Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

L uca

Once again, I'm feeling raw and emotional after being with Jackson. His unconditional acceptance of me is unsettling, even though he doesn't know the truth—maybe because he doesn't know it. I know I'm not worthy of his care, his affection. Is it even more? I don't know what that would feel like. I've never had the opportunity.

I'm scared that if he knows the truth, he'll no longer want me. I want to tell him—to be blanketed by his trust. But this thing between us feels too fragile, too precious right now, and I don't want to crack it.

Because he doesn't shy away from my emotions, I see myself reflected back, and that makes me feel exposed. But it means I can't hide. I can't bury it deep and try to ignore it, living like a ghost. I've lived as a shadow most of my life and Jackson is so solid, so real, that he makes me feel that too, even if I have to live with the dark parts of myself.

It makes me feel jumpy, like all my senses are heightened, all my nerves are on edge. As usual, I can't hide anything from Anna.

"You're going to have to tell him," she admonishes me. She's the only one who knows the whole truth. I still marvel that she sticks around, but she's told me she likes charity cases. From anyone else I'd be offended, but if Anna is spikily teasing, it shows she cares—a lot.

"I can't. What if he no longer wants me?"

"Give the guy some credit. He's not stupid. He knows there's something, he can see it in you."

But I can't. Even the thought of it is enough to raise my anxiety levels. Anna shoots me a look when she hears my breathing hitch. She crosses the room and places a hand on my back.

"Hey, breathe. Okay, if it's that bad, don't tell him, but I don't want to have to come back and mend your broken heart because he got fed up waiting for you. He deserves the truth."

"He deserves a whole person."

Her smile is sad.

"You are a whole person Luca. Never try to be something other than who you are—life doesn't work like that. Never think you're less of a person. You are the sum of your experiences, but you don't have to be dominated by them. Be yourself. I bet my career that Jackson will still want that person."