Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

J ackson

I spend another hour furiously digging. There's nothing like hard, manual labour, to help with life's knotty problems. It helps drive away the frustration and feeling of impotence I have because I can't help Luca. I reflect that I can only help him if he allows me to—if he trusts me enough—but he doesn't, not yet. I feel the layers peeling away slowly, but what gets me is how he carries an extra skin of sadness each time. What the digging does not help with, is to clarify why I care.

Why am I invested in helping him?

Then I remember how it felt to hold him, how right it felt, how he hugged me back, and how I needed that, too. There was never much physical affection between myself and Natasha—she made it clear she didn't like it.

I decide to skip lunch, but have a thought that Luca might be in the kitchen waiting for me. I jog up there and find his note. The smiley face he put on the end of the note makes me smile, but I'm also relieved. I don't think I could handle seeing him at the moment. It seems we can't do big talk, and it's too soon to return to small talk. I go back to the garden and dig some more, until my muscles ache, then keep on going. It's not working. I decide to pack up for the day and head back to the pub.

I stand in the shower with my hands on the wall, letting the warm water wash over my neck, back, and arm muscles, trying to ease the fact that I overdid it. My mind is playing over and over how gorgeous Luca looks when he bites his bottom lip, and how much I would like to gently bite it, too. It confuses me.

I'm supposed to like women, aren't I? Well, maybe not my ex-wife, though I'm sure I must have liked her once. I've only had sex with Natasha—I wasn't interested in anyone before her. It suddenly strikes me that this might not be normal. What I feel for Luca is different. A lot different. Do I feel sexually attracted to Luca? My body answers that question. Well, shit! There's only one way to deal with that, and as I grasp my cock I give in to the fantasy of Luca and his lips.

It relieves my immediate tension, but I really don't know how I'm going to face Luca tomorrow. I don't even know what his sexual preferences are. Wait, didn't he mention some scandal that first day I met him? Was it with another guy? Well, whatever, it'll be awkward and I really don't want it to be. I need to act as casual as possible.

Luca's in the kitchen the next morning.

"Hi."

"Hi." So far, so good. He smiles a little warily at me and I smile back. His smile becomes warmer.

"Breakfast?" I brought his favourite pastries from the bakery.

"Yes, please. Coffee?"

"Yes, please." See small talk is easy—so easy, we eat in silence. At least he seems as awkward with me as I am with him.

"I'm, uh, gonna go do some work," I say. Luca nods, then replies.

"I'll bring you a coffee later." My turn to nod.

Awkward!