12. Grace

TWELVE

GRACE

"Say I was right," Tanner laughs, throwing a piece of popcorn into the air and catching it in his mouth.

"No," I say, shaking my head. I take a step toward where he's lounging on the couch, trying to hide my wince as I walk.

He was right. I'm sore. But I don't want to tell him that because I know he won't touch me again if he thinks it might hurt me. I could see the reluctance in his eyes when he initially pushed into me. It was excruciating. I felt like I was being torn in half, but when I opened my eyes and looked at him, it all faded away. The burn eventually subsided, and it was the most intoxicating thing I've ever felt. I didn't want it to end. The fact that I was actually able to orgasm was just the cherry on top.

There's absolutely nothing like coming while being so full of his cock. I've gotten myself off hundreds of times, but it's never even been close to the way it felt when my inner muscles squeezed against him. It's like finally being complete after years of not knowing you had a missing piece.

We laid together for a few minutes after he pulled out of me, then he helped me up and walked me into the bathroom, where he immediately drew me a bath. He sat on the floor and fed me my dinner as I soaked my sore body in the hot water. He insisted on drying me off and dressing me in his giant Harvard Football hoodie before we headed to the couch to hang out and watch TV.

"You're a bad liar," he says, grabbing my hand as soon as I'm within reach and pulling me down on top of him. He tucks me under his arm and I snuggle into him, enjoying the comfort he's been giving me since we started this arrangement. I'll definitely miss this when I go off to California, because I'm convinced that Tanner Lake could win awards for his cuddling skills. He's so firm, warm, and strong. I've never felt safer and more cared for than I do with him, right now.

I know I'm supposed to be keeping my emotions out of this, but it's definitely hard with the way he's been treating me. Not only was he so gentle and encouraging while we were having sex, but the way he looked at me…I could've sworn his eyes were telling me that he was feeling the same thing I was.

I know it's normal to develop some type of a connection to the person who takes your virginity, so I'm hoping that's all this is. That the more we do it, the more the novelty of my first time being so special will wear off. Maybe once we get into exploring the kinkier stuff, things won't feel as emotionally charged.

At least, I hope so. The last thing I need is to lose Tanner's friendship because I let my heart get involved after we agreed this was only a physical arrangement. Besides, it's not like he'd want to be with me anyway, considering he's about to be drafted into the NFL where the women will be offering themselves to him on silver platters. He's hot as fuck, so I know he'll have his pick of singers, actresses, and supermodels. Why would he settle for a young, inexperienced college student that could potentially cost him his relationship with his best friend?

We're adults. We can enjoy this summer for what it is; me trying all the new things I'm dying to try so I don't end up making big mistakes with the wrong people once I leave Hope Harbor. I'm thankful to Tanner for doing this. The least I can do is not make him feel bad that I caught feelings when we're done here.

"Okayyyyyy," I say, looking up at him. "Let's say, hypothetically, I was a little bit sore. Like, the tiniest bit. What would be the chances of you fucking me again tonight if that were true?"

He raises a brow. "Have I created a monster already, Gracie girl? Is my stroke game that good that I turned you into a little nympho after only being inside you one time?"

I roll my eyes. "Are you making fun of me ? Because I thought this was a safe space, Tanner. That's almost as disappointing as the orgasm I faked earlier."

His eyes go wide. "You're lying! I…I felt it. You weren't faking! Right?"

I give him a sympathetic look, pushing out my bottom lip in a fake pout. "You poor, poor thing. Did I injure your fragile manhood?"

He's speechless, staring at me like he has no idea what's happening. When I finally break and bark out a loud laugh, his face immediately goes from shocked to annoyed. I'm in hysterics, tears filling my eyes as he digs his fingers into my sides, tickling me in the most torturous way.

"You know what?" he says as he continues his assault, making me kick my feet in an attempt to escape. "I'm not going to fuck you again, you little liar. But I'm definitely going to make you regret being such a brat."

"Finally," I mumble, making him laugh.

"You know, it's not really a punishment if you're going to enjoy it, Bunny."

I roll my eyes, but he's not wrong. The more I think about Tanner being rough with me, the more excited I get to do it. This isn't even something I've been curious about before, but that movie woke something up inside me that craves to know what it's like to be dominated. Would I honestly just have found a random guy at school to do it with? Probably not. Tanner was right when he said that would be dangerous.

But now that I know it's him, I'm dying to get started. I want him to do whatever he wants to me…and to make me do whatever he wants, to him. I want him to spank me and restrain me. I want to be blindfolded, gagged, and choked.

I want it all. Only with him.

Tanner has had my unwavering trust since before I can even remember. When I first started high school, I had a lot of issues as far as wanting to tell some of the girls in my class things about myself. It only takes one time of someone blabbing a secret for the whole world to hear before you learn your lesson. Tanner was always the person I confided in when I was holding something in that I needed to get off my chest. Of course, I couldn't talk about boys or sex with him because I knew how hard he and Riggs worked to keep every guy in the greater Boston area away from me. I knew if I had any hope of dating, I would have to keep them out of it. But, other than that, Tanner knows a lot about me that nobody else does.

A lot of good that did me anyway, considering that up until about an hour ago, I was an eighteen-year-old virgin. Although now I'm kind of glad that I waited. I don't think I would've had the same experience that I had with Tanner, with anyone else.

We start the movie, sharing snacks and drinks as we lie beside one another. This lighthouse is practically in the middle of nowhere, and I feel like we're in our own little bubble here. Nobody knows what's going on, and we can just be completely open with our affection toward one another.

Every once in a while, Tanner leans down to kiss the top of my head, and butterflies take flight in my stomach at the feel of his lips pressed against me. None of this is really new. He's always been open about hugging or putting his arm around me. We've even held hands before when we were out at parties and he didn't want to lose me in the crowd. But now, it all feels different. Even though we're supposed to be keeping this strictly physical, I'm not so na?ve that I can't see how we've pushed our relationship beyond the lines of friendship. It's going to be a fine line to walk, keeping myself from falling for him in a way that I can't take back. But I want to learn and explore with him. Nothing has ever felt better than having his hands on me, and I don't want to risk ruining it by catching feelings that he doesn't want me to have. If he can do this and stick to our original plan, so can I.

Because what other choice do I have?