questioning if I could really just pick up my life and move three-thousand miles away from everyone I love.

I love fashion design. Nothing makes me feel as peaceful as sitting at my sewing machine, creating custom pieces that are unlike anything anyone has ever seen. But half the fun is trying them on for friends and family, hearing their thoughts on my hard work. I know I'll create new relationships wherever I end up, but it won't be the same. It won't be them. And it definitely won't be him.

I'm not going to make any hasty decisions right now, but this isn't the first time doubt has crept in about the future. Maybe I'll go to California for a year, hate it, and come home. Or maybe I'll love it and never want to return to New England, although I really don't see that happening since I love it here. I know I'll have to think about it all when my head is a little clearer, but for now, I want to enjoy every single moment I have left with Tanner.

Because, before I know it, he'll be gone and all I'll have left is a heart that needs to be put back together again after I stupidly fell in love with a boy I could never have.