Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

J ackson

I feel good. Life is good. Another stop at the bakery for breakfast and then on to Larchdown House. I don't go up the drive this morning, I have some bags of compost in the van for my seedlings, who are ready to go into bigger pots. The greenhouses are closer to the smaller gate, so I don't have as far to carry them. With them offloaded I can't be bothered to move the van, so I grab breakfast and walk up to the house, figuring Luca should be up by now.

Luca—who I can't get out of my head. Luca—who is on my mind when I pump my cock in the shower. Luca—who feels like home. Luca—who is sweet and vulnerable, and who I really want to tell how much I'm feeling for him.

I open the door and see Luca by the coffee machine. He has his back to me. He's in his bathrobe, hair in a towel. I quite like it when he appears like this in the morning—but I realise that it isn't Luca. It's a woman. She turns around when she hears me open the door. I'm already at the kitchen island by the time I've taken all this in.

"Well, hello handsome stranger." She flashes me a brilliant smile.

I can't answer—I can't even breathe. I do the only thing I can think of. I drop the bags on the counter and leave, striding back to the greenhouses. I'd run, but I'm still finding breathing difficult.

Have I got it wrong? I'm pretty sure Luca is gay, isn't he? Maybe he's bi? Oh god, she obviously stayed the night, borrowed his bathrobe. That looked pretty intimate.

It's really fucked up.

In truth, it's none of my business. Luca can be with whomever he wants, but I've just got my head round what I want. I want Luca—and I don't want to share him. I need to get out of here. I can't stay now, it's too painful. I look for a tray to load the remaining pots of my seedlings in.

"Jackson." I stop but don't turn around. I know it's Luca.

"That was Anna." I still don't turn around. "She's a friend—my oldest friend. She arrived last night out of the blue, to tell me she's off to America."

He doesn't need to tell me that, but the fact that he does makes me turn to face him. I don't bother asking why he's never mentioned her before. We made it quite clear that talk of people in our lives, past or present, is off limits.

"Are you and her . . . ?" I don't know how to say it, so I flap my hand. Luckily, Luca's a smart guy, and can understand poorly made hand gestures.

"With Anna?" he almost laughs, "No, she's not my type, and I'm definitely not hers."

Oh. Oh! Now I just feel stupid.

"Sorry." I realise that I am not being very gracious, but Luca is regarding me thoughtfully.

"Would it have mattered if Anna and I were . . . ?" He makes the same hand gesture I made.

This time I do look at him directly and answer, "Yes. Yes, it would." His mask doesn't fully come down, but his eyes deepen slightly and he gives me a small smile.

"Will you come and meet her? She wants to meet you." Well, now I'm all shades of curious as I follow Luca back to the house.

What has he been telling her about me?

"Anna . . . Jackson, Jackson . . . Anna," Luca says, as we enter the kitchen and he goes to make coffee.

"Hello Anna." I smile.

"So, this is the handsome gardener I've heard so much about." She's sitting at the kitchen island, still in Luca's robe and eating one of the pastries I bought.

"Ignore her Jackson, I haven't told her anything." I might be a little disappointed by that.

"He told me you give wonderful hugs." Well shit, I'm no longer disappointed—I'm bloody embarrassed. I feel my face going red.

Luca spins round and, standing behind Anna, he looks mortified and mouths, "Sorry," to me.

"Go fuck yourself Anna," he says, handing me a cup of coffee.

"I can't. I left all my toys at home." Her eyes never leave my face as she takes another bite of the pastry.

"You're very creative. I am sure you'll find something."

"Do you still have an electric toothbrush?" Anna gives me a very cheeky wink. To give Luca credit, he doesn't rise to the bait, and I guess that this is a game they play often. I start to relax a little bit, but I need to get on with some work.

I put my mug down. "I'm gonna go get started."

Anna flashes me a smile. "Is it always Jackson?"

"It is. Anything else is a different name." I appreciate her asking—most people don't. I don't say how different contractions of my name make me shudder. I've always been called either Jacko by my brother, or Jacky by my mom and Natasha—all memories I want to leave behind.

"Well, Jackson, I'm staying another night, so please come to dinner this evening?" I glance at Luca but I can't read his expression. Hopeful, maybe?

"Okay, I'd like that." He quirks a small smile at me.

"Great. See you later."

Luca finds me later, with a cup of coffee.

I thank him.

"She likes you," he offers.

"Does she?" I'm not so sure.

"She only teases me around people she likes, and she's invited you to dinner."

"Is it safe?"

"She's a damn fine cook, if that is what you mean."

"Not really."

"I know she isn't everyone's taste. She can have an acid tongue, but she is lovely underneath that and she's always been there for me, even when others haven't." It's the last bit that gets me.

"Okay, I'm looking forward to it then." Luca looks relieved.

"I'm going out. Anna says that I haven't got anything in the house worth eating and she's probably right, so we're going shopping. See you at seven?"

"I'll be there." I smile back. I'm relieved he has a friend and hasn't been totally alone in what he's been through—but also a smidge jealous. I keep that in check. I've known Luca for only a few weeks and have no claims on him at all, and he hasn't given me any indication that he's interested in me other than as a friend.